linearity:
No one is blackmailing him to accept the child against his will....more so he was the one that asked for opinions, my guess is; if this is a foregone conclusion, he will not be here asking for opinion.

As for the grandmother, it is not her responsibility to take of the child. The parents of a child owns that responsibility and obligation.

In a normal separated couples, the little girl will be shared between the mother and the father in turns...no one knows how far, she has been staying with the Dad, but it is now the mother’s turn to do the needful.

If this guy love his wife as he professes, he will accommodate his own step-daughter, who shares the same dna with his kid under his roof.

Thank you, sir! You hit the nail on the head!

LaudableXX:


"The child is supposed to be with the father?" So the mother does not have a responsibility towards the child again, especially since the father has rejected the kid? Did she not give birth to the girl?

His wife already have three kids of her own to parent.

Now I see why the country is like this from the senseless comments am reading here. 12 pages no common sense , no stands , no principles 95 percent of comments are based on emotions and religion.

Now I see why the country is like this from the senseless comments am reading here. 12 pages no common sense , no stands , no principles 95 percent of comments are based on emotions, sentiments and religion.

well since u don't want the child, and u want ur wife,

I will like to have ur contact, so whenever I come down to Nigeria (probably this December)
I will take her and pay u both off, and have her as my first fruit,

For the love you have for your wife, please, accept the little girl into your house. If you wish, you can press the biological father to say what exactly he wants to do with the girl. Does he still want her or not? And if he does not want her anymore, you can get official adoption papers based on the written document from the biological father. If he still wants her but you feel that the expenses is much on you, you can also press for welfare package from him.
Please, don't make the little girl to cry. Show her that fatherly love.

MsGood:
.
The woman is the biggest fool for marrying a man that doesn't love her child. I'm not in support of abortion but they're all idiots indeed.

She herself doesn't love the child. That's why it doesn't touch her that someone she married doesn't care an inch about the child.

Like I said. All 3 foolish, but I think the op is the most foolish in This scenario, (foolish and wicked though) because he wasn't embroiled in the drama from the start, but saw how the situation was and still decided to marry her. Thinking he can give her idiotic rules and regulations.

I'm still wondering how a man thinks he marry a single mother and have such stupid rules as he she shouldn't bring the child near him, is that a joke or what?

And the mother is tolerating such disrespect to her child. Why have a child she doesn't care about? This is where abortion should have come in play. So a little baby isn't brought to this world by people who couldn't care less even if they tried.
Allowing an innocent baby who wouldn't be on this earth if not for her to be treated this badly,

I think that's why the grandmum wants to force her to take care of her child. Because she knows op's wife is callous enough to abandon the child with her just because of op and move on with her life.

All just to say she has a horseband. Shameful.


The father of the baby also. A man refused to take care of his out of wedlock baby just because he got married. Foolishness all round Smh

A real situation of 3 idiots. It's just a party of fools.


Leaving that one behind.
Thanks for saving my comment jor it's been deleted. nairaland mods who hid that comment. Wetin I do na?

I'm sorry, please release my comment

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

pls take the girl and love her strictly like a father, she doesn't deserve further trauma. Thank you Sir.

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

Are u a man at all?
Does ur family pay ur bills?
I don't think ur families opinion matters in this situation, unless u r still depending on them.

Lambarry1:
Now I see why the country is like this from the senseless comments am reading here. 12 pages no common sense , no stands , no principles 95 percent of comments are based on emotions and religion.

Thank you. I thought I was the only one that noticed.

LaudableXX:

Once a man goes to court, to prove he is paying school fees including other bills for taking care of the daughter, when he is fighting for custody, he is trying to show the court, that the woman lacks the means or ability to take care of the child.

If custody is granted to the wife, nobody says the man will stop paying school fees. In fact the court will compel him to pay alimony, which includes school fees and cost of upkeep, for the child. You know absolutely zero about child custody, yet you keep arguing.

Custody and Support are two different issues and in most States decided differently.

In New York, two different judges decide these cases and on separate dates...one does not have bearing on the other except that, the percentage of parenting factors into the support the non custodian parent will pay.

If one parent have all the money and the other parent have zero money; the one that have all the money have zero advantage in winning custody...the court believes that, they can order the redistribution all the money, which ever direction they want after determining who is the better parent and as such, the Judge deciding custody does not look into who is paying what and who is not paying.

In fact, in some cases inability to pay can be an advantage as that parent will have more time to take care of the child as in been the ‘home care taker’ and the one with all the money, will be the perfect ‘breadwinner’ who because of his/her time consuming breadwinning endeavors will not have that much time for the child compare to the ‘home care taker’.

Donjazzy12:
His wife already have three kids of her own to parent.

So she should abandon the first child she gave birth to, on the street? Especially since the father does not want the child?

janellemonae:


I feel so sad for the girl. In between 2 parents dt dont want her. Smh. She will grow up and resent all her half siblings if shes abandoned like this.

This op is just a selfish demon . All these pple dt live fake lives, controlled by what people will say. They don't even know their own self. Zero character. Nonsense!

And the child's biological father is what for throwing his own child out because of his own marriage? Isn't it possible the other woman too rejected the child and asked for her to be returned to her own mom?

Daeylar:


She herself doesn't love the child. That's why it doesn't touch her that someone she married doesn't care an inch about the child.

Like I said. All 3 foolish, but I think the op is the most foolish in This scenario, (foolish and wicked though) because he wasn't embroiled in the drama from the start, but saw how the situation was and still decided to marry her. Thinking he can give her idiotic rules and regulations.

I'm still wondering how a man thinks he marry a single mother and have such stupid rules as he she shouldn't bring the child near him, is that a joke or what?

And the mother is tolerating such disrespect to her child. Why have a child she doesn't care about? This is where abortion should have come in play. So a little baby isn't brought to this world by people who couldn't care less even if they tried.
Allowing an innocent baby who wouldn't be on this earth if not for her to be treated this badly, All just to say she has a horseband. Shameful.

The father of the baby also. A man refused to take care of his out of wedlock baby just because he got married. Foolishness all round Smh

A real situation of 3 idiots. It's just a party of fools.

Leaving that one behind.
Thanks for saving my comment jor it's been deleted. nairaland mods who hid that comment. Wetin I do na?


I'm sorry, release my comment please


Don't delete this one

hmm, intelligent evaluation

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

U are not a nice person at all, if u love ur wife this shouldn't be an issue, ur wife child is ur child, adopt the lil girl, she's just 7 yrs old, take her as ur child n forget wat ur family say. U r a married man for crying out loud ur family shouldn't control u.

InvertedHammer:

/
I believe that you are naturally wicked.

Are you telling me that you cannot train another person's child? But in this case, a child of your present wife. I cannot believe what I just read. A girl needs her mother to guide her through teenage years. I guess you already know what the future holds for you. You think you are better than those families that get wiped out in a single accident? I wish there is a way around it because I will advise your wife not to bring the girl close to a devil like you because you fit the profile of someone who will kill or maim a step-child with the level of hatred in your soul.

/

Mr kind man, will you throw your own biological daughter out for another man to train just because of a new wife who's not her mother?

you have a wicked heart.

Lambarry1:
Now I see why the country is like this from the senseless comments am reading here. 12 pages no common sense , no stands , no principles 95 percent of comments are based on emotions, sentiments and religion.

kindly proffer a solution

LaudableXX:

So she should abandon the first child she gave birth to, on the street? Especially since the father does not want the child?

Why are you not attacking the biological father who dumped her daughter? Why? How much money are you contributing to bros to aid in upkeep? How much time of yours are you going to use to be visiting and counselling the couple when problem starts as it surely will. My guy don't be a hypochrite!

Wow, that dude isn't their real dad?

misolataiwo:
Just a quick one, please check Mclure Twins on YouTube for just one hour and see the way the twins relate with their dad, you will be very surprised to hear that the man is not their real dad, he is their step dad!

linearity:
Custody and Support are two different issues and in most States decided differently.

In New York, two different judges decide these cases and on separate dates...one does not have bearing on the other except that, the percentage of parenting factors into the support the non custodian parent will pay.

If one parent have all the money and the other parent have zero money; the one that have all the money have zero advantage in winning custody...the court believes that, they can order the redistribution all the money, which ever direction they want after determining who is the better parent and as such, the Judge deciding custody does not look into who is paying what and who is not paying.

In fact, in some cases inability to pay can be an advantage as that parent will have more time to take care of the child as in been the ‘home care taker’ and the one with all the money, will be the perfect ‘breadwinner’ who because of his/her time consuming breadwinning endeavors will not have that much time for the child compare to the ‘home care taker’.

You are saying something similar to what I have been saying. My remarks were a response to another poster who claimed that, the person paying the school fees is showing how capable he is. He kept arguing in previous posts, that custody of a 7 year old child, would be given to the father, and I disagreed with that. This is what he said :

".....So once somebody is paying school fees, the other person must not be capable. Are you for real? Showing you pay school fees only proves you are capable it doesn't mean the other person is not capable. So if the husband pays school fees it means the wife must tell the school that they should reject the school fees to prove she is capable or what. In Africa, who pays school fees even if the wife is okay...."

tjadeba:


You are a selfish wicked and thoughtless guy...very immature and need not to have gotten married to a single mum...do your worst nigga

And the child's biological father and grandma are what?

Donjazzy12:
Why are you not attacking the biological father who dumped her daughter? Why? How much money are you contributing to bros to aid in upkeep? How much time of yours are you going to use to be visiting and counselling the couple when problem starts as it surely will. My guy don't be a hypochrite!

Go back and read through my previous posts. You will see what I said about the biological father. Do not be a hypocrite. And stop making silly insinuations that do not hold water.

The guy is very much safe. Worse case,
the case will be in court and the deatbeat father will be asked where he's been since the child was being taken care of by another person.

xtervaganza:
while I agree with allowing the child to stay with him. It's nonsense to adopt a child without the father's consent. It's actually criminal and you might get sent to jail



Btw, you let a child that's not yours have your surname? If the child's father is a loco I bet you're not safe

LaudableXX:

Go back and read through my previous posts. You will see what I said about the biological father. Do not be a hypocrite. And stop making silly insinuations that do not hold water.

Why don't you take the daughter yourself and be training her? Why?

Donjazzy12:
Why don't you take the daughter yourself and be training her? Why?

If I knew who she was, I would do so. My parents and grandparents trained children that were not their own, in addition to their own biological kids. So why can't I?

If I am the mother of that baby I will rather make arrangements for the kid to stay elsewhere because this guy will make life more difficult for the kid if he eventually bow to the pressure

Bro you really need to grow up. which one is my family said she's after one? You seem like the kind who can't stand for himself. the type that allows his family to bully his wife without doing nothing. Don't deprive that child of the mothers love. allow that child move in with you.

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

Mr Man,your wife even messed up allowing her child to be with her ex.,It seems your wife is the gentle type as Most African women will never do that,as its always better for a child to be with his/her mother than fathers.I no need to talk too much,but children are blessings from God and nobody knows tomorrow.That child might bring fortunes into your family,If you are a real matured African man you will understand better.

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

Your wife should dump your sorry ass. People like you will is the child for sacrifice! When you married her you also became step father to the 7 year old. So stop being stupid and take responsibility.

reyscrub:
Since your wife is hard working and is capable of taking care of the boy, nothing bad if her baby is with her ok. Blood is ticker than water so she can't let her product be far from her as you will never allow your child be taking away from you. Any body can fall prey to the love bait of boys and girls this day.

If you mistakenly have a child outside, you will think of bring him home and either appeal or force your wife to live with your boy abi.

I'm talking from experience because I married my wife with 6 years old boy and now I have a girl and a boy now they are three altogether and we live together. I ensure that all the three bear my surname and my wife agree and till this moment I claim him as my firstborn of my family and all the children see them self as the same father the same mother unknowingly.

So nothing is special or bad in married-after-one parent as a wife if she makes you happy and support you financially, spiritually, emotionally and prayerfully. My wife loves me like she can die for me nothing thinking twice on my cause because I ensure that all that consigns her is taking care off always.

Allow peace to rain in your home and don't allow people to confuse you with their local knowledge.

Take the boy home and make your wife happy ok.

Nice to hear your experience. But did the child's father consent to you giving your surname to his son? You have no right to without his consent.

I am against men taking other people's kids in due to many experiences close to me. I have mentioned it on similar threads here for years.

People took in several kids with their new wives, did their best for around 15 to 20 years until they grew up, had education. Over 95% never appreciated their step-dads. The few who respect their step-dads happen to VERY rich step-dads. And we all know the rich step dads didn't give as much (effort or percentage of their income or time) nearly as much as the average step-dads.

It is all good to be emotional and all that. To please the wife is fine. But from what I saw step-kids do, especially once their mother died or they made it in life, is appalling. They completely ignored their step-dads and rather now thank their paternal relatives (where biological dad is no more). They have never been able to point out one thing the step-dads did wrong. Only their perception that the step-dads could have "done more for them". But how?
Everyone saw them grow up and how much the men did. Growing up nobody could tell they were not biological kids of the men.

I know of several cases recently. Can you imagine one step kid is about to do introduction of his bride-to-be but didn't tell his step-dad, a man who took him in around age of 2 or 3 with older siblings?
Once their mum died, they cut off. Even though the half-siblings (the man's kids) have been solicited to assist financially?

Another step-son would drive past the house he grew up in, step-dad was around age 95, to his in-laws house at the end of the same street and never stop to say hello? The same bride the step-dad played a big role in her parents even allowing him marry that pretty girl years earlier.

When the man eventually died they played no role nor assisted their younger half-siblings. Luckily the man had many well-to do kids too.
These are specific examples and more I know.
Fact is most step kids never accept another man in their mum's life. No matter how much the man tries.

In Africa blood seems the only thing that matters.

In my observation in Europe it is different. The parent who brings up a child matters most. Even several EPL footballers have no relationship with their still living biological dads. But consider step-dads as dads.

Yes she is right. And if you were the one with the 7yearz old daughter, na bit u 4the bit and u 4knw ask ur wife, straight u 4vamous her come