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In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 10:19pm On May 05, 2018 |
Greetings All, To all that followed and commented on the thread created by “amaraokafor”, i decided to create a new thread for this as per the advice of a Nairalander. The below is the thread link and also my response. https://www.nairaland.com/4484675/should-continue-wait-date-another#67236204 I have been following this thread on proxy and never wanted to comment because, i don’t believe in seeking emotional advise from a Public forum due to the fact that many advisers may be underage, inexperienced and would advise you based on what they have read from one party. The young lady in question comes from a family of 2 girls and 4 boys of which she’s the 1st daughter and the 2nd is as well single. The relationship is also not 3 yrs as she indicated but was suppose to be exactly 2 yrs on the 1st of May. A new relationship is always very sweet but the challenges that will follow is what matters most because relationship itself is filled with uncertainties just the same way as life. The way a relationship is handled is what justifies what the outcome would be. The lady in question is nice and as humans, we all have our flaws. Yes, i am a very quiet and reserved person that hardly go out so it’s safe to say that i am an introvert while she’s not that type. I won’t completely analyze everything and what caused it but i will try within my capacity to disclose some so that those that gave their one sided advise can rethink again. I am not a married man, as a matter of principle and respect to whoever i am involved with, i don’t double date. My problem with the lady in question was bourne out of the fact that she was disrespectful to me several times, domineering, unstable in the relationship and sometimes blackmail me to achieve her desires and a lot more. Those were what caused our problems from the first few months of my involvement with her. Several reasons may have prompted her actions but i don’t see it as being enough for someone you genuinely love. I told her from the 1st 3 months of knowing her that marriage is what i want and she agreed accordingly. She met with my family, i met with the parents and made my intentions known to them in less than a year of relationship commencement. In fact if not for the financial challenge due to wrong projection of business dealings, marriage would have happened 2 or 3 months after. Before i met with her family, she ended the relationship twice and threatened that she will proceed with the next man available that love is not a criteria for her in marriage. After i met with her parents, she did same to the extent of giving me a deadline that if i don’t fulfill her rites, i should go my way which she executed her threats. I will be begging for her not to leave, the mother will beg, the father will also talk to calm her down, people from my side sef the same thing. I HAVE NEVER ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER even when i had reasons to have done so but she has done so numerous times. I later spoke with the Dad and told him that immediately finances arrive, i will come in to do the needful. The man told me no problem that he understands the economic situation and once i am ready, i should come in. But my woman was still not stable as it was one issue after another. The same woman that told me when love they sweet that, she would stand by me through thick and thin but when water pass garri, she said NO that it’s only in marriage. Already people close to me that knew me and her already were concerned about her actions, the way she talks to me, etc and majority told me outrightly to withdraw. I never did but believed she was going to change. As a concerned man, i do sometimes meditate because no responsible man wants to end up with a woman that doesn’t respect her man and can easily be unpredictable in her actions. I commend her though for her sacrifices. She rejected a guy that had cash, built house and was relatively very comfortable because i knew him. In fact, at a point it was like a competition and my blood pressure was affected when the guy was policing her bumper to bumper since they lived in the same state. To cut the story short, after several happenings resulting to series of emotional injury, she apologized that she won’t disrespect me again and even knelt down when we finally met to beg and i accepted. Weeks later, she wanted us to meet but i wasn’t chanced to see her and told her i will let her know when i am free. During this time, i was observing her actions but she got upset and told me she doesn’t want the relationship. I called to resolve the issue but she wasn’t forth coming. Relationship or marriage ooo she said she’s not doing again. I informed the parents and they said it’s not the first time that i should remain calm. I kept calling for resolution in the month of November, December(she only agreed to see me once and her actions weren’t the lady i used to know), January and February but still no show. Note: Her words to me when she responded was that she can ONLY be my friend that if i don’t want friendship, i should go my way and if i continue to disturb, she will block me. Also note that my finances started picking up late last year and improved early this year to the glory of God. I continued to beg through the mum till i stopped after realizing that it was stupid of me to have done so. Reason being that i won’t marry the mother and she as a matured lady has the final say to this. I am a principled man and she knows this because Rome wasn’t built in a day. But as a man, i cannot subject myself to all those shenanigans which has always being the problem from the onset. What you beg to enter, you beg to sustain. So the relationship officially was 1 year and 6 months when she ended it. It was the aspect of reconciliation that kicked off just last month. So my people, even though me i dey sometimes hide inside my shell, i hardly go out at night and i also admit that i can stay for a while without seeing her, but the 4 months is not justified here. Is it not one that you have a relationship with that you can see? My write up isn’t to castigate her person and it’s also never to praise myself. Seeking emotional advise on Nairaland isn’t my thing but i felt i should throw some light as this will also aid others that wishes to give advise before doing so. Remain blessed all and excuse my typos. CC: geniushawlah Iamd18 jasonscoolari preetiex mrphysics presva david2 Lakeside79 sisioge mutemenot Nwaohafia1 Ambitionsway Maingwaest yeyerolling emerged1 Itsmeurlady Olajadon valentineuwakwe Yoged Isaacmacdon Nwalie01 agarawu23 Mowunmiaf Boyooosa TGM2015 farady Style007 Innobarca Spaxon Franchasng Bibicici Itzonlyme Patani Iilyheaven 181 Likes 10 Shares |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by IamD18: 10:24pm On May 05, 2018 |
It's nice you as the man in question created this thread to clarify and seek for proper advice without condemning her but giving a balance details of what transpired between you both. According to your thread and her thread, all I see in the said lady is DESPERATION , and as a result of that comes her disrespectfullness and nagging. And one of worst thing that can happen to any man is to mingle with a desperate lady who isn't reserved and principled in her life. I keep on saying this ; Women should channel and prioritize other positive things in their life apart from marriage , their craves and marriage achieving goals is now getting disgusted and irritating. This said lady is ungrateful and not thankful to meet a man who didn't care to take advantage of her due to her desperation for marriage, she's so so lucky. She sounds like a cheat according to your story with her threats to leave for another man, she MIGHT possibly be seeing another man but looking for an opportunity to opt out from your relationship with her because you aren't yet financially ready for marriage. But with all due respect sir! I simply do not think she worth a patient man like you, don't ever bother yourself for a woman who started a relationship with you with desperation to marry you, don't do that. Relationship should be all about courting and getting to know each other well before getting down for marriage, not an avenue to threaten and pressurize a partner for marriage. It's obvious you love the lady, but one thing you must learn from me now is that A MAN CANNOT LOVE AND BE WISE AT THE SAME TIME , it can't happen. She loves you, that's why she apologized to you and you love her, that's why you are tolerating her. But the relationship goals of you both are different, she's desperate for marriage and you are desperate to make money before opting in for marriage. My advise is this; Live and let her live, whatever will be MUST be Focus on making a better end, financially and allow her focus on marriage elsewhere since she can't wait. 306 Likes 31 Shares |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Donald95(m): 10:34pm On May 05, 2018 |
Let me advice you 1. Buy Fat Fowl tomorrow and give thanks to God for delivering you from being slave husband. 2. Next time you notice unstableness and pompousness from a lady, f.u.c.kk her up, down , front and back double shift so that even if she leaves, it won't hurt you 3. Don't involve parents whenever you are having problem in relationship (Mom always see we guys as unserious bad boys despite your coat ), the mom may even be the brain behind the unstableness of the girl 4. Make sure you are financially stable before even talking of serious relationship else she won't respect you. Ayam coming let me read the other side of the story 83 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by elektra(f): 10:47pm On May 05, 2018 |
Una never marry and all these wahala already. 38 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Evablizin(f): 10:48pm On May 05, 2018 |
Abeg if e no work make two of you go rest abeg. Peace. 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by VampireeM(f): 10:53pm On May 05, 2018 |
The issues I can read from the both posts of the couple is Misunderstanding, Miscommunication and Attitude in the relationship. IMO, I believe the way you wrote it here wasn't the way you acted towards her likewise your gf that claimed she was not desperate for marriage. Pls if you guys can't be in accord in moving/sustaining the relationship forward you guys should call it quits its too early for all these dramas and involvement of families and outsiders. Amaraokafor and goldcrossxx please take your relationship off NL and sort yourselves cause the comments here will only make both of you more miserable and not solve anything. Wish you both luck in whatever decision you make. 71 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by eyinjuege: 11:12pm On May 05, 2018 |
There are many Amara Okafors in this world o. A lot of the stories she told are not consistent with yours as you rightly pointed out, so how sure are you that it's the same person? I'm sure you have your bae's number, call her and discuss offline. 20 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:13pm On May 05, 2018 |
VampireeM: It’s never my thing to create threads on Nairaland to seek people’s opinion on what to do concerning emotional matters. If not that she created the thread, i wouldn’t have created this. It’s very immature from my own opinion to do so. I only consult with experienced mentor(s) if need be on sensitive issues such as this. Like i said, it’s just in response to her thread anyway because people already started jumping into conclusion about myself being a married man, already involved in a relationship, etc. 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:15pm On May 05, 2018 |
elektra:As in eh! Nairaland is a small community sha! ![]() 12 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:15pm On May 05, 2018 |
eyinjuege: I am 101% sure she’s the one no matter how she tried to twist the explanation. I wasn’t born yesterday and it’s all good that our identities in reality isn’t revealed so i am not bothered anyway. 30 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:18pm On May 05, 2018 |
kimbraa: Left for me, i wouldn’t have brought this here, never. On a second thought, i felt i should respond so that those that usually give advise based on one party’s statement would have a rethink. 13 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:24pm On May 05, 2018 |
goldcrossxx:I perfectly understand as what she wrote on her thread didn't correlate with what you just wrote. Now, creating a thread on nairaland to counter her seem to me like a case where couples wash their dirty linen in public. Even if you both make up, the scars caused by these events would still be there as humans don't forget that easily so it would've been best you hadn't create the thread. 11 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:27pm On May 05, 2018 |
IamD18: Thank you sir. She’s not a bad lady and as human, she has her flaws. Relationship involves a lot of sacrifice from both parties that genuinely wants to be together. If i was a man that double dates and having up to 3 girls more while with her, i would have opted out when i noticed those flaws. But i was committed and consistent even though i had my own flaws as well. As for finances, it’s highly needed but not the primary requirement needed to have a perfect relationship. One with finances today may not have tomorrow and vice versa. But your points duly noted. 25 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:33pm On May 05, 2018 |
kimbraa: I still get your point anyway but if you carefully analyze my message, i never castigated her and i still repeat, she’s a nice lady. Even though it was completely wrong for her to have created the thread, i don’t take it to the heart. I only seek advise from very experienced mentors that will say things the way they are whether i am or she’s wrong. 7 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:42pm On May 05, 2018 |
goldcrossxx:@embolden was what she was seeking for before insults and baseless accusations were hauled at you. I don't think you'll find anything better as two individual's would arrive at different perspective of your write-up and she'll inevitably get lashed just as the guy on FTC has done. Hope you get? |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:48pm On May 05, 2018 |
kimbraa: I understood your points BUT, i most times like making my own decisions but should the need arise for a neutral opinion, i contact my mentor. The difference here is that i am only dealing with 1 party and not the public. Nairaland is a public forum and you definitely would get negative comments and bad advice as well. My mentor here is just an individual and not many or public forum such as Nairaland. E.g: A married woman may have a serious problem that can easily be resolved but once she brings it to a public forum, chances are that the matter will end up being worsen. 8 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:56pm On May 05, 2018 |
goldcrossxx:You have a mentor on Nairaland? Lol, suit yourself, sir. ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:58pm On May 05, 2018 |
kimbraa: Nairaland ke ![]() 14 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by IamD18: 12:03am On May 06, 2018 |
goldcrossxx: You both made it clear that Nland isn't just a forum, but a cyber-world of its own. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 12:03am On May 06, 2018 |
goldcrossxx:Alright, it's best you seek counsel from the old man. 2 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by nnamdibig(m): 12:43am On May 06, 2018 |
All I see is a lady who is desperate. That happens sometimes. With all you wrote, I did not see any where you said she cheated, instead you confirm she jilted a richer guy for you. Bros, these issues will come, it's how it's resolved that matters. Both of you should give yourselves a second chance with open mind. I can assure you that things will work out fine. Take your time and handle this but this time, involve less people(from both families). If possible involve no one. Just two of you and allow are say her mind and you too say your mind don't hide anything. Am sure you guys will come out cool. 13 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 4:07am On May 06, 2018 |
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Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by sisisioge: 4:31am On May 06, 2018 |
Well well well...since she has ended the relationship herself. Both of you might as well continue on your separate ways. BTW, being an introvert is not an excuse not to see your partner when in a relationship. Also, seeking comfort from her family members over the relationship while the going was tough for you wasn't cool. I wouldn't want my bf reporting me to my mom and dad all the time. 5 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 5:15am On May 06, 2018 |
sisisioge: I never seek comfort from her family. I only felt it was proper to inform the parents about the development and this was because i already had made my intentions known to them so it was best to let them know their daughter says she’s no more interested in marriage or relationship. Before meeting her parents, i never informed them about any issues whatsoever. 3 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by eterisan(m): 7:20am On May 06, 2018 |
From the way you talk and write, you and I have same personality especially when it comes to relationships. So from my own personal experience let me say 1. She's a very beautiful lady that took you time to win over 2. You probably made her leave a bigger, better bobo 3. She's very domineering in the relationship...... Like she sets the rules 4. You trying to hang on to her at all cost cos you love her so much 5. She has loads of guys on her case and she doesn't know if to be patient with you or not. My brother, please come closer... Let's be fair here na tree wey person fit climb naim he go boast say he go pluck the fruit. Bros you never set, why you carry marriage talk they tie her down. Untop say una nor de same town. My guy let things happen naturally, free her abeg or give her assurance. If she wants to take her chances outside let her be. Stop fighting this fight, cos what you will get is a muddled relationship filled with lies and deceit. You're so worried about the future that you forget to live in the present and be happy. 38 Likes 1 Share
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Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Dropitlykitshot(m): 10:38am On May 06, 2018 |
Find people in real life to advise you as people here are either fake or inexperienced, like some one you respect or look upto 3 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by egopersonified(f): 1:52pm On May 06, 2018 |
I don't really see any difference in both stories. It's just like looking at the same thing but from two different angles. But you both sitting down together and laying your cards on the table would achieve more progress than involving a third party. No two relationships can ever be the same. You all need to stop the comparison on how she should respect you or on how you need to be more outgoing. If she wants to go places, create time for that, if you want to stay home, she should love doing that with you. If you are still interested in marriage, set a date at least for introduction, and plan with what you have. I feel you both are nice people, Just see each other as best friends and it's you both against the world. 4 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 7:45pm On May 06, 2018 |
I can imagine how awkward e go be when u guys see to discuss. Hahaha 9 Likes |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by Nobody: 11:35pm On May 06, 2018 |
nawa oo, dis one weak me 1 Like |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by franchasng: 11:40am On May 07, 2018 |
goldcrossxx:hmmm, speechless |
Re: In Response To A Previous Thread Created By Amara Okafor by franchasng: 11:44am On May 07, 2018 |
IamD18:You nailed it. Advice to guys, if u are not financially okay or if u are still struggling or if u have not made up your mind to settle down, pls avoid ladies within the age range of 26yrs and above. Date ladies below 25yrs. Once ladies clock 25 in Nigeria, marriage becomes their top priority in life and any man in their life will see hell fire if he doesn't go to pay their dowry asap. But then, ladies below 25yrs are so unstable and arrogant, they hardly give upcoming guys a chance because they are busy forming slayqueens and slaying around until 26 knocks on their door, its a complex situation ![]() ![]() 25 Likes 6 Shares |
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