Help: My Wife is So Careless with Our Kid….!!!

Her attitude is seriously driving me crazy!
She seems to have totally different ways of treating a child from mine!
I'm not the type that can stand my kid cry and cry for long without comforting her (by the way our daughter is just 17months)! I always try to comfort her in some way whereas my wife will just ignore her and let her cry her eyes out.
Our kid can playfully wander away from my wife’s presence and my wife wouldn’t even notice until either the baby would make a sound from a distance or cry in pain from falling off or something falling on her. Then rather than rush to her rescue, sometimes my wife would remain on her seat and yell at the little girl to walk back to her. The day I was at home and witnessed this particular attitude, I almost tore my wife apart but for the intervention of my younger sister who came visiting that weekend.
We had a house assistant who was helping with the house chores and taking care of the kid (and the poor girl was doing pretty well) but my wife kept complaining about everything plus beating until the girl reported to her siblings who ordered her back to the village. Now with no house assistant, I have become the babysitter.
I feel ashamed to say that my wife doesn't deserve to have kids if she's going to ‘care’ for them like this.
I've tried talking to her but she always gets upset, walks out on me and complains or reports to everyone who cares to listen. And nothing changes!

sorry bro, you will keep talking to her or u can report her to her mum

I'm in a good mood so it's free advice time .

Look op, there is wat everybody fears or respects,
Find it and use it to modify your wife behavior.

For instance, if she keeps treating your baby like that, rather than talk to her, just keep quiet, wait a few minutes call her attention,
You know she won't respond, just walk up to her slowly take her phone, yes the one she is always using rather than take care of her child, and put the phone in a cup of water, take the child and take care of her.

Should your wife complaint, allow her to talk finish, don't interrupt, just stare at her softly and quietly tell her, that the next time she makes you angry enough, her clothes will burn( remember quietly say this) never shout, then walk away.

I can assure you she will change,

Women respond yo actions not words,
From now, dont shout on her, she will keep watching because she won't know how bad you will hurt her if you are angry,

Why hit a woman when you can control her, with less than 1/2 the effort, and it case she misbehaves, tell her the clothes will burn, then walk away wait a week then make a nice pile of her clothes and shoes, put enough kerosene and wait for her before burning tell her that " since she can't hear, you wanted to burn just the clothes but your burning the shoes in advance for her next crime.

Nigerian-styled parenting AKA we'll figure it out and learn on the job once the babies start coming... this is the problem you're facing now.

Before you both decided to start having kids, did you actually sit down to talk about and reach an agreement on the style of parenting you both would like to adopt, or was it just too much to bother about?

Talk to your wife man.

Dami12345:
I'm in a good mood so it's free advice time .

Look op, there is wat everybody fears or respects,
Find it and use it to modify your wife behavior.

For instance, if she keeps treating your baby like that, rather than talk to her, just keep quiet, wait a few minutes call her attention,
You know she won't respond, just walk up to her slowly take her phone, yes the one she is always using rather than take care of her child, and put the phone in a cup of water, take the child and take care of her.

Should your wife complaint, allow her to talk finish, don't interrupt, just stare at her softly and quietly tell her, that the next time she makes you angry enough, her clothes will burn( remember quietly say this) never shout, then walk away.

I can assure you she will change,

Women respond yo actions not words,
From now, dont shout on her, she will keep watching because she won't know how bad you will hurt her if you are angry,

Why hit a woman when you can control her, with less than 1/2 the effort, and it case she misbehaves, tell her the clothes will burn, then walk away wait a week then make a nice pile of her clothes and shoes, put enough kerosene and wait for her before burning tell her that " since she can't hear, you wanted to burn just the clothes but your burning the shoes in advance for her next crime.

Fire brigade

crackhaus:

Fire brigade

Lol, the Lady obviously doesn't fear or respect the man, if it's not curbed soon she may sleep around or bring shame to him.

Besides it's his house, he should put down ground rules, if she doesn't want the maid she should work, tell this to her,and tell her that you will look for a pretty maid, quietly say this, and then tell her that the maid will be her replacement eventually if she allows it.

All this in a quiet voice, and watch your wife kiss, hug, bribe and beg just to have her way.

Dami12345:
I'm in a good mood so it's free advice time .

Look op, there is wat everybody fears or respects,
Find it and use it to modify your wife behavior.

For instance, if she keeps treating your baby like that, rather than talk to her, just keep quiet, wait a few minutes call her attention,
You know she won't respond, just walk up to her slowly take her phone, yes the one she is always using rather than take care of her child, and put the phone in a cup of water, take the child and take care of her.

Should your wife complaint, allow her to talk finish, don't interrupt, just stare at her softly and quietly tell her, that the next time she makes you angry enough, her clothes will burn( remember quietly say this) never shout, then walk away.

I can assure you she will change,

Women respond yo actions not words,
From now, dont shout on her, she will keep watching because she won't know how bad you will hurt her if you are angry,

Why hit a woman when you can control her, with less than 1/2 the effort, and it case she misbehaves, tell her the clothes will burn, then walk away wait a week then make a nice pile of her clothes and shoes, put enough kerosene and wait for her before burning tell her that " since she can't hear, you wanted to burn just the clothes but your burning the shoes in advance for her next crime.

she will pour fuel on him and light him up..

Biko Bros, I wonder if you knew your woman in and out before marrying her

dingbang:
she will pour fuel on him and light him up..

Lol, she won't, she will be more frightened that she has gone too far,
She'll probably asks questions like what has come over him, cry, shout and be dragging his cloth, in this situations, subdue her, and ask her a question, like" will you behave yourself" then apply pressure then more, till she agrees, she's lying the minute you let her go she will continue, so subdue her and do the pressure thing, but more pressure Even when she begs, and cries, tell her how can you believe her when she lies, then more pressure till you feel her in so much pain and she KNOWS there is nothing she can do and all POWER is in your hands, then let her go, ask her again, "will you behave" she won't answer then say " I think I didn't hurt you enough , let me start and be serious" you will see how she will quickly say she will behave..avoid her for a few hours then go and sit near her, tell her you love her and don't want to hurt her, cuddle her, talk to her how she made you angry, how your plan was to surprise her today and buy her stuff but how she changed all that, and viola, she's happy and more amendable.

crackhaus:
Nigerian-styled parenting AKA we'll figure it out and learn on the job once the babies start coming... this is the problem you're facing now.

Before you both decided to start having kids, did you actually sit down to talk about and reach an agreement on the style of parenting you both would like to adopt, or was that just too much to bother about?

Talk to your wife man.

This is not even about different parenting styles.....

It is more about the wife's neglect.

Buy her a gift of what she likes or have always wanted and in the middle of the night when both of you are alone in the bed enjoying the quiet of the night and the soothing breeze that send chills to the bone give her the gift.

Girls /women tends to listen perfectly when they are not thinking about their social networking life or gossiping with a fellow neighbor or friend.

Calmly speak to her about the way you feel of the treatment she gives your daughter while romancing her hair and how you want her to amend.

If this shit above doesn't work then let me know.

Ur wife may v bn brot up ds way.If she had stayed maybe 5 years b4 she heard d cry of a baby or had a high risk pregnancy she would v known better. Anytym u r around pls make baby ur major concern, u can't force one to be respnsbl 4 smtn. pray no accident happens 2 d child b 4 d mother learns.

Your wife's attitude needs to be corrected for the sake of that child.

It is ok not to carry your baby everytime she cries but not to overdo it when the cry is getting too much.

My neighbour made that mistake. She would let her baby cry and cry and the girl could cry for an hour non stop until she falls asleep. Now the girl is going to 2yrs and crying is still her form of communication. She cries so much...she can cry an ocean.

I don't allow my baby cry too much except it is when i am in the bathroom and alone in the house. And when she wants to start crying plenty, i tell herto stop it. She is just 8months but i don't want to have a cry cry child. Once she can talk, she must talk rather than cry.

Please report her to her mum. And i kind of like the advice from Dami12345 though not that mean. Didn't she give birth to the child? She has to buckle up

bukatyne:


This is not even about different parenting styles.....

It is more about the wife's neglect.

Are we not saying typing the same thing?

Neglecting to pay heed to the cries of her daughter is the only way she knows how to train her not to be a cry cry baby. In her mind, when the pikin don cry taya she go stop.

That's her own style of parenting...
In fact this is a common style adopted by a lot of Naija moms, let's not even pretend it isn't.

JustAsking247:
Help: My Wife is So Careless with Our Kid….!!!

Her attitude is seriously driving me crazy!
She seems to have totally different ways of treating a child from mine!
I'm not the type that can stand my kid cry and cry for long without comforting her (by the way our daughter is just 17months)! I always try to comfort her in some way whereas my wife will just ignore her and let her cry her eyes out.
Our kid can playfully wander away from my wife’s presence and my wife wouldn’t even notice until either the baby would make a sound from a distance or cry in pain from falling off or something falling on her. Then rather than rush to her rescue, sometimes my wife would remain on her seat and yell at the little girl to walk back to her. The day I was at home and witnessed this particular attitude, I almost tore my wife apart but for the intervention of my younger sister who came visiting that weekend.
We had a house assistant who was helping with the house chores and taking care of the kid (and the poor girl was doing pretty well) but my wife kept complaining about everything plus beating until the girl reported to her siblings who ordered her back to the village. Now with no house assistant, I have become the babysitter.
I feel ashamed to say that my wife doesn't deserve to have kids if she's going to ‘care’ for them like this.
I've tried talking to her but she always gets upset, walks out on me and complains or reports to everyone who cares to listen. And nothing changes!

Whatsoever happens to hiring a nanny..

Learn from D'banj's wife.

I don’t always carry my baby every time she cries too. Neither do I run after her every time she wanders away. There’s also no need to rush to her rescue when she falls down. Unless she’s about to fall. But if she’s already down, it’s okay to call her to come to you as long as you can see the kid is alive and still breathing. Come on, they are not made of glass.

It’s not helpful in raising kids well. Plus it’s very very very very exhausting. Get the idea? At 17 months your baby’s senses are on full blast. Unless asleep or distracted by something, it is almost physically impossible for a kid to stay at a place for 20 minutes straight until around age 4.
You’re probably complaining because you’re tired of running after her (or him) and you want the mom to do it. That’s how you should know it’s not easy.


Having found balance in her steps now, the baby will EXPLORE. . They want to see and touch everything. It’s not possible to rein them in without dropping everything else you want to achieve for that day. It may not seem like a lot of work but it is if you’re still expected to do other things in the home. So maybe look at it from her POV.


Your first priority now should be to baby proof your home. Remove harmful liquids, powders and small objects and lock up them up in cabinets with child proof locks. Seal up the unused electrical outlets that are within the baby’s reach. Use baby gate (it’s a short plastic gate that can extend) to seal of the areas you don’t want him/her walking into. I used it to stop my baby from going up and down the stairs and used it to cordon off the section where the TVs and stuff like that are.
We had to remove all of our moveable furniture especially the glass center and side tables. Your house won’t look pretty but it’s worth saving yourself a trip to the emergency room.

After doing that, your baby can walk in the home wherever she wants and your wife will have time to do other stuff.

Many of life’s stresses can be avoided. Avoid this one

are u not a man u know wat to do dont let ur wife turn u to slave

Fahrenhite:
Buy her a gift of what she likes or have always wanted and in the middle of the night when both of you are alone in the bed enjoying the quiet of the night and the soothing breeze that send chills to the bone give her the gift.

Girls /women tends to listen perfectly when they are not thinking about their social networking life or gossiping with a fellow neighbor or friend.

Calmly speak to her about the way you feel of the treatment she gives your daughter while romancing her hair and how you want her to amend.

If this shit above doesn't work then let me know.

He should bribe her with a gift to make her emotional to the child she birthed?
Trust me dude, your comment ain't meh!

UyaiIncomparabl:


He should bribe her with a gift to make her emotional to the child she birthed?
Trust me dude, your comment ain't meh!

i just tired for a baby she born he should beg her i hate to beat woman but if dis man beat d wife who can blame him cos if anytin happun to dat baby his to blame.

cococandy:
I don’t always carry my baby every time she cries too. Neither do I run after her every time she wanders away. There’s also no need to rush to her rescue when she falls down. Unless she’s about to fall. But if she’s already down, it’s okay to call her to come to you as long as you can see the kid is alive and still breathing. Come on, they are not made of glass.

It’s not helpful in raising kids well. Plus it’s very very very very exhausting. Get the idea? At 17 months your baby’s senses are on full blast. Unless asleep or distracted by something, it is almost physically impossible for a kid to stay at a place for 20 minutes straight until around age 4.
You’re probably complaining because you’re tired of running after her (or him) and you want the mom to do it. That’s how you should know it’s not easy.


Having found balance in her steps now, the baby will EXPLORE. . They want to see and touch everything. It’s not possible to rein them in without dropping everything else you want to achieve for that day. It may not seem like a lot of work but it is if you’re still expected to do other things in the home. So maybe look at it from her POV.


Your first priority now should be to baby proof your home. Remove harmful liquids, powders and small objects and lock up them up in cabinets with child proof locks. Seal up the unused electrical outlets that are within the baby’s reach. Use baby gate (it’s a short plastic gate that can extend) to seal of the areas you don’t want him/her walking into. I used it to stop my baby from going up and down the stairs and used it to cordon off the section where the TVs and stuff like that are.
We had to remove all of our moveable furniture especially the glass center and side tables. Your house won’t look pretty but it’s worth saving yourself a trip to the emergency room.

After doing that, your baby can walk in the home wherever she wants and your wife will have time to do other stuff.

Many of life’s stresses can be avoided. Avoid this one

just shut up hippocrate dont let me get mad at u is it not a stupid mother dat born and yet refuse to take care of d baby u neva see were d guy type d housegirl d wife alwz beat her is it right coco. d guy is worried about his baby u are sayin rubbish wat if she swallow tin dat poison her or cause sickness d man shd live his work and be clearing house abi why madam carry leg up to watch tv.

jaksmillioniar:
i just tired for a baby she born he should beg her i hate to beat woman but if dis man beat d wife who can blame him cos if anytin happun to dat baby his to blame.

It's just a great pity that I had to read this story. Regretfully, I cannot unread the words.

She is totally unemotional. Yes. Very careless and unemotional. No matter my mood aversion, I can never careless about children, not even someone else's. I pray she changes.

JustAsking247:
Help: My Wife is So Careless with Our Kid….!!!

Her attitude is seriously driving me crazy!
She seems to have totally different ways of treating a child from mine!
I'm not the type that can stand my kid cry and cry for long without comforting her (by the way our daughter is just 17months)! I always try to comfort her in some way whereas my wife will just ignore her and let her cry her eyes out.
Our kid can playfully wander away from my wife’s presence and my wife wouldn’t even notice until either the baby would make a sound from a distance or cry in pain from falling off or something falling on her. Then rather than rush to her rescue, sometimes my wife would remain on her seat and yell at the little girl to walk back to her. The day I was at home and witnessed this particular attitude, I almost tore my wife apart but for the intervention of my younger sister who came visiting that weekend.
We had a house assistant who was helping with the house chores and taking care of the kid (and the poor girl was doing pretty well) but my wife kept complaining about everything plus beating until the girl reported to her siblings who ordered her back to the village. Now with no house assistant, I have become the babysitter.
I feel ashamed to say that my wife doesn't deserve to have kids if she's going to ‘care’ for them like this.
I've tried talking to her but she always gets upset, walks out on me and complains or reports to everyone who cares to listen. And nothing changes!

guy guy. did u love ur baby did u know ur baby can swallow bad thing cos of ur wife lazy way. if ur girl grow up we knows bad things are happning were dey molest a child. is seem ur wife wont boda to check ur children body. am sorry if it look like am harsh but am so angry God know i will slap sence into her for a child she born yet she dosnt care.ur wife is now beating housegirl am sorry ur wife is not lazy but she want to. give her a serious warning and den if she neva behave use slap reset her brain.again is not bad if u take care of ur own baby is a good thing it show u are a good father God bless u. but for the sake of ur baby act like a man and she will get sence dis is wat i complain about in my blog ahnie dangotesmummy oyindidi ifyalways livingfree Nofavors joy1706 benita27

UyaiIncomparabl:


It's just a great pity that I had to read this story. Regretfully, I cannot unread the words.

She is totally unemotional. Yes. Very careless and unemotional. No matter my mood aversion, I can never careless about children, not even someone else's. I pray she changes.

its painful she got a good hubby dat care d guy is even worried some men wont care. i wish am dat good and didnt have hot tempar. i pray she change

Learn to type legibly

I can’t tell if you’re having a seizure or not. What’s this?

jaksmillioniar:
just shut up hippocrate dont let me get mad at u is it not a stupid mother dat born and yet refuse to take care of d baby u neva see were d guy type d housegirl d wife alwz beat her is it right coco. d guy is worried about his baby u are sayin rubbish wat if she swallow tin dat poison her or cause sickness d man shd live his work and be clearing house abi why madam carry leg up to watch tv.

If she is unemotional to her own child she will maim and kill you if you try to physically correct her or burn her stuff as someone suggested. You are there to strike a balance. If she is not caring you can take the lead.
Or maybe you married an underage age girl who is practically a baby herself, who probably is seeing the poor child as her sibling that can be taken care of by someone else.
Same way wife supplement their husband's income is the same way this issue should be handled. Supplement with your own affection.
Some of us grew up in homes where showing of affections is seen as a sign of weakness. It may not be that she does not care rather that's how she was brought up.
Was she forced to marry you or did you forced her to marry you cos some of those hatred/ bitterness are often transfered. Spare me " the she birthed the child so she must love it bullcraps". Hate transcends love and beclouds sound jugdements and reasoning.

Dami12345:


Lol, she won't, she will be more frightened that she has gone too far,
She'll probably asks questions like what has come over him, cry, shout and be dragging his cloth, in this situations, subdue her, and ask her a question, like" will you behave yourself" then apply pressure then more, till she agrees, she's lying the minute you let her go she will continue, so subdue her and do the pressure thing, but more pressure Even when she begs, and cries, tell her how can you believe her when she lies, then more pressure till you feel her in so much pain and she KNOWS there is nothing she can do and all POWER is in your hands, then let her go, ask her again, "will you behave" she won't answer then say " I think I didn't hurt you enough , let me start and be serious" you will see how she will quickly say she will behave..avoid her for a few hours then go and sit near her, tell her you love her and don't want to hurt her, cuddle her, talk to her how she made you angry, how your plan was to surprise her today and buy her stuff but how she changed all that, and viola, she's happy and more amendable.

wow.. This is so epic.

UyaiIncomparabl:


It's just a great pity that I had to read this story. Regretfully, I cannot unread the words.

She is totally unemotional. Yes. Very careless and unemotional. No matter my mood aversion, I can never careless about children, not even someone else's. I pray she changes.

one thing is to say something, and another thing is to act it. I just hope when you become a mother, you will live up to the emboldened

jaksmillioniar:
guy guy. did u love ur baby did u know ur baby can swallow bad thing cos of ur wife lazy way. if ur girl grow up we knows bad things are happning were dey molest a child. is seem ur wife wont boda to check ur children body. am sorry if it look like am harsh but am so angry God know i will slap sence into her for a child she born yet she dosnt care.ur wife is now beating housegirl am sorry ur wife is not lazy but she want to. give her a serious warning and den if she neva behave use slap reset her brain.again is not bad if u take care of ur own baby is a good thing it show u are a good father God bless u. but for the sake of ur baby act like a man and she will get sence dis is wat i complain about in my blog ahnie dangotesmummy oyindidi ifyalways livingfree Nofavors joy1706 benita27

You believe you have a blog,stupid Daft!every Ediots seems to be tagging me.jaksmillioniar I don't like you,never would!

I doubt if your wife can ever change until some life changing event happens to her or your family.
Some people are generally careless and lazy.
I'm sure you've spoken to her several times about it and nothing has changed.
My advice- register your child in a day care, and allow your wife go look for employment if she is jobless . Make sure it's a day care that opens early enough to drop her off on your way to work and stays open till evening when you can pick her up from work. It is what it is.
Meanwhile, to those saying you should use an aggressive or passive aggressive manner to resolve things like burning her property, that's an offence by law. If she also decides to take the law into her own hands and burn all your documents and clothes, you will have only yourself to blame and realise it wasn't worth it at the end.

cococandy:
I don’t always carry my baby every time she cries too. Neither do I run after her every time she wanders away. There’s also no need to rush to her rescue when she falls down. Unless she’s about to fall. But if she’s already down, it’s okay to call her to come to you as long as you can see the kid is alive and still breathing. Come on, they are not made of glass.

It’s not helpful in raising kids well. Plus it’s very very very very exhausting. Get the idea? At 17 months your baby’s senses are on full blast. Unless asleep or distracted by something, it is almost physically impossible for a kid to stay at a place for 20 minutes straight until around age 4.
You’re probably complaining because you’re tired of running after her (or him) and you want the mom to do it. That’s how you should know it’s not easy.


Having found balance in her steps now, the baby will EXPLORE. . They want to see and touch everything. It’s not possible to rein them in without dropping everything else you want to achieve for that day. It may not seem like a lot of work but it is if you’re still expected to do other things in the home. So maybe look at it from her POV.


Your first priority now should be to baby proof your home. Remove harmful liquids, powders and small objects and lock up them up in cabinets with child proof locks. Seal up the unused electrical outlets that are within the baby’s reach. Use baby gate (it’s a short plastic gate that can extend) to seal of the areas you don’t want him/her walking into. I used it to stop my baby from going up and down the stairs and used it to cordon off the section where the TVs and stuff like that are.
We had to remove all of our moveable furniture especially the glass center and side tables. Your house won’t look pretty but it’s worth saving yourself a trip to the emergency room.

After doing that, your baby can walk in the home wherever she wants and your wife will have time to do other stuff.

Many of life’s stresses can be avoided. Avoid this one

You think an average person in Nigeria does child proof in their houses? What of those that don't have the means to do all that you mentioned?

A mother cannot afford to be careless. Tragedy strikes without warning.

Some Sundays back a neighbour lost her son. A faulty standing fan shocked her sons. One jumped up and she told him to sleep elsewhere and she failed to check on the other son till daybreak not knowing that he had been electrocuted. People blamed her for being careless especially knowing that the fan was faulty.

Even with child proof, we can't just allow them wander without checking on them. I have seen mothers like the Ops wife. In my former street (ghetto setting) a child crawled onto the street and was crushed by a Coca-Cola truck.

People need to mind their children. Though ultimately, it is God who protects them.

cococandy:
Learn to type legibly

I can’t tell if you’re having a seizure or not. What’s this?

Imagine the daft throwing jabs at you.i so 8 this dunce eeh.

ahnie:

You believe you have a blog,stupid Daft!every Ediots seems to be tagging me.

Why are you insulting him? You just discribed yourself in this your post.