CAPSLOCKED:



LOL..
IF MUHAMMAD HAD CLAIMED THE SUN SETS IN HIS POCKETS 21ST CENTURY ĮDIOTS WOULD ARGUE IT IS TRUE.

FUNNY

joseph1013:
A CURIOUS STORY OF JOHN

SCENE 1:
John believes in Yahweh and he is correct to do so. He believes in the true god.

Aisha believes in Allah but she is wrong, even though she thinks she’s right. She lives a good life and tries not to hurt her fellow humans.

SCENE 2: John is walking on a lonely path and sees Aisha. He rapes her and kills her.

2 months later, John is feeling bad about his actions. He goes down on his knees and prays to Jesus and Yahweh to forgive him of his sins.

Yahweh forgives him.

SCENE 3
Aisha is in Hell fire for believing in the wrong god all her life.

John is in heaven.

The End.

You see how religion can make people believe and do really outrageous things?

joseph1013:



Israelites you mention do not believe in what you believe. They will laugh you to scorn when you mention Jesus as the messiah. They think Christians are dumb.

joseph1013:
NEW YEAR MESSAGE

I have a New Year message for all Nigerians who were persistently indoctrinated throughout their childhood years to believe magical stories of gods, spirits, heaven and eternal torture and were pressurised as adults to respect the rules and rituals of these fantasy stories.

If you have resolved to think about these stories, if you have tested them against evidence and found them wanting and have rejected them entirely so they no long have any hold over you, I say congratulations! Well done, you have joined millions who have made the same journey and who help to make the planet more reasonable and less divided.

If you haven't done these things, don't worry you have another year ahead of you. There is still time... 2015 was a great year. 2016 can be greater.

joseph1013:

MY FELLOW COUNTRYMEN ACTUALLY GLOAT OVER THE DEATH OF A GAYMAN?

This weekend, a story went viral on the internet. In Ondo State, a mob descended on a guy because he was gay. They beat him to a pulp & he was rushed to the hospital but he died of internal bleeding in the hospital. His gay partner who is a popular politician escaped for dear life & they've gone about destroying his properties. Then fools trooped to social media to gloat about the guy's death & celebrate their society's holy cleansing. Two of such fools even went to the late guy's Facebook wall to write express their orgasmic pleasure over his death & post the gory pictures of his corpse. They said we should all learn a lesson from the mob action. No wonder someone said we're in a zoo.

I'm not a homosexual. I'm even not supposed to tell you as it's not your business. What I do in my privacy is my problem, not yours. I'm telling you so that you will put what I want to say in a proper perspective.

We're a sorry lot around here. Before the religions from the Arab Peninsula arrived, historical records told us that Africans were gays & they weren't disturbed by their fellow Africans. Now the imported religions have twisted our reasoning & turned us to fierce brutes. Of course, both the Bible & the Quran advise that homosexuals be stoned dead. These Africans here have only carried out what they read in the scriptures imposed upon them by the foreigners.The antigay law enacted in Nigeria was the height of insanity. And do you know that it was the fastest law ever passed by our national assembly? And yes, ever since we made the law, our economy, health, infrastructure & security have improved immensely. Right?

This is why I somehow believe that organized religion has a way (even if only subliminal) of making people lose their humanity & morality. Most religious people I interacted with concerning the antigay law (and that includes the so-called moderate Muslims) have either been in total support of the draconian law or been indifferent about it. That tells you what happens to people when they embrace a religious ideology. In contrast, no single irreligious person that I know of has been anything but against the law. You see the difference now?

All the countries where homosexuality is criminalized are less developed than the countries where homosexuality is decriminalized. If that doesn't tell you something, then I don't know how to help you. Nigeria is a country of bigots, hypocrites, & religious extremists, just like most fellow underdeveloped countries the world over. Why a country of extremists is complaining about extremism baffles me. Is it out of place that we have Boko Haram?

I still do not understand how what two consenting adults do with each other should incur the wrath of a progressive society. And I will never understand it. I'm sorry for the dead guy & I wish that his family members (if they're not homophobic idiots too) have the fortitude to bear the irreparable loss. And as for these idiots, let them continue. The days of their predominance are numbered.

joseph1013:

CHRISTIANITY'S DIRTY SECRET

Even before children begin school, parents involve their children in religious rituals and teach them religious stories. As they grow up, children are told how important it is to BELIEVE these stories and to revere the book in which they are found.

If children question or, doubt, any of these stories, they will be warned not to think such things--questioning incurs parental disapproval. Young children may even be threatened with torture if they don't believe...

The problem is, if you want people to believe things that are fully ridiculous and with no evidence, you have to teach them young and teach them repeatedly and emphatically. That is why all religions share this same dirty secret.

There is a word for this process--it's called indoctrination.

Parents teach this stuff whilst they are still primary influencers and before children figure out that some things are true and some are false and learn how to distinguish between them. There is a window of opportunity with children--miss it and you may never get them to believe ridiculous things.

We know this process works because we see children raised as Christians becoming life-long Christians, children raised as Hindus becoming life-long Hindus, children raised as Muslims becoming life-long Muslims and so on. These religions cannot all be true so it is a mathematical certainty that the majority of parents (and, possibly all religious parents) teach their children ridiculous lies which affect them for their entire lives. That's the reason you see very intelligent adults...very knowlegeable adults...very brilliant adults violently believe in a flying donkey, a talking snake and a virgin who gave birth. They just can't help it!

Of course, these parents were mistreated in the same way, so we have a vicious circle that teaches children ridiculous lies generation-after-generation. We need a generation of responsible parents to stop this process, and break the circle--parents who will give children a chance to grow up and think for themselves.

What will you do?

joseph1013:

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RESURRECTION STORY

Can we ask some very simple questions?

Note: This is for those who have read their Bibles very well. If you're wondering if some of the things I'm saying are in the Bible, please this is not for you.

1. When Jesus arose from the dead, what was his nature: a ghost or a physical body? Using biblical accounts, he zoomed through the wall — that could never been a fleshly body. He suddenly appeared to a certain duo of disciples — again, that must have been a ghost. But Thomas touched his hands — that could never be a ghost: he was a physical body. He had a meal with the disciples — that must have been a fleshly body as spirits don't eat physical meals.

I can go on and on but you sure get my drift. What was the nature of the risen Jesus: ghost or flesh?

2. He was buried without any garments. He perhaps was just covered in some drapes but not garments. But when he arose from the dead, he went about showing himself to people. He wasn't going around naked neither was he going around in the drapes. So where did he get the garments from?

Note: If you answered 'ghost' to the previous question, you're automatically excused from this one.

3. The Bible records that immediately after Jesus died, the tombs were opened and the saints who have been buried for thousands of years came out and appeared to people. How did the people recognize them? I can't recognize my great grandfather that died just 70 years ago. How did those people know that the walking corpses were the saints? And once again, where did those risen bodies get garments from?

4. If he could appear and disappear and pass through walls, he could have quickly appeared to one or two witnesses in Africa and other parts of the world. But why did the resurrected body remain in Galilee, only for the story to be told to Africans by Christian slave masters more than a thousand of years later?

5. Was Jesus crucified or impaled?

6. Between the period he gave up the spirit on the cross and when his spirit returned on the resurrection day, where was his spirit? Bible scholars say his spirit went to hell to preach to the spirits there. Did he spend the whole 3 days in hell or did he spend some of the time with his father?

7. God had already purposed that Jesus would be killed and that he would be betrayed before being killed. So why was Judas scapegoated for simply contributing to the predetermined will of God?

8. And when he ascended into the skies, what happened to his garment? Pulverized? Or removed, folded and kept neatly in a ward robe in the heavens to be worn again when he's returning in the second coming?

9. Jesus invited Thomas to touch his wounds to prove that it was he. In another passage, he warned them not to touch him because he was not yet ascended to the father. Which is it?


It's clear that most Christians don't think about these questions.

malvisguy212:
they will here the gospel,as long as the world is not yet come to end[/size][size=8pt][/b][b][i][/i][color=#990000][/color],it may mean some people has not heard.
bible say the gospel shall be preach to all nation then the end will come,it not yet the end of the world so this question is invalid. However there are evidence that say the gospel has been preach to most nation.

joseph1013:
People should stop saying death is not their portion in Jesus' name.

People die everyday. Muslims, Christians, Animalists, Hindus, Buddhists, Agnostics, Everybody.

So stop deceiving yourself by saying death isn't your portion. Death is our portion as long as we live.

Teempakguy:
Lol, this sounds so wrong yet it's so right.

stephenmorris:
pls the day you are done with nairaland don't ever deactivate your account we will need it for future reference and inspiration to upcoming freethinkers

joseph1013:
GOD vs SURGEONS

Here's a test for those pastors who claim they can work miracles through God; take them to a hospital to pray for 30 patients.

Ten patients have aortic valve failure and need replacement heart valves.

Ten are almost blind, suffering from advanced cataracts--their eyes need replacement lenses.

Ten have chronic osteoarthritis in their knees and need artificial knee joints.

In a modern hospital, surgeons will achieve a 100%, or near 100%, success rate healing these 30 patients. God will not be able to heal ANY of them.

Any pastor can feel free to prove me wrong but we have never, ever seen God do what surgeons do every day.

Believers make extraordinary claims for God. They claim he created an entire universe from nothing and he designed and assembled living things from atoms. But they can't show he can replace a knee joint, an eye lens or a heart valve.

The truth is, believers cannot even show that God exists, far less that he did anything at all--all they have is faith and empty claims.

GOD GAVE DOCTORS THE KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS TO DO THOSE THINGS (CHRISTIANS WOULD CLAIM)..... SO THAT THE PATIENTS -ONCE HEALED- CAN MARCH STRAIGHT TO THEIR FAVORITE CHURCH FOR THANKSGIVING, THANK GOD FOR HEALING AND GIVE GIFTS AND MONEY TO THEIR FAVORITE PASTOR(S).

GOD TAKES MOST PART OF THE GLORY AND PRAISES,AND THEIR PASTOR TAKE SOME (BECAUSE HE APPEARED IN THE SICK MAN'S DREAM TO ASSURE HIM THAT THE SURGERY WILL BE SUCCESSFUL).

AND NOBODY REMEMBERS THE DOCTOR. IN FACT, PEOPLE WILL RATHER GIVE 1 NAIRA TO THEIR PASTOR AFTER A SUCCESSFUL SURGERY (JUST FOR APPEARING IN THE DREAM) INSTEAD OF GIVE 1 KOBO TO THE DOCTOR FOR HIS SERVICES.

CAPSLOCKED:
joseph1013


I'M HERE TO INFORM YOU THAT ALLAH IS ON ONE THREAD ON FRONTPAGE INSPIRING ANTS TO WRITE HIS NAME ON SAND AS PROOF OF HIS OMNIPRESENCE.. INSTEAD OF DOING SOMETHING BENEFICIAL TO THE UNIVERSE.

joseph1013:
HE PREACHED TO ME! IN A HOSPITAL!
by MsNelly

It will never be perfect, make it work.

I was just thanking god for good health a week ago until I woke up this morning and BAM: No good health. Ugh. So I dragged my weak & lazy àss to the shower, I did some squats (because no sickness should get in the way of my journey to a firm bum), I grabbed the car keys and drove to the hospital, despite how dizzy and tired I felt.

Times like this, I wish I had someone to care for me when I can't care for myself. It sucks that I still have to cook, despite being sick. I have to bath myself, imagine. Black Jesus, fix it pls.

So I got to the hospital, paid for consultation fee and waited for my doctor. I have a favorite doctor: fair, tall, chubby, funny. I always liked seeing him when I got to my hospital, so I was hoping he was on seat.

But alas!

It was a new doctor who awaited me when they called me in: Tall, dark, skinny, absolutely NOT funny.

"Shut the door, have your seat" I did as instructed and folded my hands across my chest.

"Weight: 64. Height: 5'6. BMI: Healthy. Just don't get fat" And he laughed. Apparently, there was a joke there my brain didnt click.

"So, what seems to be the problem?" He asked.

"Headache. Fever, cold."

"So, you feel malaria coming on?" I nodded. He typed one or two things on his computer and stared back at me.

"You're a Christian?"

"No" I swiftly answered, wondering where this one came from.

"Moslem?"

"Nope" He blinked severally. I knew then and there, I should have just said yes to either of the two, it would have saved me the 20 minute sermon that followed. Yes, there was a 20 minute preaching that followed.

"You need to give your life to Christ..." He kept on saying, while periodically pausing to read the Bible.

This doctor I went to for treatment sat me down and PREACHED TO ME! HE PREACHED TO ME! IN A HOSPITAL!

What is wrong with Christians?!

What in fûck's name is wrong with religious people that won't be happy with their lives till they stuff their beliefs down someone's throats? People are unbelievable. People are fûcking unbelievable.

Back to it.. I kept nodding, too tired to tell him to shut up and give me my drugs. Plus, this was my hospital. It had the best of everything. I was not going to be rude to anyone, so I watched him go on an orgasmic ride on what his Jesus has done for him.

When he was done, he smiled at me. He probably thought he had won a soul for Christ and angels in heaven were rejoicing or some shît.

"Shall we pray?" Okay, that was the height of it. I can listen to you go on and on about whatever, but the one thing I won't do is join hands with you to chant some feel good repetitions.

"No" He was surprised. Why would I say no to an innocent prayer that is supposed to help me?

"Okay. Can I pray?"

"No"

"Why are you against prayer?"

"I'm not. It's just If I wanted a prayer, I would've gone to a church. This is a hospital"

"I know that..."

"Oh, do you? Because, for a minute there, I thought you were a Pastor" He laughed again. It was beginning to annoy me. I was going to faint any minute. I did not need this. Was this professional? Doctors preaching in hospitals? For fûck's sake!

"You see, the Holy Spirit led me. You can't say no to the spirit..."

"I need my drugs pls"

"I'll prescribe it. But it is not as relevant as the word of God. God's word is for eternal life. These drugs... They are to sustain one's temporary life" I shook my head. He was unbelievable.

"You cannot impose your beliefs on anyone, under the guise of preaching. If you're up for it, go out and evangelize. The same Bible you read tells you there is a time and place for everything. This is not the place for that, especially when an ailing patient walks through that door."

"But...", he argued. " I tell my patients this all the time. You're the only one who's complained." He looked at me inquisitively. "Why does the Word of God itch you?"

I took in a deep breath. This wasn't the first time someone was preaching to me, without being asked.
Probably won't be the last.

"You can believe in a rock for all I care. Just don't throw it at me"

"Young lady, nobody is throwing anything at you. I'm just... telling you of the rock, as it were"

"And I do not care about your rock so stop pushing it"

"Why don't you care about god? Do you need my number so we can continue this conversation later?
"No" I'd rather choke on a thorn than listen to another minute of your sermon.

"Okay" He shrugged. "I'll pray for you"

"Don't waste your time"

I did get my drugs and I'm on my way to feeling better... to sustain my temporary life.

Christians are a rare breed because if a Muslim did the same thing, they would lose their heads.

But they can go about being intrusive and annoying in the name of god. Y'all should get a grip. When a person says stop, just stop. You're being annoying; and not even cute annoying, animalistic annoying.

If only you lot were zealous about half of what the Bible says than disturbing innocent people for no reason.

Stop fornicating
Love your neighbor as yourself
don't steal, don't covet
Don't be judgmental - this is key
Don't be materialistic

Put effort into these things. And stop preaching about how you want people to go to heaven with you; because trust me, the last thing anybody wants is to live forever with self righteous, hypocritical pieces of shît.

CAPSLOCKED:



THIS POST SHOULD BE PRINTED ON MEGA SIZE BANNERS AND PLACED WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE.

I'M TIRED OF RECEIVING HANDBILLS FROM THESE GUYS. EVERYONE HERE AND THERE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO COME WORSHIP WITH THEM.. IF I SAY I'M MUSLIM THEY TELL ME TO ALSO COME AS EVERYONE IS INVITED. THESE SAME PEOPLE WILL REJECT GOING TO A MOSQUE OR SHRINE IF I MENTION IT.
I DARE NOT SAY I'M NOT RELIGIOUS CUS I CAN'T STAND THE ENDLESS SERMONS OR ARGUMENTS AND THREATS THAT WILL FOLLOW. IN BUSES I ASSURE THEM I'M A REGULAR CHURCH GOER TO AVOID ALL THE DRAMA. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE LIKE DUST.

IF THERE'S HELL AND WE GO THERE I'M SURE THERE WILL BE EVANGELISTS THERE STILL TALKING ABOUT JESUS CHRIST AND REPENTANCE.

joseph1013:
HE PREACHED TO ME! IN A HOSPITAL!
by MsNelly

It will never be perfect, make it work.

I was just thanking god for good health a week ago until I woke up this morning and BAM: No good health. Ugh. So I dragged my weak & lazy àss to the shower, I did some squats (because no sickness should get in the way of my journey to a firm bum), I grabbed the car keys and ]drove to the hospital, despite how dizzy and tired I felt.

Times like this, I wish I had someone to care for me when I can't care for myself. It sucks that I still have to cook, despite being sick. I have to bath myself, imagine. Black Jesus, fix it pls.

So I got to the hospital, paid for consultation fee and waited for my doctor. I have a favorite doctor: fair, tall, chubby, funny. I always liked seeing him when I got to my hospital, so I was hoping he was on seat.

But alas!

It was a new doctor who awaited me when they called me in: Tall, dark, skinny, absolutely NOT funny.

"Shut the door, have your seat" I did as instructed and folded my hands across my chest.

"Weight: 64. Height: 5'6. BMI: Healthy. Just don't get fat" And he laughed. Apparently, there was a joke there my brain didnt click.

"So, what seems to be the problem?" He asked.

"Headache. Fever, cold."

"So, you feel malaria coming on?" I nodded. He typed one or two things on his computer and stared back at me.

"You're a Christian?"

"No" I swiftly answered, wondering where this one came from.

"Moslem?"

"Nope" He blinked severally. I knew then and there, I should have just said yes to either of the two, it would have saved me the 20 minute sermon that followed. Yes, there was a 20 minute preaching that followed.

"You need to give your life to Christ..." He kept on saying, while periodically pausing to read the Bible.

This doctor I went to for treatment sat me down and PREACHED TO ME! HE PREACHED TO ME! IN A HOSPITAL!

What is wrong with Christians?!

What in fûck's name is wrong with religious people that won't be happy with their lives till they stuff their beliefs down someone's throats? People are unbelievable. People are fûcking unbelievable.

Back to it.. I kept nodding, too tired to tell him to shut up and give me my drugs. Plus, this was my hospital. It had the best of everything. I was not going to be rude to anyone, so I watched him go on an orgasmic ride on what his Jesus has done for him.

When he was done, he smiled at me. He probably thought he had won a soul for Christ and angels in heaven were rejoicing or some shît.

"Shall we pray?" Okay, that was the height of it. I can listen to you go on and on about whatever, but the one thing I won't do is join hands with you to chant some feel good repetitions.

"No" He was surprised. Why would I say no to an innocent prayer that is supposed to help me?

"Okay. Can I pray?"

"No"

"Why are you against prayer?"

"I'm not. It's just If I wanted a prayer, I would've gone to a church. This is a hospital"

"I know that..."

"Oh, do you? Because, for a minute there, I thought you were a Pastor" He laughed again. It was beginning to annoy me. I was going to faint any minute. I did not need this. Was this professional? Doctors preaching in hospitals? For fûck's sake!

"You see, the Holy Spirit led me. You can't say no to the spirit..."

"I need my drugs pls"

"I'll prescribe it. But it is not as relevant as the word of God. God's word is for eternal life. These drugs... They are to sustain one's temporary life" I shook my head. He was unbelievable.

"You cannot impose your beliefs on anyone, under the guise of preaching. If you're up for it, go out and evangelize. The same Bible you read tells you there is a time and place for everything. This is not the place for that, especially when an ailing patient walks through that door."

"But...", he argued. " I tell my patients this all the time. You're the only one who's complained." He looked at me inquisitively. "Why does the Word of God itch you?"

I took in a deep breath. This wasn't the first time someone was preaching to me, without being asked.
Probably won't be the last.

"You can believe in a rock for all I care. Just don't throw it at me"

"Young lady, nobody is throwing anything at you. I'm just... telling you of the rock, as it were"

"And I do not care about your rock so stop pushing it"

"Why don't you care about god? Do you need my number so we can continue this conversation later?
"No" I'd rather choke on a thorn than listen to another minute of your sermon.

"Okay" He shrugged. "I'll pray for you"

"Don't waste your time"

I did get my drugs and I'm on my way to feeling better... to sustain my temporary life.

Christians are a rare breed because if a Muslim did the same thing, they would lose their heads.

But they can go about being intrusive and annoying in the name of god. Y'all should get a grip. When a person says stop, just stop. You're being annoying; and not even cute annoying, animalistic annoying.

If only you lot were zealous about half of what the Bible says than disturbing innocent people for no reason.

Stop fornicating
Love your neighbor as yourself
don't steal, don't covet
Don't be judgmental - this is key
Don't be materialistic

Put effort into these things. And stop preaching about how you want people to go to heaven with you; because trust me, the last thing anybody wants is to live forever with self righteous, hypocritical pieces of shît.