Whilst growing up, I had heard once or twice about sons not on speaking terms with their fathers. To me, there was no greater absurdity. I loved my dad. He was my role model. I remember on graduation day back in high school when each of the graduating student was beamed on a large projector with what our aspirations were and who our role model was as well. I remember being the only one who put my father up as a role model. Let me chip this in real quick; My father is the spare the rod, spoil the child type of person. I was flogged up till my very early twenties with a strong leather belt. I was a stubborn child but he only made it worse. Once, he permanently damaged my left eye on something as fickle as borrowing a classmate's notebook to copy missed notes at home. He never for once said he was sorry. In a saner country, I could have easily sent him to prison.

My father distanced us from his maternal side of the family. My grandmother and my father's step sister gave my mom the hardest of times, some of which I witnessed when I was much younger. They seemed to believe my mom *jazzed my dad and that's why he wouldn't pick a second wife. They hated my mom with passion and I really didn't understand why. Fast forward to a early last year, I was away from home when I received a call from my mom saying that my dad had a daughter by another woman before they had me. She was a result of my dad cheating on my mom while they were in a relationship. My father named her after my own mother as a kind of apology. Here comes the weird part. My dad refused to send this child to school despite all of my mother's pleas. Whenever the girl called on the phone, my dad would tell her to ask her mother who her real father is and then cut off the phone. I grew up into my mid twenties thinking I was my father's first child and also hated my now dead grandmother not knowing she only had my step sister in mind while she acted the way she did.

I was privileged to enjoy some of the best education money can buy, same as my siblings but my father's daughter was under schooled and married early so as to have someone cater for her needs. She had the exact opposite of the life I had growing up. Her mother's family came to see her as an outcast. I feel like most of my life has been a lie. My step sister has two little boys. I can't believe my father never had the balls to talk to me, his first son about it. Even till now, he's never called me to explain himself. She calls me every now and then asking for assistance and in truth, I really can't. I feel so terrible for her. It's almost like she has no family. Our relationship is very awkward to say the least.

Lest I forget, my mom arranged the reunion (which I was absent from) because my dad thought she was the reason things became bad (financially) for us. He felt maybe she might have told her life's story to someone who played out a Nollywood script and jazzed his finances. This Easter, she came visiting again with her kids and I was around. We met for the first time and we exchange numbers. After her visit, she called to tell me my dad ignores her calls. It is for this reason that my contempt has grown. I have my own shortcomings as a son but I was basically lied to my whole life and my father never stepped forward to clear the air. When I try to bring it up, he brushes it right under the carpet.



Parents, be honest with your offspring. The littlest things can ruin whatever relationship you have with them. My dad is from a largely polygamous family. He's got step brothers and sisters on both sides of his parents but no siblings of the same parents. His family is terribly dysfunctional and I prided myself all my life that my dad didn't go the same path. Little did I know, I was wrong.

Earthbound:
Whilst growing up, I had heard once or twice about sons not on speaking terms with their fathers. To me, there was no greater absurdity. I loved my dad. He was my role model. I remember on graduation day back in high school when each of the graduating student was beamed on a large projector with what our aspirations were and who our role model was as well. I remember being the only one who put my father up as a role model. Let me chip this in real quick; My father is the spare the rod, spoil the child type of person. I was flogged up till my very early twenties with a strong leather belt. I was a stubborn child but he only made it worse. Once, he permanently damaged my left eye on something as fickle as borrowing a classmate's notebook to copy missed notes at home. He never for once said he was sorry. In a saner country, I could have easily sent him to prison.

My father distanced us from his maternal side of the family. My grandmother and my father's step sister gave my mom the hardest of times, some of which I witnessed when I was much younger. They seemed to believe my mom *jazzed my dad and that's why he wouldn't pick a second wife. They hated my mom with passion and I really didn't understand why. Fast forward to a early last year, I was away from home when I received a call from my mom saying that my dad had a daughter by another woman before they had me. She was a result of my dad cheating on my mom while they were in a relationship. My father named her after my own mother as a kind of apology. Here comes the weird part. My dad refused to send this child to school despite all of my mother's pleas. Whenever the girl called on the phone, my dad would tell her to ask her mother who her real father is and then cut off the phone. I grew up into my mid twenties thinking I was my father's first child and also hated my now dead grandmother not knowing she only had my step sister in mind while she acted the way she did.

I was privileged to enjoy some of the best education money can buy, same as my siblings but my father's daughter was under schooled and married early so as to have someone cater for her needs. She had the exact opposite of the life I had growing up. Her mother's family came to see her as an outcast. I feel like most of my life has been a lie. My step sister has two little boys. I can't believe my father never had the balls to talk to me, his first son about it. Even till now, he's never called me to explain himself. She calls me every now and then asking for assistance and in truth, I really can't. I feel so terrible for her. It's almost like she has no family. Our relationship is very awkward to say the least.

Lest I forget, my mom arranged the reunion (which I was absent from) because my dad thought she was the reason things became bad (financially) for us. He felt maybe she might have told her life's story to someone who played out a Nollywood script and jazzed his finances. This Easter, she came visiting again with her kids and I was around. We met for the first time and we exchange numbers. After her visit, she called to tell me my dad ignores her calls. It is for this reason that my contempt has grown. I have my own shortcomings as a son but I was basically lied to my whole life and my father never stepped forward to clear the air. When I try to bring it up, he brushes it right under the carpet.



Parents, be honest with your offspring. The littlest things can ruin whatever relationship you have with them. My dad is from a largely polygamous family. He's got step brothers and sisters on both sides of his parents but no siblings of the same parents. His family is terribly dysfunctional and I prided myself all my life that my dad didn't go the same path. Little did I know, I was wrong.

Though these things hurt a lot, you have to forgive him so that you can find peace.

You just created a thread to write all about your family? Girls should run far away from guys like you oh! You didn't even go through half of what some people did in the hands of their parents.

@Kimbraa, you may not understand how bad the guy feels so don't draw conclusion just yet. Remember the saying that a problem shared is a problem halved.

@OP, take your time to do your part and pray for strength to carry your stepsister along.

kimbraa:
You just created a thread to write all about your family? Girls should run far away from guys like you oh! You didn't even go through half of what some people did in the hands of their parents.

You're not very bright. Sorry to say. Have you not heard about "learning from other people's experiences?" Besides, his story is typical of many father-son relationships, not only in Nigeria, but everywhere in the world.

Edit: Apologies kimbraa for attacking your intelligence. I retract my very first statement. Can I buy ice cream for you, or you prefer airtime top-up? Just PM me and let me know your choice.

ovaltine22:


You're not very bright. Sorry to say. Have you not heard about "learning from other people's experiences?" Besides, his story is typical of many father-son relationships, not only in Nigeria, but everywhere in the world.

Mr Bright, so what have you learnt from his lamentation so far? And what counsel have you given him?

prospero5:
@Kim.braa, you may not understand how bad the guy feels so don't draw conclusion. Remember the saying that a problem shared is halved.

@OP, take your time to do your part and pray for strength to unite your family.

It's typical of Nigerian parents to beat their kids. The only exception is today's modern parents who have been exposed to other measures. If not for those beatings, some kids would have gone astray. Now, holding grudges on something like being beaten when you were wrong is wrong. He needs to purge himself of hate. His father played his role well, he gave him education, shelter, and fed him. What more does he want? As for his step sister, I don't think the man believes she's his child. Seems he was played at first, but found out later. Men talk, not holding unnecessarily grudges. He needs to grow up! I don't know sympathy.

kimbraa:
Your father should have used condom on the night he met your mum. If at your age, you're still holding grudges of how you were beaten by your father as a child; now as an adult, then there's something fundamentally wrong with you. I don't even see an issue in all you've said so far. So you foolishly don't know that a familiar person could read your post and identify you? Grow up! He gave you the best education, according to you, be grateful for that. As for your half sister, did you even ask him why he told her to tell her mum to tell her who her real father is? No man wakes up and start making such baseless accusation on a child he gave his wife's name?

...man wakes up and starts...

Earthbound:

It's such a pity you're making me stoop so low to insult you, but you are an idiot of gargantuan magnitude.


Lalas.ticlala, My.nd44, Dom.inique, she started it o.

You came for sympathy and I refuse to let "My dad beat me" blind my sense of judgement. Seems your dad didn't beat you well sef!

What concern do we have with this?

This should be in the Diaries Section. If you don't have one, create it now.

Earthbound:
Whilst growing up, I had heard once or twice about sons not on speaking terms with their fathers. To me, there was no greater absurdity. I loved my dad. He was my role model. I remember on graduation day back in high school when each of the graduating student was beamed on a large projector with what our aspirations were and who our role model was as well. I remember being the only one who put my father up as a role model. Let me chip this in real quick; My father is the spare the rod, spoil the child type of person. I was flogged up till my very early twenties with a strong leather belt. I was a stubborn child but he only made it worse. Once, he permanently damaged my left eye on something as fickle as borrowing a classmate's notebook to copy missed notes at home. He never for once said he was sorry. In a saner country, I could have easily sent him to prison.

My father distanced us from his maternal side of the family. My grandmother and my father's step sister gave my mom the hardest of times, some of which I witnessed when I was much younger. They seemed to believe my mom *jazzed my dad and that's why he wouldn't pick a second wife. They hated my mom with passion and I really didn't understand why. Fast forward to a early last year, I was away from home when I received a call from my mom saying that my dad had a daughter by another woman before they had me. She was a result of my dad cheating on my mom while they were in a relationship. My father named her after my own mother as a kind of apology. Here comes the weird part. My dad refused to send this child to school despite all of my mother's pleas. Whenever the girl called on the phone, my dad would tell her to ask her mother who her real father is and then cut off the phone. I grew up into my mid twenties thinking I was my father's first child and also hated my now dead grandmother not knowing she only had my step sister in mind while she acted the way she did.

I was privileged to enjoy some of the best education money can buy, same as my siblings but my father's daughter was under schooled and married early so as to have someone cater for her needs. She had the exact opposite of the life I had growing up. Her mother's family came to see her as an outcast. I feel like most of my life has been a lie. My step sister has two little boys. I can't believe my father never had the balls to talk to me, his first son about it. Even till now, he's never called me to explain himself. She calls me every now and then asking for assistance and in truth, I really can't. I feel so terrible for her. It's almost like she has no family. Our relationship is very awkward to say the least.

Lest I forget, my mom arranged the reunion (which I was absent from) because my dad thought she was the reason things became bad (financially) for us. He felt maybe she might have told her life's story to someone who played out a Nollywood script and jazzed his finances. This Easter, she came visiting again with her kids and I was around. We met for the first time and we exchange numbers. After her visit, she called to tell me my dad ignores her calls. It is for this reason that my contempt has grown. I have my own shortcomings as a son but I was basically lied to my whole life and my father never stepped forward to clear the air. When I try to bring it up, he brushes it right under the carpet.



Parents, be honest with your offspring. The littlest things can ruin whatever relationship you have with them. My dad is from a largely polygamous family. He's got step brothers and sisters on both sides of his parents but no siblings of the same parents. His family is terribly dysfunctional and I prided myself all my life that my dad didn't go the same path. Little did I know, I was wrong.

It's very painful when things are done with deceit and secrecy

As for your dad, don't expect him to come and explain an unexplainable situations to you.
Pride might be his major reason for that, so forget it, plan well and move on

As for your step sister, it's quite unfortunate that she has been deprived and abandoned, she might be living a life of regrets with the kind of father she has
She got married to find succour not that she was ripped for it

She sees you as her sibling and pls do your best within your reach, don't forget, her always call her to give her encouragement and joy of life.
Try to bring her close to the rest members of the family apart from your dad

Your dad way of life shouldn't affect you or your feelings for him rather learn from his mistakes and plan your own life and family to suit you

kimbraa:
You just created a thread to write all about your family? Girls should run far away from guys like you oh! You didn't even go through half of what some people did in the hands of their parents.

What is your problem?


Every member on this forum has the right to make a post/say things bothering him/her as long as the posting rules are not broken.


What is the meaning of "Girls should run far away from guys like the op?"


People passing through depression needs time and space to speak out and it will be encouraging when there is a listening ear. Probably this is the op's way of letting off the steam and you are demoralising him.


If someone's comment here does not go down well with you, learn to look away but don't shut him/her down for airing out his/her feelings.

This hurts

F

Earthbound:
Whilst growing up, I had heard once or twice about sons not on speaking terms with their fathers. To me, there was no greater absurdity. I loved my dad. He was my role model. I remember on graduation day back in high school when each of the graduating student was beamed on a large projector with what our aspirations were and who our role model was as well. I remember being the only one who put my father up as a role model. Let me chip this in real quick; My father is the spare the rod, spoil the child type of person. I was flogged up till my very early twenties with a strong leather belt. I was a stubborn child but he only made it worse. Once, he permanently damaged my left eye on something as fickle as borrowing a classmate's notebook to copy missed notes at home. He never for once said he was sorry. In a saner country, I could have easily sent him to prison.

My father distanced us from his maternal side of the family. My grandmother and my father's step sister gave my mom the hardest of times, some of which I witnessed when I was much younger. They seemed to believe my mom *jazzed my dad and that's why he wouldn't pick a second wife. They hated my mom with passion and I really didn't understand why. Fast forward to a early last year, I was away from home when I received a call from my mom saying that my dad had a daughter by another woman before they had me. She was a result of my dad cheating on my mom while they were in a relationship. My father named her after my own mother as a kind of apology. Here comes the weird part. My dad refused to send this child to school despite all of my mother's pleas. Whenever the girl called on the phone, my dad would tell her to ask her mother who her real father is and then cut off the phone. I grew up into my mid twenties thinking I was my father's first child and also hated my now dead grandmother not knowing she only had my step sister in mind while she acted the way she did.

I was privileged to enjoy some of the best education money can buy, same as my siblings but my father's daughter was under schooled and married early so as to have someone cater for her needs. She had the exact opposite of the life I had growing up. Her mother's family came to see her as an outcast. I feel like most of my life has been a lie. My step sister has two little boys. I can't believe my father never had the balls to talk to me, his first son about it. Even till now, he's never called me to explain himself. She calls me every now and then asking for assistance and in truth, I really can't. I feel so terrible for her. It's almost like she has no family. Our relationship is very awkward to say the least.

Lest I forget, my mom arranged the reunion (which I was absent from) because my dad thought she was the reason things became bad (financially) for us. He felt maybe she might have told her life's story to someone who played out a Nollywood script and jazzed his finances. This Easter, she came visiting again with her kids and I was around. We met for the first time and we exchange numbers. After her visit, she called to tell me my dad ignores her calls. It is for this reason that my contempt has grown. I have my own shortcomings as a son but I was basically lied to my whole life and my father never stepped forward to clear the air. When I try to bring it up, he brushes it right under the carpet.



Parents, be honest with your offspring. The littlest things can ruin whatever relationship you have with them. My dad is from a largely polygamous family. He's got step brothers and sisters on both sides of his parents but no siblings of the same parents. His family is terribly dysfunctional and I prided myself all my life that my dad didn't go the same path. Little did I know, I was wrong.

First of all, I will like to say that I feel your pain. I can relate completely with your story, but I think you need to find a way to forgive your father.

He was your role model, you thought the world of him but he didn't live up to your expectations. But guess what, he is only human. Nobody is perfect. We all make our mistakes and we all try to make up for them in our own little way.

Your father had a fling, and a child was born. A child he neither wanted nor planned for. Of course he had no love lost for this child. Maybe he didn't he believe he was the father, which I might add is a big possibility. Now he is expected to not only love this child, but also cater for her needs. I understand why he may not want to do that. Besides the child's mother also has a huge role to play here. She got pregnant for a man in a serious relationship, what exactly was she expecting? She should have known that she was on her own and is completely responsibile for her mistakes.

If you ask me, you Father made up for his mistake by not marrying a second wife, even after much pressure from his family. You have to admit that it took a lot of discipline for that to happen? And no more stray children.

Your step sister is the innocent victim in all this and it's a shame. But your father is not fully responsible for that. So I think you should cut him some slack

Finally, he owes you no explanation. It is his life, his past, his decision on how to deal with it. How do you expect him to introduce a child to you as a sibling when he hasn't even accepted her as his child?

Life is full of difficult choices, and we can only do the best we can at every given point. No need to dwell on the past. Appreciate him for being a good parent, help your sister of you feel the burden to, and leave your father to his decision.

I attended the burial or a man where another woman showed up with a grown up son. The widow was heartbroken and didn't know if she should mourn her husband or his betrayal. She had no idea her husband had a child outside. I casually asked my husband if he would tell me if he made the 'mistake' of having another child outside our marriage and he said NO. His reason is that he wouldn't want me to leave him because of it so he would rather abandon the child or even deny the child.

People act the way they do for different reasons. Ir doesn't make their actions right, but the certainly had their reasons. You just need to be open minded enough to understand and bear with them.

Grammarnazi1, why're you viewing this thread repeatedly? Go onto other threads and do what you're known for. Off you go.

Earthbound:
Whilst growing up, I had heard once or twice about sons not on speaking terms with their fathers. To me, there was no greater absurdity. I loved my dad. He was my role model. I remember on graduation day back in high school when each of the graduating student was beamed on a large projector with what our aspirations were and who our role model was as well. I remember being the only one who put my father up as a role model. Let me chip this in real quick; My father is the spare the rod, spoil the child type of person. I was flogged up till my very early twenties with a strong leather belt. I was a stubborn child but he only made it worse. Once, he permanently damaged my left eye on something as fickle as borrowing a classmate's notebook to copy missed notes at home. He never for once said he was sorry. In a saner country, I could have easily sent him to prison.

My father distanced us from his maternal side of the family. My grandmother and my father's step sister gave my mom the hardest of times, some of which I witnessed when I was much younger. They seemed to believe my mom *jazzed my dad and that's why he wouldn't pick a second wife. They hated my mom with passion and I really didn't understand why. Fast forward to a early last year, I was away from home when I received a call from my mom saying that my dad had a daughter by another woman before they had me. She was a result of my dad cheating on my mom while they were in a relationship. My father named her after my own mother as a kind of apology. Here comes the weird part. My dad refused to send this child to school despite all of my mother's pleas. Whenever the girl called on the phone, my dad would tell her to ask her mother who her real father is and then cut off the phone. I grew up into my mid twenties thinking I was my father's first child and also hated my now dead grandmother not knowing she only had my step sister in mind while she acted the way she did.

I was privileged to enjoy some of the best education money can buy, same as my siblings but my father's daughter was under schooled and married early so as to have someone cater for her needs. She had the exact opposite of the life I had growing up. Her mother's family came to see her as an outcast. I feel like most of my life has been a lie. My step sister has two little boys. I can't believe my father never had the balls to talk to me, his first son about it. Even till now, he's never called me to explain himself. She calls me every now and then asking for assistance and in truth, I really can't. I feel so terrible for her. It's almost like she has no family. Our relationship is very awkward to say the least.

Lest I forget, my mom arranged the reunion (which I was absent from) because my dad thought she was the reason things became bad (financially) for us. He felt maybe she might have told her life's story to someone who played out a Nollywood script and jazzed his finances. This Easter, she came visiting again with her kids and I was around. We met for the first time and we exchange numbers. After her visit, she called to tell me my dad ignores her calls. It is for this reason that my contempt has grown. I have my own shortcomings as a son but I was basically lied to my whole life and my father never stepped forward to clear the air. When I try to bring it up, he brushes it right under the carpet.



Parents, be honest with your offspring. The littlest things can ruin whatever relationship you have with them. My dad is from a largely polygamous family. He's got step brothers and sisters on both sides of his parents but no siblings of the same parents. His family is terribly dysfunctional and I prided myself all my life that my dad didn't go the same path. Little did I know, I was wrong.

I understand how u feel, when u realize the role model father isn't a model to follow at all. Disappointing feeling to say the least but life goes on. You are on your center stage, don't make the mistakes he made

kimbraa:
You just created a thread to write all about your family? Girls should run far away from guys like you oh! You didn't even go through half of what some people did in the hands of their parents.

Girls bring nothing but sadness and confusion to men most of the time. Op would probably be better off without them anyway.


Think up something better to threaten him with. Not girls. Girls? WTF??

Thank you Uju, you have said most of it.


Poster, I understand how you feel, your dad was not raised to be functional and most of the answers you seek you may need to be the one to initiate the process



Take time talk to him and let him know your frustration, demand an apology. He may not give it then but he will think about it and as he ages and starts thinking about death he may make amends. I had a bad relationship with a parent I was consistent in telling the parent how I felt it took a while but things are getting better now same parent is my biggest support system through current challenges

GrammarNazi1:

...man wakes up and starts...

https://archive.org/details/intellectual_slavery_the_worst_legacy_of_colonialism%22
I see your folly continues (well, you are in a mind trap, I get it, not your fault)
Get educated darling

No need to spend your time and energy despising your father.
Make up for his FAILURES.
You and your other siblings should TEAM up and shame your parents!
Give your step-sis and her kids the family she never had.

EMPOWER her with love and support.


Your dad is a weakling! I will spare your mom and pretend she does not exist.
Please, learn from their mistakes.

Be careful how you judge @earthbound. You may find yourself having some if not most of his traits.

His excesses notwithstanding, it's not easy being a parent. Age and experience will give you a better understanding.

To the moderator who banned me, you should have deleted the entire thread instead of deleting some comments to make me look like a bad guy. I was banned for bullying. How ironic! Kimbra is the bully here and several mentions here prove it. Yet I was the one that got banned. Shame. Shame on you sir/ma'am.

Saff:
This hurts

What pains me is that this Kinbraa person did not read enough to comprehend when I said my dad was my role model even after he'd injured me via flogging. I wrote this in a way that even the dumbest of humans will get that my father's flogging did not make me despise him but that he did way from his responsibility. To those saying she maybe isn't his daughter, only facial features sef would easily give him away as her dad. Her kids too, they have our popular trait of gap tooth.
I'm terribly disappointed in Kimbraa that if as a woman, the flogging was the only thing you could pick from this story, then there's an underlying problem somewhere.

Earthbound:
To the moderator who banned me, you should have deleted the entire thread instead of deleting some comments to make me look like a bad guy. I was banned for bullying. How ironic! Kimbra is the bully here and several mentions here prove it. Yet I was the one that got banned. Shame. Shame on you sir/ma'am.

You won't believe the same moderator banned me for paying that girl, Kimbraa, in her own coin.

merahki:



https://archive.org/details/intellectual_slavery_the_worst_legacy_of_colonialism%22
My father's folly continues (well, my father is in a mind trap, I get it, not his fault)
My father will be educated

Don't talk about him this way.