House please help me look into this matter as its causing so much friction in my family. We are a family of five girls and a boy. The boy is the fourth meaning he has three elder sisters and two younger ones. They all live in Lagos.

I am the first, married and live with my family outside Lagos.

Now my dad died without a Will but had little money saved somewhere. After he died, his lawyer and this my brother tried so much to ensure the money came out. I must commend him on that. My mum is aged, 67 years. Not just aged, but sick as well. Now before my dad died, he had borrowed money from my mum worth a little above a million naira. She had to borrow the money from her coprative and she paid with interest for a year and six months.

Now this man wants us to refund her money back, this my brother has refused to give her back her money. This money was paid into my brother's account because he was used as next of kin. My mother has a building she began but had to abandon because of funds, he has agreed we finish it up for her from the funds which is fine with everybody but to give this woman her N1.5m is a challenge to him. I had suggested he gives her the money and then we ensure she uses most of it to finish her abandon project as she has roofed the house just minor finishing and digging of borehole. He still refused, saying my mum spends money carelessly and may begin dashing pastors money for prayers which in a way, he isn't wrong. My mum is like that. But this woman managed her home for over 30years with my dad and they never went begging. Besides it's her money, whats our business how she spends it? We can only advice.

I have a sister who works in one of the commercial banks in which my mum operates a current account, I suggested to him that if he has fears of her spending it carelessly, let's put it in that said account which she rarely uses cos of charges and ensure my sister supervises her spending cos Mum can't really do the stress of going to bank with cheque to start filling and waiting, my sister that works there can help her and see to it that she doesn't spend carelessly either in the completion of the project or in feeding. This brother of mine refused.

Luckily my father already built a house but they had been staying on rent cos the location of where they stay in Lagos is close to where my mum worked so she wanted to be done with pension documentation before going to my father's house of which she is done now.

Now there is no sofa in the house where they currently stay nor in my father's property and no television. This brother of mine had to say he would buy one miserable sofa of N30,000 for his mother. I had to beg him to buy sofa before he finally agreed and suggested one miserable sofa. This money is a little over N6m. To even buy television, he says why buy new one when we can repair the one with the technician and use(I had to agree for peace sakes).

Please is there an other definition of wickedness? How else do we go about this?

Lawyers please is it possible we change next of kin? Is it even possible for my mum to talk to the banks Sorry ibtc pension(they manged the funds till it was released) to move the funds away from him? I rarely delve in their matter because I am outside Lagos but my siblings had to call me to please intervene in this because they were tired of his domineering attitude.


Please advise me abeg.

You are the first and it's strange you and your sisters can't assert authority over a junior sibling........you need to talk sense into your wicked brother as there's nothing to be done on taking the money away from him.

You are the first son for goodness sake!

dingbang:
You are the first son for goodness sake!

The OP is a lady. Well from the official end, nothing much can be done. Your father used him as a next of kin and him alone have the authority to change it, which unfortunately, it can't be done.( I stand to be corrected).
I truly detest children like this. How can you stand and watch your parents suffer.
I don't know which part of the country you are from but I will suggest you call a meeting with all your siblings and mum and if that doesn't work, invite trusted elders to deal with the issue ( no bi elders wey wan come chop money o)
I feel for your mum though

sometimes i act irrational just to prove an arrogant fellow that I don't care two, your mums is with d new building's documents right? u guys should start making arrangements to sell it to someone that can complete it and make sure the process is in his presence "don't negotiate with him o"he will ask what u guys intends to do with the money and your answer will be simple, to fix things for your mum cos she deserves it. he will start dancing your tune cos he knows whats up

@lacapine

You need to understand from his Point of view. He sees himself as a Next of Kin, Meaning the money belongs to him. and not the family anymore.

But here is my concern ,
I understand ur mom was sick . but after the money came out..u want the money return to ur sick mom to complete a stressful project . ?

My sister call a family meeting. Decide an amount d guy shd take for his cost & stress , then return the balance back to mumsy. ( dis shd av been done even before it was finalised by IBTC )

@OP what is the level of education of this your brother ? And what is the level of education of you the other girls ?
Does he have a job ?

It seems he was not properly brought up and from the way you have narrated this, he doesnt even seem to have a job.

It looks like the adminstration of your parents marriage was not totally adequate and your brother is behaving just in the manner he has been brought up, in a family without love I suppose otherwise, how can a man and the wife build two separate uncompleted houses ?

Why will a man borrow money from the wife when he has more than 4 times that amount in savings and not pay back ?

Have you girls done anything to give your only brother an impression that he is alone ? You need to understand that culturally in Yoruba land the man child is the only person that can inherit a parent, the other ladies are expected to inherit from the inheritance of their husbands family so in a situation where there is no love ab initio your brother will see you guys as enemies .

Lastly, it seems your mom has a weakness with money , dashing fake pastors money and all, are there cases when her son needed money in the past and she did not give him but rather donated generously to pastors as you alluded to ?

For your brother to have turned around like this shows that there is a deep seated fundamental issue that needs to be addressed and you have to be really objective and ready to shift a lot of grounds if you dont want that family to fall apart.

I wish you goodluck.

Guitarlife:
@OP what is the level of education of this your brother ? And what is the level of education of you the other girls ?
Does he have a job ?

It seems he was not properly brought up and from the way you have narrated this, he doesnt even seem to have a job.

It looks like the adminstration of your parents marriage was not totally adequate and your brother is behaving just in the manner he has been brought up, in a family without love I suppose otherwise, how can a man and the wife build two separate uncompleted houses ?

Why will a man borrow money from the wife when he has more than 4 times that amount in savings and not pay back ?

Have you girls done anything to give your only brother an impression that he is alone ? You need to understand that culturally in Yoruba land the man child is the only person that can inherit a parent, the other ladies are expected to inherit from the inheritance of their husbands family so in a situation where there is no love ab initio your brother will see you guys as enemies .

Lastly, it seems your mom has a weakness with money , dashing fake pastors money and all, are there cases when her son needed money in the past and she did not give him but rather donated generously to pastors as you alluded to ?

For your brother to have turned around like this shows that there is a deep seated fundamental issue that needs to be addressed and you have to be really objective and ready to shift a lot of grounds if you dont want that family to fall apart.

I wish you goodluck.

Yoruba culture give inheritance to female kids too, please take note

Mizwisdom:




Yoruba culture give inheritance to female kids too, please take note

Maybe educated Yoruba folks do, but traditional Yoruba culture does not.
Once the lady is married out she becomes part of her husbands family, ofcourse this is not always the case but traditionally it is the male child that has inheritance.

Guitarlife:
@OP what is the level of education of this your brother ? And what is the level of education of you the other girls ?
Does he have a job ?

It seems he was not properly brought up and from the way you have narrated this, he doesnt even seem to have a job.

It looks like the adminstration of your parents marriage was not totally adequate and your brother is behaving just in the manner he has been brought up, in a family without love I suppose otherwise, how can a man and the wife build two separate uncompleted houses ?

Why will a man borrow money from the wife when he has more than 4 times that amount in savings and not pay back ?

Have you girls done anything to give your only brother an impression that he is alone ? You need to understand that culturally in Yoruba land the man child is the only person that can inherit a parent, the other ladies are expected to inherit from the inheritance of their husbands family so in a situation where there is no love ab initio your brother will see you guys as enemies .

Lastly, it seems your mom has a weakness with money , dashing fake pastors money and all, are there cases when her son needed money in the past and she did not give him but rather donated generously to pastors as you alluded to ?

For your brother to have turned around like this shows that there is a deep seated fundamental issue that needs to be addressed and you have to be really objective and ready to shift a lot of grounds if you dont want that family to fall apart.

I wish you goodluck.

Where in Yoruba land? Check what you wrote up there. There is no where in Yoruba land where that culture is practiced.
Female and male children share inheritance in Yoruba land.

Mizwisdom:




Yoruba culture give inheritance to female kids too, please take note

I am equally surprised at that quote.

Guitarlife:

Maybe educated Yoruba folks do, but traditional Yoruba culture does not.
Once the lady is married out she becomes part of her husbands family, ofcourse this is not always the case but traditionally it is the male child that has inheritance.

You're wrong again.

Mizwisdom:



You're wrong again.

I agree Oya contribute to the thread....

Guitarlife:


I agree Oya contribute to the thread....

I don't have much to say except that she should seek redress in court, there's a law against discrimination in inheritance that she can capitalize on

Mizwisdom:


I don't have much to say except that she should seek redress in court, there's a law against discrimination in inheritance that she can capitalize on

But the brother is the sole next of kin ?

Guitarlife:

But the brother is the sole next of kin ?

There's a law against gender discrimination based on inheritance, as long as they are legitimate children they can contest it even if a Will is present. All they need is a good lawyer, unfortunately they are not cheap. OP speak to a good lawyer for legal advice.

This is a similar case

Nigeria: Supreme Court Invalidates Igbo Customary Law Denying Female Descendants the Right to Inherit
(May 6, 2014) On April 14, 2014, the Nigerian Supreme Court, in a unanimous decision, confirmed decisions of two lower courts, which had found unconstitutional an Igbo customary law of succession excluding female offspring from eligibility to inherit the property of their fathers. (Lemmy Ughegbe, S’Court Upholds Female Child’s Right to Inheritance in Igboland , THE GUARDIAN (Apr. 15, 2014).)
Background
The case originated at the Lagos High Court. When Lazarus Ogbonna Ukeje, a member of the Igbo ethnic group, died intestate in Lagos in 1981, Cladys Ada Ukeje (his daughter) sued Lois Chituru Ukeje (the deceased’s wife and the plaintiff’s stepmother) and Enyinnaya Lazarus Ukeje (the deceased’s son and the plaintiff’s half-brother) before the Lagos High Court, seeking that she be included among the persons eligible to administer the deceased’s estate. (Tobi Soniyi, Supreme Court Upholds Right of Female Child to Inherit Properties in Igboland , THIS DAY LIVE (Apr. 15, 2014).) The High Court sided with the plaintiff and voided the Igbo customary law excluding female descendants from inheritance. (Id.)
Dissatisfied with the High Court’s ruling, Chituru and Lazarus appealed the decision to the Court of Appeal. (Id.) When the Court of Appeal upheld the High Court’s decision, Chituru and Lazarus availed themselves of their right to appeal the decision to the Supreme Court. (Id.)
Igbo Customary Law of Inheritance
Members of the Igbo (also known as Ibo) ethnic group mainly live in the southeastern part of Nigeria and constitute 18% of the country’s over 131 million population. (Nigeria Facts , NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (last visited May 5, 2014).) The Igbo rites classify property into three categories: land, commercially valuable trees and plants, and movable property (household articles, livestock, money, and debts). (SAMUEL CHINWUBA OBI, THE IBO LAW OF PROPERTY 30 (1963).)
The inheritance rules of the Igbo ethnic group appear to largely favor male offspring over female offspring of a deceased person. For instance, although many local variations exist, inheritance of individually owned land generally follows the principle of primogeniture. (OBIORA F. IKE & NDIDI NNOLI EDOZIEN, UNDERSTANDING AFRICA: TRADITIONAL LEGAL REASONONG: JURISPRUDENCE AND JUSTICE IN IGBOLAND 118 (2001).) Therefore, when a man dies intestate, the largest share of his individual land would devolve to the eldest son, with other sons sharing the rest equally. (Obi,
supra , at 199.) If the deceased does not have sons, his individual land devolves to his brothers to be shared according to seniority. (G. A. Wigwe, Igbo Land Ownership, Alienation and Utilization: Studies in Land as a Source, in IGBO JURISPRUDENCE: LAW AND ORDER IN TRADITIONAL IGBO SOCIETY 32, 39 (G. M. Unezurike et al. , eds., 1986).)
Although Igbo women are by and large excluded from inheritance, some localities permit female children to inherit their father’s compound in joint tenancy with their brothers; however, in these instances, the eldest brother remains in control of the property. (Jaoyeola Mulikat Bola

Mizwisdom:


Bola

Are you saying a Nigerian court will invalidate a dead mans will ? A dead man made someone his next of kin, how do you proove that he made the decision based on gender discrimination ?
Even abroad , what percentage of wills are overturned ? I laff....

Please lets be realistic.

Guitarlife:
@OP what is the level of education of this your brother ? And what is the level of education of you the other girls ?
Does he have a job ?

It seems he was not properly brought up and from the way you have narrated this, he doesnt even seem to have a job.

It looks like the adminstration of your parents marriage was not totally adequate and your brother is behaving just in the manner he has been brought up, in a family without love I suppose otherwise, how can a man and the wife build two separate uncompleted houses ?

Why will a man borrow money from the wife when he has more than 4 times that amount in savings and not pay back ?

Have you girls done anything to give your only brother an impression that he is alone ? You need to understand that culturally in Yoruba land the man child is the only person that can inherit a parent, the other ladies are expected to inherit from the inheritance of their husbands family so in a situation where there is no love ab initio your brother will see you guys as enemies .

Lastly, it seems your mom has a weakness with money , dashing fake pastors money and all, are there cases when her son needed money in the past and she did not give him but rather donated generously to pastors as you alluded to ?

For your brother to have turned around like this shows that there is a deep seated fundamental issue that needs to be addressed and you have to be really objective and ready to shift a lot of grounds if you dont want that family to fall apart.

I wish you goodluck.

Female children inherit property in Yoruba land. My father bought some plots of land in Ojota (Lagos State) in the 70's from one of the daughters of the Olurunfumi family which was part of her inheritance.

Most of the Yoruba families I grew up with in Ojota have moved on to different parts of the world, their late parents houses sold and the proceeds shared among all recognized children irrespective of gender.

Pavore9:


Female children inherit property in Yoruba land. My father bought some plots of land in Ojota (Lagos State) in the 70's from one of the daughters of the Olurunfumi family which was part of her inheritance.

Most of the Yoruba families I grew up with in Ojota have moved on to different parts of the world, their late parents houses sold and the proceeds shared among all recognized children irrespective of gender.

oya make una nor vex, I don hear, nobody is contributing to the thread , everybody is putting energy into correcting me. Nor be me get thread o, make una gather advise the OP.

Guitarlife:

oya make una nor vex, I don hear, nobody is contributing to the thread , everybody is putting energy into correcting me. Nor be me get thread o, make una gather advise the OP.

Na to correct an impression.

Guitarlife:

oya make una nor vex, I don hear, nobody is contributing to the thread , everybody is putting energy into correcting me. Nor be me get thread o, make una gather advise the OP.

Every legitimate child has right to inheritance in Yoruba land, be you male or female.

Last last, na woman and drink go chop the money. Lord, I need just 2 girls

A 67years old woman has 5 children, all of you put together, couldn't buy her sofa and television all these years?

With my little knowledge on this, the NOK is different from the beneficiary. The NOK is who should be contacted in event of death or any other issue. It doesn't mean the money should be given to that person, except he/she doubles as the beneficiary. In absence of a beneficiary/will, the court would go about the sharing process, while the bank hands off.

No, you can't change NOK.

If your dad used his fourth child as his next of kin, that is questionable. Howbeit, I assumed he trusted his judgement that's why he took that decision.

On to the important issue, your mum. If your mum has other source of income, that's good.

If you and your other siblings earn something substantial, that's good too.

I feel you should let your brother be.

What if your father never left anything before death came knocking, won't you all still have a responsibility to your mum.

My mum always tell me that once one parent are aged, the children should take their parent as if they are one of their own children.

In this case, take care of your mum needs as regards your capacity and let your brother be.

That guy wan just corner d money and spend alone.
Next thing,he go go buy car
Lazy man

Na regret dey end am

This money is for the family and not one man alone.very greedy bro .money controls a man.move to fp mods

lacapine:
House please help me look into this matter as its causing so much friction in my family. We are a family of five girls and a boy. The boy is the fourth meaning he has three elder sisters and two younger ones. They all live in Lagos.

I am the first, married and live with my family outside Lagos.

Now my dad died without a Will but had little money saved somewhere. After he died, his lawyer and this my brother tried so much to ensure the money came out. I must commend him on that. My mum is aged, 67 years. Not just aged, but sick as well. Now before my dad died, he had borrowed money from my mum worth a little above a million naira. She had to borrow the money from her coprative and she paid with interest for a year and six months.

Now this man wants us to refund her money back, this my brother has refused to give her back her money. This money was paid into my brother's account because he was used as next of kin. My mother has a building she began but had to abandon because of funds, he has agreed we finish it up for her from the funds which is fine with everybody but to give this woman her N1.5m is a challenge to him. I had suggested he gives her the money and then we ensure she uses most of it to finish her abandon project as she has roofed the house just minor finishing and digging of borehole. He still refused, saying my mum spends money carelessly and may begin dashing pastors money for prayers which in a way, he isn't wrong. My mum is like that. But this woman managed her home for over 30years with my dad and they never went begging. Besides it's her money, whats our business how she spends it? We can only advice.

I have a sister who works in one of the commercial banks in which my mum operates a current account, I suggested to him that if he has fears of her spending it carelessly, let's put it in that said account which she rarely uses cos of charges and ensure my sister supervises her spending cos Mum can't really do the stress of going to bank with cheque to start filling and waiting, my sister that works there can help her and see to it that she doesn't spend carelessly either in the completion of the project or in feeding. This brother of mine refused.

Luckily my father already built a house but they had been staying on rent cos the location of where they stay in Lagos is close to where my mum worked so she wanted to be done with pension documentation before going to my father's house of which she is done now.

Now there is no sofa in the house where they currently stay nor in my father's property and no television. This brother of mine had to say he would buy one miserable sofa of N30,000 for his mother. I had to beg him to buy sofa before he finally agreed and suggested one miserable sofa. This money is a little over N6m. To even buy television, he says why buy new one when we can repair the one with the technician and use(I had to agree for peace sakes).

Please is there an other definition of wickedness? How else do we go about this?

Lawyers please is it possible we change next of kin? Is it even possible for my mum to talk to the banks Sorry ibtc pension(they manged the funds till it was released) to move the funds away from him? I rarely delve in their matter because I am outside Lagos but my siblings had to call me to please intervene in this because they were tired of his domineering attitude.


Please advise me abeg.

thats the problem of most african cultures wives are treated as an outsider when husbands die

by law your mum is the HEIR to your father estate she is the surviving spouse


when i say LAW i dont mean traditional or cultural laws but CONSTITUTIONAL LAW

@OP, your mom is smart to have started her building project. Thumbs up to her, she saw the future.

You guys can't do anything but beg and coerce your brother. Will it work and appeal to his conscience? I dont know!

Can you girls please put your resources together to get your mom comfortable and going please. You can get her a cheap tv and couch without waiting for your brother. Four big girls can't comfortably do this for their own mother, no ?

Y'all should let that brother and money be. Work extra hard and use all other avenues to raise money and see that your mom's building project is completed, I do hope it's rentable and not a family home?

Guitarlife:

Maybe educated Yoruba folks do, but traditional Yoruba culture does not.
Once the lady is married out she becomes part of her husbands family, ofcourse this is not always the case but traditionally it is the male child that has inheritance.

Wrong, wrong and wrong


Have you not heared of oriojori or idi igi method of inheritance sharing.
Yorubas DO NOT follow the only male has inheritance principle. Heck they do not even place the first son above his elder sister.

Abeg ooo

Sorry I had to repeat it, repitition is for emphasis.

As for the topic, you guys should leave him, sebi its money he will soon blow it off, its just a matter of time.

The money sef I would have thought it would be shared amongst all of you.


So 2 options

Buy what the girls can afford for mumsie or you guys can convince him to drop part of the money for his own mothers well being.


He's selfish sha

NoToPile:



Wrong, wrong and wrong


Have you not heared of oriojori or idi igi method of inheritance sharing.
Yorubas DO NOT follow the only male has inheritance principle. Heck they do not even place the first son above his elder sister.

Abeg ooo

Sorry I had to repeat it, repitition is for emphasis.

That is how some non-Yorubas go around rewriting Yoruba history.