light101:
Kai this lady, u made me laugh out real hard this early morning. See the way u describe I think the third guy, tiny, short etc . One lives with grandma and u will be sharing the pot of soup with the granny after the wedding. One is only the mum that can 'soften' his heart when there is issue.

Ur situation is very funny, having three guys and at the same time, all the three are not okay. Maybe u should drop this set and pick another set just to examine them.

It is well with you. If I may ask; how old are you? To be sincere with you, there is no perfect man even if u meet one tomorrow that he appears to be perfect, u will still discover that he is not as perfect as u thought.

You just have to pick one, if it all works out well, thank God, if not, still thank God and keep going.

I am 33 years old

Acidosis:
You're a melancholy, an over thinker, you imagine the unthinkable and make decisions based on assumed and sometimes ill-informed personal views. Not a bad thing though as it makes you a very detailed analyst with some iota of perfectionism.

That being said, you described yourself as a jealous person, so why bother asking them whether they will cheat on you or not? Does asking stops you from being jealous? Does knowing whether they will cheat helps you in anyway?
You have to realize that no amount of negative answers from your potential promiscuous partners can help you overcome your insecurities.

Besides, how can you even love and respect a man that tells you to your face that he would sleep outside of his home with a side chick perhaps, for 2 weeks if his wife offends him?

So dear, you ask too many questions, yet can't even decide on who to marry. Do you now understand how you complicate things for yourself? Since your many inquires cannot inform your choice, just quit asking too many insecurity-informed questions and follow your heart.

I don't have any recommendations as women generally follow their hearts at the end of it all. Once a woman's heart settles for a playboy or a drug peddling alhaji masquerading as an oil worker, no amount of good guys can change una hearts. So please follow your heart and be prepared to defend or withstand the consequences of your actions, whether good or bad.

How can I overcome my insecurities?

Realife4u:

How can I overcome my insecurities?

First, you need to learn to date only one man at a time. When you date or flirt with more than one man, you automatically begin to assume your partner does same with other girls.

Second, learn to trust your partners partner. At your current state, there's no way you can trust any one of the three guys, cos you don't trust yourself enough to settle for one.

Third, trust is not built in a day, it is earned over time. Hence, settle for one man, examine him whether he's trustworthy. If he's not, just quit immediately. Melancholy, owing to their nature, largely struggle with trust issues (not necessarily jealousy), so it isn't entirely your fault.

Don't give yourself heartache by going for a man you cannot trust. It will make your life very miserable. Unlike the sanguine females, most of whom are largely radical and untameable attention seeking flirts, the melancholy female is too reserved to allow any woman invade her territory, so be guided please. You cannot simply date just any man out there.

A responsible man you can trust is the number one factor you should look out for, rich or not. While the sanguine woman would warmly embrace a jaye jaye drug-money & flirtatious club resident, you cannot!!!

To overcome your insecurities, follow the man you can trust. Over time, you will overcome your insecurities. That is the only sustainable way.

Realife4u:

I am 33 years old

Among these three guys, if you don't have any other options and you have to pick one, which of them will you consider?

Realife4u:

There are currently 3 guys in my life am not sleeping with the three of them but am studying all to know which one to finally agree to for, so hopefully you guys can advice me right.
The first one is an advance man, he works in an oil firm, he is kind hearted, not hot tampered, extremely neat and gives cash freely when he has cash but the problem with him is this: he is a womanizer. one several occasions he said that if he eventually get married and his wife offends him so bad, he will go out and spend 3 days with his girlfriend. This one wants me to get pregnant for him.

The second one has a very tiny stature plus he is short, works in a small firm and receives small salary, he does forex in a small way. he lives with his parent in the same house. This one has come to know my parent, he quickly wants me to come and meet his people so they can access me but I obliged to go
Ones reason I didn't go is because even as @ now that we are dating although not sleeping with him, he tells me that there are times when he goes clubbing over night with his female colleague. And he said if his wife offends him, he will go to his friends place and stay for one to two weeks before he will come back, its only his mother that can soften his heart to come back home.

The third one lost his job and needs me to borrow him cash to repair his car so he can start running taxi in town while venturing into sales also. This one is caring. He stays with his grand mother and takes care of her. He has a distant girlfriend who is currently serving and according to him they are not so close because of distance plus she said she is not ready for marriage now but wants to work for two years first before marriage.
This one does not see anything wrong in having a concubine. This one said he will not sleep out if offended but will discipline his wife with his tongue if she misbehaves. And if he gets married, his grand mother continues to stay with him and wife.


So guys what do you think? Whom do you think is a good fit for me considering the fact that am naturally a jealous person? Do you think anyone of them is a husband material?

TonieLee... what says u to this?

MrNipplesLover:




TonieLee... what says u to this?

One girl 3guys n some of us don't even hv half sef. This life ehn!

TonieLee:


One girl 3guys n some of us don't even hv half sef. This life ehn!

That's irony of life, dear.

hope u good.

Acidosis:


First, you need to learn to date only one man at a time. When you date or flirt with more than one man, you automatically begin to assume your partner does same with other girls.

Second, learn to trust your partners partner. At your current state, there's no way you can trust any one of the three guys, cos you don't trust yourself enough to settle for one.

Third, trust is not built in a day, it is earned over time. Hence, settle for one man, examine him whether he's trustworthy. If he's not, just quit immediately. Melancholy, owing to their nature, largely struggle with trust issues (not necessarily jealousy), so it isn't entirely your fault.

Don't give yourself heartache by going for a man you cannot trust. It will make your life very miserable. Unlike the sanguine females, most of whom are largely radical and untameable attention seeking flirts, the melancholy female is too reserved to allow any woman invade her territory, so be guided please. You cannot simply date just any man out there.

A responsible man you can trust is the number one factor you should look out for, rich or not. While the sanguine woman would warmly embrace a jaye jaye drug-money & flirtatious club resident, you cannot!!!

To overcome your insecurities, follow the man you can trust. Over time, you will overcome your insecurities. That is the only sustainable way.

Thanks. the type of calls the oil worker usually make in my presence. so many Girl's calling @ a time and when I asked why he is dating more than 4 girls he said he wants to know which babe is best of all and one day when I stumbled on his phone, hmm you need to see his chats with different girls. oh my God I felt devastated. and that was when I begin to be open to study other guys too.

jesmond3945:
Op do you want to marry? If you say yes then you have to be real. No man i repeat no man can withstand the temptation of cheating. It might not be now but one day he would give in when you consider the billions of olosho littered all over the place. So remove that factor from your mind. If your man cheats find a way and manage the situation if he doesnt then you are lucky. Fron your narrative you have already made up your mind but you are scared of what the future holds for you and the first oil man. You might be surprised he wont react the way you envisaged but just know that there is no man who would not jump into the arms of another woman especially if the cash is there.

From the look of things most men cheat. Going from your suggestion how can I find a way to manage a man that cheats? Do I need to see a councillor?

Realife4u:


From the look of things most men cheat. Going from your suggestion how can I find a way to manage a man that cheats? Do I need to see a councillor?

I wouldn't know, you have to find a way to manage them or probably you stay single but if it is cheating a man has a high propensity to cheat.

Realife4u:

I am 33 years old

Wow!
I thought you were 18.
At 33, you can’t think for yourself?
Quite sad.

MrNipplesLover:



That's irony of life, dear.

hope u good.

Yh I'm fine. U?

TonieLee:

Yh I'm fine. U?

cool, thanx..

stay blessed.

Realife4u:

I am 33 years old

What took you so long at 33 years before thinking of marriage? What happened to your past relationships?

Realife4u:


From the look of things most men cheat. Going from your suggestion how can I find a way to manage a man that cheats? Do I need to see a councillor?

You cannot manage a man that cheats!
If you're not okay with one, quickly take a walk. There are men that don't cheat!!! Though they may be few, that doesn't mean you can't have one of them.

The earlier you decide what you want and who /what you can live with the better. You don't have to choose from these guys. Let them go and start socialising more so, you can have more options and a larger pool to choose from.

Be true to yourself and don't settle for less!

eniolorunfe:


You cannot manage a man that cheats!
If you're not okay with one, quickly take a walk. There are men that don't cheat!!! Though they may be few, that doesn't mean you can't have one of them.

The earlier you decide what you want and who /what you can live with the better. You don't have to choose from these guys. Let them go and start socialising more so, you can have more options and a larger pool to choose from.

Be true to yourself and don't settle for less!

Thanks dear

jesmond3945:
I wouldn't know, you have to find a way to manage them or probably you stay single but if it is cheating a man has a high propensity to cheat.

OK. thanks

Realife4u:


Am not anticipating a war in my marriage. I like to know how a person will react to situations in marriage. Am in search for a truly diplomatic and mature person that is why I keep asking them real life questions to know the secret person of the heart.

you know sometimes we don't really end up doing the things we say we will do when angry. The reason is the circumstances at the time these things happen might not warrant such reaction from us.

Realife4u:


my dear God will help

please don't have sex with any of them like that lady advice's you to. As long as you refuse to you have to power

Acidosis:
You're a melancholy, an over thinker, you imagine the unthinkable and make decisions based on assumed and sometimes ill-informed personal views. Not a bad thing though as it makes you a very detailed analyst with some iota of perfectionism.

That being said, you described yourself as a jealous person, so why bother asking them whether they will cheat on you or not? Does asking stops you from being jealous? Does knowing whether they will cheat helps you in anyway?
You have to realize that no amount of negative answers from your potential promiscuous partners can help you overcome your insecurities.

Besides, how can you even love and respect a man that tells you to your face that he would sleep outside of his home with a side chick perhaps, for 2 weeks if his wife offends him?

So dear, you ask too many questions, yet can't even decide on who to marry. Do you now understand how you complicate things for yourself? Since your many inquires cannot inform your choice, just quit asking too many insecurity-informed questions and follow your heart.

I don't have any recommendations as women generally follow their hearts at the end of it all. Once a woman's heart settles for a playboy or a drug peddling alhaji masquerading as an oil worker, no amount of good guys can change una hearts. So please follow your heart and be prepared to defend or withstand the consequences of your actions, whether good or bad.

are you melancholic?

generationz:

are you melancholic?

Just a bit of melancholy. am more of choleric

generationz:


you know sometimes we don't really end up doing the things we say we will do when angry. The reason is the circumstances at the time these things happen might not warrant such reaction from us.

Babe, e no easy oooo. Few weeks ago, I was linked to someone that doesn't cheat. guess what I found out. he is a woman beater. mehn. I just tire for all these guys.
Don't know what to do.

generationz:


please don't have sex with any of them like that lady advice's you to. As long as you refuse to you have to power

OK, for as long as I have power to. that's it

light101:


Among these three guys, if you don't have any other options and you have to pick one, which of them will you consider?

I think the first. But I pray to get a better person.

edoman2016:

What took you so long at 33 years before thinking of marriage? What happened to your past relationships?

This one na long story for another day

generationz:

are you melancholic?

Somewhat yes

Realife4u:

Just a bit of melancholy. am more of choleric

Really?? Well, most choleric women, due to their domineering nature, always struggle with this husband thing. So work harder on yourself. One of the few things I know about cholerics is that they rarely apologize or admit mistakes/errors.

A choleric is rarely ever wrong, and sorry remains the hardest word to pronounce in a Choleric's dictionary. Your being more of a choleric might be an explanatory factor on why you're still single at this age. Please I don't mean this in an offensive way, rather I'm trying to help.

I emphasized more on the tendencies of a typical melancholy based on my understanding of your post. Work on yourself, and you will begin to attract the right sets of men.

Realife4u:


Babe, e no easy oooo. Few weeks ago, I was linked to someone that doesn't cheat. guess what I found out. he is a woman beater. mehn. I just tire for all these guys.
Don't know what to do.

Mehn! How do people know for sure a man that cheats and the one that does not. People are very funny sha. My dear, I told you earlier that there is no perfect man. You just have to go with the one u believe his short comings u can live with.

light101:


Mehn! How do people know for sure a man that cheats and the one that does not. People are very funny sha. My dear, I told you earlier that there is no perfect man. You just have to go with the one u believe his short comings u can live with.

I know he doesn't cheat base on what he always says. but he said he once beat his ex

Realife4u:


Babe, e no easy oooo. Few weeks ago, I was linked to someone that doesn't cheat. guess what I found out. he is a woman beater. mehn. I just tire for all these guys.
Don't know what to do.

sorry but I have to laugh

damn
it's not an easy road I tell you
but the truth is only God knows the true heart of a person

someone might be a bad person today and become a good person tomorrow


prayer is the only way we can find out the right person to settle with that won't give us stress

human wisdom is very limited

people change from good to terrible, and from bad to angels.
only God knows the past , present and future and can direct you well

I know people who had to wait for 2- 5 years before marrying even though through the holyspirit they knew who their spouse was years back

why - God was working on that person. despite the fact that the person was ' their husband or wife' if they had married the person then it would have been catastrophic

what I'm saying is , don't conclude on anybody yet

seek God in personal prayer and fasting( don't go to any pastor , many are fraudsters). let him lead you.

Realife4u:

I know he doesn't cheat base on what he always says. but he said he once beat his ex

it dsoent mean it is a continuous thing

he might never do it again

I understand you , you are extremely careful almost too picky but its not your fault .
I'm melancholic/ choleric BTW . so I can relate to you

bit like I said , you can't really know a person that deep only God can

You surely have a whole lot going through your mind at the moment. This is certainly not the best time to be a woman. As for your guys, you know them better, continue to carefully and consciously interrogate their characters. Good luck in your screening exercise.