ZIMDRILL:


1 you saw things from outside not within the marriage itsself

2 remember i clearly said the husband needs to be patient too so what if those girls were lucky to have patient husbands

3 most girls who marry young to older men are excaping poverty at home so they will fight to make the marriage a successful one

Of course even marriage to an older lady requires a lot of patience from the man.
If I haven't seen situations where marriages between older ladies and men hit the rocks while those between younger ladies and much older men succeeded, perhaps I would have agreed with you that age gap is a major determinant of marital success.
Your problem is that you make hasty generalization! In some parts of Nigeria, girls even in their 16s are very ready for marriage and would be very willing to get married and believe me, it is not always about trying to escape from poverty.

Jman06:
Of course even marriage to an older lady requires a lot of patience from the man.
If I haven't seen situations where marriages between older ladies and men hit the rocks while those between younger ladies and much older men succeeded, perhaps I would have agreed with you that age gap is a major determinant of marital success.
Your problem is that you make hasty generalization! In some parts of Nigeria, girls even in their 16s are very ready for marriage and would be very willing to get married and believe me, it is not always about trying to escape from poverty.

do you know what is mob phsycology

this is when people act the same way becoz the next person is doing the same or people around you are acting the same

a 16s year old if feel ready becoz she has seen other 16s getting married but it mean she really ready no the is following the pattern

its us men who lust for young girls and we marry them very young

imagine marrying a 16 yr old legally she can even get into a night club nor can she vote and you say you got a wife ?

the only thing to her name is birth certificate and may be a national id

sometimes men we are an embrassment to each other

picture this equation there are more girls who marry very young average 17 and below than boys of the same age why ?

simple its greedy men to pray into inmature teens and make them wives


few cases you would find a 16 yr old boy marrying another 16 yr old girl, its always much older guys marrying 16 yr old girl why ?

ZIMDRILL:


maximum 10 yrs




usually society meaning most people older than yourself judge you, parents and the rest meaning people of your parents age and beyond

& 37 your parents might be in the 60s and they expect you to be mature like them and they expect your wife to be mature like you but she is just 20.

so wife at 20 she meant to be mature like you and yo parents expect her to be mature like them and society once her to be mature like 60 yr olds,

so you have to defend your wife from
these expectation from family and society, there are things that you prepare for but exprience of like can not be taught by word of mouth, you have to walk through it yourself and every home and situation it always different


so you to as husband you need to be patient with her she as she go through her own exprience finding a way how the two of you can make a new home more comfortable without offending you, your family and society at large

Well, you are right anyway. I do not support a 37yrs old marrying a 20 yrs old girl. Even from the story of the OP, it's somehow to me.

I also wouldn't deny the fact that some girls even in their early 20's already have that matured mentality like one already in late 20's to early 30's.

I met a girl some years ago who was 23 then because i never knew her age and never would i have thought that she's 23. I was thinking she's already 27. It was my cousin that asked her while we were hanging out her age and to my surprise, she said 23.

That type was already ready for marriage in all ramifications from my assessment at that time.

The way people see these things differs anyway but i will never consider marrying a 20yrs old girl if i am 37. I will be looking at a lady in her late 20's.

ZIMDRILL:


do you know what is mob phsycology

this is when people act the same way becoz the next person is doing the same or people around you are acting the same

a 16s year old if feel ready becoz she has seen other 16s getting married but it mean she really ready no the is following the pattern

its us men who lust for young girls and we marry them very young

imagine marrying a 16 yr old legally she can even get into a night club nor can she vote and you say you got a wife ?

the only thing to her name is birth certificate and may be a national id

sometimes men we are an embrassment to each other

picture this equation there are more girls who marry very young average 17 and below than boys of the same age why ?

simple its greedy men to pray into inmature teens and make them wives


few cases you would find a 16 yr old boy marrying another 16 yr old girl, its always much older guys marrying 16 yr old girl why ?

You are wrong bro! If getting married at such young age is so bad for the girl like you make it appear, no girl of today would be willing to marry that early. But as I'm talking to you many girls that age are getting married or planning to. Forget the mob psychology thing. Why don't such girls follow the mob of ladies campaigning against early marriage these days Because they simply want to get married! And like I said before, it is not always just about trying to escape poverty like you imply, women are naturally marriage oriented! It is people of this generation that are trying hard to redefine who a woman ought to be.

So brother, let's not make it look like it is a taboo for a 37yrs old man to marry a 20yrs old lady. Provided the lady is not being forced against her will, they are good to go!

truthsayer009:


Chaiii He really tore that place apart mehn, Baby Faster...Faster...Fasss...Fass. Ok let me stop now, its getting out of hand. Apologies.



Sorry dear, I'm only interested in the BBW part. So you are the Toolz I've been looking for. Come home to Daddy!!!

Anytime I hear BBW, I just think of Doggy. OMG I'm so perverted. Oh Lord Help your son, for all have sinned.



Oh yeah, when it comes to Women, Prudence means Stinginess. I almost forgot to say that

Cheers to the new week

.

Ishilove:

.

Clarathomp:


They say ''Like fine wine, men get better with age.'' I find this to be true even for women (I'm speaking exclusively for myself while assuming this is the case with most of my gender too)

My point? I like the older me better than the younger me. I mentally cringe at how naive, younger me was and I really wish life occurred in a way that the wisdom we attain at an older age (about different things) could come/happen faster at a younger age, to save us the misery we cause ourselves as youths.

I hope I made sense to you, with that preceding paragraph. At 20, I don't think I was well informed or well suited for marriage in any way. I lacked patience, easily quit things that frustrated me, was indecisive, quick to anger, could hold a grudge and the list goes on. But I considered myself mature and some folks may say I was mature for my age in certain aspects, like the way I spoke and related with people (I was cultured & well mannered) but all my other issues didn't show on the outside .

I'm not sure that what I was like at 20, is any different from what most 20 year olds are like today (I may be wrong but I seriously doubt it) because life happens in stages/phases. You do not escape being a teenager with all the usual tantrums and self esteem issues. The same way you do not escape being an inexperienced young adult bound to make silly mistakes. In a nutshell we do not jump straight from being babies to being well adjusted adults, capable of tackling life's issues. We will all pass through the stages/phases of life.

I don't mind the age difference because personally I like my men older than me BUT can you, really handle a young wife? We are talking marriage not dating abi? In marriage, there is extended family, bills to be paid, investments to be made, budgeting & serious planning to avoid financial strain & borrowing, bad days and good days, etc

Women are hardly educated about these things. Nobody tells us that there's more to being married and staying married beyond the traditional/white ceremony. So we often go into it, ill prepared for the reality . I think even men go into it, ill prepared too. A younger woman may be frustrating to deal with (if she is anything like me, when I was 20) and it may require you making heroic efforts over and over again to maintain a peaceful home. You go fit?

The parents may be willing to let her go because it may mean, one less responsibility for them to worry about.

Op please read this over and over and over!!! Then make your decision.

Elder0001:


He should marry a 20year old kid who's not even through with her education?

Are you normal at all?

Of what use is a woman who can't assist her husband financially?

oh! now I know.

u don't really care about your happiness, you only care about financial stability. I don't know maybe you're married or not but believe me if you continue with this mind set then you really have a long way to go.


best of luck.

Jman06:
You are wrong bro! If getting married at such young age is so bad for the girl like you make it appear, no girl of today would be willing to marry that early. But as I'm talking to you many girls that age are getting married or planning to. Forget the mob psychology thing. Why don't such girls follow the mob of ladies campaigning against early marriage these days Because they simply want to get married! And like I said before, it is not always just about trying to escape poverty like you imply, women are naturally marriage oriented! It is people of this generation that are trying hard to redefine who a woman ought to be.

So brother, let's not make it look like it is a taboo for a 37yrs old man to marry a 20yrs old lady. Provided the lady is not being forced against her will, they are good to go!

just go and marry a new born baby girl, paedophile

SLOVFO:
I am a 37 years old man that is about to court and marry a 20 year old lady. The lady in question came highly recommended by close friends and she is quite matured for her age. The parents are also willing to let her go. But i am hesitant, as i consider the age difference between the two of us. Moreso, she is just in her year one in a higher institution.

Please I need the opinions and advise of experienced folks.

Her parents should be ashamed of themselves, I’m sure they are hungry people looking to shirk their responsibilities.

Else, why would it even be a conversation they can have, where they consider giving their child to an old man like you.
If she was done with school and it’s her choice, that’s even another conversation. That she is willing now doesn’t mean she isn’t doing it to get away from home.

I really hate poverty.., and Op please don’t lie that her parents are well to do, because if they were, fear won’t even allow you approach them with this kind of talk.

havilla:
just go and marry a new born baby girl, paedophile

We ain't talking about my own preferences!

My dear, I believe it is something to do with value and tradition. I read somewhere that Yul Edochie married at 22 years. And I don't want to believe he married his mother's age mate. Some family take pride in seeing their daughters and sons marry early. Incidentally, my folks are not in support of the proposed union because of the girl's age and assumed experience. I decided to seek the opinion of people like you because I don't like giving up on relationships easily.

CanadianNaija:


Her parents should be ashamed of themselves, I’m sure they are hungry people looking to shirk their responsibilities.

Else, why would it even be a conversation they can have, where they consider giving their child to an old man like you.
If she was done with school and it’s her choice, that’s even another conversation. That is is willing now doesn’t mean she isn’t doing it to get away from home.

I really hate poverty.., and Op please don’t lie that her parents are well to do, because if they were, fear won’t even allow you approach them with this kind of talk.

SLOVFO:

My dear, I believe it is something to do with value and tradition. I read somewhere that Yul Edochie married at 22 years. And I don't want to believe he married his mother's age mate. Some family take pride in seeing their daughters and sons marry early. Incidentally, my folks are not in support of the proposed union because of the girl's age and assumed experience. I decided to seek the opinion of people like you because I don't like giving up on relationships easily.

Yul didn’t marry a 5 years old.

CanadianNaija:


Yul didn’t marry a 5 years old.

I never said he did. He probably married his age mate. And who said anything about marrying a minor? A 20 year old lady is no longer a child.

SLOVFO:


I never said he did. He probably married his age mate. And who said anything about marrying a minor? A 20 year old lady is no longer a child.

A 20 years old is not in your generation, almost twice removed.
Do whatever you want anyway, you seem to have an answer for everything.

I just wonder how an old man like you almost 40 couldn’t find himself a wife, it’s a desperate small girl that hasn’t lived her life that you want to go and tie down.

I’m done with this topic.

Jman06:
Of course even marriage to an older lady requires a lot of patience from the man.
If I haven't seen situations where marriages between older ladies and men hit the rocks while those between younger ladies and much older men succeeded, perhaps I would have agreed with you that age gap is a major determinant of marital success.
Your problem is that you make hasty generalization! In some parts of Nigeria, girls even in their 16s are very ready for marriage and would be very willing to get married and believe me, it is not always about trying to escape from poverty.

Except to escape from poverty there's no reason a 16year old girl will be willing to get married.

Legally she's not even an adult yet.

Alennsar:


oh! now I know.

u don't really care about your happiness, you only care about financial stability. I don't know maybe you're married or not but believe me if you continue with this mind set then you really have a long way to go.


best of luck.

These are the best lines always used by lazy women.

There's no justification whatsoever for a twenty year old 100lv student with no understanding of life who isn't emotionally mature should get married.


Your first line is very stupid..really stupid I must say. Finance is the most important factor in marriage and it can't be overlooked.

I don't know where you read that for men to experience happiness in marriage they should marry poor young lads and can't experience that happiness if they get married to their agemates who're financially stable.

I repeat, of what use is a woman who can't assist her husband financially?

My dear, you don't have to resort to insults because someone has a contrary opinion to yours. if I have made up my mind about the issue. I won't be here asking strangers for their opinions. And If you have taken time to read others' contributions, you would come to the understanding that wisdom doesn't reside in you alone. Not everyone shares your outlook on life. By the way, the way I live my life is my choice. I don't have to tell you my life's history. And don't presume you know... You know nothing about me.
God helping me, I will do what I think best for myself and the lady in question.
Thanks for your contribution.

CanadianNaija:


A 20 years old is not in your generation, almost twice removed.
Do whatever you want anyway, you seem to have an answer for everything.

I just wonder how an old man like you almost 40 couldn’t find himself a wife, it’s a desperate small girl that hasn’t lived her life that you want to go and tie down.

I’m done with this topic.

SLOVFO:
I am a 37 years old man that is about to court and marry a 20 year old lady. The lady in question came highly recommended by close friends and she is quite matured for her age. The parents are also willing to let her go. But i am hesitant, as i consider the age difference between the two of us. Moreso, she is just in her year one in a higher institution.

Please I need the opinions and advise of experienced folks.

Hi SLOVFO, good evening, please allow me to say a few words.

the short answer to your question is Yes! It's also no! There is no playbook or necessarily a template. Every relationship is unique and subject to it's own particulars. Ask yourself, what are those of this relationship?

Funny how politics, religion, and discourse generally, tends to take positions of extremity or polarity these days? Some have said a resounding no and explained why, others an emphatic yes, and given their reasons.

Someone said age is a factor. No it is not. It's maturity, it's vision, it's the wherewithal to think long-term and understand the realities of what is important for a flourishing relationship and satisfying life well lived. If one understands that at 20, they are good to go, if they don't at 40, then halt proceedings immediately.

As a rule, I always counsel a decent age gap for men over their wives. I have 10+ years over my wife, and as it so happens, my wife's younger sisters husband is older than me. The gap between them is 17 years in fact and, in as much as I can vouch, they are doing just fine.

I have someone else close to me who married in his mid thirties to a someone a few years younger - they didn't make it past the 1 year mark. Don't listen to those saying "marry your mate". A post like this will always trigger the older, desperately seeking female who suddenly realises what she is up against - it's good you brought this here, but be discerning who you take counsel from.

If she has been well oriented by her family, upbringing and experience, is past the risky "flighty" stage, or will not/never, as some don't, go through it, and you can match that with the requisite qualities of your own, it's a match.

Just the two words of caution. One is patience, you will possibly still have to give her room to blossom in some ways. Well oriented and mature enough for marriage she may be, but she may need additional space and time to explore grow and adapt in some respects. The only advice my BIL gives to intending couples is for the husband to have patience.

The other is health and fitness. You, if you have taken care of yourself, will be just about at or coming off your physical peak. To ensure you prolong the enjoyment of the physical aspects, and not leave her nursing you when she is just about at, or coming off hers, you need to put the effort into maintaining optimal physical vigour and well-being. Like seriously.

Some of those yahoo-yahoo, slay-queen tales are quite disturbing, To forestall any possibility of that, if you believe, honour The Lord in your search for a spouse. I can corroborate the stories to a degree, and it was The Lord who delivered me and set me aright. I personally wouldn't take my own advice without that foundation

I wish you all the best. You sound like a great guy. Humble and mature. Someone who would make a terrific husband.


Regards
TV

Elder0001:



Go and marry your age mate.

Ladies below 26 aren't emotionally mature and financially stable enough for marriage.

This is dumb. So dumb.

slap1:


This is dumb. So dumb.

You're a surely a kid so you won't understand.

TV01:

Hi SLVFO, good evening, please allow me to say a few words.

the short answer to your question is Yes! It's also no! There is no playbook or necessarily a template. Every relationship is unique and subject to it's own particulars. Ask yourself, what are those of this relationship?

Funny how politics, religion, and discourse generally, tends to take positions of extremity or polarity these days? Some have said a resounding no and explained why, others an emphatic yes, and give their reasons.

Someone said age is a factor. No it is not. It's maturity, it's vision, it's the wherewithal to think long-term and understand the realities of what is important for a flourishing relationship and satisfying life well lived. If one understands that at 20, they are good to go, if they don't at 40, then halt proceedings immediately.

As a rule, I always counsel a decent age gap for men over their wives. I have 10+ years over my wife, and as it so happens, my wife's younger sisters husband is older than me. The gap between them is 17 years in fact and, in as much as I can vouch, they are doing just fine.

I have someone else close to me who married in his mid thirties to a someone a few years younger - they didn't make it past the 1 year mark. Don't listen to those saying "marry your mate". A post like this will always trigger the older, desperately seeking female who suddenly realises what she is up against - it's good you brought this here, but be discerning who you take counsel from.

If she has been well oriented by her family, upbringing and experience, is past the risky "flighty" stage, or will not/never, as some don't, go through it, and you can match that with the requisite qualities of your own, it's a match.

Just the two words of caution. One is patience, you will possibly still have to give her room to blossom in some ways. Well oriented and mature enough for marriage she may be, but she may need additional space and time to explore grow and adapt in some respects. The only advice my BIL gives to intending couples is for the husband to have patience.

The other is health and fitness. You, if you have taken care of yourself, will be just about at or coming off your physical peak. To ensure you prolong the enjoyment of the physical aspects, and not leave her nursing you when she is just about at, or coming off hers, you need to put the effort into maintaining optimal physical vigour and well-being. Like seriously.

Some of those yahoo-yahoo, slay-queen tales are quite disturbing, To forestall any possibility of that, if you believe, honour The Lord in your search for a spouse. I can corroborate the stories to a degree, and it was The Lord who delivered me and set me aright. I personally wouldn't take my own advice without that foundation

I wish you all the best. You sound like a great guy. Humble and mature. Someone who would make a terrific husband.


Regards
TV

I thought you were long gone from nairaland since 2016.

Don’t marry someone who hasn’t finished school and worked for at 2-5yrs at least. You are not her father to educate her and take over his responsibilities. Funny that in 10yrs you may actually be too old for her sexually. Go and find a woman within 5yrs of your age. Shes young, she will find someone to marry her. Except you can only attract very young girls whom you think you can manipulate. Even that will not last because she will eventually wake up and you will not find it funny at all.

When she’s 30 and at her peak, you will be approaching 50 with erection issues possibly. Can you imagine? Lmao. I was once approached by someone years older than me and all I could think of was his need to probably use viagra. When people around my age be like hulk hogan. If I married him and cheated people will call me ashawo. When body no be firewood. Don’t embarrass yourself abeg. Go and find your level.

TV01:

Don't listen to those saying "marry your mate". A post like this will always trigger the older, desperately seeking female who suddenly realises what she is up against - it's good you brought this here, but be discerning who you take counsel from.
TV

Is it me or did this guy just throw a savage punch with this part of his comment?

CanadianNaija:

Yul didn’t marry a 5 years old.

So it is now about age gap
I knew it!

More like father and daughter relationship. Everything is wrong with a relationship like this one, you'll be playing the fatherly role in her life if you marry her. A man should be 3 or 5 years(maximum) older than his wife.

TV01:

Hi SLVFO, good evening, please allow me to say a few words.

the short answer to your question is Yes! It's also no! There is no playbook or necessarily a template. Every relationship is unique and subject to it's own particulars. Ask yourself, what are those of this relationship?

Funny how politics, religion, and discourse generally, tends to take positions of extremity or polarity these days? Some have said a resounding no and explained why, others an emphatic yes, and give their reasons.

Someone said age is a factor. No it is not. It's maturity, it's vision, it's the wherewithal to think long-term and understand the realities of what is important for a flourishing relationship and satisfying life well lived. If one understands that at 20, they are good to go, if they don't at 40, then halt proceedings immediately.

As a rule, I always counsel a decent age gap for men over their wives. I have 10+ years over my wife, and as it so happens, my wife's younger sisters husband is older than me. The gap between them is 17 years in fact and, in as much as I can vouch, they are doing just fine.

I have someone else close to me who married in his mid thirties to a someone a few years younger - they didn't make it past the 1 year mark. Don't listen to those saying "marry your mate". A post like this will always trigger the older, desperately seeking female who suddenly realises what she is up against - it's good you brought this here, but be discerning who you take counsel from.

If she has been well oriented by her family, upbringing and experience, is past the risky "flighty" stage, or will not/never, as some don't, go through it, and you can match that with the requisite qualities of your own, it's a match.

Just the two words of caution. One is patience, you will possibly still have to give her room to blossom in some ways. Well oriented and mature enough for marriage she may be, but she may need additional space and time to explore grow and adapt in some respects. The only advice my BIL gives to intending couples is for the husband to have patience.

The other is health and fitness. You, if you have taken care of yourself, will be just about at or coming off your physical peak. To ensure you prolong the enjoyment of the physical aspects, and not leave her nursing you when she is just about at, or coming off hers, you need to put the effort into maintaining optimal physical vigour and well-being. Like seriously.

Some of those yahoo-yahoo, slay-queen tales are quite disturbing, To forestall any possibility of that, if you believe, honour The Lord in your search for a spouse. I can corroborate the stories to a degree, and it was The Lord who delivered me and set me aright. I personally wouldn't take my own advice without that foundation

I wish you all the best. You sound like a great guy. Humble and mature. Someone who would make a terrific husband.


Regards
TV

Thanks brother for your insights. I have learnt a lot from your experience. God bless you really good.

Oyindidi:
More like father and daughter relationship. Everything is wrong with a relationship like this one, you'll be playing the fatherly role in her life if you marry her. A man should be 3 or 5 years(maximum) older than his wife.

Which theory is this one? Says who?

sacramento1212:


Which theory is this one? Says who?

I'm talking from experience, you'll play and grow together. No one will feel like Lord in the marriage

Oyindidi:
I'm talking from experience, you'll play and grow together. No one will feel like Lord in the marriage

Your personal experience is not a yardstick to the majority. What works for you may not work for another. Anyone that wants to feel like Lord/God in marriage has to do with character and not because of age gap. How about the aspect of the woman being the one that's older than the man?

Some marriages, the woman can be older than the man by even up to 5 yrs and the respect will be there 100%. It's only foolishness to either of the couple to claim Lord/God after marriage when both parties are already 1. Which is the aspect of 1+1=1

sacramento1212:


Your personal experience is not a yardstick to the majority. What works for you may not work for another. Anyone that wants to feel like Lord/God in marriage has to do with character and not because of age gap. How about the aspect of the woman being the one that's older than the man?

Some marriages, the woman can be older than the man by even up to 5 yrs and the respect will be there 100%. It's only foolishness to either of the couple to claim Lord/God after marriage when both parties are already 1. Which is the aspect of 1+1=1

All I'm saying is the guy should look for someone older. Are you in Nigeria?

Oyindidi:
All I'm saying is the guy should look for someone older. Are you in Nigeria?

Why does it pain you oldies when a man wants to marry a younger lady
There must be some sinister reasons for the pains!

Oyindidi:
All I'm saying is the guy should look for someone older. Are you in Nigeria?

It's all about choice. If he feels comfortable marrying a girl with that age gap, so be it. They are the ones involving in marriage not you or me.

Yes i am in Nigeria.