ImaIma1:
I for one work very close to my house and my baby's creche is beside my office. So it is convenient and hubby has a flexible schedule at the moment which could change anytime now.

Still I feel stressed with chores and all even with help from him. He has already said we are getting a maid ASAP so that I can relax a bit.

My sis on the other hand works in a bank, closes late and doesn't get home till 11pm a lot of times. He husband works on a ship and is away for up to 4months at a go. How does such a woman cope without help.

The factors are different for different people. When I see people that have maids, I don't judge or blame them. If you can afford it, it's fine

Very true that different strokes for different folks.

I need all snearios.

Don't want a live in maid if I can help it.

alBHAGDADI:


I'm sorry dear, I dont mean to be divisive.

My post is simply an advice for women who are working, telling them not to complain about how difficult it is to play their roles as wife and mothers alongside their career.

They shouldn't complaint and also they shouldn't abdicate their duties to maids.

Huh So invariably they should suck it up cos they brought it upon themselves by trying to be helpmates to their husbands. It is their fault that the new generation horsebands cannot provide for their families....it is their fault trying to help out and at the same time requesting for help in return.
In your bible, you have never read of menservants and maiden servants. What the hell do you think is the occupation of Sarah and many other women in the bible that requires them to have retinues of servants entow.
Just stick to your divisive religious topics and allow coolheaded people to confer.

alBHAGDADI:

A woman's place is in the home just as a fish's place is in the water, but una no go hear.

Every woman wants to work and earn her money without knowing the much damage such is doing to her family especially the kids. You leave your kids at the mercy of a maid who might be possessed or simply wicked just because you want to be civilized and make your own money. That's why kids of today lack home training and are becoming horrible creatures. Look at all the young girls becoming twerkers on Instagram and running after Yahoo boys which the young boys have become.

A working wife doesn't only create problems for their kids but also for themselves. That's why many wives of today are looking ugly and old due to the stress at work. You wake up as early as 5am to beat traffic which you still meet. You stay cramped up in a dirty bus sweating with different people with germs only to get to work and still be ordered around by your boss in ways your husband can't even try. By the time you are 35, you are already looking like a 50 year old and unattractive. This can make the husband to start cheatin with campus girls. All of these for the love of money which never brings happiness.

Yes, I quite understand that some families need the woman to be working so as to support the husband, but it is wise to get a job close by and very conducive. And when you get that job, don't go chasing career or you will hurt your loved ones. Aspiring to be the MD or the GMD will only make you neglect your wife duties. A Husband is suppose to eat his wife's food, not a maid's. Same maid gets maltreated by these frustrated wives who are living a confused life. That job makes you neglect yourself, your kids, your Husband and God.

The sad part is that most of these ladies were raised by mothers who devoted time for them and sacrificed ambitions that would have made them selfish.

Since you've gotten the job, whatever it gives you be it positive or negative, just face it till you realize that career chasing and ambitions that make your family suffer is not worth it.


1 Timothy 6:9-11 (KJV)
9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

Interesting twist.

For starters, I have not seen anywhere in the Bible where women are expected to be housewives (I have nothing against them) nor I have seen a woman having ambitions to be unchristianly.

Rebekah was given a maid to Issac's house on her wedding day: Rachel and Leah had dedicated servants ditto Sarah.

Even the virtuous woman we should aspire to had servants, and worked long hours from the home.

That said, anyone working long hours would naturally be stressed/tense and I would advise we try to make it shorter.

Except you are trying to be funny, you will agree that people especially women look younger today especially when they have the funds.

That women also stayed at home is funny at best; I know mothers farmed and sold in the market. The only tribe I know wives sat at home is the Igbos; Yorubas never encouraged such.

Also until recently, we had an extended family system which meant women never the only ones who handled the chores/childcare because they always had relatives with them.

If you say wives should be at home for the first two/three years of a child's life, we might have a discussion.

redsocks:
Op you have enough answers already.
Love
Understanding
Co- operation : balancing, compromise from both spouse.
Planning

Whatever the peculiar circumstance, there is a MIDDLE GROUND. With the above mentioned in place, FIND IT!

Thank you.

bukatyne:


This only caters to dropping them off.

How does she really care for the kids?

I am talking about a full working wife.

People who have their own businesses are 'full working wives' too or do you mean women who work with organisations alone?
My neighbour is a caterer.She does the school runs for the children.Takes them to school and goes out to sort her own business.
She picks them from school and they come back together late evening,so she works her schedule around the children.

I guess your topic addresses people who work in paid employment more.It's almost impossible without a help,grandma or aunt.

bukatyne:


Great, considering you are even the daddy.

Yea. All hands must be on deck.

We already know our routine and it works fine.
Wifey has the kitchen every morning (Monday - Friday) and weekends. While I have the kitchen every evening (Monday - Friday) after work. But baby seating is entirely mine since the kids always prefer to shout and call daddy for attention, bathing, homework, play etc.

Not been easy I tell you. But the joy the bonding gives me is out of this world, coupled with the fact that I married the world best wife

JoannaSedley:
Huh So invariably they should suck it up cos they brought it upon themselves by trying to be helpmates to their husbands. It is their fault that the new generation horsebands cannot provide for their families....it is their fault trying to help out and at the same time requesting for help in return.
In your bible, you have never read of menservants and maiden servants. What the hell do you think is the occupation of Sarah and many other women in the bible that requires them to have retinues of servants entow.
Just stick to your divisive religious topics and allow coolheaded people to confer.

What is the husband unable to provide? Even if the husband is a CEO, such women will still want to work and earn their own money.

You speak of Sarah?

Did you read why she sent her maid packing? The maid was trying to steal her husband.

bukatyne:


Interesting twist.

For starters, I have not seen anywhere in the Bible where women are expected to be housewives (I have nothing against them) nor I have seen a woman having ambitions to be unchristianly.

Rebekah was given a maid to Issac's house on her wedding day: Rachel and Leah had dedicated servants ditto Sarah.

Even the virtuous woman we should aspire to had servants, and worked long hours from the home.

That said, anyone working long hours would naturally be stressed/tense and I would advise we try to make it shorter.

Except you are trying to be funny, you will agree that people especially women look younger today especially when they have the funds.

That women also stayed at home is funny at best; I know mothers farmed and sold in the market. The only tribe I know wives sat at home is the Igbos; Yorubas never encouraged such.

Also until recently, we had an extended family system which meant women never the only ones who handled the chores/childcare because they always had relatives with them.

If you say wives should be at home for the first two/three years of a child's life, we might have a discussion.

Those maids in Isaac's house ended up becoming his wives. Do you want your maid to become your husband's wife?

YOu speak of relatives? Today's women don't even want to see their husband's mother around not to talk of relatives. This is depriving them of a lot.

keepingmum:
It depends on the jobs of the spouses. Early on in my marriage i was home with our 1st child. from 9 months old (when i resumed work) , i left early to work, dropped the lo with the childminder till ans picked him up till he started regular sch.
Oga was responsible for getting lo ready for sch from 3yrs - 9yrs. He bath, fed wore his clothes and diapers etc dropped him in sch in the morning because hes work was more flexible whilst i picked lo from sch after work.
When lo turned 10yrs, we got him a phone, he got on the bus and will ring/text once he got to sch and then i pick him up from sch.

However with lm, oga has become busier now so i work part time and do the sch runs then work but at the weekends. Oga is responsible for the kids 100% whilst i do the cooking, laundry....oga dries the clothes and I iron them. He makes the bed cos i am rubbish in makings beds, he washes the bathroom and toilets whilst i do the kitchen cleaning and food shop
Its all about division of labour, mutual understanding and love for one another. We have done this over 15years and Oga is a decade older than i am

But if you are married to an archaic patriarchal type of spouse who believes that his job is to shag you, drop money, eat food and snore then sorry na im get you

You are blessed with a very understanding husband

bukatyne:


Is she a single mum?

No she isn't.

alBHAGDADI:


Those maids in Isaac's house ended up becoming his wives. Do you want your maid to become your husband's wife?

YOu speak of relatives? Today's women don't even want to see their husband's mother around not to talk of relatives. This is depriving them of a lot.

Quit being dramatic.

We were clearly told that the wives have the maids to their husband for more kids.

Every maid who slept with Oga had the express permission of the wife so that was probably their culture.

Must the relative be the husband's?

If you need help as a wife, the first point is obviously your relatives who are more inclined to help and empathsize with you.

thorpido:
People who have their own businesses are 'full working wives' too or do you mean women who work with organisations alone?
My neighbour is a caterer.She does the school runs for the children.Takes them to school and goes out to sort her own business.
She picks them from school and they come back together late evening,so she works her schedule around the children.

I guess your topic addresses people who work in paid employment more.It's almost impossible without a help,grandma or aunt.

How can a business woman be a full time housewife except you are talking selling groundnuts in front of the house?

People who grow their businesses kind of have less time than their employed counterparts; they only have a less rigid schedule.

As per your neighbor, she is out of the house all day with the kids so how does she handle child care/chores?

AFONAMARO:


Yea. All hands must be on deck.

We already know our routine and it works fine.
Wifey has the kitchen every morning (Monday - Friday) and weekends. While I have the kitchen every evening (Monday - Friday) after work. But baby seating is entirely mine since the kids always prefer to shout and call daddy for attention, bathing, homework, play etc.

Not been easy I tell you. But the joy the bonding gives me is out of this world, coupled with the fact that I married the world best wife

Very nice.

All HANDS on deck and everyone acting their routine.

Not I am tired, I am just helping you, it's your job etc.

I really wanna phase out live in help and have the kids start nursery school straight. I have seen my friends' kids turn out well and converse like adults not robots when they are home till three.

Their thought processes is on point.

alBHAGDADI:


What is the husband unable to provide? Even if the husband is a CEO, such women will still want to work and earn their own money.

You speak of Sarah?

Did you read why she sent her maid packing? The maid was trying to steal her husband.

You are a drama king.

Haggai wanted to 'steal' Abraham or she was insubordinate to Sarah because she had a child for Abraham?

Besides, for a professing Christian, I find the fact you think husbands can be stolen hilarious.

This shifts the responsibility from a husband who took his vows and leads a family to a maid/ another woman.

That surely sounds like what a worldly man would say.

ImaIma1:


No she isn't.

Wow!

Why doesn't she get a maid?

bukatyne:


Very nice.

All HANDS on deck and everyone acting their routine.

Not I am tired, I am just helping you, it's your job etc.

I really wanna phase out live in help and have the kids start nursery school straight. I have seen my friends' kids turn out well and converse like adults not robots when they are home till three.

Their thought processes is on point.

Way to go. The kids will sure turn out better and smarter. These maids aren't better you know, no one can treat your kids better than you.

Rosarie:
I just see you breaking down

True.

alBHAGDADI:


I'm sorry dear, I dont mean to be divisive.

My post is simply an advice for women who are working, telling them not to complain about how difficult it is to play their roles as wife and mothers alongside their career.

They shouldn't complaint and also they shouldn't abdicate their duties to maids.

m


Prov 31:15 who are the maidens being referred to? Hope the spirit of legality will leave you soon

Mizwisdom:
m


Prov 31:15 who are the maidens being referred to? Hope the spirit of legality will leave you soon

Maid and Maiden are two different words.

A maid is a house help or servant who helps at home and is s female. A maiden is young womanwho is unmarried and not a servant or house help.

The Bible never said the virtuous woman had house helps.

bukatyne:


How can a business woman be a full time housewife except you are talking selling groundnuts in front of the house?

People who grow their businesses kind of have less time than their employed counterparts; they only have a less rigid schedule.

As per your neighbor, she is out of the house all day with the kids so how does she handle child care/chores?

I thought you said full working wife not full time housewife?
It's the flexibility that they take advantage of.
Her day can't start until she bathes,feeds and get the kids ready for school.She drops them off and goes about her business.
The kids don't finish from school until about 4:30pm because they do lessons too.
Weekends,her husband is around so they can both take care of the children.

This is quite educative and am here to learn a whole and see how to run mine when we get to that bridge...

Kudos to you OP...You rock!!!

Maids are only needed when the children are under 10 years old.

Impossible not to have a maid in places like Nigeria where life is tough and rough.

No electricity, no water, no school buses, no reliable after school programs and PEDO-FILES by the billions in all corners.

Running a family and working full time is challenging, especially for single parents.

It takes planning. . . WITH 2 PARENTS.

If only one parent is involved, it is difficult but doable.

With the present state of situation with househelps in Nigeria, only LUCK can prevail.

Outside Nigeria or Africa, it is really easy with planning and use of security cameras.

Thanks to Zmodo and Arlo. I don’t need househelps for children over AGE 10.
Teach your children to take care of your home and themselves. They are the househelps!

I only work weekends. . . I have peace.

alBHAGDADI:

Maid and Maiden are two different words.

A maid is a house help or servant who helps at home and is s female. A maiden is young womanwho is unmarried and not a servant or house help.

The Bible never said the virtuous woman had house helps.

Now I know that you're not serious

keepingmum:
It depends on the jobs of the spouses. Early on in my marriage i was home with our 1st child. from 9 months old (when i resumed work) , i left early to work, dropped the lo with the childminder till ans picked him up till he started regular sch.
Oga was responsible for getting lo ready for sch from 3yrs - 9yrs. He bath, fed wore his clothes and diapers etc dropped him in sch in the morning because hes work was more flexible whilst i picked lo from sch after work.
When lo turned 10yrs, we got him a phone, he got on the bus and will ring/text once he got to sch and then i pick him up from sch.

However with lm, oga has become busier now so i work part time and do the sch runs then work. But at the weekends, Oga is responsible for the kids 100% whilst i do the cooking, laundry....oga dries the clothes and I iron them. He makes the bed cos i am rubbish in makings beds, he washes the bathroom and toilets whilst i do the kitchen cleaning and food shop
Its all about division of labour, mutual understanding and love for one another. We have done this over 15years and Oga is a decade older than i am.

But if you are married to an archaic patriarchal type of spouse who believes that his job is to shag you, drop money, eat food and snore then sorry na im get you

NB
Rather than spending time doing housechores in your boyfriend's house, showing how much of a wife material you are, sit down and have these conversations to avoid stories that touch the anuss in marriage. Discuss finances, number of children, domestic roles, views on househelps/relatives visitings because trust me, when the cake and jollof rice you ate from the wedding party has digested, reality will hit and resentment may set in.

EXCELLENT ADVICE

In the beginning of the relationship, dating/early year before kids, discuss your expectations.
Shared responsibilities like you drop off the kids on the way to work or you pick them up (depending on proximity of work place and school).
Whoever comes in first starts cooking or warming food/cutting vegetables. Both go through homework etc
Take turns bathings the kids....ofcourse one can do more than the other.
Any one can grocery shop-give him list with explanation what type of tomato or okra you want and leave room for mistakes.
Cook in bulk during the weekend and sometimes get healthy take out on the way home.
Do laundry as you go and folding on the weekend. If he doesn't join you, ask him - babes, I need help here...still on the phone with friends? By the time you call him 3 times, he will know you mean business
I think both of you can do it. Hire an adult and pay them to help but made sure your husband joins you in home management.

Sad I didn't see this thread early enough. Bukatyne you didn't tag me as you usualy do. Even if I don't comment on some of your threads, I read and follow them. So stand up, hands up and close your eyes fir the next 10 minutes

It's nice to see that there are a good number of couples who split duties happily. Different from the doom and gloom storries that pervade Nairaland.

Yes, planning, cooperation and shared responsibilities. That's how it's done. And I'll include a few more points that my Lady and I have learnt over the last 8 years.

Get technological help where you can. Washine machine, micro wave, inverter, dish washer, stuff like that. Now I know finance is a big thing in Nigeria and not everyone can afford these things. What we did was to browse various stores for when they had promos running on these items. Also use the "pay small small" option to pay in instalments. Buying second hand from others also helps.

Get outsourced help. We have a lady come in to clean the house once a week. She does the thorough cleaning so we don't have to do much during the week to keep the house neat. Can also get someone to do the ironing after the washing mashine does the washing.

Bulk cooking. My Lady cooks enough stews, soups and poriages to last quite a while. Freeze it in small servings and microwave for meals. It means preparing a meal only takes as long as the rice or yam needs to boil or plantains or potatoes need to fry.

Smart cooking. Those hard days of broke-ness taught me that 200 bucks worth of carrots, green beans and peppers can produce fried rice eniugh for my family and a guest. Boiled eggs add the protein. Stir frying can help make exquisite meals in a very short time. Now we try to keep fried pieces of fish or chicken in the freezer at all times to accomodate this. The aboki in the estate is already used to me getting veggies or tomatoes in 100 to 200 naira quantities.

Daycare/ creche can save lives you know. My girl started at 4 months. No time. But one has to investigate these places well and form a habit of dropping in unannounced and unexpected.

Get some breathing space, some Daddy Mummy time alone to remember those days of being single by "dumping" the kids off every now and then with some family or friends. It helps to recharge.

I made sure my Lady and I discussed all these things well before we got married. She had things a little different in mind than I did and I was more spartan than she could be. We compromised as well as we can. You won't get everything you want but you'll get a lot more than you believed possible.

True we run our own business, but sometimes, running your own business can put more pressure on your time than being employed by someone else. I run 2 other businesses in addition and if all goes well, I'll have the farm up and running halfway through this year so that is even more pressure on my time but I always say - my wife first, my kids next then what I need to finance my wife and kids. Any one and anything comes in order of urgency. That's my list of priorities.

Myself and hubby have flexible jobs

I presently work from morning till about 12 noon within my vicinity hubby works mostly from home (99percent of the time) late into the night so he wakes late, technically I am out before he wakes up so I have to sort the mornings myself all collabo is till the afternoon.

I do the cooking, I cook in a mini-bulk format because of NEPA issues, God bless whoever invented the washing machine too

He babysits when I am busy, feeds the baby sometimes, he does the deep cleaning and dusting on some sundays.

Since my husband is majorly home ,likes food and hardly eats out:

Sometimes I cook the morning meal the night before,
sometimes when I come back by 12 thats when we ll sort out breakfast and it becomes brunch.
sometimes hubby will eat bread and butter or warm some food already cooked.
sometimes he ll just sort himself out mostly when I have to go to the Main office.

Now my baby has started creche, I take him in the mornings it just around where I work, I can decide to pick him as I am coming back or go home relax and go back for him.


Its working out and just today we talked about how we ll cope if and when I would have to report to the office everyday, thats a different ballgame entirely. Merely thinking about it is giving me headache



I just cant imagine how couples both working 8-5 with toddlers cope in this Lagos.

You need to leverage on technology and bring in the third parent... your first kid.

You need to make life as easy as possible and support each other as much as possible..

This plan won't work if both of you work high demanding jobs like finance..

Reputable Daycares with extended hours

Close, extended family members

teamwork, for the guys, less football and beer parlouring and more helping out around the castle.
for the ladies, rest the cellphone and prepare a couple of meals in advance. ditto for the male chefs.

now who wants some fish and plantain?