Amara, are you sure this your guy is not a married man

Amaraokafor:


Oga no be person you see you go plan date with. I never use eye see am for for months.

Where is he? And why is it so difficult to see him?

The last time you were together, was he excited in seeing you?

Is he eager to be intimate with you when you are alone together?

A lot of things do not add up

humblenature:
listen carefully. Don't listen to that angry voice in your heart. I know how it feels. Don't scatter anything you have taken time to build. Another woman will fix it and enjoy it. Instead, allow it to self destruct or rejuvenate itself. U r a builder. The same relationship u want to start now do u know what d future holds for it? I am telepathic and reading ur words alone tells me are forcing itself to be what u r not. Pls don't listen to it. Patience does not have an expiring date. That's why it's called patience. Have patience . don't leave ur present guy for a new guy.

Conclusively, I put it to you that your decision u r trying to make is not rational because it is the presence of this new guy that is giving u the courage to do this. It will be rational if you do it when there is no other option(new guy) around then u will see that u will make a wiser decision.

Thanks.
Sincerely I really do like my man. The feeling I'm having now is that of entire breakdown and a fighting to find solace. The present guy have nothing to do with my feelings at all. I hardly fall in love, but I notice he came along at that time when I m beginning to lose hope with my present man. I know within me when I see someone that I might end up liking. If I take any further step towards the new guy, chances are it will come to a point where I may not know who to choose.

Amaraokafor:


To be fair, he seems ready just that you understand the state of the nation as it is. There were times, several times I threatened to walk out but it's all to make him be on his toes. It didn't work. I still find myself coming back. But I'm currently fed up and deeply frustrated.Im having this guilt already because it seems I may be liking someone else. Why I'm a bit scared is, I don't know if it's because I am lonely and depressed or just a natural thing?

Can you explain what you understand by his readiness. For example, has he discussed about your future together with you, has he shown you to his family and friends, have you met his people? Have you had any wedding discussion with any member of his family? what about discussions with your family etc

Ikem11:

Listen to your mom.... We men at times can ruin life

Speak for yourself and your siblings biko.

Amaraokafor:



We have money problems. But my major problem is that is that this guy is not available when I need him.

I have heard it over 1 million times since I was born, that: money is not THE problem but perhaps, it is always IS.
I set u up with that first comment, so as to really know where the problem is... And its the money with all evidence, I'm not a kid.
There is no how u can endure someone for 3 good years and there wouldn't be reason for two of you to seal up. The only potential reason to hold on is when money is still pending.
About the issue of him avoiding you or to host you, I think that's also monetary as well. He might not feel comfy hosting you when he is not prepared to spoil you with adequate and befitting fun. You might be thinking that you don't mind whatever preparation but I'm telling u as a man, it takes David's bravery to confront such situation and responsibility.
But more importantly, find out why he is not always willing to host you since distance is one great issue.

rman:


Where is he? And why is it so difficult to see him?

The last time you were together, was he excited in seeing you?

Is he eager to be intimate with you when you are alone together?

A lot of things do not add up

He is close, same state.
Intimacy is not his thing but he is a man, so he" picks "(pen. Is)and reliefs himself if he is in the mood.
His not seeing me despite the closeness is what I don't understand.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

Well, you are the person who will lose if you choose to continue that way without renogotiation. Three years out of a girl's life isn't beans. It is enormous. You didn't tell us much. Your age and his. Where the guy is, what he does for a living and likewise yourself. By LDR is meant abroad. These guys struggle to make ends meet and most often 'marry' citizens to get their papers. I suggest you call your guy and tell him to take the relationship to another level or you would move on. You ain't getting any younger and as a girl you have limited time on the shelve. While a seventy years old guy can marry, once a girl crosses thirty five it is only an act of God. You shouldn't be in a dilemma. Don't be afraid of losing who isn't afraid to lose you. If the guy's response is vague, go ahead and dump him. If he truly cares and loves you, he will sit up! Good luck.

Boyooosa:

I have heard it over 1 million tines since I was born, that: money is not THE problem but eventually, it is always IS.
I set u up with that first comment, so as to really know where the problem is... And its the money with all evidence, I'm not a kid.
There is no how u can endure someone for 3 good years and there wouldn't be reason for two of you to seal up. The only potential reason to hold on is when money is still pending.
About the issue of him avoiding you or to host, I think that's also money as well. He might not feel comfy hosting you when he is not prepared to spoil you with adequate and befitting fun. You might be thinking that you don't mind whatever preparation but um telling u as a man, it takes David's bravery ti confront such situation and responsibility.
But more importantly, find out why he us not always willing to host you since distance is an issue.

You don't get it.
He sends me money if I ask although I rarely disturb him knowing "our" situation. But if you ask me what I prefer to do with it, I will say let's spend the money together making memories. But can one make memories who isn't available?We don't need much. I'm not a longer throat. Infact,all we need is a ticket and I'd come with whatever "choppables" we need.just that I can't seem to find him.

Amaraokafor:


He is not married sir.

If you say so. I wish you good luck

Bigsteveg:

Speak for yourself and your siblings biko.

Your type are those that use women.. I only told the young girl the truth if u like keep quoting your ass

Yankiss:


Well, you are the person who will lose if you choose to continue that way without renogotiation. Three years out of a girl's life isn't beans. It is enormous. You didn't tell us much. Your age and his. Where the guy is, what he does for a living and likewise yourself. By LDR is meant abroad. These guys struggle to make ends meet and most often 'marry' citizens to get their papers. I suggest you call your guy and tell him to take the relationship to another level or you would move on. You ain't getting any younger and as a girl you have limited time on the shelve. While a seventy years old guy can marry, once a girl crosses thirty five it is only an act of God. You shouldn't be in a dilemma. Don't be afraid of losing who isn't afraid to lose you. If the guy's response is vague, go ahead and dump him. If he truly cares and loves you, he will sit up! Good luck.

He is, not abroad ooo

Saintmary:

Can you explain what you understand by his readiness. For example, has he discussed about your future together with you, has he shown you to his family and friends, have you met his people? Have you had any wedding discussion with any member of his family? what about discussions with your family etc

All these are true and has been done.

Amaraokafor:


You don't get it.
He sends me money if I ask although I rarely disturb him knowing "our" situation. But if you ask me what I prefer to do with it, I will say let's spend the money together making memories. But can one make memories who isn't available?We don't need much. I'm not a longer throat. Infact,all we need is a ticket and I'd come with whatever "choppables" we need.just that I can't seem to find him.

Sorry, can I ask u some personal questions?

Amaraokafor:


Not at all.
If I ask for money he will send, but to see na WW4!!!
DO you now see where my problem lies?

No. I don't see where your problem lies

Earlier you said you have money problems. . .

Amaraokafor:



We have money problems. But my major problem is that is that this guy is not available when I need him.

Now you sound like he has enough money to spare. I am not understanding.

columbus007:
Amara,first this your guy does he cheat?secondly does he reside were you reside as in the same state?am feeling everything about him is nice except the fact that he doesnt talk and not too out-going, but since you love him so why dont you make him the husband you want,just saying tho.

We are presently in same state. He talks a lot but more observant. He is an introvert. But I also noticed he is deeply for calculating... He has explanations to everything because he tackles all corners just in case. So such a person knows what he is doing but one may not know it.

Boyooosa:

I have heard it over 1 million times since I was born, that: money is not THE problem but perhaps, it is always IS.
I set u up with that first comment, so as to really know where the problem is... And its the money with all evidence, I'm not a kid.
There is no how u can endure someone for 3 good years and there wouldn't be reason for two of you to seal up. The only potential reason to hold on is when money is still pending.
About the issue of him avoiding you or to host you, I think that's also monetary as well. He might not feel comfy hosting you when he is not prepared to spoil you with adequate and befitting fun. You might be thinking that you don't mind whatever preparation but I'm telling u as a man, it takes David's bravery to confront such situation and responsibility.
But more importantly, find out why he is not always willing to host you since distance is one great issue.

Thank you baba.

greyham:


No. I don't see where your problem lies

Earlier you said you have money problems. . .




Now you sound like he has enough money to spare. I am not understanding.

We have money problems in terms of financing something big.Its not easy with expenses for marriage and all. It does not end with just marriage, there are other expenses as well.

But there are other things I'm also bothered. His non availability.

Well i admire your patience but guys and long distance its spooky. If he's a smart type of guy he's probably double dating too. No offense but time waits for no one.
I know this girl that was dating a guy for almost 5 years. The guy travels abroad and spends months 4 to 5 months, then he comes and spends like a month then goes back. Its not that he's working but schooling abroad she waited for him. As soon as he was done he turned away from the girl telling her she looked old and fat after wasting her life for him. I felt really bad for her. She was so down and out that she fell ill. But luckily for her someone came to the rescue.

You are suffering like this if he's worth the wait no problem. All women want happiness and not a remote guy.

Is it work thats keeping him away then pay him a visit once in a while. Out of sight can lead to out of mind and the love may grow cold. Also dont let you life be a nollywood movie

Ikem11:

Your type are those that use women.. I only told the young girl the truth if u like keep quoting your ass

Like i said speak for your household alone and stop using your family to judge others

Amaraokafor:



He is close, same state.
Intimacy is not his thing but he is a man, so he picks and reliefs himself if he is in the mood.
His not seeing me despite the closeness is what I don't understand.

He relieves himself even when he has a GF in the same states and try as much as possible to avoid her.

I am a man and I can tell you boldly, HE IS NOT INTO YOU.

Unless maybe he is gay.

mrphysics:


Check the guy, he has a vision and he wants to attain it before anything else. That's how they do. They don't prioritize marriage or relationship and they have been told that relationship will cost them alot. As much as possible, they tend to keep their relationship at the phone level.

He isn't prioritizing things that are irrelevant, that guy has so many things/people depending on him. He is very calculative of how much your constant presence would cost him. So he postpones your meeting with him.

Their type are smart, intelligent, and calculative. They didn't get an easy way to their money, he suffered to earn it and he wants to set things right before going for things that will tend to 'decrease' that money.

I think this is it!

This is exactly how he is. It's suffered me enough, can't bear it any longer.

Hi Amara. I was in a LDR too for roughly 4 years. Now I am married to that same person. Me thinks this your guy may not be so into you. I stand to be corrected though.
A guy can't be considering a girl for marriage and he is not making attempt to see the girl on regular basis to be able to tell the kind of person she is.
During our time, I wished I saw my girl - now wife - every wnd. The number of times she came to my house in a year was countable and each time she came, I felt like eating her up. Lol. I felt like spending the rest of my life with her.
So, when a guy is showing this of non committal attitude towards his girl, he may not be so into her.

rman:


He relieves himself even when he has a GF in the same states and try as much as possible to avoid her.

I am a man and I can tell you boldly, HE IS NOT INTO YOU.

Unless maybe he is gay.

If I'm around he reliefs himself I mean.

Hemanwel:
Hi Amara. I was in a LDR too for roughly 4 years. Now I am married to that same person. Me thinks this your guy may not be so into you. I stand to be corrected though.
A guy can't be considering a girl for marriage and he is not making attempt to see the girl on regular basis to be able to tell the kind of person she is.
During our time, I wished I saw my girl - now wife - every wnd. The number of times she came to my house in a year was countable and each time she came, I felt like eating her up. Lol. I felt like spending the rest of my life with her.
So, when a guy is showing this of non committal attitude towards his girl, he may not be so into her.

Thank you. Wish your marriage more love.

Amaraokafor:



He is close, same state.
Intimacy is not his thing but he is a man, so he picks and reliefs himself if he is in the mood.
His not seeing me despite the closeness is what I don't understand.

i read your story and at a point I felt he is just the busy type but seeing this just changed my thoughts. you stay in the same state with your bf, biko he is not ready, you are not his love. Something is wrong somewhere

Amaraokafor:


All these are true and has been done.

Then, why don't you surprise him with a visit, take a gift with you and see how it goes. I suggest you prepare another accommodation for yourself in case something happens. This will help your decision about staying or leaving him. If you've got a hard-working, faithful, loving spouse who is committed to you, all you need to do is take more time to get to know him well and make a lovely life from there.

Amaraokafor:


If I'm around he reliefs himself I mean.

Avoiding you is a red flag. If he is into you, at least you see each other every two weeks at least. You guys live in the same state.

hanging in the air ke

I'm in a LSDR as well..iv not set my physical eyes on my gf for 1yr and 2months

the truth is that he is seeing someone else or several people, he is just stringing you along that's why he is not consistent with you. No need putting pressure on him, lean back and see his reaction, don't call him, no text nothing, but if he keeps calling be receptive and be jovial. Go out with other men and get to know them. take up a hobby and keep yourself busy and happy. show him you can do just fine on your own, if he doesnt change please just forget him. Stop initiating meeting up with him, your a woman he should be the one dying to see you, allow men take the lead while sit back and enjoy the process.

Amara you've tried but i think your man doesn't love you the way you do,a man that truly loves you will do anything to see you,love is all bout sacrifice,you both leave in the same state,so your relationship shouldn't be a long distance relationship,only if he's engaged,maybe you should act like you wanna break up with him and see if he's gon change or not,let him know you're fed up of everything,as you said,you're in your late twenties,it's better to be single than to be in a relationship you're not feeling the vibe,if he's not ready to change,move on my dear,Time waits for no man