As copied.

I need urgent advice. See eh, my business has always done so well and I am good at saving money. I and my husband shared the bills. He pays school fees and other hefty expenses while I feed the family. Sometimes it is hard for him to get money to pay for the school fees and he sometimes asks me if I have, occasionally I have helped out but I noticed he will keep depending on me to keep helping out. When I say I don’t have, the school fees money will them come out from somewhere and he will pay it, but if I said I have, he will not find the money o. So I learned to say I don’t have so he will be forced to find it, and he has been doing it.




We don’t have property at all, we pay rent. I have been asking him to buy land but he has been postponing saying he doesn’t have money. I saved up enough money to buy land and I even saved up money to build a bungalow for us. All behind his back, because I know he will take the money from me and use it for something else if I say I have the money. So I decided to buy land and build the bungalow behind his back. I build 5 bedroom bungalow and I thought he will be happy and proud of me. I told him I have a surprise for him. I took him to the new bungalow which I have even furnished. I then break the news that it is our own and he was so shocked he nearly passed out. He then became very angry that I did such a project behind his back and that it is an insult to him. He said it means he means nothing to me for me to pretend I don’t have money and then go behind him and build such a house. Every room has toilet and bathroom, 2 parlours, big compound already fenced with interlocking tiles. Now furnished. I have been begging him since that I did it for our own good. His name and my name are in the C of O but he said he will never move into that house built behind his back and is talking about ending our marriage. He says he tells me everything he does but I betrayed him by hiding what I was doing. I told him is because I was afraid he will take the money off me as he has done before and I felt we needed to make progress and stop paying rent. At least it will save him rent money forever. This man is still angry o and wants to go and see my people to end the marriage



Please what did I do wrong? I thought I was being a good wife.... I feel so sad. I love my husband and I want to save my marriage. What do I do?

Ok

You should have told him about it,buh that's not enough reason for divorce

Those two above me sha

zinnydan:
You should have told him about it,buh that's not enough reason for divorce

All marriages these days are like a timed bomb.. It goes off at the slightest provocation or misunderstanding.

If this story is true the lady in question can kill and bury and no one will know about it...

Body language... check
Facial expressions...check
And they were living in the same room For how many months in which the project was going on Haba!!

Anyways, His ego was bruised...she should just give him some time..he will come around...

But If reverse was the case, I believe the lady would have been angry too.

Richy4:
If this story is true the lady in question can kill and bury and no one will know about it...

Body language... check
Facial expressions...check
And they were living in the same room For how many months in which the project was going on Haba!!

Anyways, His ego was bruised...she should just give him some time..he will come around...

But If reverse was the case, I believe the lady would have been angry too.

You are a wise man... I completely agree with you. I won't be surprised if someone else knew about it that's why she even opened up, if not she would have put it up for rent, be collecting it and still be collecting upkeep from the husband too. At the end of the day, her excuse will still be, I did it for us.
Talk about cold hearted.

Expected response from the man. African women need to understand, you don't do these things.

He does the "hefty" things in the house. From the write up, I don't think you ever really supported him for school fees (maybe once). Yet you complain him never having enough. How would he? Hello!!!! Family responsibilities have taken all of it, while you save and build a house for him?

A round of applause. Only a bastard husband will accept such bullcrap.

However, I don't think it should get to the level of divorce, but even at that, the marriage may never remain the same again.

Waiting for the feminists and misogynistic champions to support the woman.

Why are so many so evil that they don't want their wives to progress?

Let the era of slavery just come back so women can be turned to slaves this time.
She used her money wisely,its a problem.She squanders it on clothes,hairs and shoes,problem.

All I see is jealousy.The woman did what the husband was unable to do and it is paining him.
Nigerian men and their silly ego.

Let him keep being angry.Can his anger boil water

Please did anyone see where the woman said "he will take the money off her as HE HAD DONE BEFORE?"
She did wrong but no responsible man will have a woman who is ready to submit her money to him (which is rare these days) and will take it off her to do something else.
If you understand the bondage in paying house rent most especially as a family man and the money is not always there to pay, u will appreciate what it means to be a house owner.
He should forgive, swallow his pride, move in there and then buy time to build the one he will move his family into while they put up this 5 bedroom for rent.
If he refuses, the woman should call for a family meeting and to keep begging him for forgiveness not stopping stall.
If he still refuses, she should give him time and pray for him.
But I advise the woman never to live in regrets cos I feel this woman meant no harm.

An act of diplomacy shouldn't be mistaken for one of hypocritical disingenuousness - there's a thin line between the two. The woman didn't do any evil, unless all she stated here aren't the truth. She's a wise woman - a true liberator. Unfortunately, she's married to an enslaver, a typical small-minded man - imprudence, self-centeredness, opportunism and pilferage are vices. They're of different ethical leanings.

women are always deceitful so no surprises.

LadySarah:
Let the era of slavery just come back so women can be turned to slaves this time.
She used her money wisely,its a problem.She squanders it on clothes,hairs and shoes,problem.

All I see is jealousy.The woman did what the husband was unable to do and it is paining him.
Nigerian men and their silly ego.

Let him keep being angry.Can his anger boil water

are you married? or have a senior bro who is married?



she did well by helping but not even a hint of what was going on even as they slept on the same bed. seeing tired and stressed out each day and still no body language.

aside building a house if this lady isn't happy with the marriage or is wants to kill the husband not boyfriend o . she would be so successful in doing it.


nothing beats when you can read your spouse and how you feel so uncomfortable seeing them stressed.

What happened to communication ? there is a reason God made women the way they are, use your womanly powers to bend him to your will without bruising his ego. A woman should be able to manage resources and finances of the home. in some homes the wife handles the salary of the husband and utilises it well.

It tells a lot about you if you can do such project without him knowing. Forget women emancipation campaign. It is the secrecy and the bridge of communication and trust

jeff1607:



are you married? or have a senior bro who is married?



she did well by helping but not even a hint of what was going on even as they slept on the same bed. seeing tired and stressed out each day and still no body language.

aside building a house if this lady isn't happy with the marriage or is wants to kill the husband not boyfriend o . she would be so successful in doing it.


nothing beats when you can read your spouse and how you feel so uncomfortable seeing them stressed.

What happened to communication ? there is a reason God made women the way they are, use your womanly powers to bend him to your will without bruising his ego. A woman should be able to manage resources and finances of the home. in some homes the wife handles the salary of the husband and utilises it well.

not in support of d woman, she should have told him. but nothing is black or white, no marriage is the same, using both their names shows she meant no harm. using my parents as example, if my mother had taken this bold step when things were good, we won't b paying rent by now, my dad's stubbornness and procrastination is affecting us now. sometimes, women have to do something's, forgetting d consequences, last last, he will come around

Hmmmmmm.

I believe the marriage has bigger problems than the wife building a house since the husband was dragging his feet about it.

And the inherent distrust that the posters displayed above is worrisome.

Hopefully, they are married and off the market.

gloria34:
not in support of d woman, she should have told him. but nothing is black or white, no marriage is the same, using both their names shows she meant no harm. using my parents as example, if my mother had taken this bold step when things were good, we won't b paying rent by now, my dad's stubbornness and procrastination is affecting us now. sometimes, women have to do something's, forgetting d consequences, last last, he will come around

I agree with you that no two marriages are the same and we also pray not to use our hands to cause misfortune to ourselves. everything happens for a reason, I 've a few family friends that died when they moved to their new house, from robbers to unforseen circumstances.

jeff1607:



I agree with you that no two marriages are the same and we also pray not to use our hands to cause misfortune to ourselves. everything happens for a reason, I 've a few family friends that died when they moved to their new house, from robbers to unforseen circumstances.

sorry about that but we can't remain stagnant for fear of d unknown. d man should forgive, life goes on

Deed done! she asked for advice and y'all are castigating her.



Madam,keep begging your husband till you get tired .

jeff1607:



are you married? or have a senior bro who is married?



she did well by helping but not even a hint of what was going on even as they slept on the same bed. seeing tired and stressed out each day and still no body language.

aside building a house if this lady isn't happy with the marriage or is wants to kill the husband not boyfriend o . she would be so successful in doing it.


nothing beats when you can read your spouse and how you feel so uncomfortable seeing them stressed.

What happened to communication ? there is a reason God made women the way they are, use your womanly powers to bend him to your will without bruising his ego. A woman should be able to manage resources and finances of the home. in some homes the wife handles the salary of the husband and utilises it well.

She knows her husband .she is also trying to secure their future,their children's.
I know someone whose husband was like this and she had to take a bold step like this.When she revealed what she achieved ,her husband broke down in tears.

He doesn't joke with her now and also doesn't fail to tell ppl what the wife did.He has put her in charge of finances and has curbed his excess spending habit.

I'm trying to understand why the man wants to divorce her,even when his name is on the property.

You marry someone who strengthen s ur weakness not ignore it.That's why you are a team.Gosh!

I'm married and my dh says it's no big deal

Men!


Anyways madam, I see nothing wrong in it. Most Nigerian men do not wish for their wives to have properties before them. It's an ego thing.
And assuming u told him about it earlier, I bet you! That house will not be a reality. You won't even buy land sef. He must find away to collect all your savings.

Anyways keep begging, until you are tired. If he loves paying rent ? No problem. Simply rent out the bungalow and be saving your money, and assist Oga once in a while but not in paying the house rent , where u all live, as he forbids himself from becoming a landlord

According to the bible, "Wisdom is the principle thing" even if u didn't want to tell him but you would have created an impression of such. E.g baby we need a land oooo and you've been postponing it, in fact when I have some money I'll just pay for the property and I'll be a surprise, from there u would know what his reactions would be if you got it. Even after buying the land you should as well told him about it that you paid for a property and take him there. Turning up one day to show up something you have done for a year or years is brutal to most men. I wouldn't be happy as a man because no matter how humble you are you will reference it someday....that's just women for you.
If you're the kind of woman that always highlight what you've done especially when things go wrong then there is a big problem, if you're the humble supporting type, then, you can remedy the situation.

Context is everything in this case, and should be treated in isolation, not general.

1. The writer (wife) did not suggest that the man is irresponsible. He takes care of his family. He takes care of the hefty bills, while she does the feeding.

2. Hefty bills means school fees, car maintenance, extended family responsibilities, house rent, home maintenance, children wares and clothings etc. These don't come cheap.

3. With the above responsibilities, he found it hard investing in a property; not because he deliberately did not want to.

4. Even when he can't meet up, the wife still don't help out, because she feels if she doesn't help out, the money would come out somehow. How the poor man has been keeping up is none of her business.

5. Wifey builds a 5 bedroom bungalow and furnished to taste. With 2 living rooms. This is beyond, "I saved up...". A rough cost evaluation is between 6 - 10million minimum. And this definitely wasn't built in 1 or 2 years. Yet you have a responsible husband struggling to pay for school fees.

If the man was an irresponsible husband and father, the above analysis would've changed totally. But this is a man who is committed to the well being of his family, irrespective of his inability to meet up with the property investment.

There's absolutely no wisdom in what the woman has done.

Her issue was the fact that he became overly dependant on her money to pay his end of the bargain at times, yet would always somehow find a way to pay if she refused. I can't conclude that he's a bad man for this because for all we know he may have had to borrow from outside, on the other hand he could also be squandering his money on something else not family related, but we don't know this. I can understand her frustration though.

Assuming he was having genuine money issues I can see why he would feel some type of way, but it sounds like she had good intent and was just being cautious. As for his anger, it sounds like a matter of a bruised ego to be honest, she didn't put the home under her name alone so if anyone wants to argue that she's proud, rubbing it in his face etc it won't hold water. Divorce for this particular situation sounds..extreme.
Although, honestly, even if this didn't transpire it sounds like you guys have bigger issues with trust and transparency in general.

cococandy, pocohantas food don done oh.

Raalsalghul:
coc ocandy, pocoha ntas food don done oh.

Who is this latest e****?

Raalsalghul:
awaiting ur feminist gist inside d matter

Dude, if you are bored...go fck a cactus or something. No dey give me mumu mention.
You hear?

That man is being plain stupid and Unreasonable

neoG:
Please did anyone see where the woman said "he will take the money off her as HE HAD DONE BEFORE?"
She did wrong but no responsible man will have a woman who is ready to submit her money to him (which is rare these days) and will take it off her to do something else.
If you understand the bondage in paying house rent most especially as a family man and the money is not always there to pay, u will appreciate what it means to be a house owner.
He should forgive, swallow his pride, move in there and then buy time to build the one he will move his family into while they put up this 5 bedroom for rent.
If he refuses, the woman should call for a family meeting and to keep begging him for forgiveness not stopping stall.
If he still refuses, she should give him time and pray for him.
But I advise the woman never to live in regrets cos I feel this woman meant no harm.

Nice submission.
you sabi book

to me the man is a foolish man

Solidkay:
As copied.

I need urgent advice. See eh, my business has always done so well and I am good at saving money. I and my husband shared the bills. He pays school fees and other hefty expenses while I feed the family. Sometimes it is hard for him to get money to pay for the school fees and he sometimes asks me if I have, occasionally I have helped out but I noticed he will keep depending on me to keep helping out. When I say I don’t have, the school fees money will them come out from somewhere and he will pay it, but if I said I have, he will not find the money o. So I learned to say I don’t have so he will be forced to find it, and he has been doing it.




We don’t have property at all, we pay rent. I have been asking him to buy land but he has been postponing saying he doesn’t have money. I saved up enough money to buy land and I even saved up money to build a bungalow for us. All behind his back, because I know he will take the money from me and use it for something else if I say I have the money. So I decided to buy land and build the bungalow behind his back. I build 5 bedroom bungalow and I thought he will be happy and proud of me. I told him I have a surprise for him. I took him to the new bungalow which I have even furnished. I then break the news that it is our own and he was so shocked he nearly passed out. He then became very angry that I did such a project behind his back and that it is an insult to him. He said it means he means nothing to me for me to pretend I don’t have money and then go behind him and build such a house. Every room has toilet and bathroom, 2 parlours, big compound already fenced with interlocking tiles. Now furnished. I have been begging him since that I did it for our own good. His name and my name are in the C of O but he said he will never move into that house built behind his back and is talking about ending our marriage. He says he tells me everything he does but I betrayed him by hiding what I was doing. I told him is because I was afraid he will take the money off me as he has done before and I felt we needed to make progress and stop paying rent. At least it will save him rent money forever. This man is still angry o and wants to go and see my people to end the marriage



Please what did I do wrong? I thought I was being a good wife.... I feel so sad. I love my husband and I want to save my marriage. What do I do?

You did nothing wrong going by what you typed up there. Pray to God and keep trying hard to subtle his mind. Its an ego issue. Best is to keep telling how much you love him and the marriage. Don't bring up issue of him not wanting to own his own property and all that cox that adds to slaps on his face(crush of ego). If the family members have sense they would even congratulate you in his presence and tell him to take his wife home and love her even more. God help you and sustain your home.