I'm getting married next year...I have the list already although I am yet to pick a date. I have always made the bride's mother know that they can't stampede me into anything. I.e you can't rush me....she wanted the wedding years ago but I told her 2019...

My point is you should take charge of your life and make your decisions...I wish your potential wife understands and loves you..it would have been easier...and the family won't dictate.

I would advise but not suggest you do a small introduction in February and the registry, then you can pick another date. That way the bride family will be happy and you will be happy.

Op someone said a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage that is the realty of life.

A woman that disrespects her husband and also informs her family of what goes on in your relationship and also takes sides with her family rather than trashing out issues as a couple is not wortg it!!! Oga run for your life!!! You will regret marrying this lady. Do you want a peaceful home? A home you go to after the days stress? You don't need more stress.

Yes i know you love this lady more than she loves you and she knows and thinks you can never leave her, that you cannot do without her!!! She will use this against you and shes doing it already. She made you gravel at her familys feet, that sooo low to me!!!!

Couple fix wedding date and inform their families about it. I can see you are not united in this relationship, what will happen in marriage if this continues? When she threatens to leave you to her fathers house after marriage, so you have to start begging again abi ... This is so wrong.

I am an independent woman but i don't disrespect my husband no matter what, rather we talk the issues out and see it from both perspectives. The Bible says a woman should be submissive to her husband and the husband should love his wife, the way he loves God, op you fulfilled your part and more but your wife be didnot.

Make hay when the sun shines... If you have any doubt about this marriage, do not let it slide. You can never change any man or woman except they decide to change on their own. Am teliing you from experience.

Go to God, pray about it. Put all cards on the table. Think really hard and follow your head not your heart. There's more to marriage than just love, love is one of it, respect is another , self esteem, trust and sooo much more.

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issue's into my own hands.

If you have issues of submission so early on, and her family has so much say in your relationship, then my brother it's better you break that relationship. If you don't marry her, you will get many more ladies with those characters you need in a woman. BTW submission is very key in marriage. Please leave that lady a lone. I know it would not be easy initially, but marriage is a life long contract. From a married man.

Whatever you do, don't agree to any registry wedding.

Homguy:
If you have issues of submission so early on, and her family has so much say in your relationship, then my brother it's better you break that relationship. If you don't marry her, you will get many more ladies with those characters you need in a woman. BTW submission is very key in marriage. Please leave that lady a lone. I know it would not be easy initially, but marriage is a life long contract. From a married man.

Follow this advice only.

Sorry

IamD18:
Low self-esteem is damn bad!

What nonesense! Will you die if you don't marry the lady?

If little issues like wedding date can make her family advice her to call off the relationship, what then will happen when a bigger issue shows up in your marriage.

Trust me Bruv, if they really want you. I mean, if the lady and her mother really respect and like you, WEDDING DATE will not be enough reason for her to think of calling off the relationship, it won't just be enough reason for the mother to tell you to leave her daughter alone.

The earlier you understand that no one is irreplaceable, the better for you.

In my opinion; Kindly part ways with her,Mr.


PART WAYS!!!!!

BEST ADVICE 2018

She is not ur wife. All dis happening are God's signs and warning for u to leave d gal. She may ruin ur life in future. U better run oh

IamD18:
Low self-esteem is damn bad!

What nonesense! Will you die if you don't marry the lady?

If little issues like wedding date can make her family advice her to call off the relationship, what then will happen when a bigger issue shows up in your marriage.

Trust me Bruv, if they really want you. I mean, if the lady and her mother really respect and like you, WEDDING DATE will not be enough reason for her to think of calling off the relationship, it won't just be enough reason for the mother to tell you to leave her daughter alone.

The earlier you understand that no one is irreplaceable, the better for you.

In my opinion; Kindly part ways with her,Mr.


PART WAYS!!!!!

Why are u one sided??

Dogalmighty17:

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

It is always funny to read a similar story from different guys making the same mistake
and wasting women's time.

You knew right from the beginning that she lacks "respect" but you still went ahead with
the relationship.

The main problem with your relationship is that you guys think differently.
Why would you expect an independent lady to have no opinion?
Not in this 21st century.
If you want a totally submissive wife, just get yourself a jobless woman with little education.
Stop complaining and only date someone you are comfortable with.

I know you are probably thinking everything will change but it won't.

Another issue is that your mom is totally in control of your decisions.

carzola:
Walk away bro.

Listen to your mum

Bleep the girls family for even involving
In your relationship.

Las las any girl that listens to her
Family isn't ready to leave her family.

How about the man being controlled by his mom?

MichaelBukamzy:
oga,this is enough warning sign to back off.you are still skeptical about marrying her.at this stage,the both families should have been close friends already. you wanna go with your inlaw's date against your mother's? she might have her own reasons too,she went to the extent of laying a curse must you go against her. also,as you are doing all you can for the wedding to hold,remember to observe wheather madam has shed off that bad character as she promised,trust me relationship is always time for mutual deception.when you settle down,she will dig out those attitudes been burried just to keep the courtship going. if i am you,i will back off if inlaw is not ready to go with my family's date,i cant ditch my mother because if unfortunately shit hits the fan,you fit clean am alone .

A mother that finds it convenient to curse a child of her womb because of ordinary marriage date is manipulative.

carzola:
Walk away bro.

Listen to your mum

Bleep the girls family for even involving
In your relationship.

Las las any girl that listens to her
Family isn't ready to leave her family.

A girl is not suppose to listen to her family, but d man is suppose to listen to his mother. Hmmmmmm

prettyesther20:
From this, I think your mom is the problem. She is not accommodating maybe u are a mummy's boy and she's trying to wrap her fingers around you. Oga man up biko



Why will a mother even having a thought of cursing his son just because of wedding date. Hmm your mom is trouble

God bless u my dear. Most of the men commenting are just too biased to see that part. Women nor just get say for this our land

1StopRudeness:


na the guy born himself abi? something you yourself cannot do, you are telling another person to do it.
can you just chose date and tell your own parents that's final without carrying your mum and dad along with their own arrangements. You think a wedding ceremony is only about two of you alone. he should kuku ma marry like some whites folks that dont even invite their parents since he doesnt want to be a mummy's boy.


na your kind woman no dey wan see mother in-law or her advice for her matrimonial home.

So, why not advice him, for both families to sit n pick a convenient date for them all?
The girl's parents had advocated for that, yet d guy's mom is just so far, making decisions from afar.

gulfer:
And how many years have you spent with your mother, that girl and her family will show you shege if you head-on to marry her..........My 2kobo

The prophet himself

[quote author=jefdr001 post=74011622]Your woman finds it hard to submit to you, so she may not be respecting your mumc, hence your mumc and your girl will never agree on anything at all, not even wedding dates. you sound like a man that tolerate disrespect from a woman but understand that your family never will and they mean well for you. Because they are not the ones in love they tend to see more clearly. Also it seems your fiance sees herself more as a blessing to you than you are to her. If this is true your relationship is one sided and this is not good. Be a man and let your fiance respect your momc. Prove to her that she is just a total stranger you are learning to relate with. That is called giving her her seat. Never spite your family without a good reason and this obviously is not one. Let your woman learn or you move. No matter how painful.[/quote


No need getting married to a "total stranger" he should look for a close family member to marry.

Eberechi24:
If am your woman, I will feel this way. It's not about being desperate. Why did you propose when you know you ain't ready. It seems you are using marriage proposal as bait to keep her.

Just sort your issue with your mommy. Show some seriousness, you might keep postponing till the end of next year.

Forget those men that want you to quit your relationship, they are miserable.

I love u for this.

Dogalmighty17:


Her family has been very accommodating. They have been open to see my mom. My mom however, keeps finding one excuse or another not to go.

Your mum has a small village girl she's got prepared for you. Trust me! If she doesn't, it means she hates ur girl - probably because u stopped caring abt her 3yrs ago when u started dating dis girl.

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

From your story I realize u aren't mature enough for wedding financially, that's how they will keep dragging you if you don't have money of your own to sponsor your wedding, get money fix a date invite them, but I see both parents are the key to your marital expenses.

Cindy95:

God/Allah bless you dear... the guys are all shouting that the girl is obeying her family forgetting that the man is doing the same.
please both of you are practicing sane thing. it's not easy changing wedding dates, it looks embarrassing and childish. it's better you don't fix a date if you guys ain't ready nd before you fix a date, the two families ought to be there to deliberate on it.
you are the man, you know your woman and your family better than us, besides we just heard one side of the story.
nobody knows what the lady in question is also passing through. so please before we judge, let's put ourselves in the girls shoe. (it's better we don't fix a date rather than change it thrice and it's enough to end everything cos no one knows what will happen in April too)
please, I'm not here to judge anyone but this matter should be resolved between the two families...
nairaland just might not give you the perfect answer cos we dont know the situation.
the best advice you will ever get is the one you actually gave to yourself so please I'll advice you to do it the right way.
thanks

God bless u dear.
U have said it all.
I nor blame those commenting, it is him who brought his issue here to get one sided advice, I blame.

mokay:
I understand your pain bro. I was in your shoe but not exactly the same story. My advice is this, don't fight a war you can't win. You will lose this. Stick with the plan with your mum. You are the guy here, don't sell your family so cheap. I guess you feel you will fund the whole wedding ceremony from your end, don't take fake blessings from your mum. Be a man!

Likewise, the girl doesn't want to sell her family so cheap.
How will u feel, if ur sister keeps bringing different marriage date to u guys?
Won't u sense d guy is not serious??
Try and be in other people's shoes before u castigate.

Xisnin:


It is always funny to read a similar story from different guys making the same mistake
and wasting women's time.

You knew right from the beginning that she lacks "respect" but you still went ahead with
the relationship.

The main problem with your relationship is that you guys think differently.
Why would you expect an independent lady to have no opinion?
Not in this 21st century.
If you want a totally submissive wife, just get yourself a jobless woman with little education.
Stop complaining and only date someone you are comfortable with.

I know you are probably thinking everything will change but it won't.

Another issue is that your mom is totally in control of your decisions.

Double like for ur comment

thelish:



So, why not advice him, for both families to sit n pick a convenient date for them all?
The girl's parents had advocated for that, yet d guy's mom is just so far, making decisions from afar.

that was my original suggestion, i told him to get the his mum to go discuss with the lady's mum, just that u cant start looking for my first post.
this was just to tackle the point of the lady that said he should just stand his ground against his mum as if his mother doesn't want him to get married. Its just a date shift i dont know why a couple would fight over something like this... its not like they've paid for halls and the money is wasting, or the wedding planner said he wont be available for another date, or all the bridal train said they are travelling abroad.

women!!! una to dey take wedding matter too hard

brother, you're yet to marry this lady and you're already thinking of ignoring your mom's advice, when you finally get married to her, I guess you can tell your mom to go and die. my guy, she's not your wife yet, so your relationship with your mom is far more important. from your explanations, seems your mom doesn't like the lady. probably she has seen something that you're too blinded to see.

If you, as a man that will potentially head a family, cannot stamp your feet on a wedding date then you are not yet ready for marriage.

For your fiancée disrespectfulness, I'm afraid it might not change. Are you sure she's not the one making or bringing most of the money in the relationship?

funny how the ladies on nairaland are advising to ignore and mom and go with your wife. my question to the ladies, would they give their brother's the same advice?

With all these red flags you still want to allow "love" as you refer to it to ruin you...see why I say love is stupid at times...

IamD18:
Low self-esteem is damn bad!

What nonesense! Will you die if you don't marry the lady?

If little issues like wedding date can make her family advice her to call off the relationship, what then will happen when a bigger issue shows up in your marriage.

Trust me Bruv, if they really want you. I mean, if the lady and her mother really respect and like you, WEDDING DATE will not be enough reason for her to think of calling off the relationship, it won't just be enough reason for the mother to tell you to leave her daughter alone.

The earlier you understand that no one is irreplaceable, the better for you.

In my opinion; Kindly part ways with her,Mr.


PART WAYS!!!!!

GBAM .

OP my advise it that you seat down with your lady have a sincere conversation with her making her understand your position and be rational without applying emotions, if she displays excessive emotional reaction to you be patient.

Make her understand if she truly loves you she'll compromise if she doesn't budge please walk away in love; and don't look back. Your heart would thank you for it

God is not the author of confusion. He does not give any of his children fear, weakness or depression. If you don't know what to do, seek the face of the author of marriage. No advice here will satisfy you. Storms are a part of life. When a storm comes, the right thing is to seek refuge in the strongest place. Naira land isn't that place. Just open your Bible. You will get the answer you need.

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

You made a mistake by begging her family. Everything is wrong and you are about to start a house with a very very faulty foundation. The girl will struggle with you after wedding and you may not have peace of mind for many many years especially if you quickly have children. The family interfering at the choice of date of wedding and even calling off the relationship is a very very bad signal. You won't enjoy your in laws and indirectly your wife too, because they will control your home through her.
The worst of all of this is that your mother is not 100% behind you. Her attitude shows she is not really in support of that lady but she can't tell you. Everything that will make you regret and loose your peace, or even cause premature death has given you signs.
If I were you I would call off the relationship. It would be hard, but it is what it is. Forget about the 3 years and don't feel guilty for not entering a chained future. You will be alright. Tell your mum you have called off the relationship, and you will be surprised how happy she will be. She may even tell you some observations and prayer points she had raised.
Please don't marry that girl.

Dogalmighty17:


Her family has been very accommodating. They have been open to see my mom. My mom however, keeps finding one excuse or another not to go.

What kind of mum do you have sef. A woman threatening to curse you with her beasts over something as little as a marriage date.

You better go to MFM church. Such mothers and fathers that can do such are highly diabolic and can block children destiny. I've seen such in real life.