Lomprico2:


The poster even called him a 'useless father'. Sending d girl back to him simply means destroying her. His wife will make life hell for her! Is that what u are suggesting?

Everyone is giving the real dad an easy pass. The poster can choose to be a jackass too.

Is he now to be blamed for getting his own life together?

Somerville:


If the owner of the child could reject his own blood, then the OP is not obliged in anyway to bring her to his house. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insensitive, just been real.
If the OP later decides to bring the kid to his house, it won't be out of love, it'll be out of pity, and I hate being pitied.

so what are u insinuating? Dat d child should be homeless because op can't assist his wife?

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

Sir ,how old are you? I am sure if you have a friend who wants you to adopt a chiwawa dog you wil jump at it right or the case is the reverse ,you are the owner of the said child? Grow up.oga ,stop reasoning with your balls.
Oga if you dont want her lemme adopt her i have a kid and i am still in search of more.

This post is a lesson. All women should strive to be financially independent. If this woman was making good money she won't be at the mercy of these miserable men in her life.
She would be able to stand strong for her child.

Anextin:


An sure the stupid man might have threatened and cajoled her into giving her daughter up now he feels it's ok to dump her like a sac of potatoes. God punish devil. Its hard to leave your child for another. Op if you reject that child, your marriage will crumble before your eyes cos your wife will never understand why you said no.
The dad dropping her off doesn't mean he won't contribute to her education and upkeep.
So you all can have a meeting and discuss how he will contribute towards her growth.
Don't make your wife chose between you and her daughter. Its not right, and in the long run she will chose her girl. Any mother would.

Nice choice of words there. The biological father doesn't get a stroke of cane from you, the new wife who made him return her after seven years with him isn't called out, her maternal grandma doesn't get a word from you, but the op gets called names for not wanting to take care of her knowing her own dad is able and alive.

You assumed he threatened her to give the child away? What do you mean by that? The father accepted his child for seven years and suddenly because of a woman like you choose to reject the child yet you blame Op.

Let's flip the table a bit, can you willingly raise your man's child who wasn't in the picture when the marriage was contracted in the first place?. Yes you knew he had a child but was with the mom. Now you a have a young child of your own and a set of three months old twins, can you honestly deal with another seven years old knowing her capable mother dumped him just to be with another man?

Let her go ahead and choose between her husband and the child and let's see who loses out because you can be sure he'll take his kids from her.

hypocrites full NL.......no one blames the father who dumped her daughter..no one blames the father's new wife who will not allow her husband's daughter live with them..no one blames the wife mother who will not allow her grandchild to stay with her for more than three days...only the step father is blamed..una well done

Tozinetita:


I read up on d comments & most r blaming u, telling u 2marry her if u truly love her. I bet u dat all dos advising u 2do so won't do such if they were in ur situation. In fact none of dem will marry a single mom cuz op wat u don't kno is dat wen 2pple av a child btw dem the child has binded dem 2geda & it is good as being married. So in ur case u r ur wife's 2nd husband wether u like it or not. Dat is d truth, if not 4d stupid family influence ur wife would have been with her 1st love, so accepting 2b d 2nd husband den u must b ready 2deal wit d consequences. & mind u, u r in an adulterous relationship bcoz d bible says whoever marry a divorcee commits adultery

I felt like giving u a few choice words but I had to restraint myself. It a people like u ,who won't read and take time to comprehend what they read, buy will be quick to come and comment. Marriage ko ni, when did having a child outside wedlock turn into marriage, when did having a child outside turn into love. You have not heard of people being raped and they got pregnant abi, or they had sex for fun or money and got pregnant.

MissRaine69:
The most heartbreaking thing is that there is child who seems unwanted in the middle of all this.
You knew she had a child so she comes as s package so this is no brainer. Accept the child and be the father she needs.
Secondly kindly stop having anymore kids as your hands will be very full from hence forth .

Missy, I've seen and come across some of your posts and threads and you strike me as one who always knows what she's talking about, but that's not the case here.

So the man should automatically change his own life plans (perhaps his own three are already a handful), stop having kids of his own just ti accommodate the child of another man who is alive, healthy and capable of raising her but chooses not to just because of another woman.

I keep advising single guys to flee single moms because of shíts like this. What nonsense

How can a man send his child away because of one useless toto If it was the man, I strongly believe the woman will not accept the child just as the child's father new wife did. So, oga Fayose follow your mind. You and your wife did not have agreement that she would bring in the child after marriage.

But to say my mind, your wife is playing games with you. Her mother rejecting the child is a lie from the pit of hell, she just want the child to stay with her. Forget what nairalanders are saying. Don't force yourself to do what is against your mind, the earlier the better.

zolajpower:

Sir ,how old are you? I am sure if you have a friend who wants you to adopt a chiwawa dog you wil jump at it right or the case is the reverse ,you are the owner of the said child? Grow up.oga ,stop reasoning with your balls.
Oga if you dont want her lemme adopt her i have a kid and i am still in search of more.

Pls if u can adopt d kid pls do
I really don't understand this Op
God bless u sir

janellemonae:
This post is a lesson. All women should strive to be financially independent. If this woman was making good money she won't be at the mercy of these miserable men in her life.
She would be able to stand strong for her child.

Seconded

Aquariann:


Nice choice of words there. The biological father doesn't get a stroke of cane from you, the new wife who made him return her after seven years with him isn't called out, her maternal grandma doesn't get a word from you, but the op gets called names for not wanting to take care of her knowing her own dad is able and alive.

You assumed he threatened her to give the child away? What do you mean by that? The father accepted his child for seven years and suddenly because of a woman like you choose to reject the child yet you blame Op.

Let's flip the table a bit, can you willingly raise your man's child who wasn't in the picture when the marriage was contracted in the first place?. Yes you knew he had a child but was with the mom. Now you a have a young child of your own and a set of three months old twins, can you honestly deal with another seven years old knowing her capable mother dumped him just to be with another man?

Let her go ahead and choose between her husband and the child and let's see who loses out because you can be sure he'll take his kids from her.

Next time you decide to quote me, read and understand before commenting so u don't shot yourself with your bullet. Your last paragraph was exactly what I referred to when I make that comment. If you read it well, you will understand that I blamed the ex boyfriend for taking her daughter away maybe to show he can and punish her. Now he's dumping the poor innocent child cos it doesn't suite his new status. Pls read again and slowly.
You said if she decides to choose the daughter, the man will take his kids abi. My point exactly, when the going gets tough he will then return the kids to her again to cause her another wahala.

LaudableXX:

And so bloody what? If the birth father rejects her, should the woman who brought her into this world, also reject her? Isn't it both parents that have a duty towards the child?

stop pushing the man to do something he ain't interested in, assuming he indicated his interest in taking care of the girl & just needs a little push, then we can provide that push, but the op is obviously not interested in raising some1 else kid

chronique:
I think a lot of responders here, have missed the point. He has mentioned two things that caught my attention.

1: why the biological father of the girl is returning her to the mother because he just got married. Why should he be the one to deal with a child that two people apart from him, had out of wedlock. That's a very dicey issue here and it's selfishness on the part of the father of the child. If the girl had been with the mother all these years, it would have been a different story entirely. But returning her to the mother because he is now married, is a whole lot of something. The fact the mother-in-law is also asking for the girl to be taken away from her, is something else.

2: he also mentioned that he knows very well that if the reverse was the case, his wife would have non of it and wouldn't accept that. That tells you something is wrong somewhere. We might out of sympathy and humanity ask him to take the child in, but there are critical underlying issues that needs to be dealt with. I personally understand how single moms of this generation behave. In a relationship, everything must be about them and their child/children first, before you. Their first love and attention would be to their child before their spouse. This might affect the relationship between this man, his wife and kids pretty soon. The person who should be pressured to keep the child, is the biological father of the child. He is alive and capable and should take up the responsibility. I'm sure the wife he married has told him she doesn't want to see another woman's child in their home and the idiot is doing her bidding, forgetting he is a man and should put his foot down to say his child is staying.

I hope this sounds a warning to ladies who carelessly get pregnant for men and the men are not interested in marrying them. These are the type of things that would eventually happen in future.

My dear, that wife of his will turn this girls life into hell. Except if he didn't tell her he has a child and is hiding her. Cos if she knows he has a child that lives with her, I don't see why the woman would not accept that child.
So my take is the bastard father is hiding this poor girl from the new wife. Hes a coward.

SUPERPACK:
do all the necessary documentation and adopt the child to be your own, you never can tell who she will be in future, don't abandon her, because it might hunt your wife and frustrate your marriage.
May God lead you towards the right path.

wow what a gift.you are indeed a counsellor.keep it up.

Amberon11:
The guy is very much safe. Worse case,
the case will be in court and the deatbeat father will be asked where he's been since the child was being taken care of by another person.

court? You think this is America or nollywood? We are talking street justice you're talking nonsense about court. I will never risk my life for anybody or any child unless of course the child's father gives his consent 100%

janellemonae:
This post is a lesson. All women should strive to be financially independent. If this woman was making good money she won't be at the mercy of these miserable men in her life.
She would be able to stand strong for her child.

Ode!! A serious issue is being discussed here you are talking another trash. What has been financially independent got to do with a woman asking her husband to bring in another man's child to live with them. If you are frustrated by men because of your nonsense character just know there are still decent women out there.

baby124:

Was the grand mother spreading her legs to get pregnant? Why should the grand mother be forced to take care of her daughters child while the daughter is still alive? The grandmother already took care of her own children. She is under no obligation to take on her grand children at all. She has every right to refuse.

OP you married a woman with a child with clear eye. You accepted the fact that she had a child, you must now accept the child into your home. The father tried taking care of that child for 7 yrs. the child is a girl and is growing, she needs to be with her mother at that age. If you cannot financially take care of her then her mother must work hard to provide for her while getting support from her father. Or you adopt the girl if the father wants nothing to do with her.

Look, in another 8-10yrs that girl will move on with her life and will not be around much longer. In another 3yrs she will be in boarding house and you won’t even see her that much. The deed has been done, support your wife and take in her child. Love the child too. Her grandmother at her age should not be burdened with the care of a child that she did not give birth to or plan financially for.

Grandmother cannot give the child the love and care a stable home will afford her tooo. Just do it for the love you have for your wife. If God forbid something happened to you in future, will you want your wife to abandon your kids because a man tells her to? Don’t put her in that position please. If you did not want a step child you should never have married a woman with kids . It’s just wickedness and selfishness on your part to make a parent push their child out in the cold because you don’t want them.

Baby, a woman like you made the father dump the child after seven years. This means that if roles where reversed, a lot of you won't willingly raise another woman's child knowing the mother while alive and capable, dumped the child just to be with a man.

Bolden, if the man's wife wouldn't want to be a step mom to a child, she should never have gotten married to it's father.

My mom did it, 35 years later my parents are still married and my half sis is closer to my mom than our dad. A close family friend did it too and not until her wedding day did some people get to know my neighbor wasn't her bio mom

The father of the child should man the hell up and take care of the fruit of his seed.

adontcare:
simple and short. I will leave with my daughter. Under dis circumstances. Instead for my child to be homeless, I will waka pass

i dey tell you.

Bros I understand you might not have bargain for this, please allow the little girl to be with her mum. She is actually the one that can take the best care of her daughter. God will surely provide all that will be required for her upbringing and your own kids to. To cap it all, start seeing her as your daughter too. My advise is what I would have done if I am in your sheo. Cheers

bluefilm:


I agree with you.

The OP is extremely selfish and wicked too.

Maybe he came here to seek for justification so that he will be okay with himself knowing that his rejection of the young girl is a very wicked act.

Had it been he was saying something about not having enough funds to cater for the additional mouth, then I might say let's see some reason with him.

But he just rejected the little girl, not minding the fact that the said girl is still the flesh and blood of his said lover.

Now, how do you want the woman whom you claim to love actually believe that you do love her?

I just don't know what is wrong with some people.

What manner of fuckery is this for crying out loud.

He stated his finances, you just didn't see it but chose to join the bandwagon of people lambasting him.

Why is her bio dad rejecting her for his own marriage to stand? Why cant the new wife accept her husband's child? His flesh and blood? Why is Op receiving the blame?

You didn't even have a word for the irresponsible dad who abandoned his daughter just because of another woman

Anextin:

I pregnant.

Anextin ur response is out of context cuz rape is anoda issue entirely & mind u I understand d Op situation perfectly. Sex in itself is marriage not 2talk of avin a child 4rm it. D truth has been twisted cuz we live in a pervert generation & I don't expect u 2 understand.

This is a matured advice and i advice you to tale it.....let the biological father be part of the agreement pls.

SUPERPACK:
do all the necessary documentation and adopt the child to be your own, you never can tell who she will be in future, don't abandon her, because it might hunt your wife and frustrate your marriage.
May God lead you towards the right path.

babyfaceafrica:
hypocrites full NL.......no one blames the father who dumped her daughter..no one blames the father's new wife who will not allow her husband's daughter live with them..no one blames the wife mother who will not allow her grandchild to stay with her for more than three days...only the step father is blamed..una well done

My dear Data is cheap na aaa. Any slowpoke, idiot, half-wit and kids can afford it and then sit back with there chinko phone and type rubbish. Can you imagine people insulting and blaming the man for not wanting to raise another man's kid. Comments like that made me limit visiting this forum and even when I do I don't bother reading comments anymore because stupidity is a communicable disease.

SUPERPACK:
so its better to stay with the stepmother and become a maid or maltreated as an unwanted, what makes you think the real father will nt get sexually attracted to he?. her real mother cannot abandon her in trying times like dis.

hmmm ao u think under another mans roof tht clearly doesnt want her is a better option. Atleadt under her father shell be getting food schooling and shelter as the dad wd provide or shoukd provide. Wuth her mum the step dad will nt bring money for her upkeep and will treat her like a housegirl. Plus her muma marriage will be wrecked cos the home will be a total disaster and hell def look foe a woman outside. Its bettwr she goes bk to hwr dad or grand mum.

Anextin:

Next time you decide to quote me, read and understand before commenting so u don't shot yourself with your bullet. Your last paragraph was exactly what I referred to when I make that comment. If you read it well, you will understand that I blamed the ex boyfriend for taking her daughter away maybe to show he can and punish her. Now he's dumping the poor innocent child cos it doesn't suite his new status. Pls read again and slowly.
You said if she decides to choose the daughter, the man will take his kids abi. My point exactly, when the going gets tough he will then return the kids to her again to cause her another wahala.

My apologies. Too much senseless commenters on here. Thought you meant he made give up the child So he could marry her.

janellemonae:
This post is a lesson. All women should strive to be financially independent. If this woman was making good money she won't be at the mercy of these miserable men in her life.
She would be able to stand strong for her child.

Gbam! That is jus d plain truth!!

Bro, let's look at the issues you raised - one by one.

Gabbysky:


Have you considered to ask yourself what agreements were entered by both of them before the marriage?

If there was an agreement that the wife's daughter will never smell the veranda of his compound, trust me, the husband would have made it explicitly clear to all of us.

Do you know how many Suitors must have turned her down on accounts of her stands?

Do you also know hw many men are willing to take such a woman whom the husband has greatly eulogized into their home, and even gladly accept 2 children from her that are not theirs? For him to have been attracted to her in the first place, despite being - according to him - "an AFTER ONE" --- there are at least 10 other men out there who would want her. Husband is scarce, husband is scarce; that story is not for good, enterprising women who know their God.

Do you think the Gentleman is financially, emotionally, physically and mentally capable to cater for another man's child?

If he isn't, he should let his wife know his concerns....and show compassion for the child. It is the same womb that carried your children that carried that 7 year old. That 7 year old is the woman's first fruit. People are being harsh on him because he did not stop for a moment in his post to conider how it must be for that girl. I called him a selfish man because when you love someone, their baggage becomes yours. You don't look in one direction when it is convenient for you, and look the other way when it isn't. I am married too. I know how I carry the things that have to do with my hubby on my head. I know how passionate I am about his family. Is it always convenient? No. But I love him, and that love overflows to his family too. It is the same for him and my family. That's the way it should be.

Did you bother to ask yourself what the man wanted in a home before setting up one?

Anybody who tells you that their marriage is exactly as they expected it to be is lying. sometimes, you get more than you bargained for.

Well, I believe the Woman knows why she can't force this down his throat, else, she loses all, hence, she resorted to begging him.

The woman did the right thing. To beg. It's good. But he should know that he is not God. God is the one who drives away flies from the tailess cow. He should also know that he has lost the better part of the woman if after all her pleas, he does not allow the child into the home. Even if it is just to sleep.

Dude must have made his mental evaluations over and over and the indices are not looking good.

Which mental valuations?
What if he were in his wife's shoes, what will he do?
What would you do?

I chose to reply you because you are MizMyColi, my favourite NL commenter, let's cut the guy some slack please.
Aggressive statements are only gonna harden him

The reason I will not cut him any slack is because he is being selfish by claiming it is HIS home. It is THEIR home. Whether the woman contributed one naira or not, it is THEIR home.
Perhaps, if he saw things from that angle, he would know better and show some compassion despite the difficulties he might be facing in reaching a decision.