Hello.

I just recently seoerated from my husband and we cant seem to agree on the amount he should contribute to our childs welfare...

We have just a child and we both earn 95,000naira resoectively...

I'm asking for 20,000naira monthly from him for our child this includes his daycare fee and excludes healthcare..

He is stating he cant afford it and i have decided to take it uo with the ministry of social welfare...

The said amount will be reviewed and will be subject to increase by seotember when he starts school...

I would love to also seek the view of nairalanders...thank you

Going to social welfare was the right move.

A child needs shelter, clothing, food and education plus other daily needs, all that will be taken into consideration and the income of the non custodial parent too.

I advise you wait for the welfare meeting.

That amount is more than fair, hopefully it’ll be deemed low by the welfare people and he will have to up it.

Childcare no matter how basic is quite expensive!

babythug:
That amount is more than fair, hopefully it’ll be deemed low by the welfare people and he will have to up it.

Childcare no matter how basic is quite expensive!

thank God you are working, twenty thousand can't do much but fair enough, so stick to it. May God give you the grace for the tasks ahead

Good day madam, sorry for what you may be going through now. But I think you should accept whatever he's offering as along as it's exceed 5000# because if you go to the social welfare as you stated, they'll only buy instruct him to pay child support of 5000# excluding Medicals and school fees .. just an advice though.

Bigbright7:
Good day madam, sorry for what you may be going through now. But I think you should accept whatever he's offering as along as it's exceed 5000# because if you go to the social welfare as you stated, they'll only buy instruct him to pay child support of 5000# excluding Medicals and school fees .. just an advice though.

This is a lie, I am a social worker, It is based on need and income

whewww!


Marriage doesn't look too viable these days

Assist23:


This is a lie, I am a social worker, It is based on need and income

Majority of cases have seen for low earners is exactly the way I said it. With the husband's gross salary as she stated above, I strongly believe child support will not exceed 5000#.

mysticgal:
whewww!


Marriage doesn't look too viable these days

It's so sad, Everyday, i wonder why it's like that!

Bigbright7:

It's so sad, Everyday, i wonder why it's like that!

yea..me too

Bigbright7:

Majority of cases have seen for low earners is exactly the way I said it. With the husband's gross salary as she stated above, I strongly believe child support will not exceed 5000#.

In these cases the man may not earn a fixed salary, he may make 20,000 to 25000 monthly, Unfortunately, you did not see cases like Obasanjo or Atikus sons where the wives got 300K ore more monthly plus house.

It is based on income, it is not random N5000, 5000 is just the minimum and a man earning very little or nothing is made to give the basic minimum as support, This man doesn't earn minimum wage

Assist23:


In these cases the man may not earn a fixed salary, he may make 20,000 to 25000 monthly, Unfortunately, you did not see cases like Obasanjo or Atikus sons where the wives got 300K ore more monthly plus house.

It is based on income, it is not random N5000, 5000 is just the minimum and a man earning very little or nothing is made to give the basic minimum as support, This man doesn't earn minimum wage

Oh I see, I understand that it's based on income, that's why I specifically said "low earners".
Now for this man that earns 95k, i feel that 20k for child support is a little unfair, I think it should be a little above 10k or 15k at most, my opinion though.

Bigbright7:

Oh I see, I understand that it's based on income, that's why I specifically said "low earners".
Now for this man that earns 95k, i feel that 20k for child support is a little unfair, I think it should be a little above 10k or 15k at most, my opinion though.

Unfair to who? Him or the child

Assist23:


Unfair to who? Him or the child

Unfair to him off course, but if that's the way of the social welfare department, then he should pay.

Bigbright7:

Unfair to him off course, but if that's the way of the social welfare department, then he should pay.

Unfair to him you say? So who’s to bear the cost of the child’s expenses? The mother alone?

Don’t forget she also may not be earning any more than him.

If they were together he will (typically or perhaps be expected to) foot the entire bills of this child.

It’s only where the father “over provides” that the mum in these type of scenarios don’t end up spending more on the child.

Let me give you a typical example or broaden your horizon a bit more . The OP has stated the amount doesn’t include health care. A random bout of malaria could cost the mum 3000 in drugs alone(no hospital visit), clothing for the child will mostly be borne by the mum, diapers will cost at least 1000 weekly, the baby wants snacks - is she supposed to call the dad? Transporting the child to day care and back will cost the mum some money!

Let me not go on and on please . But do broaden your view 20,000 is somewhat paltry if you ask me but it is what it is!!!!!

Bigbright7:

Oh I see, I understand that it's based on income, that's why I specifically said "low earners".
Now for this man that earns 95k, i feel that 20k for child support is a little unfair, I think it should be a little above 10k or 15k at most, my opinion though.

20k per month is unfair out of monthly salary of N95k?

bryanarchie:
Hello.

I just recently seoerated from my husband and we cant seem to agree on the amount he should contribute to our childs welfare...

We have just a child and we both earn 95,000naira resoectively...

I'm asking for 20,000naira monthly from him for our child this includes his daycare fee and excludes healthcare..

He is stating he cant afford it and i have decided to take it uo with the ministry of social welfare...

The said amount will be reviewed and will be subject to increase by seotember when he starts school...

I would love to also seek the view of nairalanders...thank you

if I tell u bad word u will hate urself.u are a wicket woman. is it not same salary u earn yet u want 20k from him. sware u will use all that 20k on the baby. see as a man did u know his challenges of course he may want to be saving in bank and trying to build property for the baby. he has his parent to take care of his younger ones. what if he wants to remarry? wont he get small savings. what is 95k in naija today. school fees 15k for a term. how many cloth or food does baby eat? understand pls that 20k is much if u too love ur baby can't u spend on her too . am sorry I hate divorce I wish u are together the money 95k *2 is enuf. I wish u d best dear.

bukatyne:

20k per month is unfair out of monthly salary of N95k?

what can a man do with just 75j k

jakandeola:
if I tell u bad word u will hate urself.u are a wicket woman. is it not same salary u earn yet u want 20k from him. sware u will use all that 20k on the baby. see as a man did u know his challenges of course he may want to be saving in bank and trying to build property for the baby. he has his parent to take care of his younger ones. what if he wants to remarry? wont he get small savings. what is 95k in naija today. school fees 15k for a term. how many cloth or food does baby eat? understand pls that 20k is much if u too love ur baby can't u spend on her too . am sorry I hate divorce I wish u are together the money 95k *2 is enuf. I wish u d best dear.

Why you choose to judge me, please remember that I also have to pay the house rent where both I and our child will live, I have parents and siblings too, I may also remarry too, I definitely will want to own a property too...

The monthly fee required to take care of my child every month is 40000naira excludes healthcare...

Since we both earn the same salary, I decided to split it evenly and I believe that is fair...

bryanarchie:


Why you choose to judge me, please remember that I also have to pay the house rent where both I and our child will live, I have parents and siblings too, I may also remarry too, I definitely will want to own a property too...

The monthly fee required to take care of my child every month is 40000naira excludes healthcare...

Since we both earn the same salary, I decided to split it evenly and I believe that is fair...

Why do you feel the need to respond to a child who thinks 20k a month to take care of a child is too much? You need not respond to dead beats, ignore mode should be activated

Let's keep sentiment apart and be realistic.
Is the 20k fixed or subject to increase when the child starts schooling,

If it's subject to increase then i think it's unfair for someone with 95k salary, I know you both pay rent, plus other responsibilities, 95k is nothing in today's economy.

Try and reach an agreement with him, if it involves getting someone you both listen to, please do.

So that when the child starts schooling, it won't be another tug of war to collect school fee.

Chommieblaq:
Let's keep sentiment apart and be realistic.
Is the 20k fixed or subject to increase when the child starts schooling,

If it's subject to increase then i think it's unfair for someone with 95k salary, I know you both pay rent, plus other responsibilities, 95k is nothing in today's economy.

Try and reach an agreement with him, if it involves getting someone you both listen to, please do.

So that when the child starts schooling, it won't be another tug of war to collect school fee.

Yes, it's subject to increase by September and will be reviewed every year...

We've agreed on the sum of 20,000naira each...

Pls take it easy. U are blowing very hot. Calm down. Many years down the line u will not even be able to remember why you both separated.

No man or woman is perfect, that our spouse is falling short doesn't mean we should cut them off. The child needs D father more than 50k per month. U need Ur husband. Calm down and stop blowing hot hot everytime

bryanarchie:


Why you choose to judge me, please remember that I also have to pay the house rent where both I and our child will live, I have parents and siblings too, I may also remarry too, I definitely will want to own a property too...

The monthly fee required to take care of my child every month is 40000naira excludes healthcare...

Since we both earn the same salary, I decided to split it evenly and I believe that is fair...

How come?

See the problem with separation? Whew.
If you both put your differences aside and make it work, he will spend more than 20,000naira monthly on that child, basic.

Leave the man alone, accept whatever he gives you, do your best to take care of your child alone, if he has a conscience, he will come around, if he doesn't, just count your loss and move on rather than give yourself HBP over a man that doesn't want to be responsible.

bryanarchie:


Yes, it's subject to increase by September and will be reviewed every year...

We've agreed on the sum of 20,000naira each...

Drop the child with his/her father and you give him 20k monthly.
Perhaps you guys could even split the time your child spends before he starts school. Let him spend a month with dad, and next month with you. You both can rotate the time he spends with each person. That should be fair enough

Meanwhile, it's financially reckless of you to earn 95K and then spend 40K monthly on your child as per feeding/daily expenses, minus school fees and health care expenses. Learn to cut your coat according to your cloth. You're a low income earner

babythug:


Unfair to him you say? So who’s to bear the cost of the child’s expenses? The mother alone?

Don’t forget she also may not be earning any more than him.

If they were together he will (typically or perhaps be expected to) foot the entire bills of this child.

It’s only where the father “over provides” that the mum in these type of scenarios don’t end up spending more on the child.

Let me give you a typical example or broaden your horizon a bit more . The OP has stated the amount doesn’t include health care. A random bout of malaria could cost the mum 3000 in drugs alone(no hospital visit), clothing for the child will mostly be borne by the mum, diapers will cost at least 1000 weekly, the baby wants snacks - is she supposed to call the dad? Transporting the child to day care and back will cost the mum some money!

Let me not go on and on please . But do broaden your view 20,000 is somewhat paltry if you ask me but it is what it is!!!!!

Neither parents earn much. They should cut their coat according to the available cloth.
It's not a must to use diapers, use reusable nappies. If you cant afford foreign formular or meals, there are ones which are highly nutritious you can make from scratch and feed your child.
She hasn't added school fees to it o. So with school fees, how much are they going to spend monthly on a single child with that their salary?

eyinjuege:


Neither parents earn much. They should cut their coat according to the available cloth.
It's not a must to use diapers, use reusable nappies. If you cant afford foreign formular or meals, there are ones which are highly nutritious you can make from scratch and feed your child.
She hasn't added school fees to it o. So with school fees, how much are they going to spend monthly on a single child with that their salary?

From my little assessment of this situation albeit from afar the lady had been moderate in asking for 20,000. Reusable diapers aren’t that much of a luxury these days and some brands are really cheap and within the reach of everyone (hope you get my drift) , with cloth ones washing will take its toll on her and detergents will add up in cost too! For Local cereals while they come across as more affordable they also add up in cost for eg one won’t give pap without some milk for eg and even cheap milk will cost money!

It’s the unwillingness of the father to man up and drop something tangible that’s my grouse here and to hear some people say that amount is a strain on the father is even more saddening! From where is the mum to source funds to care for the child since as they put it the father’s finances should be “considered”?

Perhaps one angle we never consider is that many fathers in these circumstances pay what’s convenient and are able to sleep at night because they not physically there to see or hear the child in need or want of something! The mum who’s physically present cannot give what’s convenient for her she has to give her ALL

babythug:


Perhaps one angle we never consider is that many fathers in these circumstances pay what’s convenient and are able to sleep at night because they not physically there to see or hear the child in need or want of something! The mum who’s physically present cannot give what’s convenient for her she has to give her ALL

Thank you.

In my opinion the person who is not there physically raising the child should pay more of (if not all) the child support. I understand that in his case they are both not making huge money. so,she did was what she thought fair. However, she wasn’t even fair to herself. Because in addition to paying half what the child needs, she’s there to give 100 percent hands on care.
Essentially she’s doing 75% of everything on her own.

I don’t understand how anyone with conscience will ask her to accept whatever he brings. That’s how low the bar has been set for fathers? Ridiculous

Although I agree that they can adjust their budget to suit their income. He should still bring more of whatever the final amount turns out to be.

jakandeola:
if I tell u bad word u will hate urself.u are a wicket woman. is it not same salary u earn yet u want 20k from him. sware u will use all that 20k on the baby. see as a man did u know his challenges of course he may want to be saving in bank and trying to build property for the baby. he has his parent to take care of his younger ones. what if he wants to remarry? wont he get small savings. what is 95k in naija today. school fees 15k for a term. how many cloth or food does baby eat? understand pls that 20k is much if u too love ur baby can't u spend on her too . am sorry I hate divorce I wish u are together the money 95k *2 is enuf. I wish u d best dear.

.


This woman isn't asking for house rent, alimony etc but just 20k to take care of their child. You do not know the cost of living at her base. The kind of living the child is already used to which she has to maintain to an extent. You think 20k is wickedness from her, then let the child be with him and the woman pays the same amount for support.

Most importantly, the man shouldn't dump the child with some aunt, sister or Granny.

eyinjuege:


Neither parents earn much. They should cut their coat according to the available cloth.
It's not a must to use diapers, use reusable nappies. If you cant afford foreign formular or meals, there are ones which are highly nutritious you can make from scratch and feed your child.
She hasn't added school fees to it o. So with school fees, how much are they going to spend monthly on a single child with that their salary?

20K from each parent can only give the child basic stuff, nothing flamboyant or luxury. Reason everyone,male or female should prepare well before popping kids. I have grandkids so I know first hand what I'm talking about.

Baby foods one can make from scratch = ogi baba. (Millet, crayfish w/out siyabeans) the child needs other foods too and won't drink ogi all day. If shes working and no nanny to help, where will she find time to process and prepare the ogi?

Diapers : a pack of cheapest disposable diapers is about 3K( 70 to 80 pieces inside) a piece of re-usable diapers plus insert is about 6K and she needs atleast 8 pieces and that means washing daily . If she does not have a washing machine that spins, it's not gonna work because baby needs to wear a dry diaper.

I won't go into further details. My point still is : 40K is just basic .
Immunization dey
School dey

bryanarchie:


Why you choose to judge me, please remember that I also have to pay the house rent where both I and our child will live, I have parents and siblings too, I may also remarry too, I definitely will want to own a property too...

The monthly fee required to take care of my child every month is 40000naira excludes healthcare...

Since we both earn the same salary, I decided to split it evenly and I believe that is fair...

am sorry dear I Neva wish to judge u I know ur in pains. but I think is too much for the guy economy is so hard dear. u are a single mum.I think to save money why stay alone and be paying rent.for now I think u can go back to ur mums place at least house rent comot dont be ashame of doing DAT wateva people say know u are doing it for your baby. and as u collect ur 95 u can be saving so DAT you plan to live in a year. dear put ur baby in a schl u can afford even cheap some schl are gud.forget medical in Jesus name ur baby will Neva fall sick. see u have to be strong for ur baby if he can be giving 15k u managed it . I still feel sad and wish u Neva seprate. because I hate divorce and I think every fight has a cause and every fight has a solution. I wish u d best dear.