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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships (1786 Views)
My Experience Dating A Narcissistic Flirt / Should I Advice Her, Play Along Or Leave Her? / Should I Stay Or Leave?- Recognising Red Flags In Relationships (2) (3) (4)
Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 9:16am On Feb 17, 2019 |
PART 2- THE WAY FORWARD WITH NARCISSISTS. Good day nairalanders, due to your feedback on part 1 of this series https://www.nairaland.com/5027130/should-stay-leave-recognising-red I will be following up with the way forward. You have realized that you have narcissistic parents, siblings, friends, boss, coworker or spouse/partner. Now what? For parents, siblings and family members, we can’t choose our relatives. But what we can do is to distance yourself or limit situations in which you will be their narc supply. For the friend, grow some guts and sever the friendship. In the workplace, for your boss, you can either occasionally asslick by giving him/her the admiration he so seeks. Never make him/her your mentor because they are prone to sabotaging your efforts at a promotion and will always want you below them. For the coworker, unless you need something from them, you have to always call them out on their bullcrap and throw it back at their face. Here’s where it gets tricky, you have to do it EVER SO SUBTLY, with a smile on your face. Your goal is to make them look bad without being seen as the perpetrator but a victim of their bullying or an innocent bystander. For more info and tips, watch some soap operas with a lot of espionage, e.g. Bollywood. Learn the art of passive-aggressiveness and nice nastiness (clap backs). Alternate this with downright ignoring them, showing them that their words have no effect on you mood, and sense of self-worth. Treat them as the dust in your shoes. I do it all the time in the forum. Some emotions that narcissists do feel is shame and embarrassment. They hate to look bad and feel small especially in public. With a narcissistic spouse, you can take things up a notch. You have two options; the best option is usually to leave the relationship especially when there is a risk of you getting harmed. I have to warn you though, your narcissistic spouse will not make it easy cos leaving them is a severe blow to their ego. They will most likely guilt trip you into staying or become angry and fight with everything they have when you leave. The best way to do it is to plan it without him knowing. Find a way to gather money. Rent an apartment far away, you can tell some trusted family and/or friends especially those who see him for what they are, keep your documents far away from the house without his knowledge. When the day comes just disappear and block all his contacts and social media. Run baby! Run! He/she won’t know what hit them. Sort out the divorce from a distance. Option 2 is to stay and manage the situation. This is less favorable but is the status quo in some marriages (e.g. I am doing it for the kids’ crew, where they wait for the spouse to die before becoming free or being a victim of Stockholm syndrome). Not everyone has the strength to leave and we won’t fault you. Staying is harder as it requires a lot of mental strength which is most likely in pieces when staying with a narc. But here are some tips nonetheless; 1. Understand the situation clearly, that he is a narc and you and maybe the kids are his narc supply. Be critical and don’t deceive yourself. Your spouse is not special and neither are you and you can’t fix them. 2. Understands the triggers and what he/she gets out of it. 3. Work on your shattered self-worth, seek a therapy or marriage counselling. And practice self-affirmation, meditation and so on. Don’t take their words seriously. 4. Detach yourself emotionally, withdraw intimacy, and keep the relationship as shallow as possible. Don’t trust them with sensitive or detailed information they can use against you. 5. Get information on dealing with/handling narcissistic spouses both overt and covert, google it, watch YouTube videos. There is a lot of info out there and many ways to deal with them. 6. Establish clear boundaries and if your spouse crosses the line, go incognito on them and disappear. 7. Focus on the kids and be there for them emotionally. 8. Ration out your narc supply and condition your spouse like Ivan Pavlov’s dog. Reward good behavior (e.g. show of empathy) and discourage the opposite 9. You would occasionally have to use tit for tat especially when he gaslights you. 10. If you feel your mental health /sanity is at stake and can’t take it anymore, just leave. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 9:22am On Feb 17, 2019 |
funmisticqueen:You can't even copy and past well self ![]() |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 9:24am On Feb 17, 2019 |
SilentListener:pls show where I copied and pasted from. Mumu |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 9:45am On Feb 17, 2019 |
funmisticqueen: Just leave the relationship make we hear word. We are talking salvaging Nigeria, and you are talking stupid relationship. Who relationship epp? Go and make money |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by MJBOLT: 9:47am On Feb 17, 2019 |
this is romance section not polictics section
Awol1: 5 Likes 1 Share
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Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 9:49am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Awol1:if relationships are salvaged, we would have more functional people in society and a better economy. |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 9:54am On Feb 17, 2019 |
MJBOLT: Well, at least now you know I'm not romantic. Damn, I suck at that. Who cares anyway. No time for love. |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 9:57am On Feb 17, 2019 |
funmisticqueen: Should I take it to mean therefore, that according to you, the only way to salvage our economy is to salvage relationships? |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 10:00am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Awol1:stop twisting my words around. |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 10:09am On Feb 17, 2019 |
funmisticqueen: I'm not. I was actually asking you a question you should answer. |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 10:10am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Awol1:it is not the only way. It is one of multi-pronged effective ways to deal with Nigeria at the root 1 Like |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 10:16am On Feb 17, 2019 |
UyaiIncomparabl Divay22 jakandeola Elder0001 Biglittlelois Amakavula Nofavors LadyHippolyta88 Lefulefu DanDeeBoss Sweetbuns Lightqueen Pocohantas Highqueen Saffi Iamplato Victorian chiefjosy livecamp09 hisduchess kollinzgee Pratiba sassysure cassan0va airforce1 ZinolyOnlineHelp Yigiyaga GreatResearcher lordweezy Gaspardd wetdick |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 10:27am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Stop mentioning me on this section . If you must tag me then do so on the family section . Romance section is devoid of sane people . 1 Like |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 10:31am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Elder0001:lol 1 Like |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Splinz(m): 10:52am On Feb 17, 2019 |
funmisticqueen: Unfortunately, this wouldn't happen in our time. At least not whilst we're still flesh: naturally egoistic and vainglorious. I've gone through your series and can't find the CURE for narcissism. Oh well, I'm here with the antidote. The only way to cure a narcissist is to become non other but a narcissist too. It's called "meeting kolomentality with craze". ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Headlesschicken(m): 10:54am On Feb 17, 2019 |
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Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 10:57am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Splinz:there is no cure for a personality disorder, and becoming a narcissist to beat a narcissist is just winning a battle and losing the war. You lose in the end. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 10:58am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Basically, the only way to be with a narcissist is to be one. But what's the point of embarking on such life draining adventure when you can easily opt out and be you? ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Luvlyna(f): 11:15am On Feb 17, 2019 |
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Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 11:49am On Feb 17, 2019 |
Oboy! truth be told, Most Nigerian mothers are Narcissistic. children learn this behaviour from them. The Nigerian society is a Narcissistic and parasitic environment. We unknowingly breed this, the stick and carrot approach / emotional blackmail very common in Nigerian society. The average Nigerian like control, you can see it everywhere, once you remove that control from their hand, they go into a period of depression, low self-esteem or suicide. I do not know if i have come in contact with a Narcissistic person, what I only know is when I do something good for someone and the person doesn't want to give back(selfish), I will start to list all the stuff I have done for the person and stylishly show why you are an ass-hole by not cooperating, it works like magic, you will see guilt and emotional distress all over the place then the person coming back to apologise. 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by DanDeeBoss(m): 12:08pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
Damn!!! Can a Narcissist change?? The best bet is to avoid a narcissistic person.... What about those trapped in a relationship with a narcissist??( Your mechanism is dope ![]() |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 12:22pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
DanDeeBoss: LOL i do not believe in avoidance, i believe in playing the same game. once you practise avoidance with that person, he/she will have control over you, he or she will see your avoidance as weakness, just play your own game subtly To catch a thief, you need to think like one |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by DanDeeBoss(m): 12:29pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
wetdick:True bro..!!! ![]() |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by MissJoy29(f): 12:35pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
My take: Nothing is worth the emotional roller coaster ride a narcissist will take you on. Just avoid them and run if you are with one already! But if you have strength to beat them at their game or reduce them one or two places, by God, do so. They deserve it! 1 Like |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 12:37pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
DanDeeBoss:A Narcissist can never be changed, but can only be broken. Most times people that break them don't end up with them, they do the job for the next person coming.The trait is always transferred but never destroyed. It is either the person trying to subdue them turns out like them or the one broken comes out inappropriately low, (inferior) and they become totally incompatible So, whoever wants to break a narcissist should know he or she is only offering a voluntary service to mankind. ![]() |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 12:39pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
MissJoy29:but it's mentally exhausting to be something you aren't alll the time 1 Like |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by DanDeeBoss(m): 12:43pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
MariaLavina:Damn!!! ![]() ![]() |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 12:46pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
DanDeeBoss:Are you sure?
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Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by DanDeeBoss(m): 12:55pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
MariaLavina:Yes I am ![]() |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 1:00pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
DanDeeBoss:I believe you, not because you say so, but because you don't seem like one. ![]() |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by DanDeeBoss(m): 1:03pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
MariaLavina:Hehehe Maybe I am an Alpha Male... ![]() ![]() |
Re: Should I Stay Or Leave Part 2-Dealing with / Handling Narcissistic Relationships by Nobody: 1:10pm On Feb 17, 2019 |
DanDeeBoss:Alfa Wale ni ![]() |
Muma Gee Now In A Romantic Relationship With Ex Brown E -_photos / Don't Waste "Valuable" Time Chasing Or Convincing A Woman To Date You........ / Runaway Bride Found In A Lagos Hotel With Her Ex Boyfriend On Her Wedding Day"
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