I often times hear some parents gladly say " This/that is my favourite child". Some parents will tell you that their preference for that particular child is because:
He/she is my only male/female child.
He/She is more brilliant than the rest.
He/she looks so much like me.
He/she is taller than the rest.
He/she is more industrious.
He/she is obedient.
He/she does my bidding etc.
He is a man...(Igbo kwenu...Kwezwenuoooo!!)

I grew up in a ghetto where most houses are not fenced, rented apartments were in a " face me I face you" compounds containing nothing less than 20 separate rooms housing 20 separate families.

In such areas what we call "family secrets" were no secrets at all. You see a particular child in a family despised and beaten at the slightest provocation, while the other child is pampered.

A child is ostracized in another family you wonder if he/she is a member of that family.

This makes them go to play grounds and schools feeling rejected and dejected, wearing sad countenance, they never socialize with their pairs etc....

This later leads to drastic academic, moral, social and emotional failures.

We are humans. And we all vary. You unconsciously tend to like one of your children more than the other, and sometimes you just can't help it...

My take on this is; Even if you prefer one to another:

1... Don't let them know (Don't Tell it to their hearing).

2. Don't show them (I.e love them equally and punish equally).

it is so so wrong, that shít fvcks up your child mentally while you have no idea how it's affecting them. This exact post you made is part of my struggles when I was depressed. Like I once said My dad was mostly responsible for a big part of my depression even though he had no idea.... He would show it openly in front of us all, and say it to us how my brother is so lucky and how he likes him so much, I have two brothers, and 3 sisters... Man would spend a lot of money on my brother back then nd would come up with reasons for the rest of us.
Shít even got to my kid sister the last born who felt she's always being treated unfairly, and she would tell my cousin about how she just want to do and then leave home... when she left for school, you don't know how happy she was that she was gon be free from some of the treatment and drama.
Never treat your kids like one is better than the others, never treat one like he's superior to the others...
even if one is weak, embrace he or she and shower on them all the love they need, love only makes them stronger... Love is a strong language and kids and mostly teenagers need it, that's why they end up doing stuffs outside and ending up making the wrong decisions just because you as a parent failed to do the right thing, all you know is some fvcked up sense of righteousness and religious bullshit, forgetting life is more than that and they have feelings and crave other stuffs. .. your kids won't tell you, but it affects them mentally, at some point I hated my family cus of how it made me feel...
I can still remember the day he came home with one of his friends (that one is a traditionalist), his friend told him in my presence that I've been telling myself that “one day they'll wake up at home and not see me anymore”.
He was right because i was planning and developing ideas to leave home and kept thinking of where to go... the reason why I still remember that incident is because of the respond NY dad gave him, it's forever stuck in my head, my dad responded with “If anyone decides he wants to leave, he's free to”... I was just getting into J.S.S.1... the response he gave hit me so much i couldn't get it off my head.

you should never treat one child better than the other,
I was suicidal but I got passed it, I'm fine and doing well now and up till now my dad has no idea the damage he did to me all those years.
I know how it feels to go through all that whole shít and depression and I vowed I'll never let any of my kids go through that phase or treat em that way....

and whoever can should push this to FP, there are still folks who needs to know and get this message

it might happen naturally but please don't let it show

All parent do, hiding it was make the family at peace

kiddoiLL:
it is so so wrong, that shít fvcks up your child mentally while you have no idea how it's affecting them. This exact post you made is part of my struggles when I was depressed. Like I once said My dad was mostly responsible for a big part of my depression even though he had no idea.... He would show it openly in front of us all, and say it to us how my brother is so lucky and how he likes him so much, I have two brothers, and 3 sisters... Man would spend a lot of money on my brother back then nd would come up with reasons for the rest of us.
Shít even got to my kid sister the last born who felt she's always being treated unfairly, and she would tell my cousin about how she just want to do and then leave home... when she left for school, you don't know how happy she was that she was gon be free from some of the treatment and drama.
Never treat your kids like one is better than the others, never treat one like he's superior to the others...
even if one is weak, embrace he or she and shower on them all the love they need, love only makes them stronger... Love is a strong language and kids and mostly teenagers need it, that's why they end up doing stuffs outside and ending up making the wrong decisions just because you as a parent failed to do the right thing, all you know is some fvcked up sense of righteousness and religious bullshit, forgetting life is more than that and they have feelings and crave other stuffs. .. your kids won't tell you, but it affects them mentally, at some point I hated my family cus of how it made me feel...
I can still remember the day he came home with one of his friends (that one is a traditionalist), his friend told him in my presence that I've been telling myself that “one day they'll wake up at home and not see me anymore”.
He was right because i was planning and developing ideas to leave home and kept thinking of where to go... the reason why I still remember that incident is because of the respond NY dad gave him, it's forever stuck in my head, my dad responded with “If anyone decides he wants to leave, he's free to”... I was just getting into J.S.S.1... the response he gave hit me so much i couldn't get it off my head.

you should never treat one child better than the other,
I was suicidal but I got passed it, I'm fine and doing well now and up till now my dad has no idea the damage he did to me all those years.
I know how it feels to go through all that whole shít and depression and I vowed I'll never let any of my kids go through that phase or treat em that way....
Lalasticlala ... Mynd44 and whoever can should push this to FP, there are still folks who needs to know and get this message

My brother, you really passed through alot...I believe that stuff really challenged you to be better...And thank God you didn't opt for suicide coz I wudnt have learnt wat I just did now...
I also thought of suicide at one point...I stood on a road waiting to be knocked down by a car...But as d vehicle was approaching me, I ran out of the road...I was constantly reminded of how useless I was...
Thanks a lot.

Chenzee:


My brother, you really passed through alot...I believe that stuff really challenged you to be better...And thank God you didn't opt for suicide coz I wudnt have learnt wat I just did now...
I also thought of suicide at one point...I stood on a road waiting to be knocked down by a car...But as d vehicle was approaching me, I ran out of the road...I was constantly reminded of how useless I was...
Thanks a lot.

Bro I'm grateful because still there are people and teenagers going through worse than I did.. I didn't break because of the grace of God and having my cousin there for me always.
Glad you're still alive and kicking bro...
Now I do tell myself that maybe if only maybe Mom was still alive back then, Dad wouldn't have done all those stuffs

It is not good but for most parents that do it is not entirely their fault. Some children are troublesome while some cool headed, therefore, naturally there will be favourites among them and this negatively affect the unloved ones.

Pavrenting is not a straightforward task. It takes great wisdom to be successful in it.

It's very wrong!

My late mother had just me and my younger sister but took her as her favorite.

Of course as a man, I cared less about it but it turned out that my sister took advantage of it and messed the life of that woman up! She was even contributory to her death. I don't even want to think or talk about it but I definitely will write a book about it.

Rest in Peace Mummy

It is nature. Nothing concern nature with right or wrong

Every normal parent loves all their kids equally, but they'll definetly have a favourite. It's an eventuality that dates back to our early ancestry.
Abraham had two sons - Ishmael and Isaac, yet his favourite was Isaac. Jacob had 12 sons, yet his favourite was Joseph .
Parents having a favourite child is normal and often done subconsciously. It isn't premeditated.
In my family, am my parents' favourite. Probably because out of the 3 boys they have, I'm the only one who's cool tempered. I dunno.
But even amongst my uncles and aunts, am their favourite nephew. There's probably nothing they can't do for me. But I never ask for anything! I never bothered my parents for money while growing up.
Back then when money nor too dey my dad's hand, he go buy Christmas clothes for my siblings and wouldn't buy for me. He'll explain to me and I go chill. Though I was the youngest, I matured up quickly than my peers.
And its continued to this day, my bosses and everyone I encounter always seems to like me .

Bottom line... Parents love their children equally. But character and attitude sets every child apart.

It is not...but sometimes, there is little or nothing we can do to avoid this

That thing is bad.

Noooooo
Love for all your kids won't be equal but try not to have a favorite .. It's brings jealous and envy.

its A normal thing

Most parents have favourite children, and it is dependent on many factors, some of which are:

1. Incarnated relative: For those that believe that people reincarnate, when their kids are born, they do divination to know the "agu" (Igbo) or reincarnate the child is. Imagine the feeling the father is told that his daughter is an incarnate of his late mother.

2. Type of child: Take a family of six girls and no male, there would be a special feeling, especially by the father towards that child or vice versa the mother.

And so on.


We must strive to show our kids equal love or seen to do so. As a matter of fact, a loved child should be chastised most.

I agree with your take OP. Parents need to stop this. It is one of the major contributors to low self esteem, depression, and all.... If you know, as parents, you can't express love equally to your kids, Biko just have ONE CHILD. Besides, we need to control our population

It nurtures bad blood between siblings.

I think its normal. But parents must be careful not to rub it in the face of the other children

H

Not wrong

Ivanka is Donald Trump favorite child

If one of your children is very stubborn and disobedient and you have another that is calm and obedient will you love them equally? It is natural to have a fav child but don't show it. Jacob and Joseph and his brothers are all examples for you

K

@kiddoiLL
Good to know someone out there knows exactly how that feels. Pray I grow up to do well just like you did sir.

Been there
Still there and it's not just easy.

It is not wrong. In fact you must have a favorite child, but never show it. Treat them all equally.

A parent is a animal so it's normal as long as you don't get to show it lest the others see you as being partial

Verily verily I say unto you even Jesus had his favourite disciples or children!

Yes as humans we tend to have favorite things, just having a favorite kid doesn't mean you can't treat others nicely too

very nansense question!!

It creates unnecessary siblings rivalry, avoid open display of enormous affection towards a particular child, even if you have that feeling due to certain factors let it remain in your head

Every parent has a favorite child, they just try as much as possible to hide it

who are you asking?