biacan:
You're already a disgrace to your family that's why you brought your ignorance on a public forum.....

i hate you with person. So much, from the depth of my heart. Menstuating bitter ashawo.

goldcrossxx:
Greetings All,

To all that followed and commented on the thread created by “amaraokafor”, i decided to create a new thread for this as per the advice of a Nairalander. The below is the thread link and also my response.

https://www.nairaland.com/4484675/should-continue-wait-date-another#67236204

I have been following this thread on proxy and never wanted to comment because, i don’t believe in seeking emotional advise from a Public forum due to the fact that many advisers may be underage, inexperienced and would advise you based on what they have read from one party.

The young lady in question comes from a family of 2 girls and 4 boys of which she’s the 1st daughter and the 2nd is as well single. The relationship is also not 3 yrs as she indicated but was suppose to be exactly 2 yrs on the 1st of May.

I read through your write up and hers. It looks to me that you are too easy going for her. You tolerated all her excesses in the name of love thinking that she will change.
However, you need to demonstrate strength and not just be sissy.

It might not be your nature but you might have to learn to leave your shell.

She looked like she just needed a more charged partner.

VampireeM:
The issues I can read from the both posts of the couple is Misunderstanding, Miscommunication and Attitude in the relationship.
IMO, I believe the way you wrote it here wasn't the way you acted towards her likewise your gf that claimed she was not desperate for marriage. Pls if you guys can't be in accord in moving/sustaining the relationship forward you guys should call it quits its too early for all these dramas and involvement of families and outsiders.
Amaraokafor and goldcrossxx please take your relationship off NL and sort yourselves cause the comments here will only make both of you more miserable and not solve anything. Wish you both luck in whatever decision you make.

another mature mind ...only kids will think bringing it online will solve their issues..

kimbraa:
You have a mentor on Nairaland? Lol, suit yourself, sir.

You are not getting his point "mentor" so stop this unnecessary humor of yours, not a laughing stuff

Lazy Nigerian youth women started again

appsdope:
OP coming to nairaland was a bad decision. You've simply shown us that you can't put your home in order. Most people here are between 18-24 so what kind of advice do you expect to get here. What you should've done is talk to her after you've seen her post. Every lady wants to get married that's why she is that way. It's the pressure to get married and if you're not ready you move on. If she's domineering you cut her wings. When you both get married and money for soup no dey unable go carry am come nairaland. Nonsense.

Are you 24? the way u ppl talk on this NL, it's as though most of u don't have human sympathy, let me tell you something, there are so many matured people here so pls don't generalize and who are we to judge the lady or the man? Have u never been desperate in your life before? I don't mean relationship, maybe in other facets of life, how did humanity become so cold? The Man is not perfect and the lady isn't either and it's Okay because they are humans. Cut her wings Really? Oga Love is never dominating, so maybe u need to renew your mind about LOVE. Supposing Jesus cut your wings when you sin, I don't think you or I will be here, that's love. Not all this carnal love u ppl exhibit here and there, have a nice day!

biacan:
Your ex probably left you because you're a chronic cheat....

lol. You don't know me, don't act you do. I'm not one of your brothers.

kuchikau1:
i hate you with person. So much, from the depth of my heart. Menstuating bitter ashawo.

Your m0ther is an old bitter ashawo..... you hopeless son of a pro8titute

tenmariner:
Pls op, there is one poster up there @lala something something, kindly disregard her opinion. Posters like that will give bias judgement if u had not deemed it fit to air your own side of the mata. And again, this is a faceless forum no one knows your identity!
Back to the mata;
After careful check on both side, I can tell I that she doesn't want u anymore. No point flogging a dead horse. She wants MARRIAGE at all cost. As a matter of fact, She is ready to marry a MONKEY if he proposes.
I once had a ln ex like that..she was really into marriage marriage and marriage which I wasn't financially prepared for. She left for another guy. My finance picked up immediately she left..in short, a job I applied for using her fone hired me...I was made to understand that she left that rich guy wen she realized that he has a baby mama somewhere.
If u ultimately think she can change, oh well u may choose to reconsider her and make necessary amends

lol the truth is bitter ..

Avedonn:


People like this are the reason I don't take female advise, read their comments or respond to their comments on nairaland.

If you take girls advice here on nairaland, then be rest assured you are on the path of self destruction.

i hate dat gal. So much!

Pricelessangel0:
@Op, creating a thread to counter her is not the best thing to do cos if you really love her like you claim, you would have draw her closer and have heart to heart talk with her, tell her your mind and everything cos the thread she create was to express her mind, you could have pick from her opinions and make time 4 her, This is just too childish of you.
My Advice; Give yourselves space, it woulnt work with this mindset and the foundation both of you are setting is not healthy. what will be will be, so let it go 4 nw.

These girls sef? Are you married yet?

Bahddo:
lol. You don't know me, don't act you do. I'm not one of your brothers.

Neither I'm I one of your sisters.......you're a chronic cheat it is written all over you

joeeee240:


YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION I ASKED YOU. NEGATIVE ADVICE OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT CAN BE GOTTEN BOTH ONLINE AND OFFLINE. IT IS THE INDIVIDUALS INVOLVED THAT TAKE THE BAD ADVICE THAT SHOULD BE BLAMED. YOU GUYS ARE JUST BEING SHALLOW WHEN YOU SAY SOCIAL MEDIA SPOILS RELATIONSHIPS.

I tire for all this NL people oo... see many of them forming James Bond as if they have never done such before. When love do u strong thing, it takes the grace of God for you not to Talk to a Mad Man
About it

Eluala:


If you don't want to join the statistics, run from this idiot as far away as you can. She has already started killing you. You are already having high blood pressure during courtship, what will happen when you are now married and real issues keep coming up? My brother you have been quite naive. LOVE WITH SENSE PLEASE SO THAT YOU WILL LIVE. I have been married for 14 years so trust me when I give you this advise.

Usually I read these stories and ignore them. However, the OP was able to articulate his concerns properly and I feel he is trying to justify his action. I am a married man and I would give you this same advice.

You are just dating and you have started calling her family members. When you married, who will you call when there are issues? I will be blunt here man - you need to leave that lady alone.

“She is toxic. A respectful wife is better than a loving wife”.

This quote would mean more when you are finally married. Do not give her any second chance. Do not reconsider. Just move on and have some peace of mind. She is toxic and will never change. Why would she when her toxic behavior is giving her the desired result.

IamD18:
It's nice you as the man in question created this thread to clarify and seek for proper advice without condemning her but giving a balance details of what transpired between you both.

According to your thread and her thread, all I see in the said lady is DESPERATION , and as a result of that comes her disrespectfullness and nagging.

And one of worst thing that can happen to any man is to mingle with a desperate lady who isn't reserved and principled in her life.

I keep on saying this ; Women should channel and prioritize other positive things in their life apart from marriage , their craves and marriage achieving goals is now getting disgusted and irritating.

This said lady is ungrateful and not thankful to meet a man who didn't care to take advantage of her due to her desperation for marriage, she's so so lucky.

She sounds like a cheat according to your story with her threats to leave for another man, she MIGHT possibly be seeing another man but looking for an opportunity to opt out from your relationship with her because you aren't yet financially ready for marriage.


But with all due respect sir!

I simply do not think she worth a patient man like you, don't ever bother yourself for a woman who started a relationship with you with desperation to marry you, don't do that. Relationship should be all about courting and getting to know each other well before getting down for marriage, not an avenue to threaten and pressurize a partner for marriage.

It's obvious you love the lady, but one thing you must learn from me now is that A MAN CANNOT LOVE AND BE WISE AT THE SAME TIME , it can't happen.

She loves you, that's why she apologized to you and you love her, that's why you are tolerating her.

But the relationship goals of you both are different, she's desperate for marriage and you are desperate to make money before opting in for marriage.

My advise is this; Live and let her live, whatever will be MUST be

Focus on making a better end, financially and allow her focus on marriage elsewhere since she can't wait.

Kudos to you.
you have said it all.

biacan:
Go hide your head in shame boy you've been casted

LOL.. THIS ONE DOESN'T EVEN GET IT. FÛCK OFF. MY MENTIONS MUST GIVE YOU ORGASM

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Who do we believe now?

belive ur smelling menstrual blood

kimbraa:
I perfectly understand as what she wrote on her thread didn't correlate with what you just wrote. Now, creating a thread on nairaland to counter her seem to me like a case where couples wash their dirty linen in public. Even if you both make up, the scars caused by these events would still be there as humans don't forget that easily so it would've been best you hadn't create the thread.

thank you ...

What I love about both threads is how beautifully they were written, well punctuated too. It's too bad you guys are not as insync with each other as the way you write.

mistercharles:
Stop typing in all Caps.
Not cool

LOL.. ..YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINION OF WHAT'S COOL OR NOT ON NAIRALAND ?

Yankiss:


On the contrary, I believe it was needful to have created the counter thread. Nobody is washing any dirty linen in public here because these people concerned are not posting in their offline identity. It is all anonymous. The OP just wanted a balanced view, had no original intention of making the thread. I read his comment and the advice that prompted the thread.

I will advice him to call his babe and sit her down and have a serious chat. Avoid involvement of parents, friends or other third parties. Make a decision of whether to go forward or to call it quits. Forget the advice here on Nairaland. What works for A might not work for B. You might end up in a blissful union with the said lady. Thank you!

Someone give this Guy a Medal!!!

biacan:
Neither I'm I one of your sisters.......you're a chronic cheat it is written all over you

ok... Your opinion has been noted. Is there anything else you'd like to add?

itsmeurLady:


I tire for all this NL people oo... see many of them forming James Bond as if they have never done such before. When love do u strong thing, it takes the grace of God for you not to Talk to a Mad Man
About it

LEAVE THEM. LIKE GOOD ADVICE CAN'T BE GOTTEN ONLINE. SHALLOW FOLKS

joeeee240:


LOL.. THIS ONE DOESN'T EVEN GET IT. FÛCK OFF. MY MENTIONS MUST GIVE YOU ORGASM

Agbero still trying to get my attention......Shame on you Josee you're a disgrace to your family spit in his eyes

Lalas247:


Imagine even if the lady use emotion Create nonsense thread the guy to follow ... tufiakwa ...
Real Men are hard to find these days just take Look at op ... smh
Exactly they should break up ..

Dont criticize the op much, it was the lady who started this online buhaha, and he followed suit without thinking well that nairalander are mostly kids, the truth is they are not fit to be.

How are you, longest time

Dear Op..

All the people advising you to send her away or forget her, are their girlfriends/wives better?
Even people who cannot manage one relationship and are still gallivanting upandan will also come and advice you... its not their fault sha


Please make take some time off social media and other irrelevant distractions and think about your situation..ask yourself what you really want in life and marriage,ask yourself how you intend to achieve what you want in life, ask yourself the type of person you are and then ask the type of person you think can complement u in achieving your dreams ,pls take a pen and write it all down.

Evaluate your current relationship vis a via your goal in life , starting from the beginning to the present situation.. I'm sure wen you analyze it all with all ur written goals u will know the next step to take

Even life itself is work in progress , challenges come in different forms, shapes, types sizes, some even shapeless like amoeba....but if u know what you want, where u started from and where u are going to,, I'm sure ull make it.

Bahddo:
ok... Your opinion has been noted. Is there anything else you'd like to add?

Take your two minutes fame and get off my mention

biacan:
Agbero still trying to get my attention......Shame on you Josee you're a disgrace to your family spit in his eyes

OK..I GUESS YOU'RE WET NOW .

Royle2014:

People blaming the op... I wonder if you ever put yourself in people's shoes before judging. Imagine you were the op and your girl brings a story here. U see people castigating nd calling you names...it is only human to put up a defense when you are being falsely judged. So posting this clarifying thread is in no way immature at all... Yall come here forming mature nd stuff, this is romance section... If everyone claims to be mature and no one puts his/her life problems seeking advice, what becomes of this romance thread...

The people castigating and calling you names don't know a hoot about you. You're merely a Mr Somebody to them, they don't know your face, where you work and where you live. So why take so much worry upon yourself over an online issue with inexperienced youths as chief judges?

I got married at a young age and I faced similar challenges like the Op, or even worse, but there was NEVER a time I allowed my neighbours, friends and colleagues to arbitrate my relationship. In fact, I had to end my former relationship because the girl kept reporting whatever we did to her busybody friends. These are what to expect in a relationship, you have to expect hiccups from time to time but it requires maturity on your part as the man to make decisions that will favour you and your partner without allowing a third party interference. Let them go live their own lives and leave yours alone.

Avedonn:


That Lala girl has weak thought process and poor judgement. I believe the Op will ignore all her childish rants.

i hate gals that menstruates

kuchikau1:
belive ur smelling menstrual blood

You just didn't jump in my mention to spew thrash this morning you this bloody foool! You must be insane. Anumpama

midehi2:

Dont criticize the op much, it was the lady who started this online buhaha, and he followed suit without thinking well that nairalander are mostly kids, the truth is they are not fit to be.

How are you, longest time

Another mature lady..
morning I know longest time.. how work and family hope all is well

I have left op to it whatever floats his boat.. both are wrong n the issue could have been resolved .. Couples should learn how to communicate ..... its vital