LadyHeaven:
Lol, very hypocritic forum, if it where to be the other way round that the lady keeps asking the dude to shift the wedding after 3 years of dating, i am pretty sure the whole forum would have brutally cussed out and demeaned the lady as not been ready and probably taking D from someone behind, the Op reasons for shifting the date isn't convincing no sane human being would be comfortable been treated that way, doubt would start tricking in, fears start building, is he waiting for someone else, am i really his choice, does he want to dump me and travel out secretly with someone else? why does he keep shifting the goal post everytime for flimsy reasons?

We are all human Op before we make decisions we should learn to flip the coin and put ourselves on the receiving position, ignore all this chop clean mouth guys on NL a lot of them are loners who cant even keep a pet or are in extremely loving relationships but choose to be online trolls, Love is rare to find if she is the one make it work, you are the man

2buffagain:
You need to call both your fiance and your mother to order.
Both females are over reaching and misbehaving.
Be sure to address and treat the disrespect from both of them...

Regarding your mom...I can tell you are a weak mama's boy who has never had the gall to call your misbehaving parents to order before and setting boundaries. You need to have become comfortable with this prior to your wedding....or it will not end with the wedding. You are less able to do this though if you are not paying for your own wedding....which you should tbh.

Regarding your girl, If you decide not to marry the girl, she'll see who will lose.
You are the man. Your desires matter too. If she doesn't believe this, tell her to go find another groom for HER wedding.

After you are done treating each person's fuckup and bringing them to reality, sit down like a man and choose how you want to move forward.

excessmon:
Y are most comments favouring the guy and hitting hard on the lady.....I observed some key points in the write up of the op

1. If his Lady is 30 he is in early 30s or late 30s.....is it too early for him to get marry?

2. A man at early 30s is he too early to marry?

3. A man at early 30s that can't take decisions for himself what kind of man is he?

4. A relationship of three years without a reason to continue....what kind of man is that?

5. Y will a guy be so irresponsible to be scared cos his woman works and earn for herself to help him......


Finally as a man decide with your mother and not ur mom deciding for you cos she will blame you for the decisions you are suppose to take....

I adore the lady for trying to mend the life of a man that can't decide like you!!!!

My piece though

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

chloride6:
Sorry OP but your mom is daft

lawman88:
you mean your mother threatebed to curse you just because she is not comfortable with the wedding date? please go with your woman. A CURSELESS CURSE SHALL NOT STAND....

Dayg88:


Being ready for marriage is not age related in anyway. And the girl is not mending his life, she is destroying it. Why is the girl's family dictating for her too? You think that is cool?

Eberechi24:

You didn't read this part
"I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship."

It's not as if the girl is stubborn, she is type that listen to critique and tries to amend, am not holding brief for her.

February shift is not the issue here, he is proposing another shifting to April-his mom didn't approve the February shift which the girl won't be comfortable with. She may feels the guy is not serious and deliberately delaying the whole thing.

Dayg88:


Being ready for marriage is not age related in anyway. And the girl is not mending his life, she is destroying it. Why is the girl's family dictating for her too? You think that is cool?

Nobodys:
Isn't the guy's family dictating for him also?....

The mum ain't a saint though, she should be considerate as a mother and not threaten to curse her own child, who does that?.....


Don't know Y some peeps like building mountains out of mole hills.

excessmon:

Nope its not that way....I'm not comfortable with it ...however I believe if the guy had been man enough I'm sure things won't get to this level

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

prettyesther20:
From this, I think your mom is the problem. She is not accommodating maybe u are a mummy's boy and she's trying to wrap her fingers around you. Oga man up biko



Why will a mother even having a thought of cursing his son just because of wedding date. Hmm your mom is trouble

BabaIbo:


I know none of them is good, I'm only saying should incase the guy is in already. When the in law are good and the wife has a bad character, the in law will always criticize the wife when she misbehave and support the husband, that action always go a long way to correct the wife. Unlike bad in laws that will always support their daughter even when she did something bad

Dogalmighty17:


Her family has been very accommodating. They have been open to see my mom. My mom however, keeps finding one excuse or another not to go.

Dayg88:


I agree, the guy is not man enough and the in-laws wanna take advantage of that. Mum is 'maybe' trying to protect himself or herself. Is it proper to threaten the guy? It is like the girl is not really into getting married to the guy. Let her get a groom to get married to in February

Dayg88:


The guy's mum will definitely have issues when she is trying to protect her son. You don't get what it feels to be rejected? How would you feel ma'am, if your son is been treated that way. First, he has to beg the family so he can marry the girl due to an attitude he asked her to change. I am sure the mum was aware of that. Then the issue of change in date came up. You threatened also that if it doesn't hold in that month, the wedding is over. If he is not taking the girl serious, would he have to beg? I mean who begs to marry someone? Is he gonna do that for the rest of his life? The mum probably saw this and she is not cool with that.

The son sees issues with his mum for the April date but no issues in being given an ultimatum by his in-laws?

Dayg88:



Dude, if the guy wants this marriage to work, he has to be realistic with himself. He is obviously in this relationship for both of them. Will he marry for both of them? Why are you ignoring the key point of this write up. Love is cool and all, but rejection hurts. The guy has been rejected and seems he needs validation from the lady's parent. Is he gonna continue that for the rest of his life? If it were the guy that threatened to cancel the wedding I am sure most of the female folks supporting the lady would have been crying foul.

AlfaAce:

The man has low self esteem. If not,why will I be afraid of losing a woman who doesn't respect me in the first place? to the extent that even the family do not also respect me? They are treating him as if it's a favour to have him marry their daughter.If na me,even if it's 10years,there are some signs that when I see them finally,I can NEVER go ahead with that relationship, talkless of marriage.In less than a year of marriage he will come on nairaland to tell us stories that touch.

Nobodys:
..you ain't getting it at all, if the boy's mother felt like her child is getting into a bad marriage then she would have told the son to call off the marriage, she ain't being protective as you see it... she only wants the marriage to be done in April because that month is convenient to her....

What happens to the girl's parents, aren't they important?...The girls parent isn't at fault here, the man clearly said FEBRUARY so he should stick to that, in fact the girl's parents are being over protective cause they think the man is trying to play their daughter....

The OP has a lot of work to do, First, don't ever make decisions out of desperation..... second, try to bring both families together, family gathering, get together, try to create a bond cause that is evidently lacking.....

I still insist that the girl should be considerate enough to understand you... if the date is shifted, that means more planning and everything, she should just overlook it, it's not worth the stress...She needs to understand that sometimes we need to apologize even when we are not wrong....


Lemme play a scenario into your mind.
The Guy's mum has no issues with the girl. The guy is just too foolish to handle the matter. My point you are not getting is this; would you still go ahead to marry your hubby if the parents tell you to leave him if you cannot deal with a certain attitude of his you complained about? The statement quitting the relationship which was initiated by the girls mum is the main issue I have here, and that to me, is the origin of the problem. Means the guy is not worth the girl.
Secondly, why would he have to go and beg(which is obviously the guys fault) the girls family to let the marriage continue.
Now, he was asked when he felt the marriage would take place which he could have asked to consult his family before picking a date but he ansd in panic. Now, I don't know if you are married ma'am or not, but when the date is being picked, is it the groom and the bride's parent that does that selection or the groom's parent and the bride's parent?
If you are the grooms parent, would you be happy being bullied into accepting that date that was chosen (without your opinion), or would you call your son to order and let him think?
We will all lay blames on the guy, but they all have equal blames to share, except the boy's mum.
If the girls parent valued the guy, they would have requested the presence of the guy's family and that consensus date chosen will hold more ground that that of the panicked date chosen by the guy. They can even make it obvious to the mum that her presence validates every other reason or doubt they have

excessmon:
Mum won't be involved if ideal things are done...mum is acting like a typical Yoruba woman ...he should know wat to do....guy should just liberate himself first cos he don fuckup himself

mogbojaiye:


There is another guy in d picture already that's why the girl has d boldness to say she wan comot from d 3 year old relationship........op never smart for woman matter

Dogalmighty17:


Her family has been very accommodating. They have been open to see my mom. My mom however, keeps finding one excuse or another not to go.

Eberechi24:

The question is why would you propose when you know you ain't ready? The threat from girl and her family maybe know the man stands. To know if he is serious with their sister and not playing her. It's up to the man to the make the girl understand whats on ground.
After proposing, you start making excuses, who does that? If the girl is your sister you would advise her to keep calm. She is 30! For crying out loud