Kirgyakos:


I see u my oga...how market?

I see you too. U never sleep by this time?

U be winch?

Or so i thought ooh

flow1759:

I see you too. U never sleep by this time?
U be winch?
Or so i thought ooh

baba me na 2 0'clock I d always sleep o

“Where are you people coming from and where are you going to by this time of the day” A police officer flashed his torch light straight to my eyes.
“we we we are going to school!” Man, always saying gibberish.
“Which school? So you people are cult boys!” I was shocked the sack containing Diva was empty.

“cult! No ooh Officer we no be cult boys, we dey go hospital go see this my friend mama!” Man said, “She get accident, them com rush her go hospital”

“Na your Mama go get accident!!” I caused from within.

“Eheen! So wetin una wan use shovel do na? una wan go bury the woman?”
“shovel? we wan use shovel do……… do…………….do………………”
“Do farming!” I almost completed the statement for Man.

“This my friend here” Man tapped me, “Him be mason for site! So we from site go carry am com!”
“See your head! Na you be mason!” I cursed within.



“Una sorry ooh! Make una great una Mama for me ooh!” Two of the officers waved us as we zoomed of.


“Oboy! Where the girl disappear go na!” I heard my heart beat.
“Guy! Guy! E fit be say Diva disappear ooh!” I heard Flow’s heart beat loudly.
“All of una sure say that girl die true-true?” Brother Wale spoke my mind.

We were negotiating a turn when Flow’s phone rang.
“Flow! No be your phone dey ring?”
“Me! My phone? No be my phone dey ring”

“Yekpa!! guy na Diva dey call me me!” Flow shouted.
“Guy why you dey fear like this? I tell you say that girl no really die, she no wan make you chuk her nahim make”
“So where she come keep her phone wey she take dey call you so!”
“When she come house, she say she forget her phone for her house” Flow narrated, “So maybe she don reach her house now, you know say her house no far from here!”

I cut the call and something in me was telling me to off the phone and remove my SIM card
“Flow wetin you dey do with this kin winch girl! That girl fit be ogbanje ooh” Diva was showcasing what she studied in school – Theatre arts.
“I tell her say I no dey do again, after 3 months she com begin call me say she want make we come back together, I no wan do again ooh” Flow was bitter.


“Abeg Brother Wale drive us go back house make we go rest” I was sleepy.
As we took a bend, I saw a dark structure struggling to cross the road.

“Watch! Watch!”

“Ooh No!”

We had knocked down a mad fellow.

How she take escape na,,, shebi den don put her inside sack na

skubido:
How she take escape na,,, shebi den don put her inside sack na

Read carefully, the sack was untied and the trunk was open while Brother Wale worked on the car

I just hope say de persin wey una jam 4 motor no be D'va



hmmmm! just following!

baba flow ur suspense na super....that's why you are the best...!

ride on! Odogwu.1

Me thinks, She gained consciousness and didn't tell anyone cos she probably must have felt ya'll wanted to use her for blood money


Lolss

Baba flowy... Ride on sir
The best all time comic writer on nairaland

Funny sturv

Visit www.donsimonii.com for your interesting stories

“The bastard girl go die for that hospital, I no go go see her” Flow talked about the love of his life that had sustained major injury from the minor accident.
“If you no need the girl again, give me, I go take” How I so crushed on Diva.
“Take the girl, I no want her again!” Talk is cheap.
“Abi all of una dey here wey him say him dash me the girl?” We had reached home very late.






Months later
“See wetin Giroud dey play! I don taya for this Arsenal sef!” Brainbox was really vexed.
“Mumu them dey tell you to support better club, you dey support Arsenal, that one na club?” I sat beside him at Olaniyi viewing centre.
“At least, we better pass una for every aspect!” Snow interrupted, “Man U where una dey for table?”
“Where we dey for table no matter for now, na when jungle mature we go know who be the man".

“One goal this Arsenal no fit score Everton make I chop 20kay” Brainbox anger was not that his team was losing but was for his 20,000 Naira winnings to be fulfilled.

“Me my own slip don cut since morning, na this Adelaide club nahim cut am!”
“Oboy which one be Adelaide again!” I thought shooting stars Ibadan had customized their name.
“Adelaide na Yoruba club na!” Man non-lover of football said.
“Oga! Adelaide na Australia club” Brainbox said.


70 Minutes into the game and I just couldn’t wait to the end of the game; Chinwe was waiting for me at home.
“Oboy I need to go house now!” I informed Man.
“See am! See your life! na that girl go kill you, you no fit catch fun again, woman wrapper!”
“I no be woman wrapper, I just love the girl, why una no fit understanding!”
“So you don love the girl pass us your friends abi? Nahim make you pack leave us for the house” Flow said.


What my friends couldn’t understand was that I love them, but the love i had for Chinwe had overtime grew to skin-deep, I was loving her more with each passing day.



10:45PM
I was lying on my bed smiling with the knowing that I was sure impressing Chinwe in bed that night all thanks to Buruntashi Man recommended for me.

“Emma, I hope you will perform better this time! You promise me you will remember?” Chinwe was in the bathroom.
“Sure we will!” I responded.
“We will? You and who?” She was quick to respond.
“Me and my Burundi” It was a new name for my d’ick since Man administered Buruntashi to me.

“Oboy you don charge ooh!” I was talking to my risen Burundi.
“I charge because I don ready to perform” It responded.
“No go over perform give this girl bow leg ooh!” It was so erected that my waist was heavy.
“Babe are you ready to give it to me!” Chinwe was seducing me with just towel tied around her.
“As you can seeee!” I showed her what I had in between my legs.


A knock was heard on the door, and I wished it wasn’t my friends wanting to borrow either Onion, Salt, Seasoning, Pepper or an entire pot of soup.
“Who is there?” I said, “Baby leave whoever is there and lets continue”
“continue what? Go and see who is at the door, we can’t let anybody ruin this night for us!”
“leave them, it should be my friends!”
“What? can’t they allow us stay in our house in peace! leme go and show them the stuff I am made of!” Commander had spoken.

As Chinwe rushed to the door, I followed immediately.
“What the hell you doing here! What do you want Mr. Flow?!”
“Baby don’t worry I will handle it” I tried moving her out of the way, but accidentally I grabbed the towel she tied and it was instantly untied.


“I………ehn………I……ennnn……..I…….. am looking for....... Good afternoon Ma!!” Na. ked Chinwe made Brother Flow saw the sun rose by 11.04pm.

Kirgyakos:
I just hope say de persin wey una jam 4 motor no be D'va



hmmmm! just following!

baba flow ur suspense na super....that's why you are the best...!

ride on! Odogwu.1

You are right. She do action film for us

SunFlow:
Baba flowy... Ride on sir

The best all time comic writer on nairaland

THANK YOU

flow1759:


You are right. She do action film for us

Gbagaaam!

“Baby don’t worry I will handle it” I tried moving her out of the way, but accidentally I grabbed the towel she tied and it was instantly untied.


“I………ehn………I……ennnn……..I…….. am looking for....... Good afternoon Ma!!” Na. ked Chinwe made Brother Flow saw the sun rose by 11.04pm.
[/quote]


Oya make una try party...e go make sense die!

I was sleeping, I was walking, I was dreaming.

I was sleeping, I was walking down the aisle.

It was all a dream.


“Do you take Emmanuel Okoli to be your lawfully wedded wife……………”
“husband……………..Your lawfully wedded Husband……………. husband!” I corrected the officiating pastor

“Do you take Emmanuel Okoli to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health??”
“husband……. husband……. husband……….!” I corrected the pastor again.

“Shhhh Sweetheart, allow him to finish, he knows what he is saying” Chinwe my bride was in support.
Was i out of my mind?


“Mrs. and Mrs. Okoli you are now wife and wife!” The pastor announced.
“Husband and wife!” I was furious now.
“Husband? Where is the man?” The pastor gestured.
“See me here, I am the man!”
“shut up! As you are now, will you call yourself a man?” The Pastor fired and all in attendance started laughing, it was just then that i caught a clear picture of the face; the Pastor was Pastor OK, Chinwe's father.

“Why una dey laugh na? I no be man?” I tapped my d’ick slightly so confirm it wasn’t missing and touched my chest to see if I had grown breast all of a sudden.

Ab initio i walked the aisle i was a man, i thought i was transforming to a woman.

I was confused.

"why una dey laugh!" I was angered
Yet they continue getting on my nerves.
“All of una wey dey laugh me, una dey mad!”



The knock on my door brought me back to reality.
“Ooh God! Who be that! wey dey knock for my door!”



Saturday 12th March, 2016, 6am
“Na me dey knock for your door! Na me Flow, you say make I wake you say me and you go go roadwork!”
It was exercise time.

Nice update bro.

But I think this update is to get back at successful Emmanuel for behaving like a sissy lol.... You guys can't still come to terms that he ditched you guys to stay with his love in another room.

Happy Sunday to y'll n to the one n only Legendary Flow
baba I hail thee!

October 15, 2016

If wishes were Cadillacs, beggars will drive.


“Guy una no know how I like Cadillac motor” Flow was noisy, “I dey tell you say na from Ford Cadillac come from”
“We know jor! Make we talk better thing!” Snow cautioned.
“Guy how we go do this Brainbox and Man wey NDLEA people catch?” I said to Snow, “And e be like say OK wan bone their side ooh”
“Me I hear say them disobey OK nahim make him no gree go free them!”
“Oboy that one concern them, when them dey say make dem stop Coco business, them no gree” Flow was care free.

“But Emmanuel you go fit tell Chinwe your babe make she tell her papa make him free them?” Emma not Emmanuel, I almost said; I was so used to Emma.
“How I go tell her, you no know say the man dey seriously hide the Coco business from him family members?”

We were still talking of my chances at telling Chinwe to plead with her father to free our friends when my phone rang.

Talk of the devil; she was calling.
“Hello……. sweet heart!................................... eheeeen!............The medicals for the modelling outfit you told me you were to attend……………………. ehen, you were tested…………… and what?……………….. and what?........... H..I.. what?” The phone fell of my hand.


“Wetin? Wetin be HI? You don get HIV?” Flow hit.
“HIV? No oh!” I quickly picked up my phone, “I wan say H.I.P for da Hip, for da Hipopo, POPO for da Hipopo, and TAMUS for da Hippopotamus! Hippopotamus!!” I recited the Nursery rhyme.


“So na Hippopotamus you wan talk? I don’t believe you!” Snow said, “So why you com dey sing the song for Chinwe, abi she dey Nursery school?”
“Yes……………. No………. Yes……… I mean No” My head was heavy, “Na that her Sister pikin wey dey Nursery school I dey sing the song for”


On Flow's shirt was boldly written "Tommy Hilfiger", but what i saw at that moment was Emma HIV.
I was gradually going blind. I think it was night blindness.

I was losing my taste buds too; the palm wine and 404 tasted like urine and burnt beans instantly.


“Oboy I dey get headache, abeg make I reach house!” I fumbled as I stood up.

For 30 seconds I searched for my very right leg even underneath my shoe sole.

“Wait make we finish make all of us go together, Only you go fit waka go house so?” Like he cared.


Tears were pouring, I couldn’t hold them back.
“ahan! Emma why you dey cry?” Snow mentioned.
“I no dey cry! Na tears of Joy!” My lips moved slowly, “I dey happy for Chinwe, she don get that modelling job”
“If na that one, na good news na!” Flow tapped me, “Abeg Mfom knack us another keg of pammy and one plate of 404, Emma go pay!”
“Yes, I go pay!” I was already walking out sobbing.




Why me? Why is the bad things happening to the good people?

So I go soon die?

I go die before my Mama.

What will be said of me when my demise come.

So this girl Chinwe was finally taking me to my early grave?

I saw myself deep down six feet.
Not until I stamped into a gutter three feet.
Since I couldn’t rise up easily, I didn’t bother struggling with my fate, I lied down on the well-made “water bed”.

Then an angel appeared unto me.

swiz123:
Nice update bro.

But I think this update is to get back at successful Emmanuel for behaving like a sissy lol.... You guys can't still come to terms that he ditched you guys to stay with his love in another room.

Thank you my oga

Kirgyakos:
Happy Sunday to y'll n to the one n only Legendary Flow

baba I hail thee!

Happy Sunday to you too.

baba flow awfa naa....drop something 4 ya boyz naa
ur boyz dem de hunger o

Kirgyakos:
baba flow awfa naa....drop something 4 ya boyz naa

ur boyz dem de hunger o

Sorry dear, story continues 14th November

flow baba

Flow 14 November don pass oo

macodollar:
Flow 14 November don pass oo

I am back. I Will be updating soon

"Who are you?" I spoke to the creature standing in front of me.

"I am your guardian angel! I came with a message for you" The voice sound angelic though.

"my guardian angel? But i have not met you before"

"Now we are meeting!" The angel responded, "What i have come to tell you is from your creator, the one that molded you in your mother's womb"

"What is it? speak!"

"I have come to tell you that God said if you don't turn a new leaf, you will die soon!"

"Turn a new leaf! What did i do?"

"He said, you must stop womanizing, you must stop smoking, you must stop drinking, you must stop gambling, this is your last chance! Your last chance!" .

"Wait! But i don't gamble.......... where are you?" I couldn't find the angel but i found reality.




I was thinking.

I was thinking.

I was really thinking.

Where will I go when I leave this planet to the grave beyond?

“I think I will make hell, and when i get to hell, i will take permission from devil to skin Chinwe” I stood up from my bed.

But it at that moment dawned on me that I was really wet.

I had spent my night in the gutter close to my house, and it was morning already.




“Flow! Come see Emma for gutter” I blinked to see faces staring at me.

“Hahahahaha!” Snow laughed at his ancestors.

At first I saw pale colours, then I was in a moment seeing grey-screen.

Where are all the colours?.

Then I was whispering sweet words.

“wetin him dey talk sef” Flow was closer.

“H…… I……. V…………….. H……..I………..V”

“Oboy na HIV him dey talk oh!” Flow pulled me up.

“Mumu! who dey talk HIV? I dey talk AIT” I whispered.



One hour was approximately a year, I was on my bed; my real bed.

“What! who pull me clothe?!” I instantly noticed I was n’aked and my Burundi was inactive. I mean inactively inactive.

"See problem wey you don put me now!" I felt like cutting it of.

“God why me?”

“Chinwe have killed me!” I assured myself, “What will I do now?”

What I was to do was simple! Go for a test.

My legs were heavy, my eyes where blurred, my tongue dried, my heartbeat was faster, I could hear my kidney speak.

What is happening to me?

All around the wall in the room was boldly written H.I.V, soon the room was peach dark all thanks to NEPA. I was scared and blind. Blind to the fact that it takes some years for an HIV patient to die if the patient takes medication regularly.

“By this time next week, I go dey my grave!” I assured myself.

Time was running out.


I was crying.

I was crying a river.

I was shrinking.

I was warm.

I was fidgeting

“I am gonna die!”

I thought of taking my life with rat poison and saving myself from the excruciating agony of living with a deadly disease.

“Wetin I go tell God if I die!” I was crying an Ocean.

“Man no dey cry!” I remembered the words of Man my friend.

Wiping away my tears, I assured myself I will go for a test the next day to ascertain my status for myself. If I perish, I perish.

Then I perished on my bed.

Tanks for the update,,



Welcome back

Then the thunderbolt came.

I was sinking. “Once you stop thinking, you start sinking” a wise man once said.

But I was thinking and I was sinking.


Where is the hospital? I need this test.



“Emma! where you dey go?” I heard a familiar voice all of a sudden.

“Man! Brainbox!” I saw a cab drove slowly towards me.
“We don free!!! You where you dey go?”
“Me? I dey go Hos….. Hos…….. I dey go…. I dey stroll, I wan take fresh air” The cab had drove passed.


“So NDLEA don release this boys?” I said to myself, “see as them dey happy!”



In snail pace I was at the Hospital.

“Mr. Emmanuel Okoli your test result is ready, the doctor will see you now!”

I felt my legs jittery, I couldn't move let alone stand.
Standing was the least of my problems. My main problem was the test result. All through my life I had only being tested for HIV once before that moment.



I remember my first experience. That was when I was serving in Ogun state.

I was sick for 3 days, thinking it was legendary Malaria and Typhoid, I went for a test at the general hospital.

“Oboy I go advice you to go do HIV test ooh!” Gozie, one of the corps members on duty suggested.
“Which kin talk be that? why I go do HIV test?” I wondered.
“You need am ooh! As you don treat Malaria and Typhoid and e no gree go, e fit be say you don catch HIV ooh!” Bayo another corper doctor said.
“Guy if no be say I dey respect you, I for say make thunder fire you!” I caused.
“Guy, I think you should follow our advise” Gozie added, “Because all this secondary school girls wey you don waya, plenty of them get HIV ooh!”

At that moment I flashed back.

Funke, she was a definition of wayward

Bisi, young, beautiful but weird. She wanted to be my wife but she was Lagbaja with tribal marks.

Bimbo, 17 but knows what a 27 year old wouldn’t. She wanted to carry my seed for nine months.

Kemi, I had a quickie with her on christmas eve at night close to the transformer at the end of the street. Thank you NEPA for not restoring power that night, we would both have been electrocuted, or so I thought while b’anging her.

After two days and I was still having headache, I heeded to the advice of Gozie and Bayo.

“Oboy come test me for HIV” I was at the hospital on the third day.

Bayo took my blood sample and went inside. Then i was hearing laughs from inside. Was my blood sample funny looking? Or so i thought.

30 minutes and no result yet, One hour and I was running out of patience, Two hours waiting in the waiting room and Bayo and Gozie where just passing by every two minutes assuring me the result will soon be out.

“Why my own result com tey like this?” I asked Gozie.

“Don’t worry, you will get it soon” That he had assured me four times.



“Guy what if you catch this disease?” A voice whispered to me.

“Me? catch HIV? Na your papa go catch the sickness!” I caused no one in particular.

My head was heavy, I wished I never had sex with A’fonja babes. Only a wish.
I peed on myself when Doctor Gozie while passing by said; “Your test result is negatively positive, wait for it” and he was laughing.

“This guys dey carry me joke ooh!” I was about pooing on myself and on the floor too.

30 minutes later and the same voice yelled to me, “RUN!”


I ran faster than any splinter from Jamaica and hushed when I got to the nearest bar when the voice shouted “STOP! Go in there and take a bottle of 1759”
“Yes sir!”

“Dance before you sit down!” The voice commanded me.
I danced no dance step in particular for about 4 minutes before sitting down.
“Madam give me stout make I drink, no mind those HIV boys!” I knew I was saying rubbish yet I couldn’t stop, I was possessed by myself maybe, or maybe not.

All through my phone had been ringing but since madness beckoned there was no need to pick.

I had sipped from the glass of Udeme in front of me when my phone beeped, it was a text message from corper Gozie.

“Your test result is out, you are HIV negative, enjoy your life, but make sure you use condom”


A heavy load left me, it was like a veil flew out my face.


“say HIV is not my portion!” The voice was calm now.
“HIV is not my portion!” I said.









……. “Amen! HIV is never anybody’s portion” I was seated in the doctor’s office, “the disease is not your portion but we have your test result here to show”
As she opened the envelope my eyes were clouded with tears. I was losing it, I felt like taking of my cloth and sit on the floor.

“Your test result shows that you are…………. you are………… Look Mr. Emma no matter the outcome of this test just know that……. bla bla bla bla bla bla”
“Go straight to the point!” I had farted about fourteen times already.

“Okay, your test result shows that you are HIV.........................”
Then a knock was heard at the door. Seemed the doctor didn’t hear the knock.

“Your result shows that you are HIV……..” she continued and the knocking continued too, “you are HIV…… HIV….. Pau pau Paul!”

skubido:
Tanks for the update,,



Welcome back

Yeah i am back.

And this story promises to be the best you read this year.

Wonderful update.

The suspense was really funny, lol.

swiz123:
Wonderful update.

The suspense was really funny, lol.

You never chi chon chin

Oga flow I dey vex...