My suggestions.

Always get a school for your kids close to the house, place of work etc or pay for school bus(for pick up and dropping off after school) especially for kids old enough to stay on their own after school till you come back from work. For the younger ones after school programs will do.

Then at the home front, get help that comes and goes even if it's once a week for some hard chores like washing/ironing, grocery shopping, exclusive house cleaning or weekend cooking.

Invest in kitchen machines, freezer, microwave, dishwasher etc and of course a washing machine if you can.

Please by all means get an external help no matter how little. Plssss. Don't be ashamed or scared, Stress is real. And it caused more harm than good.

You must not get a live in maid.

pocohantas:


Same here o, nobody should call me superwoman or wonder-woman biko. Because if I fall down die of stress, he will remarry na. I dey sure say na my papa go cry pass

imnotconfused:
I don't know if this counts as I don't live in Naija but I don't have househelps.

What makes the difference is shared burden/ shared work.If it lies on one person, there will be burn out.

DH and I work full time ,Monday to Friday and some weekends.

5:30 or max 6am alarm goes off.

DH does his brushing and co while I shower

I finish showering and do minimal dressing up and he enters to bathe.

I wake the kids and hand tooth brush over to them.

After that quick bath for one,DH comes over and bathes the second one.

We split the kids,I ensure one is dressed up,DH does the other then takes them downstairs to have breakfast while I finish my make up and co.

I go down and take over when I'm done then DH dresses up properly.

After breakfast,final dress up and shouting and we pile out.Dh drops us off- me at train station,kids in school and nursery.

I rush from work for school run ( they stay in after school club till 5:00),get home prep dinner for the kids,do some homework then shower for the night.I do this Monday to Wednesdays,DH school run Thursday and Friday.

19:00 Read to them,DH usually is back at this time.He comes up to do the goodnight and once they're tucked in we prep.our dinner,i heat the food while he does any dishes.

We chat about the day,eat and go to bed and then repeat same cycle.

We usually have a food plan for the week or at least an idea of what we will eat and put in fridge to defrost while at work.


Weekends if not working:

If no food,we cook.DH cooks some meals,I cook some eg he may cook stew while I cook porridge.We just subconsciously split who cooks what.

DH does laundry,I do ironing and planning outfits for the week for the kids.

I scrub bathrooms,he vaccums the rooms.

Sunday is eat out day.I can't be bothered to have extra stress.

It's not easy at all..very stressful but bearable with a partner who is hands on

Married 8 years plus

All that stress

Pray u fined a good house maid

bukatyne:
Good evening house,

The Topic already explains itself.

In Lagos of today, how do a working couple with kids survive without a maid?

Practical examples pls.

It's simple, proper planning and timing. The key to running this effectively is doing all the chores(washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, living room and all)before going to bed. The wife will have to wake up as early as 5 to make arrangement for lunch(yes,lunch) if the family are to have Jollof rice for lunch, she should parboil the rice and fry the tomato paste(store both in the cooling part of the fridge) the meat oR fish can be fried and stored appropriately. This should last till 6 or so. She can then make arrangements for breakfast,which should be ready by 7 or so. While making breakfast, the husband can prepare the kids for school. They should be set at the exact time that breakfast will be ready. While they eat,the wife can go freshen up for work....and by 7:30, they should be done and set for work. Note that the I didn't talk about morning devotion because it is not my call to advise on when the family can have that.


By the time family is back from work/school,having made arrangement for lunch earlier, it won't take up to an hour for lunch/dinner to be ready and while lunch is cooking, the kids can freshen up... In a situation where the kids arrive home before their parents, then the wife may have to prepare their meal and store appropriately.


PS I am not in the OP's shoes but I see this working.

bukatyne:


Boarding school a life saver.

I am really skeptical about live in help. The stories are not funny.

Not an option.
Oh no!

alBHAGDADI:


Those maids in Isaac's house ended up becoming his wives. Do you want your maid to become your husband's wife?

YOu speak of relatives? Today's women don't even want to see their husband's mother around not to talk of relatives. This is depriving them of a lot.

Wow! a Nigerian Apologist. Do you know David Woods?

Rosarie:
I just see you breaking down

If our mothers can do it, then we sure can. Humans are adaptive beings and there is no level of stress that can break you, maybe I should also add that stress is a façade( I can't remember reading any journal on Einstein and Co complaining of stress)... My mother had to contend with taking care of her family, her business and school.

bukatyne:
Good evening house,

The Topic already explains itself.

In Lagos of today, how do a working couple with kids survive without a maid?

Practical examples pls.

I can help with the home chores at a very affordable rate

bukatyne:
Good evening house,

The Topic already explains itself.

In Lagos of today, how do a working couple with kids survive without a maid?

Practical examples pls.

There id no big deal, I and my husband are working class. I have raised three boys without house maid, two are already in the university now. I wake up 6am put food on fire and i get the baby ready for school. My husband drop them at school when the brothers were still in secondary and i picked them up. Shikena. My two boys in the university knows how to cook and do any house shores.

alBHAGDADI:


I'm sorry dear, I dont mean to be divisive.

My post is simply an advice for women who are working, telling them not to complain about how difficult it is to play their roles as wife and mothers alongside their career.

They shouldn't complaint and also they shouldn't abdicate their duties to maids.

Another one spotted. Smh

I believe 2 factor that make or mare families without help, the first is distance I make sure my children school is close to the house secondly one of us parents job location has to be at most an hour or two away from home.

keepingmum:
It depends on the jobs of the spouses. Early on in my marriage i was home with our 1st child. from 9 months old (when i resumed work) , i left early to work, dropped the lo with the childminder till ans picked him up till he started regular sch.
Oga was responsible for getting lo ready for sch from 3yrs - 9yrs. He bath, fed wore his clothes and diapers etc dropped him in sch in the morning because hes work was more flexible whilst i picked lo from sch after work.
When lo turned 10yrs, we got him a phone, he got on the bus and will ring/text once he got to sch and then i pick him up from sch.

However with lm, oga has become busier now so i work part time and do the sch runs then work. But at the weekends, Oga is responsible for the kids 100% whilst i do the cooking, laundry....oga dries the clothes and I iron them. He makes the bed cos i am rubbish in makings beds, he washes the bathroom and toilets whilst i do the kitchen cleaning and food shop
Its all about division of labour, mutual understanding and love for one another. We have done this over 15years and Oga is a decade older than i am.

But if you are married to an archaic patriarchal type of spouse who believes that his job is to shag you, drop money, eat food and snore then sorry na im get you

NB
Rather than spending time doing housechores in your boyfriend's house, showing how much of a wife material you are, sit down and have these conversations to avoid stories that touch the anuss in marriage. Discuss finances, number of children, domestic roles, views on househelps/relatives visitings because trust me, when the cake and jollof rice you ate from the wedding party has digested, reality will hit and resentment may set in.

your hubby is just like my mine.
m

womqq1aq

Planning. Appliances & of course after school care

JoannaSedley:
Proverb 31 are wishful thoughts of the author. I disagree with it because it depicts men as lazy and docile incompetent creature who sits at the city gates to take glory for their wife's achievements and doggedness.

On the contrary. Both husband and wife are to be exemplary in Excellence.
Diligence is a quality God demands from both man and woman.
Do you know what it means to be like Christ?
Trust me, a man, if truly a Christian, is the best thing that could happen to your life, your children, the society, etc.
Try to study the stories of Aquila and Priscilla, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph and David in terms of their diligence.

About whether or not it's a wishful thought, trust me you can either assume the whole gospel is a wishful thought or accept and come to know that no part of it is a wishful thought. That's what Faith is.
Have a good night... And dream sweet.

thorpido:
I think it depends (more) on the type of work the wife is doing.If she is self-employed, she arranges her work schedule around her kids.
She drops them in school,goes to her work,picks them up after school,they go to her place of work together,she closes and takes them home.

wife not slave

Juliearth:



If our mothers can do it, then we sure can. Humans are adaptive beings and there is no level of stress that can break you, maybe I should also add that stress is a façade( I can't remember reading any journal on Einstein and Co complaining of stress)... My mother had to contend with taking care of her family, her business and school.

that's one is suffering.as humans we get exhausted.then u unconsciously snap at ur kids.my dear the stress is indescribable.ur mom has lived her live.live urs.did she tell u she was happy.abeg forget that thing

Please help a friend ,am in need of a job.
Degree- HND
Field of study -Statistics
Location-Ibadan
Contact- mail - henryify33@gmail.com
Mobile -08030643812.

Juliearth:



It's simple, proper planning and timing. The key to running this effectively is doing all the chores(washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, living room and all)before going to bed. The wife will have to wake up as early as 5 to make arrangement for lunch(yes,lunch) if the family are to have Jollof rice for lunch, she should parboil the rice and fry the tomato paste(store both in the cooling part of the fridge) the meat oR fish can be fried and stored appropriately. This should last till 6 or so. She can then make arrangements for breakfast,which should be ready by 7 or so. While making breakfast, the husband can prepare the kids for school. They should be set at the exact time that breakfast will be ready. While they eat,the wife can go freshen up for work....and by 7:30, they should be done and set for work. Note that the I didn't talk about morning devotion because it is not my call to advise on when the family can have that.


By the time family is back from work/school,having made arrangement for lunch earlier, it won't take up to an hour for lunch/dinner to be ready and while lunch is cooking, the kids can freshen up... In a situation where the kids arrive home before their parents, then the wife may have to prepare their meal and store appropriately.


PS I am not in the OP's shoes but I see this working.

Leave the home at 7.30 and get to work when?

So, those ones living in a country like UK or USA who still raised beautiful kids without house help even though they combined two or three jobs together deserve some accolades. Hiring a house help in that countries no be monmon you won't even try it anyway unless you are extremely rich. My question is why are the ones living in Nigeria with many family members and friends are complaining about house help?

Hubby and myself are currently on paid employment and we have a 2yr plus old daughter. My place of work is far from home and invariably far from my baby's school. I resume 8am close by 5pm hubby 7.30am close 6pm. We wake 5am. He drops the child off most times while i pick her . Her school keep her till 6. I always hurry and run like a craze person after closing from work not to cross time. It's stressful alright but daddy helps out by bathing and dress her in the morning while I cook. I pray God to grant me career stability and I'm definitely getting help once I have my son.

pocohantas:
Every woman's husband helps...
And every man here helps his wife.

Where are the Nigerian men that do not help their wives?

Them plenty o, probably too ashamed to post. I know of one who watched his wife die from stress without lifting a finger to assist even when she was sick. When I visited his place for condolences, he just kept yapping and yapping about how his wife spoilt him silly, he doesn't know how to wash ordinary boxers, she's sleeps by mid night and up by 4am doing all the chores before setting out to work bla bla bla. I felt like telling him STFU! You killed your wife! I kept staring at their wedding photo at how very beautiful this woman was less than 20 years ago to that date. As at the time I got to know her, the beauty had waned badly and she looked much older than the husband. God forbid i waste my well-being and life on top one useless man and marriage.

Juliearth:



If our mothers can do it, then we sure can. Humans are adaptive beings and there is no level of stress that can break you, maybe I should also add that stress is a façade( I can't remember reading any journal on Einstein and Co complaining of stress)... My mother had to contend with taking care of her family, her business and school.

Ejighi afufu Anya isi nne. My mum no even pass through the stress,she had help. If I get opportunity I won't even work sef but will still hire a nanny and house keeper. Poverty Na bastard. If you enter some kind big man house, you will understand.

pocohantas:


Same here o, nobody should call me superwoman or wonder-woman biko. If I fall down die of stress, he will remarry na. I dey sure say na my papa go cry pass.

A colleague of mine once said, "I don't know why a woman will go to work Mon-Fri, spend hours in traffic, attend to kids, go to market on Saturday, comes back, jumps into the kitchen, cooking and sweating, all to fix a meal I/we would eat and shit in 2hrs. Outsource these things!!!!

My dear If the woman die tops one year,he don remarry. And he will find maid and all for the new wife and eat all the left over food and junks with joy. I have a cousin that lost his wife April last year,he remarried in Dec. The time I have that perfect wife mentality has passed.

NoToPile:



Too high, way too high.

See you o!

pocohantas:
Every woman's husband helps...
And every man here helps his wife.

Where are the Nigerian men that do not help their wives?

Everyone seem to be getting it right here . I am wondering, who are those men that beat there wive's and who are the women that grips their hobbies shirt.

lonelydora:


Food cooked the previous night. She cooks fresh food daily

I just wanted to be sure, you mean no frozen food, soup, you guys dont warm any food at all? Like everything is cooked from scratch everyday?

She really is a super woman.

Juliearth:



It's simple, proper planning and timing. The key to running this effectively is doing all the chores(washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, living room and all)before going to bed. The wife will have to wake up as early as 5 to make arrangement for lunch(yes,lunch) if the family are to have Jollof rice for lunch, she should parboil the rice and fry the tomato paste(store both in the cooling part of the fridge) the meat oR fish can be fried and stored appropriately. This should last till 6 or so. She can then make arrangements for breakfast,which should be ready by 7 or so. While making breakfast, the husband can prepare the kids for school. They should be set at the exact time that breakfast will be ready. While they eat,the wife can go freshen up for work....and by 7:30, they should be done and set for work. Note that the I didn't talk about morning devotion because it is not my call to advise on when the family can have that.


By the time family is back from work/school,having made arrangement for lunch earlier, it won't take up to an hour for lunch/dinner to be ready and while lunch is cooking, the kids can freshen up... In a situation where the kids arrive home before their parents, then the wife may have to prepare their meal and store appropriately.


PS I am not in the OP's shoes but I see this working.

Leaving 7.30 for work in Lagos not feasible except your job is 10minutes away a sizeable amount of Lagosians leave home 6, the ones who leave home 7 probably work around. The majority seem to leave home by 5am.

abbeyty:
So, those ones living in a country like UK or USA who still raised beautiful kids without house help even though they combined two or three jobs together deserve some accolades. Hiring a house help in that countries no be monmon you won't even try it anyway unless you are extremely rich. My question is why are the ones living in Nigeria with many family members and friends are complaining about house help?

Those ones are living in an organized environment, just one factor NEPA can make the difference.

They know there will be light when they wake up
They can store meals for weeks in the freezer without fear of NEPA

NEPA aside, lets look at lagos its one crazy place
Some areas you take bus half way, trek half way and continue the journey by bus again even if you have a car you know its better to park at home so you can jump okada as the need arises. In order to beat all these you leave home latest 5am, now for a couple that leaves home 5am with 2 little children and no help when would they wake up? Now add an unsupporting hubby to the mix that the wife would have to do it alone, they then both come back by 8pm and they sleep maybe 11pm, wake very early again and the cycle continues.

One day the woman will snap its just a matter of time.

Relatives dont want their children to live with anyone anymore, while I was in primary school I stayed with my neighbors help till my peeps came back around 6, most dont do that anymore with all these pedophiles around.

Asour:


Wow! a Nigerian Apologist. Do you know David Woods?

Yeah, he's one of my mentors.

Once the both of them are ready to remove pride and ego then it will be very easy to handle

Cooperation with love is the key

ImaIma1:
Everyone needs help whether from domestic staff or family. I met someone who said she wakes up by 3.30am latest to prepare her kids for school and cook before going to work.

How will someone like that get enough sleep and not break down. Help is necessary

She'll get old too quickly.