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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate (25405 Views)
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Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Blonchilli(m): 11:06pm On Jun 17, 2018 |
salt1:This is the worse. Blackmail the child to give out the little he or she is working for is so wrong. Your child do not owe you anything but you owe them because you brought them into the world. They can only show gratitude to you but not in the overly demanding manner naija parents use 5 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Phoenix3000: 11:12pm On Jun 17, 2018 |
Mofpearl:Make dem no sha go boarding school....if not dem go chop punishment from seniors tire |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 11:14pm On Jun 17, 2018 |
Thing is, we are products of our upbringing. I hope I will be a better parent to my kids than my parents are, especially my dad. It will take emotional maturity, patience and discipline rooted in love because children self, ishi kporo ha nku(there re very stubborn) sombori like me will go back to d system i was raised with.. flogging 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by camaraderi(m): 11:20pm On Jun 17, 2018 |
I will never send my kids to boarding school What are those things your parents did (or do) that you would never repeat to your children? [/quote] 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 11:29pm On Jun 17, 2018 |
stemmez: Psychosis is farfetched....Psychosis is a type of psychological issue and so is Neurosis. Psychosis is a psychological disorder that's associated with radical disconnection from reality.... (usually madness) While Neurosis is a (mild) psychological disorder involving symptoms of stress (depression, anxiety, obsessive behaviour, hypochondria)- but not a radical loss of touch with reality. From my rants, you can see my signs & symptoms are more in keeping with Neurosis i.e depression and anxiety, as I don't see, hear or feel things that aren't there (disconnect from reality) 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 11:40pm On Jun 17, 2018 |
obidaddy: I work far away from home where their grasp can't reach me most times as I prefer working I'm the North, but my personal ish always have a way of making me lose my jobs most times...even my last place of work in Katsina revealed the truth to me that I didn't commit any error of incompetence but I just need to organise myself more professionally and socially. My attitude borne of the issues I have with my personality is what makes me loose jobs, it has NEVER been my aptitude. It is what has even kept me in this country sef cos all the people that suppose to help me don't really like me anymore.... I have a way of making people get seriously bored almost to the point of depression, I have a way of making people doubt my capabilities, I have a way of making people not really find my company fun and not want to help me but avoid me even if I'm extremely good to them... All of these is built on the foundation of my extreme low self esteem and it has successfully done a great job in almost ruining my life.... I am NEVER going to forgive my siblings cos I know the extent they've gone to make my life miserable. I will get better and pay them back in their own coin. Even God will show no mercy on the last day despite being called the merciful God. So screw forgiveness.... 3 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nowenuse: 12:15am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman: Yes this is a very crazy way many parents raise their children. In a way where the senior has too much rights and the junior none. Well, to an extent I think it depends on you the junior one and how you compose yourself. I had an elder brother, though with 2 years gap, but I never let him dominate or control me. For what? I had a friend exactly my age with an elder sister also 2 years older than him and you can imagine that he could not call his elder sister by her first name, he must say Sister this, Sister that, all in the name of respect. He had to even greet her every morning. Such nonsense would never work for me! Although maybe cos my parents did not enforce it. Even if they did, I know how to demand respect my own way. If I was in your shoes. I would prepare myself to be very independent from an early age and as soon as I entered university, I would never go back to that mad house where I would be treated as a servant all in the name of seniority. Even if I go back, I would spend less than a week and I will never laugh or smile with any of my sibblings for any reason whatsoever. The only one who can boss me is the person that sponsors me. No other bloody person can in the name of seniority. I hate that concept. I have younger ones who I'm far older than, but I prefer them calling me by my first name and not adding Brother to my name. I do not let them do any chores for me. Even if I want to send them on errands, I do it in a very friendly manner and I always try to tip them and appreciate them for it. I hate people bossing other people's lives in the name of seniority. One idiot will just sit down and order his younger one like a servant to go and bring him a glass of water all because of how many years age difference? Africans must stop these crazy cultures. They are disgusting. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by enemyofprogress: 12:22am On Jun 18, 2018 |
middlebeltboy:I guess you emulated his grammar |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 12:33am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman: The overly spiritual part is something a lot of parents use to frustrate their kids. I can totally relate 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 12:34am On Jun 18, 2018 |
janejive:You're welcome. A lot of people don't really talk about it. 3 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by RexTramadol1: 12:36am On Jun 18, 2018 |
My mama no dey count her money So I dey tif am well well. Me I go Kala oh |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Rozaytee: 1:00am On Jun 18, 2018 |
Never abandoning my child 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by ZZ22: 1:33am On Jun 18, 2018 |
Comparison and anger - At fifteen my dad compared me to his nephew in his mid thirties that got married then and said we are age mates while i'm still in his house messing up. I tried to laugh but within 5mins he drew the map of Nigeria at my back with cane. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 5:12am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman:Oh, well, I wish u well.. Leave dem alrogether, itw easy to blame otgers fr our woes.. But leave d house, and forgive them.. Be a man of ursef. And stop d alcohol too, consider ur liver.. Also, devise bettr coping strategies.. One way is to make ursef knw that ppl have it worse and stl havnt broken down... I wish u well 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by kekilika: 5:23am On Jun 18, 2018 |
Thought only my dad was in bad state of child rearing but reading up other people's issues, it common with Nigerians. How do we the next parents break up from this cycle or trend? 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 6:42am On Jun 18, 2018 |
Nowenuse: Bro all you said at the bolded is exactly what I planned if you see my rants. That's why I told myself I'll rather read to death than have a resit or repeat during medical school days, cos i really wanted to make it to be totally independent of them. That's what made me a doctor at the age of 24. Unfortunately the mistake I made was not knowing my self esteem that was already battered was gonna be a huge problem as this to return to hunt me. You had to see the smirk on their faces when I started having issues. It's like they're sort of happy with the issues I'm having, cos it makes them feel good with themselves that they have an upper hand over me despite me being a doctor. They know I'll always return home when I've entered one trouble or the other due to my impaired persona. I and my immediate bro were the most intelligent in the family and both of us are the ones having issues. 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 6:51am On Jun 18, 2018 |
stemmez: You sound like them- my siblings I mean....the subtle judgemental tone in your words, even though you try so hard to deny it...."stop d alcohol too, consider your liver" "devise better coping strategies" you think I don't know these things already? But the issue is not WHAT to do here but HOW to do it.... Naija ppl can bombard you with WHAT to do but ask them HOW to do it, they'll just summarise everything lackadaisicallly by saying pray to God, as if one magic will happen that way.... "Be a man of yourself" you think I'm not trying to be that already? I've been in the hospital since 8am yesterday and will be leaving 8am this morning, a 24hr job I did as a doctor for a paltry 10k at Ibeju-Lekki. Will be off to another hospital at Ajah by 10am for another job interview I pray my personality won't let me lose but keep this time around, and all you can say is "Be a man of yourself" as if I'm busy gallivanting somewhere. This my dear sister is why I said you sound like my siblings....all talks, no practical solution.... Thanks for telling me what I already know tho.... 3 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by ImaIma1(f): 7:11am On Jun 18, 2018 |
Adukey: Exactly!! I was visited twice by my sisters in my whole 4yrs. And my older cousin who stayed close visited me once in a while. If it is secondary school, it is find but not uni. |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 7:11am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman:i didnt mean to b judgemental. But just try not to force blames on dem.. D fault myt actually b frm u..and , did u fi ish frm private uni or studied abroad? U kinda seem emmotionally soft and over pampared. I knw u wld say I am judging but.. Thats not it. D best way is to move out and if dey r stl feeding u or housing u, dem, just sulk it up and act like dey dont exist.... B assertive withhout feeling bad abt it else.. U wld damage ursef |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by ImaIma1(f): 7:17am On Jun 18, 2018 |
fuckerstard: If it is secondary school, you can visit often. But in the uni, they need to learn independence without mummy and daddy popping in every now and then. It would make them still depend on you guys like babies. I didn't get much visits...just calls and i was fine. I could pack my bags and go home any weekend to relax. I am the last child out of 6kids and i was quite independent. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by lopside12: 7:33am On Jun 18, 2018 |
I will teach them about sex, independence and responsibility from early days. I will sacrifice a lot for them and I will make them know that the sacrifices is because i chose to have them as children and not the other way round. Whatever I do for them shouldn't make them feel indebted to me. I will teach them about sympathy and empathy and don't fall for emotional blackmail |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by ImaIma1(f): 7:47am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman: Wow!!! I really hate that over respect thing and calling someone "aunty" or "sister" especially if it just a year or less than 5yrs...totally unnecessary and annoying. I am also the last child with 5 older ones but i am not from the "aunty" tribe. So i only call our first born who is about 17yrs older "sister". The others... by name. My advice...make friends. When you are out at work, etc, push yourself to talk with someone. Don't keep to yourself. Mix up and try to be with people that make you laugh a lot. For me, dressing well and paying a little extra attention to my appearance makes me feel confident. Minimize your words with your older ones. Don't talk much around them so that you don't get riled up. Be quiet and give them that "you know you are wrong look" when they try to pin things on you. Don't say a word. When you have the finances, move out. Don't tell them anything until when they see you packing. If it is possible to move when they are all out, good. Nobody has the right to control your life not even your parents. Consciously make friends and mingle with people who make you laugh And yes...pray..heart to heart talk with God. Not the default...generic prayer. Pour out your heart like you are talking to a caring father 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by oluwashedy: 7:53am On Jun 18, 2018 |
My mom's I'll gladly emulate. My dad? Naaaah.... The man is strict, stingy, assertive, drinks alot, miser and very insultive 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 7:58am On Jun 18, 2018 |
ImaIma1: This is are fantastic practical counsels you gave up here....I'll take them to heart.... Thanks a lot dear....more wisdom!!! |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Valdavies007: 7:59am On Jun 18, 2018 |
Crowded home especially with my relatives or my wife relatives 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 8:07am On Jun 18, 2018 |
stemmez: My dear keep just keep quiet, you have no clue about what you're saying. I told you I was bullied at every turn by my elder siblings you're here saying perhaps I am soft and was over pampered, by who? You? I'm infact tempted to say you're just saying nonsense. A judgemental person can never know they are cos they see life through their jaundiced and myopic POV. I know you're trying to play the "blame yourself for everything that happens to you" card but that's part of the non-practical theoretical aspects of life I'm talking about. You still seem to be under your 30s so you prolly haven't understood life properly... Later you'll know that oppression from people is real not because you're soft and you need a great deal of help instead of insulting people saying they're soft and other things you know absolutely nothing about. As I said you take exactly the same skewed mentality of my irritating siblings I'm talking about. I'll prefer you stop quoting me in order not to get me riled up, cos to be honest with you, your responses are full of nonsense. Don't play that "truth is bitter" card either cos I know you can be myopic enough to do that. Infact just keep shut....thanks.... 5 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 8:37am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman: Just let it rest, bro. Holding on to certain things causes more hurt than good. Just let go. It's what any reasonable psychiatrist will tell you. Forgive them for whatever their sins were and move on. You don't even have to be friendly with them. Just live and let go. However hard it may be, you must teach yourself to do just that. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Graxie(f): 8:51am On Jun 18, 2018 |
@themordernman, my dear, it is well. Please try and make out time to look for an entertaining friend. Someone that can gist very well and make fun of you. At first, you might be rigid but keep going to that friend. With time, you will learn how to cope with difficult people. I am speaking from experience. Please leave that house!!! You have what most people are wishing to have. Please, I know a doctor that his mom and sisters frustrated till he became mad. Lost his senses and ended up missing. His step brother is still searching for him till today. But his sisters and mom have moved on. He was a consultant in gwagwalada specialist Abuja, from Benue state. Use to be a deeper life member but depression led him into alcohol. Please bro, leave that house. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by IhateRetards: 9:09am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman:Guy I feel your pain.....If they have not stop just do whats good for you and forget them.....Its not easy to stop being addicted to what one uses.... They think you can just turn it of lyk an ON and OFF switch not knwing that there was a cause for the addiction in the first place....Since you knw the cause I believe u have ur own plan on how to tackle it....Just wish you luck on ur journey to recovery 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by selfwife(f): 9:22am On Jun 18, 2018 |
they both abandoned me. I will never do that to my child. |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 9:48am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman:Take it to the bank. U will never get better with this mindset. Ur mind is screwed up with bitterness and u just want to grasps on what was done to u to continue on Ur self destructive journey. Maybe nobody have ever told u this but I don't pity people like u. Ur mind is so dark and u love misery. One of the best healing tool psychologists will tell u is forgiveness. It does magic to the soul as the soul is the touch bearer of the body. U live in illusion and will soon self destruct. U are not the only way family wrecked their lives. There are people who went through hell and back again but started healing immediately they started letting go. U pay back Ur enemy with good deeds. That's the golden rule to happiness and success. Bitterness rot's Ur system away. Hope u will not destroy somebody's future in the name of marriage tomorrow cos u can never make a good husband with this wicked mindset. Good luck in Ur self pity. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 9:58am On Jun 18, 2018 |
sassysure:So their wickedness should be forgiven despite beimg a good and humble person to them right? They should get away with eroding my self-esteem, no thanks to their disgustingly bossy attitude right? You kuku said you don't pity people like me simply because I decide to pay back my enemies in their own coin....so screw you too! How many people have you honestly forgiven in your hypocritical and deluded life? Empty barrel. 1 Like 1 Share |
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