Hello house,
I sincerely need your advice on this issue. This is my story. During seven years ago i dated a girl unknown to me the family didnt approve of our relationship and they pressured her to end the relationship. later we quarrelled, even when i tried apologizing to her to reconcile differences, her mother insulted me and said i should go and sort out issues in my father's house. at a point the family hated me everyone began ignoring me and treating me with spite.
And then life now dealt a cruel blow to me. I was retrenched from the bank i worked in 2009 as a result of the banking crisis. Around 2010 i heard the man she married divorced her. fast forward to now i heard she remarried a yoruba man(we are both igbo) , but i still feel some kind of hate against them because the mother insulted my family and i feel they still do not feel any remorse for what they said to me.

Super story

Move on man!
You should be concerned with what you are making out of your life now.Do you have a new job or business you are running?Think of building that.

Focus on your life and allow them to live there's.

Is she asking for your forgiveness?


Why are you inflicting pains upon yourself sir? We're about entering 2016, and here you are holding on to a 6 year old insult.

Sorry to u o op. An adage says to avoid a long stick from piercing ur eye, u shd avoid it miles ahead of u. I'm sure u go don knw d kind nature d mama get wch obviously reflects in d child and u still relate with her to home level. Why dem no go insult u and na u go pay dowry. I'm too valuable for such a thing. God forbid bad thing. God go patch ur wounded emotions 4 u oh.

Why do you want to forgive them?

A fruit doesn't fall far away from the tree, bros just thank God because He just saved you from a lifetime of pain and abuse from a controlling family. You said she has left her first husband abi? she'll prolly leave the second because a family like that will only cope with a man they can manipulate. Just move on bro and forgive but don't forget so as to avoid falling into a similar trap with another lady from a controlling family.

obynzo:
but i still feel some kind of hate against them because the mother insulted my family and i feel they still do not feel any remorse for what they said to me.

still dont get what u are trying to say...
but i perceive vengeance and unjustifiable hatred because u still love her, u haven't moved on...
of what benefit will her remorse be to u?

stop stalking her, she is married and happy...
forget abt her before u hurt urself the more...

pls stop stalking her, what business do u have with her being a divorcee or married to a yoruba man....

face ur life my man!

@johnson 232 dont get me wrong i feel hate because the mother slighted my family for no justified reason,i never physically abused or molested her daughter in anyway she just felt i was not good enough for her daughter. I am not being tribalistic in my mention of her marrying a yoruba man, i am just stating what happened

@johnson 232 dont get me wrong i feel hate because the mother slighted my family for no justified reason,i never physically abused or molested her daughter in anyway she just felt i was not good enough for her daughter. I am not being tribalistic in my mention of her marrying a yoruba man, i am just stating what happened

am please i dont get what u mean by unjustifiable hate, someone insults you and your family with so much malice and you say am having unjustifiable hate?

obynzo:
@johnson 232 dont get me wrong i feel hate because the mother slighted my family for no justified reason,i never physically abused or molested her daughter in anyway she just felt i was not good enough for her daughter. I am not being tribalistic in my mention of her marrying a yoruba man, i am just stating what happened

So you contaminate your body and soul with hatred because a woman said something something about you and your family?
Have you got problem with your self-esteem? I wouldn't give a flying **** about her. Who is she? Why give her so much power?

The hatred will eat you up and not her. Learn to ignore such people and occupy your mind with thoughts and people who give you pleasure.

@mindfulness thanks very much. As God would have it i have found someone who is different, but at times those memories keep flooding back.

obynzo:
@mindfulness thanks very much. As God would have it i have found someone who is different, but at times those memories keep flooding back.

You are welcome.

It is a matter of focus. You control what you think of. If these thoughts fill you up with hatred replace them with nicer thoughts. You have full control over your mind.

@mindfulness you have really helped me today, i really wanted to talk to someone about it perhaps a neutral view, and it has helped. The whole incident really battered my self esteem then at a point i was so weary of dating, but thank God am getting over it

obynzo:
@mindfulness you have really helped me today, i really wanted to talk to someone about it perhaps a neutral view, and it has helped. The whole incident really battered my self esteem then at a point i was so weary of dating, but thank God am getting over it

I thought so. I know what it feels like. I have been there until I learned that what other people think of me is their business and not mine and if they choose to think negatively, it is their problem and not mine. I do not allow myself to think one negative thought about myself. I think nicely about myself no matter what and I focus on people who make me feel good and completely ignore the rest. Life has become very easy this way.

Think positively and 2016 will be beautiful for you. I promise. You are the master of your mind.

Happy New Year! Stay blessed!

Mindfulness:


I thought so. I know what it feels like. I have been there until I learned that what other people think of me is their business and not mine and if they choose to think negatively, it is their problem and not mine. I do not allow myself to think one negative thought about myself. I think nicely about myself no matter what and I focus on people who make me feel good and completely ignore the rest. Life has become very easy this way.

Think positively and 2016 will be beautiful for you. I promise. You are the master of your mind.

Happy New Year! Stay blessed!



THIS is me exactly. You are very wise, I always agree with you

THIS is me exactly. You are very wise, I always agree with you

OP please forget about them and focus on being the best version of you. Always try to make the opinion you and God have about yourself be the opinion that counts.

I can see fem29 here. Sweetie, you are one the most beautiful souls I met here. Happy New Year to you and your family. Stay blessed Sweetie.

Mindfulness:
I can see fem29 here. Sweetie, you are one the most beautiful souls I met here. Happy New Year to you and your family. Stay blessed Sweetie.

Aww thanks soo much honey, you are too kind. Wishing you and your family a wonderful and blessed new year

fem29:


Aww thanks soo much honey, you are too kind. Wishing you and your family a wonderful and blessed new year

Thank you. I am looking forward to what the future holds for us. I am sure it will be a wonderful new year.

Okay so what's the problem then?
Do y'all have a child together? If not, I don't see what your worry is. Someone who's out of your life should be dead to you as it were.
That's where I place old friends/exes that didn't end well.
It works like magic. You'll be surprised that you can feel like you never even met her if you condition your mind to place her in the dead forgotten past.
Move on already dude.
There's so much to enjoy ahead.

Up to 6 years ago? Lol. You should even have a problem remembering what she looks like.
That's like a lifetime ago (to me)

@cococandy thanks very much for your advice, it has really helped and thank you all

obynzo:
@cococandy thanks very much for your advice, it has really helped and thank you all

youre welcome

Hello Guys,

Thanks so much for your advice. I really discovered that it was the best decision to move on. I focused more on myself and now i have a better Job and i have learnt from my previous errors when dealing with women and the best thing is that very soon am getting married to a very honest and decent girl who really appreciates me very well.

I even ran into the husband of my ex at an eatery in lekki and he was even acting so funny trying to come close to my seat to see if i was the one and when he noticed it he ignored me and decided to see some people behind him i guess those were the people he came to see then rather strangely he later moved and sat three tables adjacent to me. i didn't finch one bit because i really don't owe him anything and he doesn't owe me anything. I received a call in the eatery and as i was about to end the call i discovered that he was there just staring at me with a hard look. i just laughed because i was at a level where they didn't matter anymore to me. when those guys he came to see decided to leave the eatery he decided to follow them.
I really thank God for giving me the strength to ignore and move on because i really discovered that it was the best for me and am a better person at that.

Apply all the lessons learnt going forward. All the very best.

I love positive comeback stories. I can relate perfectly.

obynzo:
Hello Guys,

Thanks so much for your advice. I really discovered that it was the best decision to move on. I focused more on myself and now i have a better Job and i have learnt from my previous errors when dealing with women and the best thing is that very soon am getting married to a very honest and decent girl who really appreciates me very well.

I even ran into the husband of my ex at an eatery in lekki and he was even acting so funny trying to come close to my seat to see if i was the one and when he noticed it he ignored me and decided to see some people behind him i guess those were the people he came to see then rather strangely he later moved and sat three tables adjacent to me. i didn't finch one bit because i really don't owe him anything and he doesn't owe me anything. I received a call in the eatery and as i was about to end the call i discovered that he was there just staring at me with a hard look. i just laughed because i was at a level where they didn't matter anymore to me. when those guys he came to see decided to leave the eatery he decided to follow them.
I really thank God for giving me the strength to ignore and move on because i really discovered that it was the best for me and am a better person at that.

Nawaoh for you....you are still very smitten with this ex of yours....after more than 8yrs. ..you are still stalking her and her family. ...what kind of hopeless emotions is that.?

A woman that abused and left you....a woman that is currently in her second marriage. ..that is with kids and has depreciated...that's who you are opening a thread for.....you are what the igbos call otele okuko.


Go and get busy with your life and stop giving time and attention to things that do not matter. ...let this woman and her family be....this hatred will just choke you

I'm even sure the girl no even fine sef.

Ex that is living her life, and here you are still stuck in the past.
You were probably happy when she got divorced, but sad that she didn't come and look for you, but rather found someone else. You should know by now she doesn't love you, old things have passed away.
Live your life and leave her alone. Why should she and her family still be so important in your life that you even care so much, or is there something else in this matter?

Edit- Sorry for commenting, didn't know its a 3 year old thread

OP,
The most important is that you have grown and moved on from this. I cannot understand how you feel, but I sense you really loved this girl. Not even the insults to your family, but your love for her and how she abandoned you is what hurt you. When people hurt you, let them go. God is removing you from that situation to bring you into something much better. Appreciate your new love and let this old flame die.

One thing that bothers me is how you recognize your ex’s new husband and he recognizes you too. To the extent that you people are even behaving aggressively to each other... I hope you have not been contacting his wife?

baby124:
OP,
The most important is that you have grown and moved on from this. I cannot understand how you feel, but I sense you really loved this girl. Not even the insults to your family, but your love for her and how she abandoned you is what hurt you. When people hurt you, let them go. God is removing you from that situation to bring you into something much better. Appreciate your new love and let this old flame die.

One thing that bothers me is how you recognize your ex’s new husband and he recognizes you too. To the extent that you people are even behaving aggressively to each other... I hope you have not been contacting his wife?

No I have never done that and I will never do that in all honesty. There was a time then that I ran into them that was before she got married and she started trying to belittle me before the guy. I guess that was how the guy got my face. For me I bear no grudge against them and I have no business against them sometimes when I look back that saga made me stronger and kind of made me appreciate what I have now.
Even for the record I didn't even behave aggressively towards him. It was actually him that was being aggressive for something that happened years ago that one should have gotten over anyways it is non of my business.

obynzo:


No I have never done that and I will never do that in all honesty. There was a time then that I ran into them that was before she got married and she started trying to belittle me before the guy. I guess that was how the guy got my face. For me I bear no grudge against them and I have no business against them sometimes when I look back that saga made me stronger and kind of made me appreciate what I have now.
Even for the record I didn't even behave aggressively towards him. It was actually him that was being aggressive for something that happened years ago that one should have gotten over anyways it is non of my business.

Ok. Thank God for you. But it’s still strange that the husband will react to you that way if you are nothing to them. Anyway, just enjoy where you are in life and don’t dwell on what could have been. Allow yourself enjoy happiness with this new person, and forgive them for all they did to you. Trust me, you need that for you to move on from all this.

coolcatty:



Nawaoh for you....you are still very smitten with this ex of yours....after more than 8yrs. ..you are still stalking her and her family. ...what kind of hopeless emotions is that.?

A woman that abused and left you....a woman that is currently in her second marriage. ..that is with kids and has depreciated...that's who you are opening a thread for.....you are what the igbos call otele okuko.


Go and get busy with your life and stop giving time and attention to things that do not matter. ...let this woman and her family be....this hatred will just choke you

I'm even sure the girl no even fine sef.

Na wah for you ooo bros I did not stalk anyone abeg. I only stated what I observed. Whatever happens to her doesn't concern me it is non of my business guy I have since moved on.