Sweetheart u a side dish, or even if he come up after some pressure from you to be a bit committed and you marry him the union would still be empty... Truth be told

Talk to him about it peacefully just like the way u explained it here, he is your Man not your enemy, try to do something that will make him happy, then chip it in. That is, don't start the convo like u want to start fighting, be lively and stuff, laugh then after u notice u have gotten his attention, chip it in and discuss extensively about it. If his words doesn't give u assurance break up with him.

Secondly, my dear, don't be scared to let a man go Cs if he truly loves you, he ain't going nowhere so put him under hot seat small, that's if plan A does not work out, go out on dates, be happy and watch him come back. If he doesn't, then he wasn't for you in the first place. 3 years is no joke, u ought to know him better than anyone here by now.

Amaraokafor:



It's normal for humans to be desperate to get happiness. As a young man yourself, if you are not desperate to make money and have a happy family, then there's something wrong somewhere. The thing is, one should not allow desperation to to block common sense.

Like I pointed earlier, I was never that kind of lady who is desperate. I only realize, of course with this present issue that I may just be wasting my time and removing other opportunities in my life. I'm not docile. I'm industrious and I want to be happy and have my own family BUT I'm also careful and that's why I'm seeking for advice despite several attempts to make my man sit up and at least establish as much physical contacts as possible so things can begin to take positive shape. As it is, I don't even know where I stand.

it a two way scenario,
first, if you decide to stay and at the end he just wasted Ur time or if you decide to go out with another guy and you later regret your actions then he won't want to take you back or pretend to take you back for revenge.
my suggestion is you best know this your guy than us here, deep down your heart does his actions speaks he loves you, forget the fact that he professes love, talk is cheap watch is action.
it may also be that he is too introverted if so then I will suggest you leave him because you both don't have the same love language, I won't suggest a marriage where you will have to be the one to always put your husband through in every situation. it won't last.
I am not saying you should break up with him but I would suggest you play a smart game so you won't loss on both side.

we men can be cunny at times, what ever step you take use your head so you won't loss on both sides

Send me your picture and your contact for dating till you meet your right rib..how can you be waiting for one particular singular fellow like me when l am available to spice up every second of yours...Give him 2wks to on the light or shift the nod to me..

It takes two to tango, maybe he's not in to you like you think, if you're putting all these efforts without changes coming from him, girl you need to move on.
Remember marriage is a lifetime institution, if you're having all these feelings now then you don't want to spend the rest of your life in an unhappy marriage.
Have a heart to heart talk with him for the last time and move on without feeling bad, it might take time but you will eventually get over him.
Good luck!

hmm.this ur matter need African proverb or old people their advice....them say a bird in the hand is worth more than 2 in the Bush.....but me i say na lie...leave that bird for hand, go inside the Bush, you go catch more than one sef....my dear take a step but consider certain things in ur life..
your age, you may not be desperate but every lady knws when to start pushing when marriage approaches. ...if the guys is not serious, you tell him off n move on..DNT be thrilled by the fact say he is abroad and so you will travel out soon...if Aba be like this, tell me how umuahia go be? this one that he is away treating u dis way, does he knows you are his fiancee waiting for him? tel him ur mind n how u feel about the whole thing..but be attentive n listen to what he will say or respond to you..I knw attimes you may miss the sex, cuddling, kisses, yes all join but the end point be the koko....
have a talk with him n if you think he is still floating, my dear Amara move on...as for the second guy, let it not be an excuse to cheat and you come jump from kettle to pot...outline ur terms to him n let him know you no come do love love for long....ask him what he wants n if he is ready to settle down..it's not desperation. .it's trying to knw ur stand...you cant leave Ajegunle and go to stay in bwari to stay! you knw what i mean..lastly be bold to talk decision but be calm..cheers
val202
08033559733

dumo1:

Big red flag. Start seeing the handwriting on the wall. I always say it if a man is really serious about a lady and he's not that buoyant enough to spend. A court wedding is more than enough. Is he well to do and comfortable enough?

Not that comfortable. But, I'm not talking about the issue if settling down like Now! My problem is this; Can I see you?

I am in LDR/LTR, as soon as i noticed she is the type of woman i want i delivered my manifesto. Any man that takes 3 years to make up his mind is not ur husband. However ask his what his intention is.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

This just happened to my friend this morning. Hope its not who am thinking is behind this OP. Well my own advice. Sit him down and talk to him about his plans for you. Ask him if he can feed himself and two other persons(Which include you and unborn baby). What can you also offer to the table. Because I know some freelancers who are making it big time. Like you have said, he is a good man. I am also sure he holds you with high esteem. Peace Sister

ACTIVE OUTSIDE AND INACTIVE INSIDE, sister sharpen your brain.

Amaraokafor:


Calm down.
I'm naturally a sociable person, he is not. He has no friends and don't hang out. When I try to instigate such, he seems cool but when it's time to take such actions he just doesn't bring himself to do it. Again Oga, no be person wet you see you go go out with? Even when I volunteer to see him, he just gives excuses.I have sat down to think where the problem is coming from and still I don't seem to understand.

my dear, different people different characters and qualities. The most important things for you is making you happy and been there for you. Not been a social person isn't a problem. Still better than a chronic cheaters and a liar. Rome wasn't built in a day. If he is not a social person, you could make him that by been the one to plan ahead for dates, lunch out, vacation and so on. Me myself isn't a social person and I'll say I don't even have friends(the good friends I have are either not in the country or very far). But I still tried to take my babe out, movies, and so on. The most important things is after getting married. Your happiness and everything. I'll advice you to sit him down and talk to him. You can even bring the idea of parting ways just to see his reaction. I hope he change and make you happy. I wish you the very best. See if he is a good man, hold on to him. Most of the men Outside this days are a beast in human form. Don't loose a good man just because of social life. Everyone can't be the same.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push.

Which one be push, if u dey wait for me to push you, I will push you until you reach my destination!

Discuss! Discuss! Discuss! He seems like the guy is cool-headed. My dear, you have a duty to take this guy off that cool plain.

You keep saying you've done everything to make him come out alive, but you didn't specifically state what exactly you did. You then made mention of another guy in your life, obviously, it's either you've started cheating on your bf with that guy or you're looking for a means to cheat.

A lady who is really serious about her relationship mustn't let anything come in between. Until we tend to accept other people's differences in attitude and behavior, we may never change them into what we wish they could be.

You've started comparing him with other guys, when you're not sure if those guys would eventually give you what you want.

Stop being selfish! You're only concerned about your own personal pleasure; think about the other person. Think of ways to make him want you.

My two cents.

The truth still remains that you may not know The doom that awaits you when one tends to be impatient. The new guy may be there for your inbetween stuff and then play Mr nice in other to get his target.
Be bold enough to ask your boy friend what his plans are towards your marriage? His response will stir your next line of action.
Starting a new relationship sometimes is like repeating a class.
Your unhappiness could be as a result of distance in your relationship.
Think, Think and Re-think before you act.

Lakeside79:
From all I can see you just want an excuse to leave him, I suspect you are already having feelings for someone lease

I usually avoid judging issues like this based on one person's testimony usually the other partner will have his or her own issues to raise

I can see from alit of good advise you you are wuick to state how it's been done and you are tired.

You only seem.to accept comments telling you to move on

You are just looking for validation for what you have already decided. Maybe because you know something they don't which you didn't state here?

You are seeing the other guy obviously and are shopping for validation due to a guilty conscience I suspect ?

Anyways you are not simcere and there's more to this.

Have you been intimate with the itehr guy?
(which is suspect you have )

Here's what I really think happened

Yes this overly busy ffiancee of yours probably doesn't make enough time for.you and you have been.okay with it for a while (3 years isn't a short time it took you this long to realize all this?)

You went out met this nee guy and he has swept you off your feet , you guys have been intimate and you are developing feelings for you and now he may be talking of getting serious with you and now you realize this is a fauzx parse because you still have e your fiancee who is overly busy

Now.you are trying to justify your actions and break up

Well good radiance if I am.wromg good radiance again

We.all.have our problems talk with your man the grass is always greener on the neighbors lawn till you are standing on it

Thanks but it's not like that at all sir!
I have not had any physical contact with the other guy longer than few minutes.
I wasn't at all interested until I begin to feel loneliness overwhelmed me all over again. I be been lonely for a long time now. I hardly see my man. My man remains the last person to touch me intimately for a long time and still is. But I'm tired of the loneliness.

I have made my grievances known. Seems he is taking my loneliness for granted. I'm exhausted with talking about it.

The earlier you realize that dude isn't serious, the better for u.

yoged:
my dear, different people different characters and qualities. The most important things for you is making you happy and been there for you. Not been a social person isn't a problem. Still better than a chronic cheaters and a liar. Rome wasn't built in a day. If he is not a social person, you could make him that by been the one to plan ahead for dates, lunch out, vacation and so on. Me myself isn't a social person and I'll say I don't even have friends(the good friends I have are either not in the country or very far). But I still tried to take my babe out, movies, and so on. The most important things is after getting married. Your happiness and everything. I'll advice you to sit him down and talk to him. You can even bring the idea of parting ways just to see his reaction. I hope he change and make you happy. I wish you the very best. See if he is a good man, hold on to him. Most of the men Outside this days are a beast in human form. Don't loose a good man just because of social life. Everyone can't be the same.

Oga no be person you see you go plan date with. I never use eye see am for for months.

Lakeside79:
From all I can see you just want an excuse to leave him, I suspect you are already having feelings for someone lease

I usually avoid judging issues like this based on one person's testimony usually the other partner will have his or her own issues to raise

I can see from alit of good advise you you are wuick to state how it's been done and you are tired.

You only seem.to accept comments telling you to move on

You are just looking for validation for what you have already decided. Maybe because you know something they don't which you didn't state here?

You are seeing the other guy obviously and are shopping for validation due to a guilty conscience I suspect ?

Anyways you are not simcere and there's more to this.

Have you been intimate with the itehr guy?
(which is suspect you have )

Here's what I really think happened

Yes this overly busy ffiancee of yours probably doesn't make enough time for.you and you have been.okay with it for a while (3 years isn't a short time it took you this long to realize all this?)

You went out met this nee guy and he has swept you off your feet , you guys have been intimate and you are developing feelings for you and now he may be talking of getting serious with you and now you realize this is a fauzx parse because you still have e your fiancee who is overly busy

Now.you are trying to justify your actions and break up

Well good radiance if I am.wromg good radiance again

We.all.have our problems talk with your man the grass is always greener on the neighbors lawn till you are standing on it

well said

Good advise but it's possible it's not the best still. breaking up is easy to say here. Do you think life is always greener on the other side? pray for your man, keep praying and talking to him on your next meeting. Probably involve your family or his, so your conscience is clear and free from guilt.

Make sure you ask him what he really wants. No relationship is perfect but we can make it work. How long does he want to keep you waiting? are you more bothered about how long he's keeping you waiting? or the physical absence of not seeing? or how boring the relationship is? Which is more important?

You can spice up your relationship and never forget it takes two to tangle. Even if you don't see often, what do you guys do to replace the absence? how is the communication daily?

Be truthful to yourself and stop seeking validation from people that need help themselves.

Amaraokafor:


Thanks for the advice.

NwaliE01:
The truth still remains that you may not know The doom that awaits you when one tends to be impatient. The new guy may be there for your inbetween stuff and then play Mr nice in other to get his target.
Be bold enough to ask your boy friend what his plans are towards your marriage? His response will stir your next line of action.
Starting a new relationship sometimes is like repeating a class.
Your unhappiness could be as a result of distance in your relationship.
Think, Think and Re-think before you act.

Thanks and I see a lot of sense in this.
But this is not the first time something like this is playing out. I turned down a man's offer and then after waiting for me to accept and I didn't, I see him months later married to someone else. It's the third time it's happened already. I'm bothered before, why I'm bothered now is that I don't see him apart from calls.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

Ur age is an important variable in d action to take though LDR is usually boring

Amaraokafor:


Oga no be person you see you go plan date with. I never use eye see am for for months.

and are you so sure he doesn't have anyone? Maybe it's time for you to open your FBI case.

Amaraokafor:


Thanks.
I have talked to him. I have raised lots of prospect for the future which we agreed on. I have given him a lot of heads up and better ways to handle future things that's not money consuming. I'm using every means available including prayers to set it right.I want to ask a question, can you plan a future with a man you see just once in 4 or 3 months?

If money is not his problem, then drop him.
Divert all ur energy on finding out why he declines when you offer to pay a visit.
I want to be believe that you have confirmed his potency,
Probably, your guy might be Don Jazzy's family, is, having money and still forming un-ready, I mention it again, Drop Him! This time around, I'm becoming more aggressive. I mention again, drop him, even without announcing to him. If he realises that you have moved on and he really needs you, he will go to one of the best groceries around, buys a lovely ring and gives you an unfailing date.
Mw, if money is sincerely his challenge, then you need to be patient. If u have the means, help him to start up in a closer location, wait for him patiently to get to his feet and you will be glad you did!

If your nan truly loves you and mean to settle down with you, he will give much attention and consideration to your issues. Just try to let him know that you want to quit the relationship as it shows no sign of positive outcomes. If he truly wants to marry you, he will think of how to make you understand him and the real progress he plans for you. That is all.

don't be too sure. the story is not complete. she's probably not stating her own side too.

agarawu23:
The earlier you realize that dude isn't serious, the better for u.

Mowunmiaf:
Good advise but it's possible it's not the best still. breaking up is easy to say here. Do you think life is always greener on the other side? pray for your man, keep praying and talking to him on your next meeting. Probably involve your family or his, so your conscience is clear and free from guilt.

Make sure you ask him what he really wants. No relationship is perfect but we can make it work. How long does he want to keep you waiting? are you more bothered about how long he's keeping you waiting? or the physical absence of not seeing? or how boring the relationship is? Which is more important?

You can spice up your relationship and never forget it takes two to tangle. Even if you don't see often, what do you guys do to replace the absence? how is the communication daily?

Be truthful to yourself and stop seeking validation from people that need help themselves.

Thanks. I will be clear.
In as much as I want to get married, there are certain things money can't buy. You can't underestimate the presence of the one who claims to love you. There are certain things calls or phone messages can't solve. Why I'm beginning to feel somewhat like for someone else EVEN though it's just a giggling feeling is just that insanity that comes with enduring loneliness for a long time.Spicing up my relationship is what I want to do, I m naturally a dramatic person but lack of physical appearance is killing it.

Hmm

Amara! Amara!! Amara!!! How many times did i call u?
3yrs of dating is not 3months.
R/ship without direction is an ordained heartbreak.
I told myself i will never tell any gal to wait 4 me 4 marriage, if I'm ready any time i will get a woman ready 4 marriage.
TIME WAIT 4 NO ONE.WE WAIT 4 TIME

Amaraokafor:


Thanks but it's not like that at all sir!
I have not had any physical contact with the other guy longer than few minutes.
I wasn't at all interested until I begin to feel loneliness overwhelmed me all over again. I be been lonely for a long time now. I hardly see my man. My man remains the last person to touch me intimately for a long time and still is. But I'm tired of the loneliness.

I have made my grievances known. Seems he is taking my loneliness for granted. I'm exhausted with talking about it.

The big issue I'm seeing here is financial.

He is not making enough to fund your visit to spend a few days with him. I believe if money was not a thing, you can afford to see each other at least once a week or two.

The truth is two of you are still in love but distance and finances are putting a big strain on it. Solve your financial challenges first, then distance will be less of a problem.

I wish you good luck

I sense you are dating a married man

Boyooosa:


If money is not his problem, then drop him.
Divert all ur energy on finding out why he declines when you offer to pay a visit.
I want to be believe that you have confirmed his potency,
Probably, your guy might be Don Jazzy's family, is, having money and still forming un-ready, I mention it again, Drop Him! This time around, I'm becoming more aggressive. I mention again, drop him, even without announcing to him. If he realises that you have moved on and he really needs you, he will go to one of the best groceries around, buys a lovely ring and gives you an unfailing date.
Mw, if money is sincerely his challenge, then you need to be patient. If u have the means, help him to start up in a closer location, wait for him patiently to get to his feet and you will be glad you did!

We have money problems. But my major problem is that is that this guy is not available when I need him.

tico1212:
I sense you are dating a married man

He is not married sir.