Without the doubt, bride price is a cultural right in most parts of Nigeria. Marrying from some places is very easy and doesn’t require anyone breaking the bank. Most times, it affects relationship as the loud undertone is that one can’t settle with the love of their life if they are not extremely wealthy .

I could remember vividly when my girl cousin was to get married she was super excited and couldn’t wait to tie up the knot with her Yoruba boo. She told her mum about the guy’s intention and the mum told her dad. Hoops the marriage plan began, I know that day as I was about stepping from my home for the college when she called and said Cyndi my fiancé will be visiting our home on Friday this week and I want you to be around.

Well, let’s fast forward the whole story, the fiancé came and after plenty eating and laughing, my uncle took him to the village to meet with some village heads and family members that matters, at the end of that day he was issued a list and that list was tagged Requirements for a traditional Marriage Ceremony in Nsit Atai L.G.A.

He went back to Lagos where he is based and didn’t speak with my cousin for days. Worries piled up in her heart and she burst to tears when she told me of the ordeal she went through, I asked, so why didn’t you call him cousin, she said I did, most times when he picks up he says Edidiong am busy can I call you back later and that day will roll pass he won’t call me. What bites me the most is the fact that he calls me my name and not the sweetie he used to call. I then knew something was wrong.

Days rolled into weeks and here I am still wondering what might have gone wrong with my boo to be. I called his best friend Olawale who was kind enough to talk some sense into him and the following day he called me. All he said was Edidiong please I need you to board the next flight tomorrow to Lagos we have a serious issue I need us to talk about.

He sent me the flight code and I prepared for Lagos. I arrived Lagos at about 12.32pm, he was already their waiting for me, he hugged him and I felt he must have missed me, but then I said to myself if he did then why the cold attitude towards me. Well, we headed for his home and I had my shower and ate something.

Edidiong he said we need to talk, I said okay am all hears. He started with so much Eulogy and I said why sing my praises when you practically abandoned me and made my heart aches for days, your silence was enough to send me to my early grave.

Am so sorry but I didn’t know what to do nor think, I became helpless when your family head handed me the lists to our Traditional Marriage. Oh but why didn’t you show me the list before you left for Lagos, I couldn’t bring myself to show you how angry and disappointed I was he said, Disappointed?

Reading

This sounds interesting. Story not complete. Joeruano complete this story.

Joeruano thanks for completing the story.

I try not to talk about my personal stuff on Nairaland,but will make an exception today and tell a story before commenting on yours.

I am a Niger Deltan like you too,and a couple of months ago,my younger sister got married. I am also the oldest child and my dad is late(RIP) and so I am the Head of the family.

I had known her husband to be for a couple of years,and I know him to be a struggling young man,who is into different businesses and trying to survive.

Sometimes, without telling anyone, I push little contracts for him to handle so as to meet up,since he never once approached me for money considering the fact he knows I am on the okay side.

I liked him then,and I like him now. I wished him my inlaw,which he eventually became. I consider him a younger brother and that was how I treated him.

My Sister too, a beautiful young lady works for one of those organizations that pays in the 200k region . My sister is also a prudent woman who I know does not spend money on petty things.

When it was time for marriage. They approached me,and after giving them my blessing, I agreed they should go ahead and plan their marriage in Lagos. Later my mother started giving me heat that we should not ignore tradition,and out of pressure from more of my mothers family, I asked them to go get the list from the village.

When they brought the list, the young man went into a very sad mood and my sister called me complaining that village people want to destroy her marriage.

I will finish this story tomorrow. I am about to go take care of some personal matters.

Finishing my story.

When I saw the list, to say I was taken aback would be an understatement. They asked for everything there,and then some.

Now let me talk about this my village people and my history with them.

I went straight for my post-graduate degree,after my NYSC,and after graduation, showed up in my community,thinking they will hook me up with one of the Multiple National oil companies there, as a native.

They refused to help in a hostile way,and called me a Yoruba man,since i was born and bred in Lagos. And that the spots for jobs they had was for the people that grew up there,and not for strangers like us.

I left there after weeks hanging around, knocking on different doors. It was the humiliation of how I got to Lagos that still gets me upset. I sold my shoes,belts, trousers and my wristwatch.

I swore to never go to my people again for anything.

But my sister was getting married,and her husband to be did not have the muscle to sort everything out. I wanted to help, but did not want to look desperate as if I am in a hurry to just throw my sister way.

Told them not to worry,and that I will sort everything out when I fly back into the Country. A week later I flew into Nigeria,and called for a meeting with my inlaw to be. I asked him to look at the list and see what he can afford there. And when he picked the little things he could shoulder, I told him to bring the cash equivalent,and that I will go to the village myself to beg on his behalf.

I went to my hometown that weekend,and had a meeting with the elders of my family and the community, where I presented them with everything they asked for. I told them my inlaw had provided them to me in Lagos. They got their complete list,as I had swore me or any of my family members will never beg them for anything again.

The only thing they did was send a 5 man village representative to Come for the traditional wedding in Lagos,and that I took care of too.

My sister got married because big brother would not let traditionalists hold her marriage to ransom. They got what they wanted, and everybody is happy.

Not everyone I understand has a brother, or even anyone willing to stick it out for them to make sure their marriage works,as regards meeting the financial burden. And this is why the Tradition of extorting people under the quise of a long lists for marriage should be stopped.

I felt like ending it there since people get scared to read long posts but since the popular Hungerbad has requested for the remainder, let me oblige him.

Can you please show me the list, He brought the list out and here are the items enlisted:

The Requirements for the marriage process are:

One big black goat
2 bottles of dry gin
2 crates of beer
3 crates of minerals
2 crates of malt
#10,000 for the mother
#20,000 for the father

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Father of the Bride (Mkpo Ete)

One black goat
One bottle of 3-in-1 whiskey
One carton of schnapps
Wrappers like Hollandis, George materials
Cartons of Assorted beers
Bicycle
Walking staff
Limestone, Kola and Snuff
One shirt, socks and singlet
One hat, Umbrella, walking stock
Agreed amount of money (in cash only)

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Mother of the Bride (Mkpo Eka)

One native goat
One bottle of brandy
One lace material
Cartons of beers
One shoe, bra, head tie and a box filled with under wears
4 crates of soft drinks
Wrappers like Hollandis, George Material
One lace blouse, head gear and accessories
Cash for the money ranging from #50,000

List of Traditional Items for the Extended Family of the Bride (Mkpo Ndito Ette)

One carton of beer
2 crates of soft drinks
Tobacco
Bitter kola
A bottle of Schnapps
Amounts in cash

List for the Entertainment on the Marriage Day

Money for drinks
Money for food and snacks
This money is often given to the Bride’s mother.

On seeing this list I wept bitterly, ‘why me’ was all I was able to mutter out. Why me! This is a guy whose salary is #50,000 and how then could he afford this, who on earth can even afford this I muttered out.

Immediately, I picked up my phone and called my mum, I sounded so bitter on the phone and she became worried after our conversation my dad called me. He said my dear that list was supposed to be more than that but because of the influence I had on the family they had to bring it down to what you are seeing, it’s the tradition and we didn’t even include what we callAkam Adiaha which means prayer for the first daughter , that money is a #100,000 naira and it is done in a huge way, so you see my dear I passed through this same path when I married your mother. I wept and all my dad could say was take heart God will give you a man that is capable and up to the task, he ended the call.

My boo wept, he said where am I supposed to get such huge amount of money from and I can’t afford to lose you cause truly you complete my world. I wished I was working I said and mean while I was only a year 3 student in the University of Uyo. What do we then do he ask? well that night I couldn’t sleep I was soaked in tears and my heart was so heavy with thoughts. Is this how I would loss the affection of my man because my culture doesn’t believe in a humble beginning marriage?

Well lets fast forward the whole story jor, I moved in with the love of my life and we got married in Ikeja Magistrate Court here in lagos and at about a year in my marriage I got Pregnant I couldn’t hid the mystery any longer the pregnancy will bloom sooner or later and everybody will be in the know. So we opted for my home in Uyo.

My dad was so disappointed in me and he called some family members who came around and said that’s a taboo and for us to continue living as couples my husband must pay what they tag Ebot Nsunoyin(which means Goat for insult) This goat symbolizes apologies for defiling their daughter without paying the required price on her head.

Well, my hubby did that and also [paid few amount of money and promise to come back for the marriage proper. Believe me am a mother of 4 CHILDREN and up till date we have not been able to fulfill half of what the marriage lists carries.

Why you may ask me? Well man must survive and our priorities are our children and our selves. No one has the money to pay for all that but still we hope that someday we might be able to pay. Paying or not paying doesn’t guarantee a happy home. The tradition and custom can be and should be made flexible, the economy they say is bad, young men are trying so hard to be men and yet the tradition makes it complex for them to settle down. This is a voice that speaks the mind of so many women.

Edikan Ekanem has this to say, please it is no longer a novel news that Akwa Ibom (Calabar marital procedure as often referred to) is very exorbitant and demanding.
It troubles the minds of many how and when young men of Nigeria and Akwa Ibom will gather such funds under this biting, catastrophic and recessed economy. There is seriously a need for rethink. We are not advocating that our ladies should be given out for free neither we are trying to belittle their worth in the society and the value of our culture.

Let’s think of this: is it not better that we consider our suitors by making things easy for them than letting our ladies cohabit them without respect and dignity? Is it not good we try to help them do the proper thing as stipulated by law and Bible rather than making them go extra miles marrying adulterously? Is it not good we let them marry in a way that is more financially simple than letting them being ill-treated by men that they cohabit because of fear of menopause? These are things to ponder over.

http://thenews-chronicle.com/?p=77583

Thank you Joeruano.

A lot of people have little patience for reading. I have the patience for it.

HungerBAD:
Thank you Joeruano.

A lot of people have little patience for reading. I have the patience for it.

Wow! Good to know you have patience for reading.

HungerBAD:
Thank you Joeruano.

A lot of people have little patience for reading. I have the patience for it.

me too

Something tells me this story could have undergone summarization. The word count is crazy. When I saw the source I wasn't surprised at all.
The bride price is HUGE. I understand though, it is a case of a community raising a child hence everyone with a hand in her upbringing deserves something.
I honestly feel if the guy met the amount on the first try he would have divorced the lady a long time ago. How to pay the price is now an issue they will both contemplate while ignoring/neglecting other aspects which may kill the marriage later on. This situation is both a gift and curse.
If Edidiong was patient I'm sure she would have later met someone who could afford the price.

The Requirements for the marriage process are:

One big black goat
2 bottles of dry gin
2 crates of beer
3 crates of minerals
2 crates of malt
#10,000 for the mother
#20,000 for the father

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Father of the Bride (Mkpo Ete)

One black goat
One bottle of 3-in-1 whiskey
One carton of schnapps
Wrappers like Hollandis, George materials
Cartons of Assorted beers
Bicycle
Walking staff
Limestone, Kola and Snuff
One shirt, socks and singlet
One hat, Umbrella, walking stock
Agreed amount of money (in cash only)

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Mother of the Bride (Mkpo Eka)

One native goat
One bottle of brandy
One lace material
Cartons of beers
One shoe, bra, head tie and a box filled with under wears
4 crates of soft drinks
Wrappers like Hollandis, George Material
One lace blouse, head gear and accessories
Cash for the money ranging from #50,000

List of Traditional Items for the Extended Family of the Bride (Mkpo Ndito Ette)

One carton of beer
2 crates of soft drinks
Tobacco
Bitter kola
A bottle of Schnapps
Amounts in cash

List for the Entertainment on the Marriage Day

Money for drinks
Money for food and snacks
This money is often given to the Bride’s mother.

What exactly is wrong with these Akwa-Ibom people? Little wonder their region is so underdeveloped & rife with jobless militants looking for Oyinbo to kidnap for ramsom. Aside that, the only thing they do best is hunting innocent Ekuke (dog meat) upandan.

One native goat, One black goat. How many goats do they slaughter during their traditional wedding? No wonder GEJ couldn't move Nigeria an inch forward since he was just busy eating Asun & drinking cartons of Sapele Water in Asorock.

You better warn your covetous & uncultured village heads to desist from this dastard & impious act of subjecting your prospective in-laws to committing a broad-day robbery by putting their necks on the chopping board - Nagode!

okwabayi:
I’ll book this for later reading.

Kwarrect!

Akathriel:



What exactly is wrong with these Akwa-Ibom people? Little wonder their region is so underdeveloped & rife with jobless militants looking for Oyinbo to kidnap for ramsom. Aside that, the only thing they do best is hunting innocent Ekuke (dog meat) upandan.

One native goat, One black goat. How many goats do they slaughter during their traditional wedding? No wonder GEJ couldn't move Nigeria an inch forward since he was just busy eating Asun & drinking cartons of Sapele Water in Asorock.

You better warn your covetous & uncultured village heads to desist from this dastard & impious act of subjecting your prospective in-laws to committing a broad-day robbery by putting their necks on the chopping board - Nagode!

That list is even relatively civil and lenient and God fearing

@ Akathriel, that list is even relatively very civil, lenient and God-fearing. Take a look at this:

(Just page 1 of 6 Imagine what's in the rest 5 pages)

Mbaise people na learner for where Akwa Ibom people dey.


Little or no wonder I have seen 5 or 6 Akwa Ibom women whom their husbands are not well to do enjoying their union without a formal marriage.

Na wa o!

Thanks for the write up

My question is will this ever change?
Will the tradition ever consider you don't have to wait to be a millionaire to get married cuz trust me, the thought of the long list alone debar guys from commitment

Hmm, this one serious oo

But na wa o.
These families of these tribes should be considerate sometimes nau. The gods and tradition sometimes are considerate

Sadly, this is all true. Their marriage list na die.

joeruano:
I felt like ending it there since people get scared to read long posts but since the popular Hungerbad has requested for the remainder, let me oblige him.

Can you please show me the list, He brought the list out and here are the items enlisted:

The Requirements for the marriage process are:

One big black goat
2 bottles of dry gin
2 crates of beer
3 crates of minerals
2 crates of malt
#10,000 for the mother
#20,000 for the father

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Father of the Bride (Mkpo Ete)

One black goat
One bottle of 3-in-1 whiskey
One carton of schnapps
Wrappers like Hollandis, George materials
Cartons of Assorted beers
Bicycle
Walking staff
Limestone, Kola and Snuff
One shirt, socks and singlet
One hat, Umbrella, walking stock
Agreed amount of money (in cash only)

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Mother of the Bride (Mkpo Eka)

One native goat
One bottle of brandy
One lace material
Cartons of beers
One shoe, bra, head tie and a box filled with under wears
4 crates of soft drinks
Wrappers like Hollandis, George Material
One lace blouse, head gear and accessories
Cash for the money ranging from #50,000

List of Traditional Items for the Extended Family of the Bride (Mkpo Ndito Ette)

One carton of beer
2 crates of soft drinks
Tobacco
Bitter kola
A bottle of Schnapps
Amounts in cash

List for the Entertainment on the Marriage Day

Money for drinks
Money for food and snacks
This money is often given to the Bride’s mother.

On seeing this list I wept bitterly, ‘why me’ was all I was able to mutter out. Why me! This is a guy whose salary is #50,000 and how then could he afford this, who on earth can even afford this I muttered out.

Immediately, I picked up my phone and called my mum, I sounded so bitter on the phone and she became worried after our conversation my dad called me. He said my dear that list was supposed to be more than that but because of the influence I had on the family they had to bring it down to what you are seeing, it’s the tradition and we didn’t even include what we callAkam Adiaha which means prayer for the first daughter , that money is a #100,000 naira and it is done in a huge way, so you see my dear I passed through this same path when I married your mother. I wept and all my dad could say was take heart God will give you a man that is capable and up to the task, he ended the call.

My boo wept, he said where am I supposed to get such huge amount of money from and I can’t afford to lose you cause truly you complete my world. I wished I was working I said and mean while I was only a year 3 student in the University of Uyo. What do we then do he ask? well that night I couldn’t sleep I was soaked in tears and my heart was so heavy with thoughts. Is this how I would loss the affection of my man because my culture doesn’t believe in a humble beginning marriage?

Well lets fast forward the whole story jor, I moved in with the love of my life and we got married in Ikeja Magistrate Court here in lagos and at about a year in my marriage I got Pregnant I couldn’t hid the mystery any longer the pregnancy will bloom sooner or later and everybody will be in the know. So we opted for my home in Uyo.

My dad was so disappointed in me and he called some family members who came around and said that’s a taboo and for us to continue living as couples my husband must pay what they tag Ebot Nsunoyin(which means Goat for insult) This goat symbolizes apologies for defiling their daughter without paying the required price on her head.

Well, my hubby did that and also [paid few amount of money and promise to come back for the marriage proper. Believe me am a mother of 4 CHILDREN and up till date we have not been able to fulfill half of what the marriage lists carries.

Why you may ask me? Well man must survive and our priorities are our children and our selves. No one has the money to pay for all that but still we hope that someday we might be able to pay. Paying or not paying doesn’t guarantee a happy home. The tradition and custom can be and should be made flexible, the economy they say is bad, young men are trying so hard to be men and yet the tradition makes it complex for them to settle down. This is a voice that speaks the mind of so many women.

Edikan Ekanem has this to say, please it is no longer a novel news that Akwa Ibom (Calabar marital procedure as often referred to) is very exorbitant and demanding.
It troubles the minds of many how and when young men of Nigeria and Akwa Ibom will gather such funds under this biting, catastrophic and recessed economy. There is seriously a need for rethink. We are not advocating that our ladies should be given out for free neither we are trying to belittle their worth in the society and the value of our culture.

Let’s think of this: is it not better that we consider our suitors by making things easy for them than letting our ladies cohabit them without respect and dignity? Is it not good we try to help them do the proper thing as stipulated by law and Bible rather than making them go extra miles marrying adulterously? Is it not good we let them marry in a way that is more financially simple than letting them being ill-treated by men that they cohabit because of fear of menopause? These are things to ponder over.

http://thenews-chronicle.com/?p=77583

You are from essien itiaba region...nonsense n Udom.

Nawa ooo

Wao!

Never be afraid to write.
Some of us old people >35 years old still have the patience to read....

jacarantha:
Never be afraid to write.
Some of us old people >35 years old still have the patience to read....

And some of us Young people <30 still have the patience to read too

Hmmm.. Let me begin to initiate plan B be that

I salute my calabar people.

My cousin married one, this was around 2002-3, the list ehn


My akwaibom nysc friend that married around 2011/12 said her bride price alone was 400k as at then oo when 400k was quite valuable.


I think the way forward is that parents alone should be the one who determine what the groom bring. All these village association, elders, community, good mother's requirement is what makes it more cumbersome. This will be difficult to do in some cultures as they are very communual

Op,Akwa Ibom and Calabar are not the same.Calabar is Efik while most of Akwa Ibom is Ibibio.Their marriage lists are not the same.

NoToPile:
I salute my calabar people.

My cousin married one, this was around 2002-3, the list ehn


My akwaibom nysc friend that married around 2011/12 said her bride price alone was 400k as at then oo when 400k was quite valuable.


I think the way forward is that parents alone should be the one who determine what the groom bring. All these village association, elders, community, good mother's requirement is what makes it more cumbersome. This will be difficult to do in some cultures as they are very communual

Akwa Ibom and Calabar are not the same.The Calabar(Efik) marriage list is still manageable. It's the Akwa Ibom list work dey.

thorpido:
Op,Akwa Ibom and Calabar are not the same.Calabar is Efik while most of Akwa Ibom is Ibibio.Their marriage lists are not the same.
Akwa Ibom and Calabar are not the same.The Calabar(Efik) marriage list is still manageable. It's the Akwa Ibom list work dey.

Chai forgive me o jare just that down here we classify them as calabar.

My cousins wife should be efik then I think so because her parents home are in calabar town but then they might just be living in calabar but from akwaibom.

My friend is pure akwaibom that's the state her vilage is so I believe she would likely be ibibio

Why would i even want to marry from that region?

I will gently marry a conservative, Chrstian yoruba girl. We yorubas dont sell our daughters.

Yea


Lists are too long in my state


Not good

Must you get married?

IT IS NOT BY FORCE TO LEAVE YOUR South West AND GO ALL THE WAY TO BIAFRA LAND FOR MARRIAGE.

IF U DONT LIKE THE LIST, MARRY YOUR FREE OF CHARGE YORUBA SISTER.

THE PEOPLE OF THAT STATE HAVE BEEN MARRYING WITHOUT COMPLAIN.

NA U WAN GO ALL THE WAY TO AKWA IBOM FROM OGUN TO CHANGE THEIR MARRIAGE RITES.