..

Emotional Affair or they are fuccking ? The dick will still be there, no one is taking it away. You can enjoy as you want. The problem with human issue is selfishness. Even animals like goats and cows and dogs understand life more than humans.

Sharing should be allowed, as long as you get yours when you want it.

But your own problem is not healthy, you lacked love growing up, now you want it from your husband, who lacked love growing up that he wants it from another woman because you drain him of his battery bank of love energy. Get your fuccking life in order, get a job or something so you can focus your attention on something else other than the only thing you have in life, called Husband. You are protecting him from being taken away because he is all that you have.

Sorry, truth is bitter.

Master Loneliness and learn to love your lonely moments with yourself and you will begin to realize that loving others, is a scam on the ego. Care for him and respect him, and he does same to you, and that should be okay. You both can play, but get your finances in order.

Women need strong men like me, I wake them up.

I think this issue of yours not being able to rest until you have searched his phone is eating you up as well as your peace with your husband. Please dont try to use your hand to destroy your marriage, read the book of Proverbs. Have a wonderful day.

dont worry about that, as time passes you will learn to forgive and forget. what you should worry about is the affairs he will have in the nearest future. men who cheat never stop, at least majority of them rarely do. they only grow smarter not to be caught same way u caught them before.

We understand how you feel.
It will linger for a very long time.

But we cant say more on this matter because we dont know your definition of emotional affair!

It is well.

consultancy:
dont worry about that, as time passes you will learn to forgive and forget. what you should worry about is the affairs he will have in the nearest future. men who cheat never stop, at least majority of them rarely do. they only grow smarter not to be caught same way u caught them before.

You just spoke out one of my fears. How do I trust again.

post=74647237:
We understand how you feel.
It will linger for a very long time.

But we cant say more on this matter because we dont know your definition of emotional affair!

It is well.

Non-sexual but professing love to each other. And could include sex chatting

You need to let go of the past and forgive him esp if he has stopped flirting with her.
BTW getting out of a marriage with three kids come with lots of responsibilities, burden and stigma.

bestshimmer:


Non-sexual but professing love to each other. And could include sex chatting

Alright, that is almost as bad as the sexual act itself.
For you to forgive him and still feel hurt is normal, very normal.
One thing that can make it easier for you is a TOTAL and TRUE genuine apologies and from your hubby.
When you think about your children, it will make you to forgive him easily too.
All the very best.

Olalan:
You need to let go of the past and forgive him esp if he has stopped flirting with her.
BTW getting out of a marriage with three kids come with lots of responsibilities, burden and stigma.

I really want to forget but why did he have to stop communicating only after I threatened to expose her.
I had pleaded earlier but I got a No. I just don't feel loved anymore.

bestshimmer:


You just spoke out one of my fears. How do I trust again.

you see it's a very tricky situation. he has to feel enough remorse to be able to take that decision never to cheat on you again. you have to show him how hurt you are, not just telling him, but showing it in your actions too. in this case now it is up to you and his conscience to make him feel enough remorse.

if he had taken his passwords out and left the phone unlocked, deleted all contacts and communication means with that woman, cried and begged you for forgiveness, vowing never to do it again, then we have hope of true repentance. then it is left for you to open your heart and pour out that love you held back. but he had to wait for you to threaten before even removing her number from his phone.

I don't even know how to advise you ..I feel very sorry for you.Its sad that many men no longer obey / understand the sanctity of marriage ,and it's even more sad in your own case because the man is not truly sober for his actions and that's exactly what is eating you up.Like you said if you were courting I'd have advised you leave but it's never okay to stay in an unhappy marriage because of the children.i think you should try devote your time into some other things for now,stop giving him that attention.Have a life outside of your marriage.Get something doing, work and ignore him and if you must get intimate you both should get tested for STIs.I pray God gives you all the strength you need right now. Pèle.Marriage truly not a bed of roses

bestshimmer:
After he had an emotional affair with his female married colleague.
I don't want to say I hate him now. But the feelings are not the same anymore.
He apologized and stopped but they were still communicating.
I asked him to stop receiving her calls but he said he couldn't. She would still sometimes profess love to him again. But he would say No.
Until I threatened my husband to send her husband, colleagues, in-laws etc screenshots of her messages.
They've stopped communicating.

But now I can't seem to forget the chats and SMS I saw.
Once in awhile I feel angry and become rude to him.
It's eating me up.

I forgave him when he 1st apologized but when I started seeing them continuing having friendly chats. It pained me. Cos that was how they started.

I complained and he started deleting their chats. Even called me a nag.

Now everything has ended I still feel heartbroken.
I trusted him so so so so so much.
If we were dating I would have just left. But we have 3kids. And am job hunting.

I say in my heart that I forgive him but why do I still feel hurt. Why do I not trust him anymore. I use other issues to cover up and be rude to him. But I know it's not those issues.
Help me. It's killing me

hmm. you just have to move on. people have faced worse and they adapted. forgive him and forget.

bestshimmer:


Non-sexual but professing love to each other. And could include sex chatting

Do not be offended but as a self-realized initiate of the Anunnaki, I can bet with my 2 testicles that your husband must have fvcked this woman for atleast 6 times.

I know because I am a man and there's no way a woman would be professing her love to me everyday without me, at a stage, wanting to lay with her.

When the last relationship I had started; at the initial stage, we were always professing love for each other, but the day we did a video-call on whatsapp and I saw her unclothedness in her full glory, I could not sleep until I carried my 2legs to go buy a ticket at the "Young Shall Grow Motor Park" at Iddo and traveled overnight to a Northern State where terrorism & cycle of violence was seemingly endless just to go lay with her.

This is the reason I will never allow my wife to work in a corporate environment such as Banks, Insurance Coys & Government parastatals.

As emotional beings, It is not possible for a person to be seeing the opposite sex (married or not) every goddamn day for atleast a year and not develop feelings for atleast one of them.

Anybody that tells you that the blood of Jesus or Jesus himself has crucified his/her flesh from coveting someone else's spouse in a religious or working environment is a blatant liar.

The escapade and the sex scandal between the former CBN governor (Sanusi Lamido Sanusi) and his erstwhile mistress (Mrs. Maryam Yaro) is just one out of many examples of the immorality that pervades most organizations, not just in Nigeria but the world over.

We can continue to deceive ourselves with religion in this Country while we secretly embrace & practice all the forbidden acts & sins listed in all the holy books.

bestshimmer:
After he had an emotional affair with his female married colleague.
I don't want to say I hate him now. But the feelings are not the same anymore.
He apologized and stopped but they were still communicating.
I asked him to stop receiving her calls but he said he couldn't. She would still sometimes profess love to him again. But he would say No.
Until I threatened my husband to send her husband, colleagues, in-laws etc screenshots of her messages.
They've stopped communicating.

But now I can't seem to forget the chats and SMS I saw.
Once in awhile I feel angry and become rude to him.
It's eating me up.

I forgave him when he 1st apologized but when I started seeing them continuing having friendly chats. It pained me. Cos that was how they started.

I complained and he started deleting their chats. Even called me a nag.

Now everything has ended I still feel heartbroken.
I trusted him so so so so so much.
If we were dating I would have just left. But we have 3kids. And am job hunting.

I say in my heart that I forgive him but why do I still feel hurt. Why do I not trust him anymore. I use other issues to cover up and be rude to him. But I know it's not those issues.
Help me. It's killing me

You can't fix a broken mirror thats why you can't trust him!

But be matured! Let your home and children be your number 1 priority!

If you cheat on him and your caught you will be sent out! No matter the excuse you give!


If your rudeness starts to get out of hand! It may affect your relationship with your husband which will one day drive you out of the house voluntary or involuntary!

Besides what character will you be teaching your children! Your daughters will be rude to their husbands and expect their husband tolerates it like their father!

The actions we take have ripple effects in our lives!

P.s to be sincere with you

My father cheats on my mum
She knows ,we even complain to her and report some events to her but she doesn't care cuz she loves her children!

What will she gain if the girl outside comes inside in take full control!


Secure your position 1st!

Look for a job or start a business

So you will not dependent on him


The bible says a good wife builds the home

It didn't say a good wife maketh sure the husband doesnt cheat


just ignore

See your marriage as a full time responsibility you have accepted to take!


I know you will say what about LOVE

Love is like a fairy tale told to young kids!

There is only one time in our life we may experience love and that's when we are old! About 70years still married! Children now parents n you see your grandma children

Then you both hold hands smile n laff about your mistakes,your failures and your successes together!


Marriage is not easy!

@bestshimmer

Sorry you are hurting,it must feel awful.

I think people underestimate the power of proximity in a working environment.No matter the sort of workplace,bring a man and woman who find each other attractive together & sparks will fly whether married or not,it's up to them to ignore or do something about it.

They are spending a lot of time together,sometimes even more time than they spend with their spouse,it can be very overwhelming.

If your husband and his colleague are still working in the same place,they most likely haven't stopped seeing each other,just have gotten smarter about covering their tracks.

Emotional affair which has graduated to verbally saying they love each other has gone quite far, possibly has gotten physical.For your man to continue and put up resistance despite being caught shows he's completely enamored with the lady in question.Its rather unfortunate but he has to be the one to make the decision to stop.

Human beings will be human beings and it is naive to trust a person made of flesh and blood 100%.

I struggle to remain faithful ,I have been propositioned by males married and unmarried and have even almost fallen.It is because of that I am aware that we all are mostly fallible..when temptation comes it's very easy to give in especially when the parties involved are willing.

No one can tell you how to react ,how to forgive ,how to forget? Only you can choose what you really want out of this situation and how best to go about it..

Most likely you will stay suspicious and never be completely happy till you learn to place your happiness in your own hands.

You need to become independent,have your own money and start to live.Then you can truly assess the situation for what it is and make the best decision for you and the kids.

There is no wrong or right way,what matters is how you feel.You have a right to whatever emotion you are experiencing and you have a right to react within reason however way you deem fit.

I hope you find peace of some sort.

Sorry..

bestshimmer:


Non-sexual but professing love to each other. And could include sex chatting

This is very hurtful indeed. In time you will heal. It's still fresh in your mind, which is why you're still hurting.

What I would suggest is stop thinking about it. Just stop. It's not going to be easy but it is achievable. As long as you keep thinking about his betrayal you will not be able to let it go

Olalan:
You need to let go of the past and forgive him esp if he has stopped flirting with her.
BTW getting out of a marriage with three kids come with lots of responsibilities, burden and stigma.

It is this stigma thing that makes women remain, grow bitter and eventually die in miserable marriages.

They ll have sex in the nearest future, that's how it start. Let the woman know that you are not comfortable with the emotional cheating

This happens when you go into marriage believing your spouse is a super human. Trust if you want, but leave a space in your heart for failure since we are all still mortals .

You will heal, give it time.

Stop thinking about it. Be selfish a little if you can afford it. Indulge yourself, convert all that negative energy into positives and put your aggression into getting a job.Give yourself and kids a treat.

You will heal , cope , grow a thick skin, then learn how to handle and " corner" that husband of yours. Our mother's did. Some of us are doing it now . Be strong.

963AvatarSpirit:
Emotional Affair or they are fuccking ? The dick will still be there, no one is taking it away. You can enjoy as you want. The problem with human issue is selfishness. Even animals like goats and cows and dogs understand life more than humans.

Sharing should be allowed, as long as you get yours when you want it.

But your own problem is not healthy, you lacked love growing up, now you want it from your husband, who lacked love growing up that he wants it from another woman because you drain him of his battery bank of love energy. Get your fuccking life in order, get a job or something so you can focus your attention on something else other than the only thing you have in life, called Husband. You are protecting him from being taken away because he is all that you have.

Sorry, truth is bitter.

Master Loneliness and learn to love your lonely moments with yourself and you will begin to realize that loving others, is a scam on the ego. Care for him and respect him, and he does same to you, and that should be okay. You both can play, but get your finances in order.

Women need strong men like me, I wake them up.

Just shut up if you have nothing meaningful to say
FOOL

963AvatarSpirit:
Emotional Affair or they are fuccking ? The dick will still be there, no one is taking it away. You can enjoy as you want. The problem with human issue is selfishness. Even animals like goats and cows and dogs understand life more than humans.

Sharing should be allowed, as long as you get yours when you want it.

But your own problem is not healthy, you lacked love growing up, now you want it from your husband, who lacked love growing up that he wants it from another woman because you drain him of his battery bank of love energy. Get your fuccking life in order, get a job or something so you can focus your attention on something else other than the only thing you have in life, called Husband. You are protecting him from being taken away because he is all that you have.

Sorry, truth is bitter.

Master Loneliness and learn to love your lonely moments with yourself and you will begin to realize that loving others, is a scam on the ego. Care for him and respect him, and he does same to you, and that should be okay. You both can play, but get your finances in order.

Women need strong men like me, I wake them up.

You must be a cheat sir! no insults intended, for your information we're not cow, goat nor dogs we're humans and as such we should be conscious of what we do, that's why we have conscience!

@OP
You have every right to feel the way you do. If he had shown genuine remorse, it would have been easier for you to forgive and forget. For him to keep communicating with her even after you told him not to means he's really not sorry. The fact that he stopped communicating with her after threatening him doesn't mean they've stopped seeing each other. For all we know, they might have taken it offline in order to cover their tracks. So let him be. Concentrate on yourself and your kids. Channel that energy into getting yourself a job. Time will tell whether or not things will come back to normal. Pls, don't be in a haste to make rash decisions. It is well with you.

P. S- It's good to trust your spouse but it is wiser to leave a little space for doubt incase he fails; that way you wouldn't be as hurt as you are right now.

bestshimmer:
After he had an emotional affair with his female married colleague.
I don't want to say I hate him now. But the feelings are not the same anymore.
He apologized and stopped but they were still communicating.
I asked him to stop receiving her calls but he said he couldn't. She would still sometimes profess love to him again. But he would say No.
Until I threatened my husband to send her husband, colleagues, in-laws etc screenshots of her messages.
They've stopped communicating.

But now I can't seem to forget the chats and SMS I saw.
Once in awhile I feel angry and become rude to him.
It's eating me up.

I forgave him when he 1st apologized but when I started seeing them continuing having friendly chats. It pained me. Cos that was how they started.

I complained and he started deleting their chats. Even called me a nag.

Now everything has ended I still feel heartbroken.
I trusted him so so so so so much.
If we were dating I would have just left. But we have 3kids. And am job hunting.

I say in my heart that I forgive him but why do I still feel hurt. Why do I not trust him anymore. I use other issues to cover up and be rude to him. But I know it's not those issues.
Help me. It's killing me

As far as he is taking care of the home front what the Big deal if he cheats..You say you have 3 kids and your job hunting that means the man caters for you all...If you can't offer him emotional balance and someone else offers it to him,so be it...get a job and mind your business

k

HarunaWest:

As far as he is taking care of the home front what the Big deal if he cheats..You say you have 3 kids and your job hunting that means the man caters for you all...If you can't offer him emotional balance and someone else offers it to him,so be it...get a job and mind your business

Why are you this foolish?

963AvatarSpirit:
Emotional Affair or they are fuccking ? The dick will still be there, no one is taking it away. You can enjoy as you want. The problem with human issue is selfishness. Even animals like goats and cows and dogs understand life more than humans.

Sharing should be allowed, as long as you get yours when you want it.

But your own problem is not healthy, you lacked love growing up, now you want it from your husband, who lacked love growing up that he wants it from another woman because you drain him of his battery bank of love energy. Get your fuccking life in order, get a job or something so you can focus your attention on something else other than the only thing you have in life, called Husband. You are protecting him from being taken away because he is all that you have.

Sorry, truth is bitter.

Master Loneliness and learn to love your lonely moments with yourself and you will begin to realize that loving others, is a scam on the ego. Care for him and respect him, and he does same to you, and that should be okay. You both can play, but get your finances in order.

Women need strong men like me, I wake them up.

What is this one saying na

Florblu:


Why are you this foolish?

That’s an understatement

Florblu:


Why are you this foolish?

oluphunmy:



That’s an understatement

I understand what the guy is talking about and it encapsulates sexual attraction/emotional balance. I am not one to condone extramarital affair but the truth is, "Love in marriage" is like a flame that needs to be fueled to keep burning. If after 3 kids, a woman becomes laid back and doesn't try to look sexy as she used to be when he met her, things are bound to entice the man in other women, especially colleagues who dress in tight fitting dresses and well adorned faces.


I strongly believe OP should, together with her husband, consult a marriage counselor. In my opinion, the man doesn't see the sexy, interesting, playful, admirable woman he once married.

bestshimmer:

I say in my heart that I forgive him but why do I still feel hurt. Why do I not trust him anymore. I use other issues to cover up and be rude to him. But I know it's not those issues.
Help me. It's killing me

The hurt you feel is as a result of the trust you had in him. Perhaps he has turned down a couple of advances from you in the name of being tired and in a bid to be an understanding and loving wife, you let him be. As i suggested before, you can both go to seek proper marriage counseling. I'd have advised that you own up to a very ravishing look but right now, i am not sure if you even want him to have any form of intimacy with you. In the mean time, do your duties as a wife, prepare his favorite meals, prepare the bath for his shower when he comes home, offer him massages and help him trim his nails while having a gist with him about absolutely anything and please, don't tie wrapper around the house. Rekindling your love starts from the petty little things until it becomes a routine for him and he can't do without that routine. God will help you stabilize your Home.

Florblu:


Why are you this foolish?

you that was so frustrated you were searching for a single matured guy as at this time last year...STFU b1tch.......Man shouldn't flex again because his married... nonsense.

Zoharariel:


Do not be offended but as a self-realized initiate of the Anunnaki, I can bet with my 2 testicles that your husband must have fvcked this woman for atleast 6 times.

I know because I am a man and there's no way a woman would be professing her love to me everyday without me, at a stage, wanting to lay with her.

When the last relationship I had started; at the initial stage, we were always professing love for each other, but the day we did a video-call on whatsapp and I saw her unclothedness in her full glory, I could not sleep until I carried my 2legs to go buy a ticket at the "Young Shall Grow Motor Park" at Iddo and traveled overnight to a Northern State where terrorism & cycle of violence was seemingly endless just to go lay with her.

This is the reason I will never allow my wife to work in a corporate environment such as Banks, Insurance Coys & Government parastatals.

As emotional beings, It is not possible for a person to be seeing the opposite sex (married or not) every goddamn day for atleast a year and not develop feelings for atleast one of them.

Anybody that tells you that the blood of Jesus or Jesus himself has crucified his/her flesh from coveting someone else's spouse in a religious or working environment is a blatant liar.

The escapade and the sex scandal between the former CBN governor (Sanusi Lamido Sanusi) and his erstwhile mistress (Mrs. Maryam Yaro) is just one out of many examples of the immorality that pervades most organizations, not just in Nigeria but the world over.

We can continue to deceive ourselves with religion in this Country while we secretly embrace & practice all the forbidden acts & sins listed in all the holy books.

Nicely written piece. Plenty sense and sensibility. The part that caught me most is u travelling all the way down to the northern part of naija(not by air) to shag a lady. This thing called sex is really really powerful. Little wonder the good books advises on to get married before getting involved.

Make I also add; if u find any man thats not cheating, or has never cheated, no be him power oh. Na the grace of God.