In all fairness, all of this is easier said than done. I just pray for wisdom and patience because I know I cannot be perfect for them.

sonnie10:

Pray for a good wife.

that's it ooo

middlebeltboy:
my father is a polygamist, I will never emulate that. over my death body!

Over ur death body indeed!
Kare omodo agba!

Earthbound:
Parenting is not easy and is something you don't learn in a day or even over years. You keep learning but sometimes your actions are taken notice of by your children. For many, it's an obvious preference for a certain child. This is easily observed by the other children. As offspring, it is our duty to see the failings of our parents and ensure we do not duplicate the same actions when we have kids of our own.

For me, it's the singular act of comparing other people's children with yours. Citing other kids achievement as a yardstick for your children's is a big no no. This is one of the worst things a parent can do to his/her child. Fingers are not equal and that is why most children will never compare their parents with other people's parents. We tend to love them unconditionally. This irritating behavior can create an atmosphere of disdain around the house

If you are a parent, please take note of this. Your kids will develop an unnatural hatred for you in the long run. My patience is my greatest virtue but I'm not sure exactly how long I can hold on.

What are those things your parents did (or do) that you would never repeat to your children?

...my dad..wickedNess, stingy, he doesn't care about his family nd he love women with big butt..

skarlett:
In all fairness, all of this is easier said than done. I just pray for wisdom and patience because I know I cannot be perfect for them.

words of wisdom but it is hard to accept, sometimes

Earthbound:
Parenting is not easy and is something you don't learn in a day or even over years. You keep learning but sometimes your actions are taken notice of by your children. For many, it's an obvious preference for a certain child. This is easily observed by the other children. As offspring, it is our duty to see the failings of our parents and ensure we do not duplicate the same actions when we have kids of our own.

For me, it's the singular act of comparing other people's children with yours. Citing other kids achievement as a yardstick for your children's is a big no no. This is one of the worst things a parent can do to his/her child. Fingers are not equal and that is why most children will never compare their parents with other people's parents. We tend to love them unconditionally. This irritating behavior can create an atmosphere of disdain around the house

If you are a parent, please take note of this. Your kids will develop an unnatural hatred for you in the long run. My patience is my greatest virtue but I'm not sure exactly how long I can hold on.

What are those things your parents did (or do) that you would never repeat to your children?

The one thing I'll avoid totally is the autocracy that comes with having to respect one's senior. I hate that thing to the core cos it only ends up destroying the self-esteem of an individual, especially the lastborn in most cases of whom I am unfortunately one-everybody transferred their aggression and vented their frustration on me but I had no one to let off steam to. So it all just built up till it turned into hatred, frustration, damaged self esteem and eventually depression.

I'll have the courage and boldness to apologize to my kids when I wrong them without fearing disrespect from them....this is what my mom and siblings NEVER do, infact they won't even keep quiet or bribe you with gifts sef like other families do, they'll rather twist it all till they find a way to absolve themselves of them and possibly even push it to your doorstep.

I went through hell in my family to the point that I decided to stay away from them and pray for their prosperity without my help. I pray they never need my presence to make it in life cos I honestly can't stand their disgusting behaviour.

Like yesterday my elder sister, a 38year old lady drank purewater, put the remaining in a cup and dropped it on the sofa. She does this most times but I always remove it for her without even telling her, till yesterday when some of the water from the pure water had spilled on the sofa makimg it wet, because the cup had turned sideways. I told her gently that the water she puts on the sofa has now made the chair wet, instead of her to accept her mistake and say oh thanks jarey, she rather went defensive by saying she puts it in a cup now and it's not supposed to pour out that way. I was just pissed off internally, cos was she even supposed to put purewater nylon in a cup and place it on a sofa in the first place?

I just logged off her matter cos i knew then that she was a waste of time and a lost course.

nams77:

My folks never visited once. I understand. My father did his best financially. I will visit my kids often in school

If they can afford to pay my school fees and rent, they should be able to visit frequently . Please do because it's important.

Adukey:


I hated this in my year one, my dad would just come unannounced, not that I go out of school o. I won't do that to my children, it made me feel like I was still a baby that needed monitoring every time.

Look at you, what if they insist you go to class from home? You will always be their baby, even when you finish school sef..

themodernman:


The one thing I'll avoid totally is the autocracy that comes with having to respect one's senior. I hate that thing to the core cos it only ends up destroying the self-esteem of an individual, especially the lastborn in most cases of whom I am unfortunately one-everybody transferred their aggression and vented their frustration on me but I had no one to let off steam to. So it all just built up till it turned into hatred, frustration, damaged self esteem and eventually depression.

I'll have the courage and boldness to apologize to my kids when I wrong them without fearing disrespect from them....this is what my mom and siblings NEVER do, infact they won't even keep quiet or bribe you with gifts sef like other families do, they'll rather twist it all till they find a way to absolve themselves of them and possibly even push it to your doorstep.

Too bad

Not one?

Not being able to say sorry, that word doesn't exist in my father's dictionary.

Mum: Thinking flogging solves everything

Dad: Taking out your being disappointed at some of your children's behaviour on your partner when you can actually talk to ur kids about it.

Mindfulness:


Too bad

Not one?

I'm now having issues with life generally cos I have become a social pariah due to my damaged mindset.

I try to pick up my pieces personally and still the idiots still won't let me be, they still won't leave me in piece, always eager to see my error so they point it out in order to make me "humble" so they can continue their seniority unhindered because I'm a doctor.

I use alcohol temporarily to ease my stress, but they're quick to condemn me to stupor without helping me solve the exact thing that makes me use alcohol- my stress and damaged esteem; cos they think the condemnation will make me shy away from drinking, it only got worse till I almost stabbed her one night when she wanted to try her nonsense "seniority" with me again. I cleared her doubt that night and was ready to kill her and kill myself too, I brought a knife and put it in my front while chewing my indomie. She mellowed that night and since then, she knew I'm a ticking timebomb that could blow anytime, hence better not toy with me....

jayjaymay:
hes a talkative, the type that wud disclose his family innermost issue with outsiders,,

Same problem I have with my dad always involving outsiders when he have any problem with my mum apart from that he is the best dad in the world, he have made sacrifices that are almost impossible for his children.
He doesn't mind going hungry just to satisfy our financial needs even though he doesn't have much

As for my mum
The kind flogging I received as a child is a testimony for another day and she can insult for Africa but that have reduced Sha
Apart from that she's the best mum, she have gone hungry several times for our sake

I love my parents cos the kind of love they have for us is out of this world

Telling lies on my kids (frame up), not close or communicate with my kids, destroying my kids self esteem, hate my kids, over flog my kids, forcefully put scissors on my daughters hair and many more. All these and many more were the wicked things my dad did to us. When I start raising kids of my own, I will never repeat the same mistakes on my kids because children don't ever forget.

Selfishness and pride

Mindfulness:


Too bad

Not one?

And their core focus on spiritualizing everything instead of focusing on the underlying issue causing a problem.

My issues at work now is obviously from my damaged self esteem, I'm a medical doctor so it even makes it easier to diagnose, my immediate elder brother rots away somewhere due to their same useless behaviour yet they continue to covertly "tag" both of us as having spiritual attacks or problem.

They've taken my brother to every manner of church, drank all manner of anointing oil, fasted all manner of fasting, prayed all manner of prayers for years and the idiots still believe it's a spiritual attack! I've counseled them uncountable times on the strong importance of seeing a Psychologist/Psychiatrist, but they wave my suggestion away with the wind as per lastborn wey I be, despite being a doctor. But a Prophet is not without honour except in his hometown.

Now they're trying to tag me with the same spiritual diagnosis but me I know sey I don get this issue teytey since when I small and na dem cause am, but they'll rather die than accept.

I just dey struggle to keep up and move on...I know I'll fix up my life successfully one day....

This thread has deep issues. Thanks OP

themodernman:


And their core focus on spiritualizing everything instead of focusing on the underlying issue causing a problem.

My issues at work now is obviously from my damaged self esteem, I'm a medical doctor so it even makes it easier to diagnose, my immediate elder brother rots away somewhere due to their same useless behaviour yet they continue to covertly "tag" both of us as having spiritual attacks or problem.

They've taken my brother to every manner of church, drank all manner of anointing oil, fasted all manner of fasting, prayed all manner of prayers for years and the idiots still believe it's a spiritual attack! I've counseled them uncountable times on the strong importance of seeing a Psychologist/Psychiatrist, but they wave my suggestion away with the wind as per lastborn wey I be, despite being a doctor. But a Prophet is not without honour except in his hometown.

Now they're trying to tag me with the same spiritual diagnosis but me I know sey I don get this issue teytey since when I small and na dem cause am, but they'll rather die than accept.

I just dey struggle to keep up and move on...I know I'll fix up my life successfully one day....

Amen.

The best you can do FOR YOURSELF is to not give them any attention, at least for a while. You now have the freedom and power to move toward nicer people. They are out there, I swear.

RiyadhGoddess:
Telling lies on my kids (frame up), not close or communicate with my kids, destroying my kids self esteem, hate my kids, over flog my kids, forcefully put scissors on my daughters hair and many more. All these and many more were the wicked things my dad did to us. When I start raising kids of my own, I will never repeat the same mistakes on my kids because children don't ever forget.

Amen.

They may forget what you said, they won't forget how you made them feel.

My mum especially..... she instilled fear in us because of her beating...i can never confide in her......i was scared of her as a child and sometimes, now. i remember wen i was small then,she was bathing me and was washing my private part(if my mum day baf u, e day b like say na iron sponge she day tk scrub ur body and DAT thing day vex me especially d kpekus)....out of annoyance i say e day pepper me.....my mum head twist....she quickly change am for me say person day touch am dats y e day pepper me....this woman beat me black and blue to tell am the person..... the beating was so much that i had to lie that its one boy that we usually play together.... under rain me and my mum match go the boy house.....i watched the dad beat the innocent boy......my mum went as far as going to my primary school then to tell my proprietress to make sure that boy stayed far from me.....and that was how we stopped talking..... i still day find the boy make i beg am....the length my mum usually go is always too far....hope God forgives me sha

i will never be stingy to my kids,i will never believe my opinion about issues is the best and things must be done my way,no never, i must also listen to my kids...

Not Allowing children follow their passion.

dingbang:
they said you should name a thing you won't emulate. That is to aay they asking you should list out the things you don't like about them

well from my reply it is logical enough to reason that i don't like a bit bout their parenting traits hence my not emulating anything .. so instead of writing an article on things i hate i'd rather just post in simple words



thanks for ya explanation anyways even though i clearly understood the topic

I will never emulate my dad. He divorced my mother when I was less than two years. His reason was that a babalawo told him that my mom is not going to be a good wife to him. His parents and the entire villagers told him that it is a taboo to abandon a princess who did not commit any divorceable offence but he did not listen. He married another wife who is extremely wicked and destroy his life and family. Now he is hypertensive and suffering. My mom and her family cursed him. I have told him to apologize to my mum but he is still forming strong man. Infact, my village people do call "heartless". So painful that when I get to village, people will be asking me that "are you the son of Anyebe akpasu(heartless)". Don't know how to reply them.....
God bless my mum....and brother Jacob

Being too rigid!
My Dad is the most difficult person i know.Things must only be done his way.This made me drift away from him.
I pray the lord give me the wisdom and strength to make friends out of my children.

themodernman:


And their core focus on spiritualizing everything instead of focusing on the underlying issue causing a problem.

My issues at work now is obviously from my damaged self esteem, I'm a medical doctor so it even makes it easier to diagnose, my immediate elder brother rots away somewhere due to their same useless behaviour yet they continue to covertly "tag" both of us as having spiritual attacks or problem.

They've taken my brother to every manner of church, drank all manner of anointing oil, fasted all manner of fasting, prayed all manner of prayers for years and the idiots still believe it's a spiritual attack! I've counseled them uncountable times on the strong importance of seeing a Psychologist/Psychiatrist, but they wave my suggestion away with the wind as per lastborn wey I be, despite being a doctor. But a Prophet is not without honour except in his hometown.

Now they're trying to tag me with the same spiritual diagnosis but me I know sey I don get this issue teytey since when I small and na dem cause am, but they'll rather die than accept.

I just dey struggle to keep up and move on...I know I'll fix up my life successfully one day....

Your story is quiet painful and i got similar experience, my advice, leave the house and stay away from them. If possible move to another city. Regularly send up keep money and try, I repeat try to forgive them. Forgiveness is a prerequisite for your full recovery and restoration.

You got a bright future ahead, leave that house. Help your elder brother, make sure both of you get psychological and psychiatric help and treatment for your battered self esteem and other issues.

Alcohol will ruin you, your reputation and career, please steer of alcohol or any other substance.
Be strong, wish you quick recovery, never be sucidal, walk away from the people and environment that brings you negative vibes.

Bianda24:
I will emulate the way my mum raised me up but my dad, nooooooooooooooooooo. Don't ask me....

Ayam with u.... MUM 100% DAD 20%

@themodernman

It is awful what you've been through and what you are going through.
I hope you won't be offended by my suggestion that you need to speak to someone?

Psychologist/psychiatrist as your rage is still very palpable and you haven't developed proper coping strategies when faced with the behaviour of your family members.

You are a medic and you know mental health is not about being mad,it encompasses so much more.. doctors never look after themselves.

My worry is escalation and provocation to.the point where you may do something really impulsive seeing as you have had to use a knife to threaten to harm your sibling and also yourself.

I understand that their behaviour is very aggravating but people like this will never change,so your self esteem will not improve and your rage will keep building.

Since you still have to deal with them for years,you will have to find a way to modify your response to them otherwise something disastrous is bound to happen.

Alcohol won't help,it will only dull your pain for a moment but the next day you will wake up with a hang over ontop of everything.


It would be wise to talk to a professional and even consider separating yourself from the source of your angst.

Best of luck.

.

My mothers EVIL Manipulative ways.

Mindfulness:


Amen.

They may forget what you said, they won't forget how you made them feel.

Exactly!