Accept her as your daughter do a proper adoption let it be official. And see her as your daughter. God bless you

Am not trying to poison your mind against helping her, but the little girl should be with her father or her grandma. My sister had a baby outside wedlock, and the girl is staying with us now and she's eight years old already.
Meanwhile, my sister is married to another man and even has a child for him.

Till date, I don't even know the guy who got my sister pregnant cos he doesn't give a damn about the baby.
My point is the girl should be with her father or her grandma, not you.
But if you feel you can help her, why not do it?
As for me, I can't keep such child in my house, the thought of how that nigga was fvcking my wife will keep coming to my mind each time that girl passes by.

frozen70:


Am. Glad you said you are aware she has a daughter before marring her

Pls pls accept that child inn and embrace her as your daughter

That child will be more useful to your own biological children than any house help

Let them grow together you never can tell what the future have for that child

Children are better off with their mothers than they are with their fathers

Make your home happy by accepting that child, believe me you will never regret it

Accepting that child will make your wife happy and everyone will be happy in that house, please

Good Samaritan! Why don't you accept and train the child on their behalf? After all, the man is not the biological father and you are not the biological mother so both of you have equal stake. Good Samaritan help him na!

Somerville:
Am not trying to poison your mind against helping her, but the little girl should be with her father or her grandma. My sister had a baby outside wedlock, and the girl is staying with us now and she's eight years old already.
Meanwhile, my sister is married to another man and even has a child for him.

Till date, I don't even know the guy who got my sister pregnant cos he doesn't give a damn about the baby.
My point is the girl should be with her father or her grandma, not you.
But if you feel you can help her, why not do it?
As for me, I can't keep such child in my house, the thought of how that nigga was fvcking my wife will keep coming to my mind each time that girl passes by.

Thanks for being real.

Odobopa:


He is not supposed to do it for the child to be appreciative in future. He is supposed to do this because that's the right thing to do to make his very good wife happy and also to help that kid. You can't just say no to your wife in a situation like this mehn...

And the man who sired the child gets a pass and shouldn't do the right thing? His own wife couldn't make him happy by accepting his child? Will you throw your own child out because of your marriage?

And the grandma too?

Mr, pack well.

steefi07:
Accept her as your daughter do a proper adoption let it be official. And see her as your daughter. God bless you

Why don't you step in and adopt the child yourself na. Good Samaritan.

To the Good Samaritans here. This matter is actually very straightforward. The man is not the biological father, same as you. So for the interest of your care, can you guys accept and train the girl on his behalf? Good Samaritan Nairalanders.

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

Sorry bro, but I have to be blunt here. Your family is being very very silly.

What if she had aborted the baby and lost her womb in the process and now both of you are still trying to have a baby all because she didn't want to be " after one"?

Having a child is not a disease.

Your wife's daughter has automatically become your daughter. Your flesh and blood. Your children share the same blood with her.

Like the first guy who commented, I'll advice you make it formal and legal. Adopt her formally, documents, lawyers and all and love her like your child.

chronique:
I think a lot of responders here, have missed the point. He has mentioned two things that caught my attention.

1: why the biological father of the girl is returning her to the mother because he just got married. Why should he be the one to deal with a child that two people apart from him, had out of wedlock. That's a very dicey issue here and it's selfishness on the part of the father of the child. If the girl had been with the mother all these years, it would have been a different story entirely. But returning her to the mother because he is now married, is a whole lot of something. The fact the mother-in-law is also asking for the girl to be taken away from her, is something else.

2: he also mentioned that he knows very well that if the reverse was the case, his wife would have non of it and wouldn't accept that. That tells you something is wrong somewhere. We might out of sympathy and humanity ask him to take the child in, but there are critical underlying issues that needs to be dealt with. I personally understand how single moms of this generation behave. In a relationship, everything must be about them and their child/children first, before you. Their first love and attention would be to their child before their spouse. This might affect the relationship between this man, his wife and kids pretty soon. The person who should be pressured to keep the child, is the biological father of the child. He is alive and capable and should take up the responsibility. I'm sure the wife he married has told him she doesn't want to see another woman's child in their home and the idiot is doing her bidding, forgetting he is a man and should put his foot down to say his child is staying.

I hope this sounds a warning to ladies who carelessly get pregnant for men and the men are not interested in marrying them. These are the type of things that would eventually happen in future.

My brother you spoke my mind completely,how nobody saw all this red flags and are deliberating on the non essentials is a shock to me. While I agree that if the other options don't budge the man should go ahead and accept the girl,answers must be provided to this questions before the man should accept this.
I hate it when people don't take responsibility for their actions

If u truly love her and she is very loyal,supportive and she never hide her past situations on this for you, the best decision for you to appreciate her is by adopting the kid with good documentation. Train the kid as yours with other kids and wait for the fruit of ur labour by the grace of God.
author=NairalandFAYOSE post=70017696]pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life. [/quote]

babyfaceafrica:
I don't think so..he is pained..but he doesn't hate the child....just not comfortable with the change in plans

I just pray he finds it in his heart to love the girl.

But bro if u can't stand her sight in your house kindly don't let her in. Because one day nah one day u will hit her badly because of one slight thing that she does. That's how this kind of situations plays out.

Don't say you were not warned o.

Donjazzy12:

Shut it! Why is she begging him to do what she can't do?

And how do you know she cant do it. So the whole family should break up because of that young girl? Besides the man has been aware of the kid even before marriage, why is she now a being rejected. If you dont learn how to forgive in marriage,of what use is the union?

If i marry you as a single mother i accept your child too.

So many hearltess people on earth.

The man is wicked too.

babyfaceafrica:
if he is wicked..then the father that threw her to the mother because he is getting married is what?

If u truly love her and she is very loyal,supportive and she never hide her past situations on this for you, the best decision for you to appreciate her is by adopting the kid with good documentation. Train the kid as yours with other kids and wait for the fruit of ur labour by the grace of God.

MsGood:
.
So, its better to abort? Or even worse, lose one's womb and be crying for children on mountains? Mistakes are part of life. If you don't like women with kids or as you put it, 'baggage', then don't marry one. It's quite simple.

How about you women learn to make babies with men who are willing to take responsibility for the child by being physically, emotionally and financially present? That way the thoughts of abortion doesn't even prop up. And no, pregnancy (asides cases of rape) are not mistakes. She and the child's father consciously had unprotected sex

Somerville:
Am not trying to poison your mind against helping her, but the little girl should be with her father or her grandma. My sister had a baby outside wedlock, and the girl is staying with us now and she's eight years old already.
Meanwhile, my sister is married to another man and even has a child for him.

Till date, I don't even know the guy who got my sister pregnant cos he doesn't give a damn about the baby.
My point is the girl should be with her father or her grandma, not you.
But if you feel you can help her, why not do it?
As for me, I can't keep such child in my house, the thought of how that nigga was fvcking my wife will keep coming to my mind each time that girl passes by.

But I find this post quite ludicrous. The sight of the child will bring to your mind the thought of how the guy was fvcking your wife!!! Like are you for real?

1. You didn't meet your wife as a virgin

2. You yourself had fvcked the hell out of some other men's future wives

And you are suddenly being sanctimonious?

Hilarious.

No, the child shouldn't be with her father. She should be with her mother.

Most women turn to witches if they have to take care of their husband's child. We all know that.

chronique:


Exactly. This is the genesis of the problem.

its funny no one saw that

the front page is surprising, I gave up

U are fortunate man, pls let child come to ur house simple

NairalandFAYOSE:
being with the mum means being with me. I don't think I want that.
have read so many comments here where people are calling me names and saying am selfish without even considering if I have the means to take care of her plus my kids. but no one is blaming the useless father who abandoned her daughter because he is married.
I know for sure my woman won't take it if its the other way round.

I only seek advice and if you want to blame me, I will
say you should first put yourself in my shoes

I just hope u want to keep enjoying the peace in ur home, allow d little girl in, the Dad knows no body can take care of her like her mother and again ur wife needs a girl around now to help her. If u eventually allow d little girl in, pls do ensure u do to her as u will do to ur children. God bless and opens doors for u, just as u will open for d little girl

Aquariann:


And the man who sired the child gets a pass and shouldn't do the right thing? His own wife couldn't make him happy by accepting his child? Will you throw your own child out because of your marriage?

And the grandma too?

Mr, pack well.

Obviously the father of the child is insane. Must the op be inhumane too?
He married a single mum and should be prepared for a situation like this.
You sef hug iroko tree.

Donjazzy12:
To the Good Samaritans here. This matter is actually very straightforward. The man is not the biological father, same as you. So for the interest of your care, can you guys accept and train the girl on his behalf? Good Samaritan Nairalanders.

Like its a big deal. People do it every time. He was aware that the woman had a child out of wedlock before marrying her, wasn't he? Does he now want her to put the child in a motherless babies home because she's married?

Humblesam:


Are you sure she is your wife or you're telling us a story here... what's the meaning of "after one"?
Forgive me,you sound childish here.
And I hate stuff like " my family this, my family that" in marriage issues.
For me...My marriage is fucking my business and the woman am married to...NO THIRD PARTY.
NO one sent me.

Highly concurred

SUPERPACK:
do all the necessary documentation and adopt the child to be your own, you never can tell who she will be in future, don't abandon her, because it might hunt your wife and frustrate your marriage.
May God lead you towards the right path.

Gbam

Odobopa:


Obviously the father of the child is insane. Must the op be inhumane too?
He married a single mum and should be prepared for a situation like this.
You sef hug iroko tree.

He married her because the child was with the father. He didn't sign up for this.

The bio dad doesn't want her, no one in his family wants her, her maternal grandma doesn't want her, but yet the Op is the only inhumane person.

okpanachil:


My brother you spoke my mind completely,how nobody saw all this red flags and are deliberating on the non essentials is a shock to me. While I agree that if the other options don't budge the man should go ahead and accept the girl,answers must be provided to this questions before the man should accept this.
I hate it when people don't take responsibility for their actions

Exactly. One thing I noticed on Nairaland is that people don't think deeply before commenting on critical issues. Most comments are usually out of sentiments. Taking the child in should never be an issue but sorting out those critical issues he raised up there, should be more important or else, he'd just get himself in a mess. Not too long ago, I was seriously considering settling down with a single mom. She asked certain questions about how I'd handle the child and I told her that wasn't going to be a problem. She was concerned about what my family would say if they found out I was going to be responsible for the kid's schooling despite the father being alive and I told her it wasn't going to be an issue as I do not intend to disclose certain things to them... I already zeroed my mind to the fact that if I eventually end up with this woman, this is what I should expect and not complain about, as it's part of the things one should expect when settling with someone like that. For me, it wouldn't have been an issue.
But this guy's case is different. The dad of the girl is suddenly returning her to the mother because he just got married, and his wife would not take it if the roles were reversed. These are pertinent issues that calls for concern.

cvibe2:


Op, you shouldn't even be bringing this up as a topic. How is your wife's daughter really affecting you?

I've seen a man take care and even sponsor to study abroad the 3 kids his wife brought into the marriage from a previous relationship that didnt work out. You, you are here lamenting.

Go and also ask that man that married that Tuface' s baby Mama called Sumbo Adeoye if I remember rightly.

You can't just expect your wife to throw her daughter out of her life.

One size does not fit all. Rather for you all of to plead him into accepting that child, you are abusing him, thereby making matters worst for the child. You used Tuface baby mama as an example, how does that add up.

My own advise to the Op is to go and pray and seek further spiritual advice. If God says go ahead and take her, do but call the father to a sit and make him sign than for the girl to live in your home he must approve the adoption.

Aquariann:


He married her because the child was with the father. He didn't sign up for this.

The bio dad doesn't want her, no one in his family wants her, her maternal grandma doesn't want her, but yet the Op is the only inhumane person.

I already said the biological father is insane. The op married her because he loved her. He was aware she is a single mum and anything could come up in the future.
He should do the right thing and make his wife happy. This is a child we talking about here sir. An innocent soul..

Somerville:
Am not trying to poison your mind against helping her, but the little girl should be with her father or her grandma. My sister had a baby outside wedlock, and the girl is staying with us now and she's eight years old already.
Meanwhile, my sister is married to another man and even has a child for him.

Till date, I don't even know the guy who got my sister pregnant cos he doesn't give a damn about the baby.
My point is the girl should be with her father or her grandma, not you.
But if you feel you can help her, why not do it?
As for me, I can't keep such child in my house, the thought of how that nigga was fvcking my wife will keep coming to my mind each time that girl passes by.

Hahaha, chai, Lol at the thought of how the nigga was fúçkiñg your wife, Una go kill person with laugh for Nairaland.com

Ioannes:


Like its a big deal. People do it every time. He was aware that the woman had a child out of wedlock before marrying her, wasn't he? Does he now want her to put the child in a motherless babies home because she's married?

Simple solution you that is talking cho-cho-cho take in the child yourself and train. You are not the biological father of the child just like our guy so no difference. But if you can't do it, then you are a hypocrite for telling somebody else to do what you can't do!

MizMyColi:


Such iberiberism.

Don't mind the guy. I thank God I'm not in that space, because you have to marry me and the child together from the outset. Girl child for that matter, it's either she lives with me or my parents.

Countersam:


And how do you know she cant do it. So the whole family should break up because of that young girl? Besides the man has been aware of the kid even before marriage, why is she now a being rejected. If you dont learn how to forgive in marriage,of what use is the union?

If i marry you as a single mother i accept your child too.

So many hearltess people on earth.

You that is a good Samaritan and not heartless should take the child and train her.

Please take the girl child back. It would be a service that would earn you your wife's gratitude forever. Secondly, if the child grows up to hear her own story, she will be grateful to you too.
Finally, it is not a bad thing to do extra for mankind.