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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate (25467 Views)
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Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Dalyjay(m): 10:02am On Jun 18, 2018 |
my dad can't be explain, hot today cold tomorrow..... and he get angry easily... I can't just explain his behavior. but he is kind and responsible |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 10:04am On Jun 18, 2018 |
IhateRetards: Thanks brov, they're a lot of understanding peeps on this forum as there are total retards.... Funny life....I've stayed sober for 5days now and I hope to move on from there daily....so help me God.... It's real hard cos the relief alcohol gives is incredible but it's always temporary and bites back hard afterwards to ruin the individual totally. Knowing this is not enough but knowing HOW to apply this knowledge is what is actually called WISDOM |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 10:12am On Jun 18, 2018 |
Earthbound: This exactly is what I mean by not forgiving them....the letting go aspect is what I'm tryna do, it's not as if I'm gonna be planning how to hurt them or something, but we'll simply NEVER be a family again once I've repaired my battered esteem. There are family you're born into and there are those you choose.... 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by chayoma01: 10:21am On Jun 18, 2018 |
Dad wasn't around much... so no connection there but Mum feels she's always right even when she isn't, doesn't listen and quick to judge....she can nag for Africa. I will give my kids a chance to grow into strong adults...be accessible and their best friend, correct with love and try to understand their point of view. 3 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 10:32am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman: I passed through worst situation by family member than u and I'm a lady. So terrible. Did it break me, yes. Did I want to end it all,yes but one day I decided to purge myself of all bitterness and move on. I forgave the person cos sometimes people that wrongs don't know better. Was had showing love at first but I killed the person with love and generosity yet kept the person at arm's length even though I habour no grudge. At first, it's easier to cloud oneself with self pity. Nobody cares. Self pity is an attention seeking agent. Not different from what toto dike is doing out there. Selfishness breeds self pity. It eats ONLY u away. The world will be better of losing one person that thinks the world revolves around him. Ur write up wreck of righteous mentality not low self esteem,man. We should clap for u that u will soon embark on a revenge mission. Go and read about the life of some prominent people that made it after passing through toture. The toture became an avenue for them to shine and not go on revenge. I'm not surprised u are not doing fine. U will never do with this mindset. So warped. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Chimourinho(m): 11:37am On Jun 18, 2018 |
I will not shove any religious indoctrination down their throats. Raise them in a modest Christian lifestyle but overzealousness, and religious bigotry is a no no no 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by ImaIma1(f): 11:52am On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman: I also agree with other people's views about forgiveness. I don't think you can move forward genuinely while holding on to people. You cannot sentence people to life imprisonment, 5yrs, 10yrs in your heart and be ok. The annoying thing about unforgiveness is that it affects the party that holds the grudge more. You see your siblings living their lives happy and oblivious of your hatred for them and it will pain you the more. They offended you but you are the one carrying the load for them. It is better you use them to learn forgiveness now because marriage has a way of bringing out the best and worst in people. So that you will not be keeping malice with your wife every now and then. All the best. You guys will laugh over it soon. 3 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by tendy08(f): 11:53am On Jun 18, 2018 |
sassysure:Let me chip in here sassy sure I understand the point you're trying to drive home but I'd say this approach isn't the best to use on someone in his position. We preach forgiveness so easily, but in reality, it's difficult to do, especially in a case like his. It's easy to let go and purge when there's remorse from the abusers, but this is clearly not so with him. His folks do not acknowledge they abused him and his feelings too are not validated. It's as if he's just out to make trouble while they go around, acting like nothing happened. I've been there...the pain is indescribable. People who should be your allies, turn around and gang up against you because they are older. Making you feel like you're insane for saying they wronged you. Whatever wrong done to you is turned on its head is dumped on you. What am I trying to say- while I agree it's best to forgive and let go, I also understand why he seems stuck where he is at the time and the struggles he's faced with. Seeking revenge is what makes him human, not because he's evil. It's totally normal to see people who hurt you being paid back in their own coin. Don't berate him for that. He can only step out of this situation better when he finds the love and support he craves for. Judging and slamming him for being human isn't the way to go. The pain of betrayal by loved ones runs deep. All he needs is encouragement, love, support from people who won't judge him further but just for once; listen to the pains that lie in his heart. Op, if you're reading this, i'd recommend therapy. You need to work through the stages of abuse you've gone through. You need to understand why they happened, possible see if in any way, you played a role in enabling it. You need to unburden and release the pent up pain. Only then will your healing start. I'm sure once you start to feel better, the thought of revenge will ebb gradually. Stay strong and may light find its way to you 4 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by ImaIma1(f): 11:57am On Jun 18, 2018 |
I want my children to be free to speak up...not being timid and shy. I won't shut them down or overreact when they try to tell me something. So that i keep communication open. I won't make beating a norm. I will give them a chance to defend their actions and tell me why they shouldn't be punished. I won't act like i know it all. Let them know i can learn from them. Allow them be what they want to be. Doesn't have to be doctor, lawyer,etc. 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by sandrahnaub(f): 12:30pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
Being judgemental |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by TeejayMaya(m): 1:15pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
Lwkmd can't just stop laughing since lol BlissB: 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Dfavouredone: 1:25pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
tendy08: You're a wise person. Your sense complete. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Dfavouredone: 1:59pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
Some times also our parents are themselves a product of improper upbringing and have their own emotional and situational battles. We should sometimes bear with them and try to understand their short coming. My parents try I nor go lie. May dad was a taxi driver and was a jolly good fellow. He will always buy suya when coming back home from work by around 11pm. Then if you sleep before papa come back from work, na your luck be that, u don miss suya. The rule among we siblings is no waking of anybody wey sleep . Sometimes my mum go forget go wake person, we go vex for her. It was fun. That was around 1992. But i lost my easy going dad in 1995 to road accident. My mum became the bread winner of our home taking care of me and my six siblings. Na wetin my papa brothers do, i nor go ever do for my life. Dem come carry all my papa property and abandoned us the children for my mum. But God love us and my mum na strong woman with love for God. She hustle take care of us go school. Growing up with no father figure, i wan be lose guard dey join area boys. My mother begin cry, wake me for night dey advise me. I come call myself to advise say why i dey lose guard like this, this woman want my good and i better behave. From then on I change my ways, my mum was very happy and proud. I come serious for church become teens president, dem pass my exam without problem and gain admission. My mum treat me like egg. She go rather make mosquitoes come bite her than make the mosquitoes bite me. Pet me like small pikin. I love her to pieces. People dey call me her husband because I be the first son as well. When i came back from NYSC after graduation, she wan come carry bucket of water go bathroom for me to take bath. I just rush am say, momsy stop stop, i can do that myself na. She wan kill me with love and petting. But she is no longer with us on earth as she went to be with the Lord in 2016. But the training and education she had given me is sustaining me and only God know why he calls her and I still blessed God for everything. She is my idol and role model. I will pamper my children the way my mum pamper me while still instilling crucial life lessons in them like hard work and discipline. 23 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 2:33pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
ImaIma1: My dear, you can decide not to forgive a person by ignoring them and not being bitter about it. You can't tell me you laugh or jist with everyone on earth. There are people you don't enjoy their company for reasons best know to you, does that mean you're bitter with them? Do you wanna tell me you can be friends with everyone? Some may not even wrong you, yet you don't like them. Does that mean you're bitter with them? That's d logic I'm gonna use.... |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 2:37pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
sassysure: Oh my writeup reeks of self-righteousness again? No longer low self esteem? So if one prefers doing good and gets angry for being paid back with bad, it becomes self-righteousness right? My dear you're not only confused, you're lost. Fools like you will be taken advantage of by a man who beats the hell out of them cos you'll "kill" them with love I pity your foolishness, you're ignorantly weak dear.... There are fools who kill their enemies with love, and there are those who destroy them by treating them like they don't exist no matter the attention they try to get... I'll go with the latter.... |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by JoannaSedley(f): 2:51pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
tendy08:Chai, sense wee not kee you sir. Too much sense in a person. Twale baba.. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by edicied: 3:39pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
Dr. Robert Chase: You know how I got interested in medicine? When my mother drank, she couldn't handle me, so she locked me in my father's study. Only so many hours you can cry and bang the door before you give up and try and find something to read. We all have family disfunction. That's why we're so successful- to fill the hole. Dr. Gregory House: Your parents screwed you up by not screwing you up. Dr. Jessica Adams: How does briefly wishing I was screwed up make me screwed up? Dr. Gregory House: It's normal to be screwed up. It's really screwed up to romanticize it. Guess that's why you wanted to work with prisoners. Dr. Jessica Adams: It's why I wanted to work with you. Dr. Gregory House: Makes sense. Park's tiger mom and dad were so insufferable, she used to measure their affection in hours. Chase's careerist dad, and alcholoic mom were so indifferent, he's visibly awash. Your turn, what did you screwed up parents do to screw up your view of parenting? Dr. Jessica Adams: They were good parents. Dr. Gregory House: That's an oxymoron. Dr. Chris Taub: I didn't tell him. Dr. Gregory House: Your heart said he needed to know. Your brain knew he's better off without it. Following your heart is easy. Following your brain is tough. Especially after years of following that much smaller organ. That's why all parents screw up all children. Dr. James Wilson: Your biological father was a decent God-fearing minister. The man who raised you was a cold-hearted jerk. I'm trying to figure out why you're so convinced Adam has parentally inflicted damage. Dr. Gregory House: You're trying to deflect. Dr. James Wilson: No, you are. You have to believe that every parent screws up every child or you were screwed out of a decent childhood. Dr. Gregory House: My decent daddy of the cloth was also being indecent with my married mom. He probably would've taken all her kids to the playground. Dr. Chi Park: Do you only like tests that involve the risk of death. Dr. Gregory House: There are some slower less conclusive test, but why take that risk? Dr. Eric Foreman: My job is to be the jerk. House has to believe I have authority over him. Dr. James Wilson: He can't function under someone's thumb. Dr. Eric Foreman: I know which means you can't go either. [Wilson sits down] Dr. Eric Foreman: Your job is to be his friend -to stay here and watch the fight on pay-per-view while bitching about me. If we both do our jobs, we might actually get him through his parole. Dr. Chris Taub: You're 16, plenty of time to make money. Wanting to build a connection with your dad -pass on some of the joy he gave you. That's not stupid at all. |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 4:53pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
themodernman:Revenge seeker, come and tell us when u must have executed ur revenge. Hope it gladdens your poor and weak heart. I pity the hospital that employs a sore loser like u. In the next 5 yrs ur hand will sure shake while holding surgical blade or needle. Wish ur license can be revoked too cos u are not worthy of being called a medical dr. Nigeria don't evaluate people b4 employing them psychologically else I bet u, u will never get employed anywhere cos u are a danger to patients. I have entertained u enough. In one yr time, u can resurrect this post and tag, that's when I will respond to a wandering soul like u. |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by themodernman: 6:29pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
sassysure: Ode of a troller, better go look for another person to troll... Just yapping revenge upadan like a demented clown.... Daft idiot 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Dfavouredone: 8:29pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
You both just want to kill the flow in this thread. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Adukey(f): 9:40pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
Dfavouredone: What a touching story, may their souls continue to rest in peace. It's 'pamper 'though, not 'pauper'. 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 10:17pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 10:28pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
Dfavouredone: May they look upon you from Heaven and may your joy be their joy. Amen. |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Dfavouredone: 3:25am On Jun 19, 2018 |
Adukey: Amen. Thanks for the correction. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Dfavouredone: 3:25am On Jun 19, 2018 |
Mindfulness: Amen. 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Daeylar(f): 9:12am On Jun 19, 2018 |
Mofpearl: I love this 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Daeylar(f): 9:13am On Jun 19, 2018 |
RuthlessLeader: True, very annoying traits. |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Daeylar(f): 9:24am On Jun 19, 2018 |
themodernman: Throw your parents and family members who treat you like trash away, Forget that family is everything nonsense and that nonsense of you must forgive family. You come first, self love is most important, anyone that tries to make you feel that you are less than must be thrown away, even if the person is family Keep only those who treat you good around you, themodernman: Exactly, you even got the point of what I was going to advice you about. Just ignore them and move on with your life. Too many people on this earth abeg, and true. You mustn't speak to everyone. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Kay512: 5:26pm On Jun 19, 2018 |
ImaIma1: Thank you for this. The part I emboldened is raw gold! I won't forget it. I think it will indirectly teach them the ability to stand for themselves anywhere. I don't remember much about my upbringing, but I grew up shy and timid. I didn't learn the necessary social skills and it really affected my self-esteem. I'm developing myself now tho, but it's a hard adventure. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by ImaIma1(f): 6:09pm On Jun 19, 2018 |
Kay512: It will be a good way to bring them up. I remember my dad flogging my sis and I after we came back by 10pm from a church beach outing. We were supposed to leave early but the bus driver we took ditched us. The pastor had to rally round to get a bus. It was a tough night. But my dad didn't wait to hear any explanation. After beating us, he asked us why we were late but we refused to answer cos it was of no use. The next day his brother came and said his daughter(my cousin) was at the same beach and had similar problems and got back by midnight but she explained what happened to him and he didn't beat her. My dad felt so ashamed that he had to try to appease us. Parents are not always right. We should try to listen before inflicting punishment. It could help build the child's self esteem. 2 Likes |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by Nobody: 7:57pm On Jun 19, 2018 |
ImaIma1:I'm pretty sure he didn't say I'm sorry to you guys. As a parent, I will ensure my kids hear it from me often. Saying sorry no be by age. It reinforces love in the family but our Naija parents are too proud to actually say it. 1 Like |
Re: Name A Parenting Trait From Your Parents You Would Never Emulate by ImaIma1(f): 9:34pm On Jun 19, 2018 |
Earthbound: I don't think he did. Fathers find it harder to say sorry when they even find it difficult to say it to their wives. |
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