I like my space and quiet but recently my siblings have encroach. My expenses have increased as well cause I am family oriented though still single. Right now I am intentionally leaving my fridge naked cos they've disorganized my food plan and neatness is paramount for me so I clean my apartment regularly. How do I tell them I need my peace back cos they are adults already and don't want their continued dependency as it is now affecting my ability to care for my mother the way I want to.

There are no nice ways to tell your siblings you don't want them around!

Hidemyface:
I like my space and quiet but recently my siblings have encroach. My expenses have increased as well cause I am family oriented though still single. Right now I am intentionally leaving my fridge naked cos they've disorganized my food plan and neatness is paramount for me so I clean my apartment regularly. How do I tell them I need my peace back cos they are adults already and don't want their continued dependency as it is now affecting my ability to care for my mother the way I want to.

Are you the firstborn?
Are you male or female?

I don't think these your adult siblings are financially stable. Carry them along in your plans 'cause food is nothing. This one you're deliberately keeping your fridge empty is wrong if you have people in the house who may be hungry. About cleaning, you can all discuss that and strategise a plan on how cleaning should be done and by who daily. Lastly, encourage them to get something doing.

Mariangeles:
Are you the firstborn?
Are you male or female?

Male and not the first, born. Actually the second.

watching in 3d

kimbraa:
I don't think these your adult siblings are financially stable. Carry them along in your plans 'cause food is nothing. This one you're deliberately keeping your fridge empty is wrong if you have people in the house who may be hungry. About cleaning, you can all discuss that and strategies a plan on how cleaning should be done and by who daily. Lastly, encourage them to get something doing.

I just feel they should not get too comfortable and put in extra effort. I already sacrificed my savings for one to finish his degree and he is currently serving but I still see that atom of dependency in him while the other is still trying to stand on his feet with a business that is struggling and wants to get married. My prayer has always been to be blessed so I don't complain but as human I get tired sometime. Thanks for the advice tho.

Hidemyface:


Male and not the first, born. Actually the second.

I thought as much!

Male siblings and their selfishness... Only a few care about their siblings. I'm sure it's because of one lady you want your siblings out! All these other excuses of needing your privacy and cleaning your house are just hogwash! I know that adults are supposed to cater for themselves and all that, but don't forget we are in Nigeria where the society works differently and wise siblings carry themselves along to achieve greatness together. That is how many great families achieved greatness! Through cooperative interaction (Those in sciences might understand that term better). What have you done to help your siblings get jobs or get good education or vocational training I'm sure you have done nothing in that regard! Don't worry! Very soon that lady would start showing you pepper and then you'll realize how important your siblings are.

Hidemyface:

I just feel they should not get too comfortable and put in extra effort. I already sacrificed my savings for one to finish his degree and he is currently serving but I still see that atom of dependency in him while the other is still trying to stand on his feet with a business that is struggling and wants to get married. My prayer has always been to be blessed so I don't complain but as human I get tired sometime. Thanks for the advice tho.

Sorry, i didn't see this before my post, but I'd still suggest you do more to help the other stand in his business, unless he is hellbent on getting married in which case you can go ahead and have him out of your house not forcefully though but by talking to him and making him see reasons, because any man who is matured enough to get married should be matured enough to have a house of his own.

Jman06:
I thought as much!

Male siblings and their selfishness... Only a few care about their siblings. I'm sure it's because of one lady you want your siblings out! All these other excuses of needing your privacy and cleaning your house are just hogwash! I know that adults are supposed to cater for themselves and all that, but don't forget we are in Nigeria where the society works differently and wise siblings carry themselves along to achieve greatness together. That is how many great families achieved greatness! Through cooperative interaction (Those in sciences might understand that term better). What have you done to help your siblings get jobs or get good education or vocational training I'm sure you have done nothing in that regard! Don't worry! Very soon that lady would start showing you pepper and then you'll realize how important your siblings are.

Chief judge, I hail!

Guy if it’s because of one stewpid woman with fibrosis you want to push out, better don’t ignore your siblings

At the end of the day you and I know Naija women are nothing to write home about

Artistree:

Chief judge, I hail!

You know I stated the fact. Many foolish guys have abandoned their family members just to please their women only to realize their mistakes later.


I hail you too.

I think you should explain your feelings to them as raw as it is. Maybe that's what's missing. They can't read minds so tell them how you feel. They love and appreciate you I'm sure so they wouldn't want to stress you out. I have a feeling you are being a little selfish because your complaints sound a lil superficial, the wanting peace and quiet and the place tidy. But if you feel like your being taken advantage of financially and you feel that they could do better then stand up for yourself. You haven't given much away so it's hard to advise. I would say open lines of communication, don't censor yourself because there's no nice way of saying this so just say it. I feel xyz and I think xyz. Simple.

Jman06:
Sorry, i didn't see this before my post, but I'd still suggest you do more to help the other stand in his business, unless he is hellbent on getting married in which case you can go ahead and have him out of your house not forcefully though but by talking to him and making him see reasons, because any man who is matured enough to get married should be matured enough to have a house of his own.

My first react to your earlier post was then I saw this. Thanks for the advice. We started a business together from nothing for close to ten years now and I decided to let go gradually so he runs the business on his own since he wants to start a family tho I still have some stake in the business and have other source of income.

Shugarlord213:
Guy if it’s because of one stewpid woman with fibrosis you want to push out, better don’t ignore your siblings

At the end of the day you and I know Naija women are nothing to write home about

I was a Virgin for 32year so bro, kpekus can change your medula.

I just like peace and quiet to think and work though it might be a problem when I get married and those tiny feets start running around. Like I said I'm still single and pray I get a Nigerian woman to write home about. or maybe I will just go #teamforeignwifey

Halfpenny:
I think you should explain your feelings to them as raw as it is. Maybe that's what's missing. They can't read minds so tell them how you feel. They love and appreciate you I'm sure so they wouldn't want to stress you out. I have a feeling you are being a little selfish because your complaints sound a lil superficial, the wanting peace and quiet and the place tidy. But if you feel like your being taken advantage of financially and you feel that they could do better then stand up for yourself. You haven't given much away so it's hard to advise. I would say open lines of communication, don't censor yourself because there's no nice way of saying this so just say it. I feel xyz and I think xyz. Simple.

Thank you for this. Will put in efforts to try and communicate more which is one of my problems; bottling things up. Been sacrificing for the family for sixteen years now so I just feel like having my own life now and giving my mother more attention before it gets divided. When you complain about washing dishes and the response you get was that the plates were washed last week Wednesday by him or the bathroom gradually turning to an eye sore and no move to clean it. Don't want to give a litany of complains here cause it gets me no where. Here to share thoughts and seek advice. Thanks again.

The truth is that most people, especially on this forum, would definitely not understand your stance and longing either because of ignorance or pretense. To people under this category, it will take only acts of either or both servility and self-slavery (continual self-sacrifices) from you towards their interest (your siblings are their interest in this regard) to be considered human and good enough. Unfortunately, they're usually hypocrisy personifies, loyalty (your loyalty) - which is the best thing one can offer another - can never be enough to them. Kindly don't allow anyone to ruin you.

Create boundaries. Advancement in age always comes with manifestations of individuals ethical leanings. And, believe you me that two adults who don't share the same ethical leanings can never live together harmoniously - it doesn't matter whether the adults in this regard are siblings or have mutual affection for each other or used to be best of friends. At best they'll be living as frenemies which means superficiality will become the order of the day. Closeness doesn't automatically mean oneness just as independence doesn't automatically mean absence of thoughtfulness. Once more, I say create boundaries to prevent constant bickering or living together as frenemies. Yet, never forget to be both thoughtful and conscientious towards them at all times.

Small-minded people tend to use a scenario like yours to substantiate the erroneous postulation by them also, that Africans tend to more beneficent/accommodating towards their extended families than the Westerners do towards theirs. Balderdash. What's true is that while majority in the latter group are realnesss personifies the majority in the former group are superficiality personifies (suffering/bitter and smiling).

Small-minded people don't know that peace - inner peace - is the most treasured possession in the world. And that one who isn't in charge of his privacy, dominion and dignity can never possess it. Never maintain closeness with someone you don't share same ethical leanings with, because oneness can never be achieved in such association. Closeness without oneness breeds toxicity.

LordKO:
The truth is that most people, especially on this forum, would definitely not understand your stance and longing either because of ignorance or pretense. To people under this category, it will take only acts of either or both servility and self-slavery (continual self-sacrifices) from you towards their interest (your siblings are their interest in this regard) to be considered human and good enough. Unfortunately, they're usually hypocrisy personifies. Loyalty (your loyalty) - which is the best thing one can offer another - can never be enough to them. Kindly don't allow anyone to ruin you.

Create boundaries. Advancement in age always comes with manifestations of individuals ethical leanings. And, believe you me that two adults who don't share the same ethical leanings can never live together harmoniously - it doesn't matter whether the adults in this regard are siblings or has mutual affection for each other or used to be best of friends. At best they'll be living as frenemies which means superficiality will become the order of the day. Closeness doesn't automatically mean oneness just as independence doesn't automatically mean absence of thoughtfulness. Once more, I say create boundaries to prevent constant bickering or living together as frenemies. Yet, never forget to be both thoughtful and conscientious towards them at all times.

Small-minded people tend to use a scenario like yours to substantiate the erroneous postulation by them also, that Africans tend to more beneficent/accommodating towards their extended families than the Westerners do towards theirs. Balderdash. What's true is that while majority in the latter group are realnesss personifies the majority in the former group are superficiality personifies (suffering/bitter and smiling).

[b]Small-minded people don't know that peace - inner peace - is the most treasured possession in the world. And that one who isn't in charge of his privacy, dominion and dignity can never possess it. [/b]Never maintain closeness with someone you don't share same ethical leanings with, because oneness can never be achieved in such association. Closeness without oneness breed toxicity.

Aptly said! You deserve some accolades, but I don't know if you've paid your dues sha . Thank you for this!

yettymuse:
Aptly said! You deserve some accolades, but I don't know if you've paid your dues sha . Thank you for this!

I'm glad we think alike.

Jman06:
You know I stated the fact. Many foolish guys have abandoned their family members just to please their women only to realize their mistakes later.


I hail you too.

You wrote like you know him personally or that you are his neighbour self

Artistree:

You wrote like you know him personally or that you are his neighbour self

Ok...my bad

LordKO:
The truth is that most people, especially on this forum, would definitely not understand your stance and longing either because of ignorance or pretense. To people under this category, it will take only acts of either or both servility and self-slavery (continual self-sacrifices) from you towards their interest (your siblings are their interest in this regard) to be considered human and good enough. Unfortunately, they're usually hypocrisy personifies. Loyalty (your loyalty) - which is the best thing one can offer another - can never be enough to them. Kindly don't allow anyone to ruin you.

Create boundaries. Advancement in age always comes with manifestations of individuals ethical leanings. And, believe you me that two adults who don't share the same ethical leanings can never live together harmoniously - it doesn't matter whether the adults in this regard are siblings or has mutual affection for each other or used to be best of friends. At best they'll be living as frenemies which means superficiality will become the order of the day. Closeness doesn't automatically mean oneness just as independence doesn't automatically mean absence of thoughtfulness. Once more, I say create boundaries to prevent constant bickering or living together as frenemies. Yet, never forget to be both thoughtful and conscientious towards them at all times.

Small-minded people tend to use a scenario like yours to substantiate the erroneous postulation by them also, that Africans tend to more beneficent/accommodating towards their extended families than the Westerners do towards theirs. Balderdash. What's true is that while majority in the latter group are realnesss personifies the majority in the former group are superficiality personifies (suffering/bitter and smiling).

Small-minded people don't know that peace - inner peace - is the most treasured possession in the world. And that one who isn't in charge of his privacy, dominion and dignity can never possess it. Never maintain closeness with someone you don't share same ethical leanings with, because oneness can never be achieved in such association. Closeness without oneness breed toxicity.

Thank you LordKO. You understand where I coming from. You deserve some accolades.

It is not an easy task to care for your siblings whilst you're still on your way up.

In my apartment right now, I have three siblings, and a nephew and two cousins. That's six grown ass men.

I used to spend 30k on choice food per month when It was just me and the food will last and even spoil, but now, times have changed!

I now spend more than 60k on food per month. I spend more on electricity, I spend more on cleaning materials. My spendings have gone up astronomically.

I can't have women over. My girlfriend hasn't spent a weekend for more than six months now because she doesn't want to be seen as wayward by my family.

But that is by the way. I do eveyrthing that I do because it is going to be over in a short while. I am working hard on getting some money to sort everyone's accomodation problems for them, and I think that should be your next line of action.

It doesn't matter if it is one room apartment in a neat compound, you must help them get their own spaces. There is no greater thing tht you can do for them except this.

Please, don't use food to punish them: your parents didn't deprive you of food so please ensure everyone is well fed. If you are like me, you are not expecting anything in return but believe me, your experiences now is preparing you and teaching you fatherhood. It will motivate you to work harder in order to make more money and see that everyone is comfortable.

KOPT33:
It is not an easy task to care for your siblings whilst you're still on your way up.

In my apartment right now, I have three siblings, and a nephew and two cousins. That's six grown ass men.

I used to spend 30k on choice food per month when It was just me and the food will last and even spoil, but now, times have changed!

I now spend more than 60k on food per month. I spend more on electricity, I spend more on cleaning materials. My spendings have gone up astronomically.

I can't have women over. My girlfriend hasn't spent a weekend for more than six months now because she doesn't want to be seen as wayward by my family.

But that is by the way. I do eveyrthing that I do because it is going to be over in a short while. I am working hard on getting some money to sort everyone's accomodation problems for them, and I think that should be your next line of action.

It doesn't matter if it is one room apartment in a neat compound, you must help them get their own spaces. There is no greater thing tht you can do for them except this.

Please, don't use food to punish them: your parents didn't deprive you of food so please ensure everyone is well fed. If you are like me, you are not expecting anything in return but believe me, your experiences now is preparing you and teaching you fatherhood. It will motivate you to work harder in order to make more money and see that everyone is comfortable.

Thank you very much. I appreciate the response.

K

Hidemyface:
I like my space and quiet but recently my siblings have encroach. My expenses have increased as well cause I am family oriented though still single. Right now I am intentionally leaving my fridge naked cos they've disorganized my food plan and neatness is paramount for me so I clean my apartment regularly. How do I tell them I need my peace back cos they are adults already and don't want their continued dependency as it is now affecting my ability to care for my mother the way I want to.

Just establish them if you can, get a apartment for them and tell them to get work too

If you must get the space by every necessary means, then, you should leave the crib for them. You ask them to leave, OMG!!! You'd end up refreshing the hatred of Cain for Abel.

just tell them to give you space... simple

kimbraa:
I don't think these your adult siblings are financially stable. Carry them along in your plans 'cause food is nothing. This one you're deliberately keeping your fridge empty is wrong if you have people in the house who may be hungry. About cleaning, you can all discuss that and strategise a plan on how cleaning should be done and by who daily. Lastly, encourage them to get something doing.

Oh we Africans, why should it be anybody's duty to take care of another, just because they were unfortunate to be born from the same parents, don't get me wrong take care of your siblings if and when you can, but not at your expense. The only people you should take care of unconditionally, even at your own expense, are your children or wards.

KOPT33:
It is not an easy task to care for your siblings whilst you're still on your way up.

In my apartment right now, I have three siblings, and a nephew and two cousins. That's six grown ass men.

I used to spend 30k on choice food per month when It was just me and the food will last and even spoil, but now, times have changed!

I now spend more than 60k on food per month. I spend more on electricity, I spend more on cleaning materials. My spendings have gone up astronomically.

I can't have women over. My girlfriend hasn't spent a weekend for more than six months now because she doesn't want to be seen as wayward by my family.

But that is by the way. I do eveyrthing that I do because it is going to be over in a short while. I am working hard on getting some money to sort everyone's accomodation problems for them, and I think that should be your next line of action.

It doesn't matter if it is one room apartment in a neat compound, you must help them get their own spaces. There is no greater thing tht you can do for them except this.

Please, don't use food to punish them: your parents didn't deprive you of food so please ensure everyone is well fed. If you are like me, you are not expecting anything in return but believe me, your experiences now is preparing you and teaching you fatherhood. It will motivate you to work harder in order to make more money and see that everyone is comfortable.

Ahah! Uncle, is this how you bring our issues to nairaland everyday? Hmmmmm, I guess we have to leave your house for you. Thanks for everything.