This is something I saw in the Punch Newspaper just now.

http://odili.net/news/source/2010/dec/19/801.html

From the guy:

  I dated a girl for about two years. But all of a sudden, she changed her behaviour towards me. Whenever I asked what went wrong, she gave excuses. I discovered she was no longer interested and I left her alone. Initially, she told me that she was a virgin and we decided not to have intimacy. She even promised me that if I don't meet her as a virgin I should do anything to her. Now she wants me back and she told me she has lost her virginity to a guy she dated after me. When I heard this, I was very sad. But she asked for forgiveness. Though I still love her, I do not know if she will be faithful again.

Yusuf, Lagos

_____________________________

Here is the columist's response (this is from a lady btw) :

If this lady could not sacrifice the pleasure of another man's flesh for you, then, she is not worth your love. When a partner who claims to be a virgin brazenly sleeps with another man, then she is telling you to go to blazes! The other man must have disappointed her and she wants to return to you because she knows that you will forgive her. Be sure she won't go back to that guy, if he appears on the scene. She could even get another lover and leave you at her convenience. I advise that you forgive her, but don't think of anything serious with her.

So what do you ladies think of the columnist's reponse or advice?

she's right

^^

some Nairaland females may think otherwise . ,

Very True.

Very right

I want to believe that the columnist is half mad, because i really don't know why virginity should be a price for love. They had their spat and never knew they'd make up. So then, didn't the both of them move on with their own lives? Or was she supposed to remain a virgin for all time just because she promised some boyfriend her innocence? Abeg, people break convenants all the time jor, it's no reason for others to run temperatures.

yeh pretty much, guessing the overall piece of advice is to leave her which is best.

OP.
Very true and right!

Ahh, so this is the case of her thinking the grass was greener on the other side.  Now that she know's it's not, she wants to go back to the other side.  I agree with the poster to a certain extent. I can sympathsize with the guy because he invested 2yrs. with this gal and then for her to diss him like that. Therefore, HE left her.  The article never mentioned how old these two people are.  I vouching to say that she sounds young, very immature and definitely wasn't ready for no real relationship.  Why I say that? Is because of this statement>>She even promised me that if I don't meet her as a virgin I should do anything to her.<<  He should've realized from that statement alone and what her intentions was if they don't work out.  So the "girl" is not as completely at fault.  He should've known then what she was about.  But maybe the "love" he had for her blinded him and he didn't read between the lines.

Now, she has a right to give her virginity to anyone she pleases.  It's not written in stone that he HAD to be the one to "deflower" her.  If I read the article right, I do believe they weren't even together when she did get "deflowered" so whatever she did during that break-up is none of his business just like whomever he was with was none of her business.  That kills me how some men/women think some women/men owed their virginity to you.  Unless, they were married.  Nobody owes him/her nothing.  

So that's up to him if he wants to forgive her for mistreating him before he broke it off . Which I can understand why he broke it off.  But if he does forgive her, then it better be so they can build a firm foundation based on love and trust and because he genuinely believe she is sincere and want to build a life together or not.  But I feel if he's only reasoning is purely based upon her going back on her "promise", that's not a good excuse and there was no real love there anyway.  At least, that is what I think.

in the first place girls always claim to be superior and wiser over we men. The girl in a first place was never a virgin. From the passage she gave the guy her world claimming to be virgin and also give him an authority to do her anything he want if he finds her lieing. In this case she purposely cause a brakeup in their friendship for her to be able to frame her stories of loosing her virginity. From the passage she cause their brakeup and later calling it back with a followed-up xcuse dat she has lost her virginity. One thing with girls is that they can full many men at a time but they cannot full all men at a time. That girl plan was really a senior game plan.

OK. so if the girl was initially a virgin as she claimed and another guy came to take the cake, then the newer's guy raps and moves were stronger

Bottomline, dont let any girl brainwash you into believing all that stuff - go for it in you want it that much, and if she wont let you have it, move on if that's all you really care about.

Dont come crying over what you couldnt have (cos you sucked) while some other uncaring guy got it easily.

The same girl will be laughing at you and calling you a slacker for being a perfect gentleman. When it is time to settle down and get married, she knows the perfect person to go and meet - you .

The sad thing is maybe did guy did not even really care if she was a virgin or not at first. But then the girl said it to boost her ratings. . .and if it was a lie, of course she'll look for a smooth way to appease the guy - good thing she did not even say she was raped. Now it feels like some lowlife peasant has come to steal your life savings.


The guy slacked and someone got the cake - he should deal with it. I have been there before - several years ago.

virginity thread again. Ok oo

^^^

whether we choose to accept it or not, it is still a big deal to some people. Or else some ladies would not be using it as bargaining chips.

daduke2k:

virginity thread again. Ok oo

That tells you how important it is, even though we always say its not important.

^^^

some ladies are even shelling out thousands to sew the damn thing back up 

and guyz kip doing d job of breakin and enterin

The columnist's response was not right, IMO. Why the hell would she say the girl brazenly lost her virginity? Did she know the circumstances in which she lost it? Is virginity a barometer for measuring faithfulness in a relationship? The girl returned because she realized her mistake, it's just a pity her virginity didn't make it. And if you love a girl coz of her virginity, it means you've not disvirgined a girl b4 and wants to see what it tastes like! So take the chic back, I say. You'd have a leverage over her if u take her despite evritin.

^^^^

slap1:

You'd have a leverage over her if u take her despite evritin.

Leverage ke . .do they care about who has leverage?

A lot of females believe they are smart and can have their way with any man - all it takes is to massage our ego a li'l bit . . right ladies?   

and are you going to be referring to the lost virginity claim whenever there's a fight?  I dont think that's a good thing.

1. He is one of those guys that should be rounded up and shot (Gestapo treatment)
2. Whats the fuss about virginity self? the girl hawked her wares person price well now the guy is sulking, out with him jor!

any more comment?

kokoye:

^^^

some ladies are even shelling out thousands to sew the damn thing back up 

eish! my bubble just got burst. I opened topic with excitement just to do this kikikikikkkiiiikiiii thinking this had happened to the actual poster, oh well.

Oh pls spare me!.Like someone pointed out her gameplan.That girl wasnt a v when he met her initially,starved him of good strafe,created a 'breakup' by actin strange,now is back with a story.Been there,done that.Babes r good strategist when it comes 2 r/ships.

there is no need crying over spilled hymen milk

She promised, she failed to deliver just like Nigerian PDP politicians, life goes on. get over it, dont be Virgin hungry.

iice:

Don't make promises of any kind i always say.

best response so far . . from a female.

The promise was the root of the wahala.

SA Lady:

eish! my bubble just got burst. I opened topic with excitement just to do this kikikikikkkiiiikiiii thinking this had happened to the actual poster, oh well.

oh spare me!

me wey I don marry like 50 years ago. what's my own with virgin mobile or virgin atlantic?

The crux of this story is whether she CHEATED or not.

Her virginity or non - virginity is not really the issue. She belongs to no one but herself so she doesnt have to explain that issue to no one.

The story goes thus ; " Now she wants me back and she told me she has lost her virginity to a guy she dated[b] after [/b] me. When I heard this, I was very sad. But she asked for forgiveness. Though I still love her, I do not know if she will be faithful again. "

She dated the next guy AFTER her boyfriend boke up with her, not while they were going out. The guy says himself that when he noticed that she was no longer interested, he left her alone. So they were definitely broken up. And that's no one's fault. 

He can if he wants to , but knowing that Nigerian men place a premium on virginity, since it is supposedly proof of a woman's fidelity, he probably wouldnt.

slap1:

The columnist's response was not right, IMO. Why the hell would she say the girl brazenly lost her virginity? Did she know the circumstances in which she lost it? Is virginity a barometer for measuring faithfulness in a relationship? The girl returned because she realized her mistake, it's just a pity her virginity didn't make it. And if you love a girl coz of her virginity, it means you've not disvirgined a girl b4 and wants to see what it tastes like! So take the chic back, I say. You'd have a leverage over her if u take her despite evritin.

NA WHERE THE SO CALLED VIRGINITY RUN GO?

That girl is a lier, She left the NICE GUY for the BAD GUY.

Because NICE GUY na MUGU. AND the BAD GUY is sharp enough to collect the VIRGINITY.

Now she is coming back to NICE GUY(MUGU) .

Well i will advise the NICE GUY(MUGU) collect the balance of that VIRGINITY. Then dump her sorry ass.