Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 3:37am On Mar 12, 2019 |
1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by LUCAS99: 3:41am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Toks2008:
All these are easy talks. It's not as easy as many think.
The phobia ladies have for naija guys is so alarming that it is only by God's grace that you will find one to really want you.
And also the issue of papers is another big one. As long as you are not fully settled as a man, many settled ladies usually conclude you want them for papers n this is why arranged marriages are thriving.
And in most cases those who will want you are those who are way off from what you want...u no get luxury to dey picky.
It is not as easy as many think
What part of it isn’t easy? That’s what I did & what a couple of friends I know did... Whatever I’m telling you is based strictly on Experience not hearsay... A) OP doesn’t have a Paper Problem... OP never said He had a Paper Problem. If he did then he would have never thought about going to Nigeria to Marry... B) As far as I’m concerned Ladies abroad don’t have any phobia against Nigerian Guys... Are there Girls that will turn you down? Absolutely Yes... It has nothing to do with any Nigerian Phobia heck you can even say you’re from Africa without mentioning Nigeria. Are there Girls that Avoid Black Guys? Absolutely Yes... There are Girls that have #I don’t date Black Guys Policy & that includes both African American Guys as well as Nigerian Guys (C) Some Girls are above your league... FACT This is not Nigeria... You have to be realistic with yourself... You don’t expect a Lawyer OR Medical Doctor to marry a Security Guard... Does it happen? Maybe but the chances of that happening is usually very slim & isn’t something to hope on... Heck most College Educated Ladies also want a College Educated Man... The truth of the matter is that there are materialistic Ladies both Home & Abroad... You cannot runaway from reality... If OP has his Papers, has a Job & has an Apartment plus having a Car doesn’t hurt as well... OP wouldn’t have any problem finding a Girl within his League except he is an introvert... The only way OP will have his life together & still be struggling to find a relationship is if OP is aiming for Someone way above his league all things being equal... OP the big question now is: Are you aiming for a Lady way above your League? That’s a thought provoking question for you to answer... 4 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 3:46am On Mar 12, 2019 |
cococandy: You’re ignorant seriously.
If Nigeria is so good, why should I be grateful that I’m no longer in it?
I’m trying to veer this discussion into an intellectual angle. Hopefully your brain can handle that.
Why did you ignore BlackSaints Mention? |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 3:48am On Mar 12, 2019 |
[quote author=Judybash93 post=76575496][/quote] ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by khiaa(f): 3:50am On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa:
Well, everything is wrong with your right side of brain and there is nothing right about what’s left if you think only Africans do janitor and security jobs. A right thinking individual knows all races do those.
However, Please this thread is for humans. Your people are the most notorious for crime. You are lazy
You start whoring around at the age of 12, that’s why a black American kid of 12 is on birth control
You start smoking/doing drugs at age 12/13
What you described is what a lot of your brothers say is going on in Nigeria. Sorry azz men like yourself getting multiple young girls pregnant and ditching them to go inpregnate the next one.Now run along and go impregnate your big fat white whale so she can give you your papers
You get pregnant at the age of 12-14
The reason you give birth is not for the sole purpose of procreation, but a means to rob the government of tax payers money. The lazy job of giving birth is your means of livelihood, no wonder your kids beat you at old age.
If a black American has 5 kids, she probably has 5 baby papas..
Once again, keep off this thread, it’s for humans....useless akata What you described is what a lot of your brothers say is going on in Nigeria today. Sorry azz men like yourself getting multiple young girls pregnant then dumping them to impregnate the next child. Now run along and impregnate your big white whale so she can give you your papers. LOL, ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) I just pictured a whale and a Gorilla mating. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Toks2008(m): 3:51am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Excuzeme:
You are very true, what you wrote. I am even worried that some people are trying to cover-up or divert attention from the truth, the reality.
A few things come to mind:
1.) the world has changed, marriage is no longer what it used to be. Everyone has their own "idea" of what their marriage should look like. It wont work out if you marry someone who deos not share that your "view" of marriage.
2.) Western colonization has gradually eroded the "African tradition/culture" and this has affected our marriages. What and how my mother views marriage is not how my wife views it. How my father sees marriage, l am afraid, l tried to see it like that but it is just not working!
3.) Environment affects marriage like nothing else, it is the most important factor! I have seen very nice, lovely and motherly wives who were the envy of everyone that knows them in Nigeria, for more than ten years (not a single quarrel with the husband, nice kids, e.t.c) but that marriage crashed completely within five years of relocating abroad. I have seen too many of these to conclude it is not just mere coincidence. Why is it that most "feminist" dont have a husband or are divorced women? Is it because they dont take shyte from their husbands? What went wrong?
4.) If you marry in Nigeria, l am sure both the husband and wife have expectations of each other (Things l will do, things you must not do, things l can take, boundaries that must not be crossed, how in-laws are treated, how family members are treated, e.t.c). These are the basis of any marital union. Nigerian, legal, customary and traditional LAWS also support these expectations (e,g, you cant drive your husband's mother out of your "marital home" because she has become a part of the family). All these flies out of the window, once you relocate abroad with your wife! The "LAWS" in the western world has made Husbands completely impotent and to be honest, there is nothing "Husbands in the Western world" fear more, than their Wife! How can anyone say that is "marriage"?
Marriage should be all about happiness, bliss, love, caring, sharing, dedication, trust, mutual respect, mutual reliance and most importantly, COMMITMENT. There is no room for FEAR, in a real marriage! If you live in-fear of your spouse (husband or wife), then you are not married but dying slowly or planning to kill him/her in the nearest future.
5.) If you come from Abroad to marry a wife in Nigeria, chances, to as high as 90% you will realize it is the greatest mistake you ever made in your life. Dont blame it on Nigerian ladies, blame it on Poverty, blame it on desperation and finally, blame it on the "change in environment and culture". How do you expect a woman who was brought up in a "culture and environment" where she is raised to agree that she must cook for her husband, not order him around, not slap him if he misbehaves, respect his mother and allow them free access to their son and CANNOT, under any circumstance (even if they quarrel, which all couples do!) throw him out of his house..... now suddenly finds herself EXPORTED to a "culture and environment" that legalize and promote male-abuse, that says you can call 911 and without any question asked, the Police will order him out of his house WITHOUT ANY PROOF OR BENEFIT OF DOUBT, where his Mother cannot knock on her son's door at 9pm and you the wife is the one who can decide whether she stays that night or go sleep at the local police station as a "wanderer"?
How do you expect her to cope when you suddenly export her to an environment and culture which says it is okay for her to slap you at the slightest provocation but you must just walk away otherwise you will suffer double jeopardy because you will land in jail so fast, you wont know what hit you? How do you expect her to cope when she is told by Social Workers that she can own the house, the children of the marriage and everything you have, all she needs to do is just shout "domestic violence", even if it is trumped-up?
How do you expect her to remain "sane and behave like your wife" when you export her to an environment and culture which says if you both agree to have $ex as husband and wife, (which is legal and godly), she can change her mind during the intercourse and if you dont stand up immediately, she can charge you for rape (Yes, your own wife o!) and you spend the rest of your life in jail?
I can continue to list the MADNESS that marriage in the "Western world" has become, till tomorrow, All l am saying is that, you guys should stop fooling yourselves thinking you can import a Naija lady abroad and she would still be the same "nice wife" you know in Nigeria or the nice lady she pretends to be while, in Nigeria. She would change and it is not her fault. she just cant help it (I am not justifying it or saying it is right)...but you must not expect otherwise because if you do, it is the disappointment when she changes, that will kill you first before her actions does. (Nigerian ladies, dont be annoyed, l am just trying to prepare the mind of you potential husbands for what would happen, so they dont start forming ignorance).
6.) The Devil you know, is better than the Angel you dont know! That is a big, fat lie. The Women abroad, especially the Akatas (Black women born and raised in the Western world, Europe, Americas) .... if you live abroad, you probably know them very well. (Less than 10% of them are "wife material). They grew up in a culture that treats men as scum, slaves and a tool for their pleasure. they are not really into marriage, as we see it over here in Nigeria or as we experienced it between our own parents.
They just wanna be proposed to with an expensive ring, do a lavish wedding and still f*ck around like they are still single. If they have a child for you, you can never be sure who is the father so a DNA test is as cheap and accessible as a malaria test over there. "Bastard Child" as we know it in Nigeria, does not bring "shame" to any woman over there because probably eight out of ten persons you come across was raised by a` man who is not their father but was told by their mother, that he is their father, till they found out. They just move on. Infact, it has become so "normalized| that men are beginning to think it is a "sign of good character" to not complain when your wife brings another man's pregnancy/child into the marriage, you just raise the kid like your own once she says 'I am sorry".
So, even if you marry an Akata in your neighborhood over there in the Western world, it is still as risky and dangerous as importing a wife from Nigeria.
And that brings us to the real issue: marriage is no longer what we know it to be. Drop all those expectations, if you dont want to be disappointed, you will be, if you still look at it from the lens of "how it used to or was supposed to be".
Let me stop here. My advice: Dont marry for children, there in no guarantee they wont be taken off-you by your wife, at one point in the future. There are so many men out there who cant see, relate or even be allowed to say 'hello' to their kids, by their wife or the state. Surrogacy can give you a child of your own, without a mother and the headache of marriage! Ask Linda Ikeji if still in doubt.
Dont marry for $ex, you can get it without marriage and all its wahala. The $ex doll is a low-maintenance item that wont throw you out of your house or call Police on you or cheat on you and you can remove the battery anytime you want. She is beautiful and very life-like!
Dont marry for love, it is not what keeps a marriage or brings happiness, (Trust, Commitment, Dedication, mutual respect is what does)
Dont marry because you think your wife is submissive or will obey you, she wont once she thinks she can get-away with not doing so (Abroad standard). Women of today are being told they are not women, but Men and should act like men,
Dont marry because of beauty, that one fades faster than those fake jeans they sell at Aba.
Dont marry because you think it will bring you happiness......most married men (especially in the WEST) are living in pain, fear and bondage. How can such people even pretend to be happy (Nigerian husbands living in Nigeria should than their stars but l can assure them that it wont last for long, the evil is gradually creeping-in.
If you must marry, sign a Pre-nup (or a Post-nup if already married). have no "good expectations" from the marriage, you wont get any, anyway. It breaks when it breaks, dont hinge your happiness on it. Marriage as of today, is all about the woman and what she selfishly wants. The man that marries should know how much danger he is subjecting himself to. That does not stop you from marrying afterall, we know electricity kills but we still wire our houses and use it. Those are the brutal truth that will come to pass, sooner or later, even if you dont believe it now.
PS: To some people this is trash and l agree with such people. To some it is life-saving and l still agree with them, to some. it is "wetin concern me" and those are the people l love most. Dont get worked up over this. I'm amazed to come across such intelligent submittion on nairaland... You have dissected everything patapata. Most ladies in the western world are not marriageable both by their own men who are equally citizens or even guys without papers but at the end these ladies quickly blame it on papers when a guy leaves them after getting resident status through them. There was a lady I met in U.k that has a very domineering attitude... If she says anything and I agree it is discussion but if I show any form of disagreement she will ask us to stop the discussion....to most of them...YOUR OPPINION DOES NOT COUNT. You dare not interject when they are talking...if you do you will hear words like.."Don't talk when I'm talking"...they know it all. I have heard a woman abuse her husband so much that I had to check again if It was not a movie scene I heard... In the western world, in most cases, the man is the wife and you go fear if you hear the way a 13 year old girl speaks to her own biological father n you can imagine how she will talk to her husband. 8 out of 10 western divorced ladies are the cause of their marital fiasco...dem no tell me...i don see am first hand. 15 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 3:52am On Mar 12, 2019 |
khiaa:
What you described is what a lot of your brothers say is going on in Nigeria today. Sorry azz men like yourself getting multiple young girls pregnant then dumping them to impregnate the next child. Now run along and impregnate your big white whale so she can give you your papers. LOL, I just pictured a whale and a Gorilla mating. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png)
yeah you are right, R Kelly comes to mind ![wink](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/wink.png) 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by khiaa(f): 3:52am On Mar 12, 2019 |
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Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by TaminaliaCatapa: 3:52am On Mar 12, 2019 |
khiaa:
What you described is what a lot of your brothers say is going on in Nigeria today. Sorry azz men like yourself getting multiple young girls pregnant then dumping them to impregnate the next child. Now run along and impregnate your big white whale so she can give you your papers. LOL, I just pictured a whale and a Gorilla mating. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png)
Hahahahahahahaha, pained the fool, I can imagine your foul colored (from drugs) teeth popping out right now ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) Hahahahahahahahaha 4 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 3:53am On Mar 12, 2019 |
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Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by LUCAS99: 3:54am On Mar 12, 2019 |
cococandy: We are good. Thanks a lot.
We are no longer in Washington.
Moved to a different area. 3 hours ahead. It’s a crazy life.
Enjoy your trip. ![wink](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/wink.png)
Moved to Cali? Very Nice Place but Super Expensive to Live in... Prefer Miami over Cali... |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by khiaa(f): 3:54am On Mar 12, 2019 |
SilentListener: yeah you are right, R Kelly comes to mind[/i] ![wink](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/wink.png) R. Kelly doesn't mess with white whales that's a Nigerian thing, only they can stoop so low. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Toks2008(m): 3:55am On Mar 12, 2019 |
LUCAS99:
What part of it isn’t easy?
That’s what I did & what a couple of friends I know did...
Whatever I’m telling you is based strictly on Experience not hearsay...
A) OP doesn’t have a Paper Problem...
OP never said He had a Paper Problem. If he did then he would have never thought about going to Nigeria to Marry...
B) As far as I’m concerned Ladies abroad don’t have any phobia against Nigerian Guys...
Are there Girls that will turn you down? Absolutely Yes...
It has nothing to do with any Nigerian Phobia heck you can even say you’re from Africa without mentioning Nigeria.
Are there Girls that Avoid Black Guys? Absolutely Yes...
There are Girls that have #I don’t date Black Guys Policy & that includes both African American Guys as well as Nigerian Guys
(C) Some Girls are above your league... FACT
This is not Nigeria...
You have to be realistic with yourself...
You don’t expect a Lawyer OR Medical Doctor to marry a Security Guard...
Does it happen? Maybe but the chances of that happening is usually very slim & isn’t something to hope on...
Heck most College Educated Ladies also want a College Educated Man...
The truth of the matter is that there are materialistic Ladies both Home & Abroad...
You cannot runaway from reality...
If OP has his Papers, has a Job & has an Apartment plus having a Car doesn’t hurt as well...
OP wouldn’t have any problem finding a Girl within his League except he is an introvert...
The only way OP will have his life together & still be struggling to find a relationship is if OP is aiming for Someone way above his league all things being equal...
OP the big question now is:
Are you aiming for a Lady way above your League?
That’s a thought provoking question for you to answer...
I get your point and I agree with you but in the western world all the talks of marrying within your status or league is inconsequential cos they don't need you or your money except the lady is still struggling. The biggest challenge is when you are not yet settled n you want to get married. The moment you are settled you won't really have issues with getting women. The point I raised bothered on the erroneous mindset of some people in naija as regards the ease if getting women abroad to marry. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 3:57am On Mar 12, 2019 |
khiaa:
R. Kelly doesn't mess with white whales that's a Nigerian thing, only they can stoop so low. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) oh you don't like white women now I see 3 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Ctemi(f): 3:59am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Bro, thank for ur testimonies, there are till gud ladies here in US. Yuugen: Plenty of gud abroad-born n abroad-raised based Nigerian women. A buddy of mine married one 30years old two years ago in Baltimore U.S, they're happily married with a baby girl now. He was turning 35 n wanted to settle down, no time for play. Raves about how a good wife she is. Am in the U.S n have met nice Naija ladies myself. My elder brother too married a Naija lady Accountant here, two kids now, lovely humble lady, calls me uncle everytime . He's in IT. Both have daily 9-5 jobs. She works longer shifts at times like during tax season. Everyone can't be bad, op, maybe u arethe problem or u better yet change ur circle to find who u looking for 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by TaminaliaCatapa: 4:00am On Mar 12, 2019 |
SilentListener: oh you don't like white women now I see No they are threatened by the white woman since they don’t go to school....giving birth is their means of livelihood 4 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 4:01am On Mar 12, 2019 |
SilentListener: oh you don't like white women now I see Does she like white men? |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 4:03am On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa:
No they are threatened by the white woman since they don’t go to school....giving birth is their means of livelihood It's ok, I'm posting to khiaa here, so relax. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Toks2008(m): 4:03am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Ctemi: Bro, thank for ur testimonies, there are till gud ladies here in US.
No one is saying there are no good ladies and a random coincidence is not a true reflection of statistical accuracy. Out of every 10 ladies that are born and raised in the western world,maybe 3 will be well groomed for marriage and 3 out of 10 is somewhat negligible. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 4:04am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Angela777:
Does she like white men? i don't give a shlt if she hates white men or not? how is that my business? ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by khiaa(f): 4:05am On Mar 12, 2019 |
SilentListener: oh you don't like white women now I see What does my dislike or liking of white people have to do with whom R. Kelly have sex with? I know one thing for sure, he's not harpooning those white whales that you Nigerian men are obsessed with. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Ctemi(f): 4:05am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Same way u guys are complaining no gud ladies in US same way we ladies are complaining no gud guys cos most guys are not ready for commitment. All in all, bro, return to God to give u direction to chose rightly cos once u miss it in marriage u miss it all. Shalom TaminaliaCatapa: This has been worrisome abeg, I don’t like the idea of bringing any gf from Naija come marry, they mess up real bad.
The Naija girls wey dem born abroad sef, they ain’t any way different from foreigners wey go dey tell you to start sharing house chores 50:50 with dem. There is nothing bad if I do those chores in my own volition, but making it a duty for me is a no-no.
Reason why I cant marry white is obvious, the very immediate point I just made up there, some won’t even let you take your kids back to naija coz it’s shîthole
Please, if you are a 1. Naija married man in a foreign land 2. Didn’t marry here in naija but abroad
How did you get married and what type of woman is she.
Please we wanna learn 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 4:06am On Mar 12, 2019 |
khiaa:
What does my dislike or liking of white people have to do with whom R. Kelly have sex with? I know one thing for sure, he's not harpooning those white whales that you Nigerian men are obsessed with. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) come talk to me child, Papa is listening.
Now tell me, what's your problem? |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by TaminaliaCatapa: 4:08am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Ctemi: Same way u guys are complaining no gud ladies in US same way we ladies are complaining no gud guys cos most guys are not ready for commitment. All in all, bro, return to God to give u direction to chose rightly cos once u miss it in marriage u miss it all. Shalom
God bless us all sister, have a sound night rest |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by khiaa(f): 4:19am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Angela777:
LOL! Khiaa, there are many big black whales too mating with Gorillas ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) No, you are wrong, Nigerian Gorillas only harpoon white whales, the more of that pale flesh the more they get turned on, so don't give up, your gorilla will soon come to harpoon you. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) I just had an idea. You are searching for your Gorilla and the op is searching for his whale, why don't you email him and tell him a little about yourself. WARNING the OP is a two-time loser that no decent American or Nigerian women want, but in your case beggars can't be choosers. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Naija4lifeYank: 4:22am On Mar 12, 2019 |
This is more than apt. This will be my only post on Nairaland. I'm only posting so no man goes through what I went through. I live in the US. My marriage crashed when I came home to marry a Naija-based angel. I never planned to come home to marry. I trusted my friend's report of good behavior from his family member not knowing he knew it was all a ruse. It was a planned job. My father died from medical complications and having lost my mom much earlier, I came home to bury him. The Naija-based lady knew I was now an orphan used all her wiles to pretend to love me. Pretended to be helping to fill the void left by my parents and I finally agreed to marry her. I was earning well over $180,000 a year and had luxury home and luxury car. She arrived and within 1 month, I knew I had made the mistake of my life. She demanded a luxury SUV since I had one and I told her it didn't make any sense to have two gas-guzzlers in the home. She immediately went into a tantrum. This was someone not contributing anything to the home financially. I got her a brand new Honda Accord. She wasn't very satisfied. She started buying clothes. Every weekend it was a bill of $600 for clothes. I told her that's not how we spend money in America, she kept going. Always complaining. That she didn't have enough clothes. She is Igbo, so I paid for all the wedding in Nigeria. her family probably contributed only her wedding dress. So I was starting to think who is this clown that I married. She got pregnant and then started threatening me with potentially divorce & Child support if I don't do things that make her happy. One day I got back from work (4 months after wedding) and she had been entertaining another man in the home that I paid all the mortgage on. I knew this because somebody had used the ipad at home to view his Instagram and Facebook and forgot to sign out. I confronted her and she denied it. She started taking calls from all manner of men from Nigeria, sometimes going to the bathroom to talk to them Fast forward, one day she told me her cousin from Nigeria was coming to our city in Maryland and could he stay in our home. I found out that the guy was not her cousin really and shut it down. She started saying by US law the home belonged to her and her kids. I told her I had a baseball bat and if she had 10 heads, she should bring the "cousin" to come visit. By the time she had our son, she had become a full-fledged monster. Refusing to cook, etc. I did most of the house work and had a cleaner come clean the house. I divorced her shortly after. I had to start paying her child support until God came to my rescue and the Judge decided I was the better parent and I won custody of my son. It was the worst experience of my life and I lost so much. Her family was in on the whole thing. I assume they were so greedy to want my home Before anyone asks, I never cheated on her. or hit her. She did everything those women do: she called the cops to the house during an argument. I was so worried she was going to lie about physical abuse that never happened. I lived in FEAR in my own home. NEVER going to that state of things again. I'm free now. For those who say the wife took a loan for school, so how did you send her through school, most times you co-sponsor the loan for the wife using your credit I'll never be married again (I'm still in my thirties) and NEVER marry a woman from Nigeria again. Excuzeme:
You are very true, what you wrote. I am even worried that some people are trying to cover-up or divert attention from the truth, the reality.
A few things come to mind:
1.) the world has changed, marriage is no longer what it used to be. Everyone has their own "idea" of what their marriage should look like. It wont work out if you marry someone who deos not share that your "view" of marriage.
2.) Western colonization has gradually eroded the "African tradition/culture" and this has affected our marriages. What and how my mother views marriage is not how my wife views it. How my father sees marriage, l am afraid, l tried to see it like that but it is just not working!
3.) Environment affects marriage like nothing else, it is the most important factor! I have seen very nice, lovely and motherly wives who were the envy of everyone that knows them in Nigeria, for more than ten years (not a single quarrel with the husband, nice kids, e.t.c) but that marriage crashed completely within five years of relocating abroad. I have seen too many of these to conclude it is not just mere coincidence. Why is it that most "feminist" dont have a husband or are divorced women? Is it because they dont take shyte from their husbands? What went wrong?
4.) If you marry in Nigeria, l am sure both the husband and wife have expectations of each other (Things l will do, things you must not do, things l can take, boundaries that must not be crossed, how in-laws are treated, how family members are treated, e.t.c). These are the basis of any marital union. Nigerian, legal, customary and traditional LAWS also support these expectations (e,g, you cant drive your husband's mother out of your "marital home" because she has become a part of the family). All these flies out of the window, once you relocate abroad with your wife! The "LAWS" in the western world has made Husbands completely impotent and to be honest, there is nothing "Husbands in the Western world" fear more, than their Wife! How can anyone say that is "marriage"?
Marriage should be all about happiness, bliss, love, caring, sharing, dedication, trust, mutual respect, mutual reliance and most importantly, COMMITMENT. There is no room for FEAR, in a real marriage! If you live in-fear of your spouse (husband or wife), then you are not married but dying slowly or planning to kill him/her in the nearest future.
5.) If you come from Abroad to marry a wife in Nigeria, chances, to as high as 90% you will realize it is the greatest mistake you ever made in your life. Dont blame it on Nigerian ladies, blame it on Poverty, blame it on desperation and finally, blame it on the "change in environment and culture". How do you expect a woman who was brought up in a "culture and environment" where she is raised to agree that she must cook for her husband, not order him around, not slap him if he misbehaves, respect his mother and allow them free access to their son and CANNOT, under any circumstance (even if they quarrel, which all couples do!) throw him out of his house..... now suddenly finds herself EXPORTED to a "culture and environment" that legalize and promote male-abuse, that says you can call 911 and without any question asked, the Police will order him out of his house WITHOUT ANY PROOF OR BENEFIT OF DOUBT, where his Mother cannot knock on her son's door at 9pm and you the wife is the one who can decide whether she stays that night or go sleep at the local police station as a "wanderer"?
How do you expect her to cope when you suddenly export her to an environment and culture which says it is okay for her to slap you at the slightest provocation but you must just walk away otherwise you will suffer double jeopardy because you will land in jail so fast, you wont know what hit you? How do you expect her to cope when she is told by Social Workers that she can own the house, the children of the marriage and everything you have, all she needs to do is just shout "domestic violence", even if it is trumped-up?
How do you expect her to remain "sane and behave like your wife" when you export her to an environment and culture which says if you both agree to have $ex as husband and wife, (which is legal and godly), she can change her mind during the intercourse and if you dont stand up immediately, she can charge you for rape (Yes, your own wife o!) and you spend the rest of your life in jail?
I can continue to list the MADNESS that marriage in the "Western world" has become, till tomorrow, All l am saying is that, you guys should stop fooling yourselves thinking you can import a Naija lady abroad and she would still be the same "nice wife" you know in Nigeria or the nice lady she pretends to be while, in Nigeria. She would change and it is not her fault. she just cant help it (I am not justifying it or saying it is right)...but you must not expect otherwise because if you do, it is the disappointment when she changes, that will kill you first before her actions does. (Nigerian ladies, dont be annoyed, l am just trying to prepare the mind of you potential husbands for what would happen, so they dont start forming ignorance).
6.) The Devil you know, is better than the Angel you dont know! That is a big, fat lie. The Women abroad, especially the Akatas (Black women born and raised in the Western world, Europe, Americas) .... if you live abroad, you probably know them very well. (Less than 10% of them are "wife material). They grew up in a culture that treats men as scum, slaves and a tool for their pleasure. they are not really into marriage, as we see it over here in Nigeria or as we experienced it between our own parents.
They just wanna be proposed to with an expensive ring, do a lavish wedding and still f*ck around like they are still single. If they have a child for you, you can never be sure who is the father so a DNA test is as cheap and accessible as a malaria test over there. "Bastard Child" as we know it in Nigeria, does not bring "shame" to any woman over there because probably eight out of ten persons you come across was raised by a` man who is not their father but was told by their mother, that he is their father, till they found out. They just move on. Infact, it has become so "normalized| that men are beginning to think it is a "sign of good character" to not complain when your wife brings another man's pregnancy/child into the marriage, you just raise the kid like your own once she says 'I am sorry".
So, even if you marry an Akata in your neighborhood over there in the Western world, it is still as risky and dangerous as importing a wife from Nigeria.
And that brings us to the real issue: marriage is no longer what we know it to be. Drop all those expectations, if you dont want to be disappointed, you will be, if you still look at it from the lens of "how it used to or was supposed to be".
Let me stop here. My advice: Dont marry for children, there in no guarantee they wont be taken off-you by your wife, at one point in the future. There are so many men out there who cant see, relate or even be allowed to say 'hello' to their kids, by their wife or the state. Surrogacy can give you a child of your own, without a mother and the headache of marriage! Ask Linda Ikeji if still in doubt.
Dont marry for $ex, you can get it without marriage and all its wahala. The $ex doll is a low-maintenance item that wont throw you out of your house or call Police on you or cheat on you and you can remove the battery anytime you want. She is beautiful and very life-like!
Dont marry for love, it is not what keeps a marriage or brings happiness, (Trust, Commitment, Dedication, mutual respect is what does)
Dont marry because you think your wife is submissive or will obey you, she wont once she thinks she can get-away with not doing so (Abroad standard). Women of today are being told they are not women, but Men and should act like men,
Dont marry because of beauty, that one fades faster than those fake jeans they sell at Aba.
Dont marry because you think it will bring you happiness......most married men (especially in the WEST) are living in pain, fear and bondage. How can such people even pretend to be happy (Nigerian husbands living in Nigeria should than their stars but l can assure them that it wont last for long, the evil is gradually creeping-in.
If you must marry, sign a Pre-nup (or a Post-nup if already married). have no "good expectations" from the marriage, you wont get any, anyway. It breaks when it breaks, dont hinge your happiness on it. Marriage as of today, is all about the woman and what she selfishly wants. The man that marries should know how much danger he is subjecting himself to. That does not stop you from marrying afterall, we know electricity kills but we still wire our houses and use it. Those are the brutal truth that will come to pass, sooner or later, even if you dont believe it now.
PS: To some people this is trash and l agree with such people. To some it is life-saving and l still agree with them, to some. it is "wetin concern me" and those are the people l love most. Dont get worked up over this. 32 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by MajorWarren: 4:23am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Lol the ignorance in this thread is baffling 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by needful: 4:25am On Mar 12, 2019 |
@Cococandy, I choosed to mention you because u vividly understood the concept. I live in Canada and the truth is 70% of naija men needs brain resetting. A man will immigrate to Canada with his family, pushed the wife to go and do RN against her wish, he still wants the RN with about 3children and 12hrs shift to come back and serve his hands and foot. Is this not insane?, i dont really understand the basis upon which marriage is constituted. marriage especially Nigeria men. What I see in most of this naija men are selfishness,. Alot of peaceful families are divorcing because the man wants the wife to work full time, pay half of the Bill's and still serve him and the children. The moment you men understand that women are humans created by God as God created you people, marital issues will disappear. To all this ones shouting my property this and that, which property do u even own, is it the one u mortgaged to pay for 25 to 30yrs? Or another one. I trained my wife in school, with whose money. Can any of you even train somebody in school single handedly without Govt loan? Mtcheww, confused Hypocrites. And for the this olosho poster looking for a woman to enslave, continue and am sure u will find one when u are 75yrs old. Nonsense 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 4:27am On Mar 12, 2019 |
khiaa:
So if the marriage/relationship isnt going well it has to be the non-,Nigerians fault right because the Nigerian is never a fault. No my dear I’m not talking about Nigeria men alone here and if you read my previous post I blamed Nigerian men. I’m talking about sttitude of some black American ladies, compare the whites. Please don’t get me wrong. There are still good ones among them o. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by khiaa(f): 4:34am On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa:
Hahahahahahahaha, pained the fool, [b]I can imagine your foul colored (from drugs) teeth popping out right now ;[/b]D
Hahahahahahahahaha We have dentists in America and we use them, it sounds like you are describing your village relatives. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by TaminaliaCatapa: 4:37am On Mar 12, 2019 |
khiaa:
We have dentists in America and we use them, it sounds like you are describing your village relatives. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) The dentists only whites and Africans can afford, crack-headed low life black Americans can’t afford a plate of salad ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) Hahahahahahahaha mofo leeches 4 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Sarang(f): 4:42am On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa: This has been worrisome abeg, I don’t like the idea of bringing any gf from Naija come marry, they mess up real bad.
The Naija girls wey dem born abroad sef, they ain’t any way different from foreigners wey go dey tell you to start sharing house chores 50:50 with dem. There is nothing bad if I do those chores in my own volition, but making it a duty for me is a no-no.
Reason why I cant marry white is obvious, the very immediate point I just made up there, some won’t even let you take your kids back to naija coz it’s shîthole
Please, if you are a 1. Naija married man in a foreign land 2. Didn’t marry here in naija but abroad
How did you get married and what type of woman is she.
Please we wanna learn The answer is simple: Be single. It doesn't kill. Or get a maid..it's costly there though. 1 Like |