Making a Twitter thread on marital pressure and life choices, @eketiette recounted seeing a bride stop cold on the steps of a church and say, "This is more than cold feet. I can't marry him."


According to the Twitter user, she understood that decision and admires the lady's bravery. She further added that our culture of marital pressure, and shaming people into remaining in such situations isn't a good one.

Her tweets reads;

I once watched a bride stop cold on the steps of a church & say, "This is more than cold feet. I can't marry him." At the time, I only saw her fear. Today, at last, I understand. I'm amazed by her bravery. *sigh* Doing the right thing. It's hard, it hurts, but it must be done.

Now I have to make a thread because of the replies from some men. I wasn't expecting the anger and condemnation. It's easy to hold your phone and type hard words. Until you find yourself in the situation. Be honest. We don't always do the right thing at the right time.

Or do what we really need to do. Many of us studied or are still studying courses our parents picked out. Or working jobs we hate do S to please family/society. Because we couldn't stand the heat th at came with making the hard decisions.

In doing these, we lose time, money, opportunities, etc. We even hurt people. It is the way of life. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I've been in situations where everything looked perfect but my guts told me otherwise.

People urged me on because the person/business/situation looked perfect. Like this case. He was a good man. But he wasn't the one for her. People told her he was; he too. Could she have quit earlier? For sure. Would it have been easier? No. Because we live in a society...

..where calling off a wedding ceremony is almost a taboo. And no matter how hard we try, we constantly battle with the 'what will people say' syndrome. So, until you've stared parents/society in the face and followed your heart/guts, don't say this isn't bravery.

Until you've never lost anything because you always got it right, don't knock this too hard. A little understanding, that's all I ask. Oh, I also feel the irrepressible urge to add that when the dust settled, he was grateful she didn't go through with it. He married someone else ten months later. She married someone else two years later.

Judging by some replies, my parents should call me, "selfish, barbaric, callous, insensitive..." I mean, they spent millions to ensure I became a barrister yet I refused to practice the law because writing makes me happy.

Imagine their horror when I quit my job at the Supreme Court. Why didn't I quit while filling my JAMB form? Selfish me.  Our culture of marital pressure and shaming people into remaining in such situations isn't a good one. Just so you know. Now, I rest my case.

https://lailasnews.com/our-culture-of-marital-pressure-isnt-a-good-one-twitter-user/

A little understanding, that's all I ask. Oh, I also feel the irrepressible urge to add that when the dust settled, he was grateful she didn't go through with it. He married someone else ten months later. She married someone else two years later.

This is a good one...
Happy ending for both sides.

Too much thoughts/calculations in my head. I understandeth this not.

This one is probably under a man. Single ladies over to you.

I didn't bother reading the long tweet, but this is wat I have to say;
All an average Nigerian lady can offer to a man is just sex.
Just this night I logged into In Messenger, one lady chatted me up, after exchange of pleasantries, she asked me if I wanted hookup? I told her no. She asked me why I'm on the platform if I don't want hookups, I told her I just wanted to make friends, that I'm not interested in sex as I have more productive things to do with my life. She started insulting me that I must be very stingy, that I'm looking for oshofree. I was just imagining, shey na person go marry dis one tomorrow?

Very true words

To whom it may concern

Ok enough of all the talks.... All I know is there's one guy somewhere that's tired of smashing her. In today's Nigeria love get eyes now. U see and feel it, if it's not working u bounce! So what's all the epistles about. If you're forced into a relationship, that means you never had a mind of your own and it's bound to be doomed.

True talk

Almost everything about your culture is useless and rubbish
The so called Custodians of the Culture don't even Send some of their immediate kids can't speak your language yes they don't understand and don't care
Ask Tejuosho why he went to a CHURCH IN LONDON ALONG WITH HIS OLUWO to do coronation
Better don't let them waste your life

One of the hardest things to change is culture. It's easy to change religion or even skin like Michael Jackson but cultural practices are veery difficult to change.

The communal nature of Africa means that one person's issue is borne by kith and kin. Amebo is part of our culture.

Please fulfill your personal goals before you take on a family to achieve family goals together. Fashi every societal pressure. Na you go live with am.

Na our forefathers cause am.
They prioritised marriage so much so that one would get depressed because of being single especially ladies but we of this generation have known better. Who marriage epp?

Its beta to stop a false/unsure wedding at the church steps than to enter into a sham marriage to cover/save face and still end up in a divorce. Take ur time bt don't let it be too long.

/
If you can't get married to A, B, C....all the way to Z, then something is definitely wrong. No one is asking ladies to marry the first pointdexter that shows up. Married women are not any happier than single ladies but wetin person reach no be like long throat.

I am yet to see any culture where marriage is not admired and encouraged. If you want to believe programmed TV shows, oh well. The reality is all around you and not data online. The reason many people are talking about it online or offline is because it is a big deal. But anyone in doubt is free to create her own reality. No person is an island. Dem go still judge your matter whether you like or not. Pray to God to give you serenity over things you cannot change. Pressure to marry na one of them.

/

So true very lovely write up.

People would be pressurizing people up and down to get married as if they would live the marriage for them. This is how some people marry the wrong persons because of pressure and unnecessary opinions of some people.
Marry for the right reasons and get the best person.

True word.

I hope women will also understand when a man stop cold on the steps of a church & say, "This is more than cold feet. I can't marry HER".

The West was once where we presently are.

Thank goodness you said you did not read the write up so let me not waste my time on that but to correct you that not every Nigerian lady has just sex to offer some of us have intelligence,vision,financial assistance etc to offer the right men.
It is only irresponsible men that would say Nigerian ladies only have sex to offer.

cosmatika:
I didn't bother reading the long tweet, but this is wat I have to say;
All an average Nigerian lady can offer to a man is just sex.
Just this night I logged into In Messenger, one lady chatted me up, after exchange of pleasantries, she asked me if I wanted hookup? I told her no. She asked me why I'm on the platform if I don't want hookups, I told her I just wanted to make friends, that I'm not interested in sex as I have more productive things to do with my life. She started insulting me that I must be very stingy, that I'm looking for oshofree. I was just imagining, shey na person go marry dis one tomorrow?

See note.

Alright I agree.

cosmatika:
I didn't bother reading the long tweet, but this is wat I have to say;
All an average Nigerian lady can offer to a man is just sex.
Just this night I logged into In Messenger, one lady chatted me up, after exchange of pleasantries, she asked me if I wanted hookup? I told her no. She asked me why I'm on the platform if I don't want hookups, I told her I just wanted to make friends, that I'm not interested in sex as I have more productive things to do with my life. She started insulting me that I must be very stingy, that I'm looking for oshofree. I was just imagining, shey na person go marry dis one tomorrow?

Generalization is a dangerous mindset.

AmazonTopaz:
Thank goodness you said you did not read the write up so let me not waste my time on that but to correct you that not every Nigerian lady has just sex to offer some of us have intelligence,vision,financial assistance etc to offer the right men.
It is only irresponsible men that would say Nigerian ladies only have sex to offer.

I said an average Nigerian lady, didn't u see that side??

The importance of one living life at the periphery of conventionalism and doing so conscientiously can never be overemphasized. It takes a whole lot of guts to do so, and such is the true hallmarks of self-realization and independence, respectively.

cosmatika:
I said an average Nigerian lady, didn't u see that side??

How do you define an average Nigerian lady?
How many do you know or have you seen?
Just say it was the lady you chatted with and stop using one example to judge people.

Thanks for giving someone a little bit more courage to do the right thing.

The marriage issue aside, since as a couple you must share a room together, a bed together( this one pains me most, I can't enjoy my big bed alone!!!), toilet, bathroom etc. Therefore you must make sure you are ready for that commitment which is where loves comes in. isn't it wonderful, it makes you lower your standards just to accommodate each others short fall


Anyways, did she just said SHE LEFT THE SUPREME COURT TO BE AN UNKNOWN WRITER( AFTER UR PARENTS SPENT MILLIONS ON YOU!!!!) Can't you multi-task, after all every unemployed dick & harry is a writer too, you can see them littering the blogosphere's and social media with useless crap.

Well, I hope both you & ur parents are happy, I wish luck in ur "writing"