I lost my virginity at sixteen.

Up until that point, I told myself and anyone who asked that I would wait until marriage to have sx. But when I dated an older guy in high school, he always talked about the woman he could never quite get over. The one he lost his virginity to. The one with whom he always had mad, passionate sx.

I wanted to erase her memory from his mind. I wanted to be the only one he thought about. So I had s*x with him. Even after months of telling him I didn’t want to because I wasn’t ready.

But, despite what I thought, that didn’t make things with him any better. Even after we started having sx, he still barely talked to me and would withdraw from me constantly. Often it would even be right after we had sx.

I thought I just needed to have more sx with him. But spending any time I had with him having sx didn’t bring us any closer, either. And he rejected me soon after.

This relationship started a subtle, downward cycle in which I used s*x as a way to deal with any feelings of sadness or inadequacy.

I told myself stories to convince myself that this behavior was anything but what it really was: an unhealthy method of coping. I’d tell myself: I am just having sx because I enjoy it. Sx is fun. I can have no-strings attached s*x because I am a cool, laid-back girl.

But really, using sx as an emotional band-aid meant I wasn’t expressing my emotions in a healthy way. It made it almost impossible to form truly intimate connections with anyone. I continued to feel lonely, sad, and inadequate because I could never truly express myself to a guy. Each time, I hoped having sx would fill that void. It was a vicious cycle.

Let me give you an example. Once in college, I was sitting on the couch with someone I was sleeping with. We were just hanging out, watching TV. It should be a perfectly normal thing to do with someone with whom you’re in a relationship. But we weren’t technically in a relationship. I really didn’t know him that well.

I was only accustomed to being around him while we were hanging out with his friends, drinking, or having s*x. I never spent time with him in a setting that would allow us to actually get to know one another. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I climbed on his lap to engage in some pre-intimacy. He actually groaned and pushed me off.

I had started having sx to ...................

https://livelystones.com.ng/why-do-i-end-up-feeling-used-after-a-hookup/

Our hearts go out to all those who lost their loved ones in the recent mass murder in southern Kaduna

@OP nobody cares about this rubbish

And also to those who lost their virginity at a very tender age.

Lakeside79:
Our hearts go out to all those who lost their loved ones in the recent mass murder in southern Kaduna