Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 6:10am On Mar 12, 2019 |
DeeMain:
Are you crazy? Why are you cyber bullying her unprovoked? To what end? What has she done to deserve this oppression from you? How old are you, kid? Dem no teach you respect? Dem send you? Abeg shut up 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by femijck(m): 6:30am On Mar 12, 2019 |
needful: @Cococandy, I choosed to mention you because u vividly understood the concept. I live in Canada and the truth is 70% of naija men needs brain resetting. A man will immigrate to Canada with his family, pushed the wife to go and do RN against her wish, he still wants the RN with about 3children and 12hrs shift to come back and serve his hands and foot. Is this not insane?, i dont really understand the basis upon which marriage is constituted. marriage especially Nigeria men. What I see in most of this naija men are selfishness,. Alot of peaceful families are divorcing because the man wants the wife to work full time, pay half of the Bill's and still serve him and the children. The moment you men understand that women are humans created by God as God created you people, marital issues will disappear. To all this ones shouting my property this and that, which property do u even own, is it the one u mortgaged to pay for 25 to 30yrs? Or another one. I trained my wife in school, with whose money. Can any of you even train somebody in school single handedly without Govt loan? Mtcheww, confused Hypocrites. And for the this olosho poster looking for a woman to enslave, continue and am sure u will find one when u are 75yrs old. Nonsense It was constituted on the basis that 2 is better than 1. And for that reason, a woman would leave her parents to live with a man and the 2 of them shall become 1[b]. The man would love the woman he calls ‘wife’ , and the woman would respect the man she calls‘husband’. The husband shall be the head of the union i.e family.This basis is distorted in the name of civilisation and modernisation. The west developed a very contagious disease called ‘Feminism’ and this has spread beyond control. I don’t support domestic violence, I don’t support feminism or male chauvinism because it’s a union. But in all honesty women have taken this too far. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 6:30am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Ewedegubbler:
never.. those are the worst Not all though. Just follow your heart. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by HeWrites(m): 6:34am On Mar 12, 2019 |
khiaa:
Black American women aren't checking for your controlling, insecure behinds, when we see you we run the other direction that is why you beg those big fat, old white whales to marry you. LMAO, you have money, most of you work security and janitorial jobs. There are some nice Nigerian men but it is rare. Your greed is a turn off. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Mruwa1(m): 6:35am On Mar 12, 2019 |
iRepNaija1:
So are you saying you want a wife who takes care of all the housework while you only help when the mood strikes you? What are you honestly saying? I'm seriously curious. make i explain na for u well well .... He say he want woman when nor go share house work give am....he just wan be d man of the house when he wake up or after sex he wife go arrange bed then she cook,arrange house,bath d kids ,chop leave plate for d woman to come pack..wear cloth leave for d woman to wash and iron.he own na to go look for money come house, .. And u know say oyibo nor go try dis rubbish nia make am dey look for woman when go do all this tins for am but he dey fear to come carry girl from nigeria go abroad because when d girl reach abroad she go even worse pass oyibo ..u done understand now 8 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by justmenoni: 6:40am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Uncle OP. Sorry to say, are you really looking for a wife or an housemaid. I married from naija and you know what she's the best thing that has ever happened to me to the point that I'd sacrifice my life for hers, let me call her right now and tell her i want this and this prepared for breakfast and delivered to me at work and voila it's done and let me call her again and say you know what i want a special delicacy prepared for dinner and voila it's all done.. Her only complain would be bae let's finish d food at home first (wastage) and not nagging. But you know what, i wake up at 5,30 bath the kids, prepare tea or/and breakfast chitchat for 10/20mins and I'm off to work and when I'm coming back from work i ask if they need some items from the market and sometimes i still make dinner (of cos she'd prepare something for the kids cos they have to be put to bed) Sometimes it doesn't really matter who or where you marry from but it depends on who you marry and who YOU ARE. N:B, I'm not a vegetable and i haven't been tied down ![cheesy](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/cheesy.png) 24 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by DanDeeBoss(m): 6:50am On Mar 12, 2019 |
RTSC: See as dem spoil market for Nigerian based ladies.
The ones that scaled through earlier to Yankee or Europe would be thanking their stars they left before the market got spoilt. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) No wonder some of them dey vex....![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) 4 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 6:51am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Naija4lifeYank: This is more than apt. This will be my only post on Nairaland. I'm only posting so no man goes through what I went through. I live in the US. My marriage crashed when I came home to marry a Naija-based angel. I never planned to come home to marry. I trusted my friend's report of good behavior from his family member not knowing he knew it was all a ruse. It was a planned job. My father died from medical complications and having lost my mom much earlier, I came home to bury him. The Naija-based lady knew I was now an orphan used all her wiles to pretend to love me. Pretended to be helping to fill the void left by my parents and I finally agreed to marry her. I was earning well over $180,000 a year and had luxury home and luxury car. She arrived and within 1 month, I knew I had made the mistake of my life. She demanded a luxury SUV since I had one and I told her it didn't make any sense to have two gas-guzzlers in the home. She immediately went into a tantrum. This was someone not contributing anything to the home financially. I got her a brand new Honda Accord. She wasn't very satisfied. She started buying clothes. Every weekend it was a bill of $600 for clothes. I told her that's not how we spend money in America, she kept going. Always complaining. That she didn't have enough clothes. She is Igbo, so I paid for all the wedding in Nigeria. her family probably contributed only her wedding dress. So I was starting to think who is this clown that I married. She got pregnant and then started threatening me with potentially divorce & Child support if I don't do things that make her happy. One day I got back from work (4 months after wedding) and she had been entertaining another man in the home that I paid all the mortgage on. I knew this because somebody had used the ipad at home to view his Instagram and Facebook and forgot to sign out. I confronted her and she denied it. She started taking calls from all manner of men from Nigeria, sometimes going to the bathroom to talk to them Fast forward, one day she told me her cousin from Nigeria was coming to our city in Maryland and could he stay in our home. I found out that the guy was not her cousin really and shut it down. She started saying by US law the home belonged to her and her kids. I told her I had a baseball bat and if she had 10 heads, she should bring the "cousin" to come visit. By the time she had our son, she had become a full-fledged monster. Refusing to cook, etc. I did most of the house work and had a cleaner come clean the house. I divorced her shortly after. I had to start paying her child support until God came to my rescue and the Judge decided I was the better parent and I won custody of my son. It was the worst experience of my life and I lost so much. Her family was in on the whole thing. I assume they were so greedy to want my home Before anyone asks, I never cheated on her. or hit her. She did everything those women do: she called the cops to the house during an argument. I was so worried she was going to lie about physical abuse that never happened. I lived in FEAR in my own home. NEVER going to that state of things again. I'm free now.
For those who say the wife took a loan for school, so how did you send her through school, most times you co-sponsor the loan for the wife using your credit I'll never be married again (I'm still in my thirties) and NEVER marry a woman from Nigeria again.
This has to do with individual character. Most people get carried away when such alluring life and freedom presents itself. It's not a Nigerian thing in itself cos I know many women living peacefully with their husband's abroad. It's never about where you marry from but Who u married. 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by justmenoni: 7:02am On Mar 12, 2019 |
God bless you.
quote author=NwanyiAwkaetiti post=76577351]This has to do with individual character. Most people get carried away when such alluring life and freedom presents itself. It's not a Nigerian thing in itself cos I know many women living peacefully with their husband's abroad.
It's never about where you marry from but Who u married. [/quote] |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Daeylar(f): 7:04am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Why a thread which was created to bash Nigerian ladies both those based in Nigeria and those abroad was moved to the FP of a Nigerian forum is what I will never understand. ![undecided](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/undecided.png) 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Dreyl(m): 7:06am On Mar 12, 2019 |
cococandy: Thank you. I am taken.
By a very lucky Nigerian American man who doesn’t want a servant wife.
Loretta don't you get tired of this? at least stay off nairaland for a while, jeez! 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by DanDeeBoss(m): 7:08am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Prettyplum123: There are still very good ladies who wouldn't turn bad... with them is what you see, what you get, so you just pray about it take your time and seek irrespective of where she is from or anything, that shouldn't matter. You're right though..... But I think getting them is the problem |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 7:21am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Naija4lifeYank: This is more than apt. This will be my only post on Nairaland. I'm only posting so no man goes through what I went through. I live in the US. My marriage crashed when I came home to marry a Naija-based angel. I never planned to come home to marry. I trusted my friend's report of good behavior from his family member not knowing he knew it was all a ruse. It was a planned job. My father died from medical complications and having lost my mom much earlier, I came home to bury him. The Naija-based lady knew I was now an orphan used all her wiles to pretend to love me. Pretended to be helping to fill the void left by my parents and I finally agreed to marry her. I was earning well over $180,000 a year and had luxury home and luxury car. She arrived and within 1 month, I knew I had made the mistake of my life. She demanded a luxury SUV since I had one and I told her it didn't make any sense to have two gas-guzzlers in the home. She immediately went into a tantrum. This was someone not contributing anything to the home financially. I got her a brand new Honda Accord. She wasn't very satisfied. She started buying clothes. Every weekend it was a bill of $600 for clothes. I told her that's not how we spend money in America, she kept going. Always complaining. That she didn't have enough clothes. She is Igbo, so I paid for all the wedding in Nigeria. her family probably contributed only her wedding dress. So I was starting to think who is this clown that I married. She got pregnant and then started threatening me with potentially divorce & Child support if I don't do things that make her happy. One day I got back from work (4 months after wedding) and she had been entertaining another man in the home that I paid all the mortgage on. I knew this because somebody had used the ipad at home to view his Instagram and Facebook and forgot to sign out. I confronted her and she denied it. She started taking calls from all manner of men from Nigeria, sometimes going to the bathroom to talk to them Fast forward, one day she told me her cousin from Nigeria was coming to our city in Maryland and could he stay in our home. I found out that the guy was not her cousin really and shut it down. She started saying by US law the home belonged to her and her kids. I told her I had a baseball bat and if she had 10 heads, she should bring the "cousin" to come visit. By the time she had our son, she had become a full-fledged monster. Refusing to cook, etc. I did most of the house work and had a cleaner come clean the house. I divorced her shortly after. I had to start paying her child support until God came to my rescue and the Judge decided I was the better parent and I won custody of my son. It was the worst experience of my life and I lost so much. Her family was in on the whole thing. I assume they were so greedy to want my home Before anyone asks, I never cheated on her. or hit her. She did everything those women do: she called the cops to the house during an argument. I was so worried she was going to lie about physical abuse that never happened. I lived in FEAR in my own home. NEVER going to that state of things again. I'm free now.
For those who say the wife took a loan for school, so how did you send her through school, most times you co-sponsor the loan for the wife using your credit I'll never be married again (I'm still in my thirties) and NEVER marry a woman from Nigeria again.
Hmmm, my story is similar to yours but I am an American and he was a Nigerian I brought to US. It is always like that, if we are honest givers, cheaters and takers see it fast and use us. Sorry about your marriage 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Prettyplum123(f): 7:22am On Mar 12, 2019 |
DanDeeBoss: You're right though..... But I think getting them is the problem True enough, but it goes both ways, ladies entertain certain fears as regards to choosing a life partner or accepting one likewise the guys too, everyone just needs to clear off them stereotype, having those in mind would make one never see anyone worthy of giving a chance.... There are good and bad people everywhere, so pray about it, free your spirit, body and soul and meet your soul mate just anywhere irrespective of whatever... my 2cents |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Daeylar(f): 7:23am On Mar 12, 2019 |
cococandy: If it’s a Nigerian male, then he can’t be at fault. It’s not possible. That’s how ‘God’ made it.
But if it’s a Nigerian female, bring on the blame. We don’t really know how to do anything right. We are what’s wrong with the world.
the men however, are so perfect that even the angels are taking notes in order to keep up.
Well according to NL Lol, ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) Another day another thread to satisfy the cravings of misogynistic Nigerian men to bash Nigerian women. If Nigerian men don't want to marry Nigerian women or bring them overseas they can just move on and do what the hell they want but no. Insult after insult must be piled on Nigerian women. They must do their best to make sure that any citizen of any country other then Nigeria reading this forum knows that Nigerian woman are nothing but evil witches and Nigerian men are saints that are suffering and enduring at the hands these evil Nigerian witches.. Useless men. victorian:
most married women are like tenants in their homes , while some loneliness wan kill them die . And the man will be wailing as if he is the best husband a woman can ever have .
I don't believe their lies . Na today? We know their way. 5 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Venerable612(m): 7:29am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Personally! - it’s about compromising and deciding for yourself what’s most important.
Nigerian girl’s from quite poor background will most likely see you as their ticket out of poverty - but it doesn’t mean you can’t both have a good marraige too - if she is a Christian or Muslim, and her parents have good influence over her.
The ones birth in the UK here have lots of western issues. There is this cultural and ideological difference - and tbh a typical Nigerian man won’t be able to cope with that for the rest of his life - if he is not the patient and tolerant type.
For me - It’s about going for the lady that we share many things in common. Same church (not even religion), same sense of belonging, same life goals, and I can relate well with her family if she is messing up. Wherever she is from - I don’t care! As long as those 3 S boxes are Thicked.
Until then - I humbly remain Single! I don’t want any toxic marraige for myself and unborn kids. 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by DanDeeBoss(m): 7:31am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Prettyplum123:
True enough, but it goes both ways, ladies entertain certain fears as regards to choosing a life partner or accepting one likewise the guys too, everyone just needs to clear off them stereotype, having those in mind would make one never see anyone worthy of giving a chance.... There are good and bad people everywhere, so pray about it, free your spirit, body and soul and meet your soul mate just anywhere irrespective of whatever... my 2cents Thanks So much for the bolded... ![smiley](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/smiley.png) ![smiley](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/smiley.png) 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Timi1990(m): 7:37am On Mar 12, 2019 |
@op There’s no guarantee in any marriage any where in the world just pray you find the right woman . But if you are unlucky & find yourself in Europe or America where the laws don’t really favour men, abeg don’t be blinded by love; any thing can happen . It’s better to have your own backup plan Incase divorce happens; have your own secret bank account , have your own secret investment outside the country , Load your Naija account wella with Naira , have atleast 1 property in naija or any African country , etc . Even if divorce happens and you’re to share your property with your spouse ,pay alimony & child support you’ll be able to fall back on your investment . A word is enough for the wise . 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by sharpwriter(m): 7:41am On Mar 12, 2019 |
khiaa:
I am black American that's how I know what you said isn't true. You can't claim to know all black Americans and then label them as such. Should I claim that Africans are lazy, shiftless, greedy, crooked, loud, thieves and liars just because Nigerians are? ![undecided](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/undecided.png) Will you marry me? ![wink](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/wink.png) |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Meliaen(f): 7:43am On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa:
You are the reason why a white man said if you wanna hide anything from an african, put it in a book
Or do you have trouble comprehending writeups? You have still not answered his question, just talking around it. Mind you, the people who liked your comments are men like you with entitlement sense. Men with poor upbringing, who weren't trained to help their sisters and mothers with house chores. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by brenister10: 7:44am On Mar 12, 2019 |
lefulefu: so wat of those american housewives in the suburbs who wash and clean and tend for the kids while the husband is outside hustling for d daily job. See guy if op is jardon or yankee based and he comes back home with the intention of looking for a homebased wife he go jus cast himself . The only way u can get a genuine homebased wife if u are based overseas is to have a serious genuine girl while u were in naija and if u happen to port over the other side and u now settled u can get married to her and move her over with u. Any other way na yahoo yahoo naija home based chick u go get . Your head dey there 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by kurlz(f): 7:44am On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa: This has been worrisome abeg, I don’t like the idea of bringing any gf from Naija come marry, they mess up real bad.
The Naija girls wey dem born abroad sef, they ain’t any way different from foreigners wey go dey tell you to start sharing house chores 50:50 with dem. There is nothing bad if I do those chores in my own volition, but making it a duty for me is a no-no.
Reason why I cant marry white is obvious, the very immediate point I just made up there, some won’t even let you take your kids back to naija coz it’s shîthole
Please, if you are a 1. Naija married man in a foreign land 2. Didn’t marry here in naija but abroad
How did you get married and what type of woman is she.
Please we wanna learn Every good thing comes from God. There are both good and bad people everywhere. Just ask God to send you the best 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by brenister10: 7:45am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Ishilove:
Kuku say you're looking for a house help. Why can't you wash your clothes yourself? Another feminist spotted 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Meliaen(f): 7:47am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Yuugen: Plenty of gud abroad-born n abroad-raised based Nigerian women. A buddy of mine married one 30years old two years ago in Baltimore U.S, they're happily married with a baby girl now. He was turning 35 n wanted to settle down, no time for play. Raves about how a good wife she is. Am in the U.S n have met nice Naija ladies myself. My elder brother too married a Naija lady Accountant here, two kids now, lovely humble lady, calls me uncle everytime . He's in IT. Both have daily 9-5 jobs. She works longer shifts at times like during tax season. Everyone can't be bad, op, maybe u arethe problem or u better yet change ur circle to find who u looking for Intelligently written. 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by blindjustice13(m): 7:52am On Mar 12, 2019 |
There are good and bad people everywhere, I married the gf I left in Nigeria and brought her here after two years.Its been almost a decade now and we are good.
Take note : I knew her before I left Nigeria.
I know you can never truely know a person ,but the risks of just marrying anyone because they were recommended are higher than someone you already know.
At the end of the day what works for me might not work for you.
But just know ,it is not where the person resides but their true nature and character. But since you want someone who will not make you share house chores ,I suggest you look home,the odds of you finding that kind of person is higher in Nigeria. 3 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by MissRike(f): 7:53am On Mar 12, 2019 |
As people here in Nigeria are complaining, those abroad are also complaining about Nigerian women which I feel is not too right. One thing I know quite well is that marriage is all about compromise and many people out there, I must say, are not ready for that. The man only wants a woman that would be keeping the house and warming his bed alone without him helping her at all on some occasions while the woman also needs a man that would be spoiling her and tolerating all her excesses (without trying to change) and not considering her man. That's where compromise and individuality play their roles. How would a man say he just needs a wife that will be doing everything at home, like the household chores and cooking alone without helping her at all, just crossing his feet, demanding for everything from her even without resting after coming back from work ![](/faces/huh.png) . I think what he needs is actually a housemaid. The truth is that couples were created by God to be help mates and not slaves, that's what strengthens the relationship more. Treat a woman like a queen and watch her treat you like a king. It's only a mad or crazy woman that will not reciprocate when treated well by her man and that's where personality comes in. So OP and the other men on this thread, don't generalize. The kind of company you keep determines the kind of people you meet. Put God first, have a good mindset (that you need a help mate and not a housemaid) & move with the right people and watch how marriage turns out well for you. Peace!!! 4 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Mariangeles(f): 7:57am On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa: I think I should come in,
I am not the type that throws heritage away, and I’m sure gonna pass that to my kids.
I am the type that believes should take 100% financial care of my family, I don’t care if my wife is the General Manager of world bank, if she wishes to help, fine, else, fine too.
As for chores, I believe a man is still the head, I will still take care of my kids, help bathe them, I’m a good cook and can cook almost anything. I will surely help her, I just don’t want any woman giving me verbal agreement it’s a 50:50. A friend of mine is married and when he changes diapers for the whole day today, the wife takes over the next day, failure to do so results in problems, perhaps court. I’m not looking for a slave, for those who didn’t read between the lines.
Naija girls especially those from the village are quick to throw away their values, this is disturbing. Black Americans are the worst, don’t go near them. Whites are very loyal but a single mistake may mean divorce.
It’s really hard if you are putting your future kids in consideration, to find a woman who holds our value at high esteem...
Need I say more? ...in the end, you'll only get the woman you deserve . Not all men deserve good women and not all women deserve good men. Men like you come on nairaland to type trash and tarnish the image of the Nigerian woman as if you're good...you want to eat your cake and have it abi ?? Most of you, after years of jumping from one female to another, breaking so many hearts along the way, when it is time for you to settle down, you suddenly want an angel What about those "demons" you created ?? Who are you leaving them for ?? Just like some other men will eventually marry the "demons" you created, so also you will marry a"demon" some other man created... Unless you've been good sha ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) In this life, what you give is what you get ![angry](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/angry.png) 10 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Hadampson(m): 7:59am On Mar 12, 2019 |
victorian:
That's what most of the men always say .
If only u had a video camera hidden in their homes , you will definitely pity their wives and stone the men . some talk down on their wives even in public , all to destroy her self morale . While some in private , just to make her feel useless .
Some men are habitual liars . I don't believe all their stories .
Treat à good woman well, give her good sex , money , attention and care , then see if she will cheat on you. most married women are like tenants in their homes , while some loneliness wan kill them die . And the man will be wailing as if he is the best husband a woman can ever have .
I don't believe their lies . Doing all these doesn't mean she can't cheat. Most ladies out there are insatiable. You can never satisfy them 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by brenister10: 8:00am On Mar 12, 2019 |
kongolo: When will Nigerian men borrow sense from other men in the world and turn their backs on this archaic practice called marriage?I will never understand why any man would be so eager to live with a woman in thesame space for 1week talk more of 1 to 10years Another bobo wey civilization don wack him head spotted 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by blindjustice13(m): 8:04am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Naija4lifeYank: This is more than apt. This will be my only post on Nairaland. I'm only posting so no man goes through what I went through. I live in the US. My marriage crashed when I came home to marry a Naija-based angel. I never planned to come home to marry. I trusted my friend's report of good behavior from his family member not knowing he knew it was all a ruse. It was a planned job. My father died from medical complications and having lost my mom much earlier, I came home to bury him. The Naija-based lady knew I was now an orphan used all her wiles to pretend to love me. Pretended to be helping to fill the void left by my parents and I finally agreed to marry her. I was earning well over $180,000 a year and had luxury home and luxury car. She arrived and within 1 month, I knew I had made the mistake of my life. She demanded a luxury SUV since I had one and I told her it didn't make any sense to have two gas-guzzlers in the home. She immediately went into a tantrum. This was someone not contributing anything to the home financially. I got her a brand new Honda Accord. She wasn't very satisfied. She started buying clothes. Every weekend it was a bill of $600 for clothes. I told her that's not how we spend money in America, she kept going. Always complaining. That she didn't have enough clothes. She is Igbo, so I paid for all the wedding in Nigeria. her family probably contributed only her wedding dress. So I was starting to think who is this clown that I married. She got pregnant and then started threatening me with potentially divorce & Child support if I don't do things that make her happy. One day I got back from work (4 months after wedding) and she had been entertaining another man in the home that I paid all the mortgage on. I knew this because somebody had used the ipad at home to view his Instagram and Facebook and forgot to sign out. I confronted her and she denied it. She started taking calls from all manner of men from Nigeria, sometimes going to the bathroom to talk to them Fast forward, one day she told me her cousin from Nigeria was coming to our city in Maryland and could he stay in our home. I found out that the guy was not her cousin really and shut it down. She started saying by US law the home belonged to her and her kids. I told her I had a baseball bat and if she had 10 heads, she should bring the "cousin" to come visit. By the time she had our son, she had become a full-fledged monster. Refusing to cook, etc. I did most of the house work and had a cleaner come clean the house. I divorced her shortly after. I had to start paying her child support until God came to my rescue and the Judge decided I was the better parent and I won custody of my son. It was the worst experience of my life and I lost so much. Her family was in on the whole thing. I assume they were so greedy to want my home Before anyone asks, I never cheated on her. or hit her. She did everything those women do: she called the cops to the house during an argument. I was so worried she was going to lie about physical abuse that never happened. I lived in FEAR in my own home. NEVER going to that state of things again. I'm free now.
For those who say the wife took a loan for school, so how did you send her through school, most times you co-sponsor the loan for the wife using your credit I'll never be married again (I'm still in my thirties) and NEVER marry a woman from Nigeria again.
the problem most men have is you marry based on recommendation as if you are hiring an employee,its a marriage not a rectutiment process. Besides,its a 50/50 chance bro,the odds of you hiring a good employee you interviewed yourself is higher than hiring based on the recommendation of some else. I married my gf I left in Nigeria,its been almost a decade now and we good. Tho people change based on influence from new cultural and environmental adjustment I am just blessed to have a smart lady who knows who she is and didnt change for the worse. I hope you find such a person in future,they are rare but do exists.My marriage is not perfect, but we do weather the storms together. 5 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by LordAdam16: 8:10am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Excuzeme:
You are very true, what you wrote. I am even worried that some people are trying to cover-up or divert attention from the truth, the reality.
A few things come to mind:
1.) the world has changed, marriage is no longer what it used to be. Everyone has their own "idea" of what their marriage should look like. It wont work out if you marry someone who deos not share that your "view" of marriage.
2.) Western colonization has gradually eroded the "African tradition/culture" and this has affected our marriages. What and how my mother views marriage is not how my wife views it. How my father sees marriage, l am afraid, l tried to see it like that but it is just not working!
3.) Environment affects marriage like nothing else, it is the most important factor! I have seen very nice, lovely and motherly wives who were the envy of everyone that knows them in Nigeria, for more than ten years (not a single quarrel with the husband, nice kids, e.t.c) but that marriage crashed completely within five years of relocating abroad. I have seen too many of these to conclude it is not just mere coincidence. Why is it that most "feminist" dont have a husband or are divorced women? Is it because they dont take shyte from their husbands? What went wrong?
4.) If you marry in Nigeria, l am sure both the husband and wife have expectations of each other (Things l will do, things you must not do, things l can take, boundaries that must not be crossed, how in-laws are treated, how family members are treated, e.t.c). These are the basis of any marital union. Nigerian, legal, customary and traditional LAWS also support these expectations (e,g, you cant drive your husband's mother out of your "marital home" because she has become a part of the family). All these flies out of the window, once you relocate abroad with your wife! The "LAWS" in the western world has made Husbands completely impotent and to be honest, there is nothing "Husbands in the Western world" fear more, than their Wife! How can anyone say that is "marriage"?
Marriage should be all about happiness, bliss, love, caring, sharing, dedication, trust, mutual respect, mutual reliance and most importantly, COMMITMENT. There is no room for FEAR, in a real marriage! If you live in-fear of your spouse (husband or wife), then you are not married but dying slowly or planning to kill him/her in the nearest future.
5.) If you come from Abroad to marry a wife in Nigeria, chances, to as high as 90% you will realize it is the greatest mistake you ever made in your life. Dont blame it on Nigerian ladies, blame it on Poverty, blame it on desperation and finally, blame it on the "change in environment and culture". How do you expect a woman who was brought up in a "culture and environment" where she is raised to agree that she must cook for her husband, not order him around, not slap him if he misbehaves, respect his mother and allow them free access to their son and CANNOT, under any circumstance (even if they quarrel, which all couples do!) throw him out of his house..... now suddenly finds herself EXPORTED to a "culture and environment" that legalize and promote male-abuse, that says you can call 911 and without any question asked, the Police will order him out of his house WITHOUT ANY PROOF OR BENEFIT OF DOUBT, where his Mother cannot knock on her son's door at 9pm and you the wife is the one who can decide whether she stays that night or go sleep at the local police station as a "wanderer"?
How do you expect her to cope when you suddenly export her to an environment and culture which says it is okay for her to slap you at the slightest provocation but you must just walk away otherwise you will suffer double jeopardy because you will land in jail so fast, you wont know what hit you? How do you expect her to cope when she is told by Social Workers that she can own the house, the children of the marriage and everything you have, all she needs to do is just shout "domestic violence", even if it is trumped-up?
How do you expect her to remain "sane and behave like your wife" when you export her to an environment and culture which says if you both agree to have $ex as husband and wife, (which is legal and godly), she can change her mind during the intercourse and if you dont stand up immediately, she can charge you for rape (Yes, your own wife o!) and you spend the rest of your life in jail?
I can continue to list the MADNESS that marriage in the "Western world" has become, till tomorrow, All l am saying is that, you guys should stop fooling yourselves thinking you can import a Naija lady abroad and she would still be the same "nice wife" you know in Nigeria or the nice lady she pretends to be while, in Nigeria. She would change and it is not her fault. she just cant help it (I am not justifying it or saying it is right)...but you must not expect otherwise because if you do, it is the disappointment when she changes, that will kill you first before her actions does. (Nigerian ladies, dont be annoyed, l am just trying to prepare the mind of you potential husbands for what would happen, so they dont start forming ignorance).
6.) The Devil you know, is better than the Angel you dont know! That is a big, fat lie. The Women abroad, especially the Akatas (Black women born and raised in the Western world, Europe, Americas) .... if you live abroad, you probably know them very well. (Less than 10% of them are "wife material). They grew up in a culture that treats men as scum, slaves and a tool for their pleasure. they are not really into marriage, as we see it over here in Nigeria or as we experienced it between our own parents.
They just wanna be proposed to with an expensive ring, do a lavish wedding and still f*ck around like they are still single. If they have a child for you, you can never be sure who is the father so a DNA test is as cheap and accessible as a malaria test over there. "Bastard Child" as we know it in Nigeria, does not bring "shame" to any woman over there because probably eight out of ten persons you come across was raised by a` man who is not their father but was told by their mother, that he is their father, till they found out. They just move on. Infact, it has become so "normalized| that men are beginning to think it is a "sign of good character" to not complain when your wife brings another man's pregnancy/child into the marriage, you just raise the kid like your own once she says 'I am sorry".
So, even if you marry an Akata in your neighborhood over there in the Western world, it is still as risky and dangerous as importing a wife from Nigeria.
And that brings us to the real issue: marriage is no longer what we know it to be. Drop all those expectations, if you dont want to be disappointed, you will be, if you still look at it from the lens of "how it used to or was supposed to be".
Let me stop here. My advice: Dont marry for children, there in no guarantee they wont be taken off-you by your wife, at one point in the future. There are so many men out there who cant see, relate or even be allowed to say 'hello' to their kids, by their wife or the state. Surrogacy can give you a child of your own, without a mother and the headache of marriage! Ask Linda Ikeji if still in doubt.
Dont marry for $ex, you can get it without marriage and all its wahala. The $ex doll is a low-maintenance item that wont throw you out of your house or call Police on you or cheat on you and you can remove the battery anytime you want. She is beautiful and very life-like!
Dont marry for love, it is not what keeps a marriage or brings happiness, (Trust, Commitment, Dedication, mutual respect is what does)
Dont marry because you think your wife is submissive or will obey you, she wont once she thinks she can get-away with not doing so (Abroad standard). Women of today are being told they are not women, but Men and should act like men,
Dont marry because of beauty, that one fades faster than those fake jeans they sell at Aba.
Dont marry because you think it will bring you happiness......most married men (especially in the WEST) are living in pain, fear and bondage. How can such people even pretend to be happy (Nigerian husbands living in Nigeria should than their stars but l can assure them that it wont last for long, the evil is gradually creeping-in.
If you must marry, sign a Pre-nup (or a Post-nup if already married). have no "good expectations" from the marriage, you wont get any, anyway. It breaks when it breaks, dont hinge your happiness on it. Marriage as of today, is all about the woman and what she selfishly wants. The man that marries should know how much danger he is subjecting himself to. That does not stop you from marrying afterall, we know electricity kills but we still wire our houses and use it. Those are the brutal truth that will come to pass, sooner or later, even if you dont believe it now.
PS: To some people this is trash and l agree with such people. To some it is life-saving and l still agree with them, to some. it is "wetin concern me" and those are the people l love most. Dont get worked up over this. Bravo. One of the few posts I've shared on NL. Thoroughly covered everything. I was going to type another epistle of this nature, but your post is sufficient. Imagine in Oklahoma, a man has only 6 months from date of birth to test paternity of a kid. An hour after that 6 months elapse, you're responsible for that kid regardless of what the test says. So you'd still pay child support even if the kid is not yours. As for things changing for Nigerian men? If I hear. Has it changed for men in the Middle East, in Eastern Europe, or in the Asian behemoths (China, India, et cetera)? The population of NA+EU is less than 1 billion. The world's population is 8 billion. This Western standard is not as and will never be as prevalent, especially with the identity politics been played now. That's why China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Hungary, India, et all are all advancing and becoming wealthy countries, but never abandoning their patriarchy. It's not by mistake. It's why Jordan has the highest female literacy rate in the ME at 92%, but men still decide how their wives and children participate in society. It also explains why Muslim parents protested a school teaching their children about LGBT topics in the UK and the media couldn't say sh*t, but if Christian parents had done same, they'd be called bigots and homophobes. If you give women a meter, they'd take a mile; and lots of cultures have understood this around the world and as such are gleefully accepting and celebrating their patriarchy. Bottom line: When in Rome, do as the Romans do. And if you're a woman, the Western world is the best place to be. But don't be surprised no one else wants that BS in their backyard. Also for the men, if you're in the western world, accept it for what it is and do your best to make your country livable, so you can make your own rules while living in comfort. -Lord 14 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by brenister10: 8:11am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Excuzeme:
You are very true, what you wrote. I am even worried that some people are trying to cover-up or divert attention from the truth, the reality.
A few things come to mind:
1.) the world has changed, marriage is no longer what it used to be. Everyone has their own "idea" of what their marriage should look like. It wont work out if you marry someone who deos not share that your "view" of marriage.
2.) Western colonization has gradually eroded the "African tradition/culture" and this has affected our marriages. What and how my mother views marriage is not how my wife views it. How my father sees marriage, l am afraid, l tried to see it like that but it is just not working!
3.) Environment affects marriage like nothing else, it is the most important factor! I have seen very nice, lovely and motherly wives who were the envy of everyone that knows them in Nigeria, for more than ten years (not a single quarrel with the husband, nice kids, e.t.c) but that marriage crashed completely within five years of relocating abroad. I have seen too many of these to conclude it is not just mere coincidence. Why is it that most "feminist" dont have a husband or are divorced women? Is it because they dont take shyte from their husbands? What went wrong?
4.) If you marry in Nigeria, l am sure both the husband and wife have expectations of each other (Things l will do, things you must not do, things l can take, boundaries that must not be crossed, how in-laws are treated, how family members are treated, e.t.c). These are the basis of any marital union. Nigerian, legal, customary and traditional LAWS also support these expectations (e,g, you cant drive your husband's mother out of your "marital home" because she has become a part of the family). All these flies out of the window, once you relocate abroad with your wife! The "LAWS" in the western world has made Husbands completely impotent and to be honest, there is nothing "Husbands in the Western world" fear more, than their Wife! How can anyone say that is "marriage"?
Marriage should be all about happiness, bliss, love, caring, sharing, dedication, trust, mutual respect, mutual reliance and most importantly, COMMITMENT. There is no room for FEAR, in a real marriage! If you live in-fear of your spouse (husband or wife), then you are not married but dying slowly or planning to kill him/her in the nearest future.
5.) If you come from Abroad to marry a wife in Nigeria, chances, to as high as 90% you will realize it is the greatest mistake you ever made in your life. Dont blame it on Nigerian ladies, blame it on Poverty, blame it on desperation and finally, blame it on the "change in environment and culture". How do you expect a woman who was brought up in a "culture and environment" where she is raised to agree that she must cook for her husband, not order him around, not slap him if he misbehaves, respect his mother and allow them free access to their son and CANNOT, under any circumstance (even if they quarrel, which all couples do!) throw him out of his house..... now suddenly finds herself EXPORTED to a "culture and environment" that legalize and promote male-abuse, that says you can call 911 and without any question asked, the Police will order him out of his house WITHOUT ANY PROOF OR BENEFIT OF DOUBT, where his Mother cannot knock on her son's door at 9pm and you the wife is the one who can decide whether she stays that night or go sleep at the local police station as a "wanderer"?
How do you expect her to cope when you suddenly export her to an environment and culture which says it is okay for her to slap you at the slightest provocation but you must just walk away otherwise you will suffer double jeopardy because you will land in jail so fast, you wont know what hit you? How do you expect her to cope when she is told by Social Workers that she can own the house, the children of the marriage and everything you have, all she needs to do is just shout "domestic violence", even if it is trumped-up?
How do you expect her to remain "sane and behave like your wife" when you export her to an environment and culture which says if you both agree to have $ex as husband and wife, (which is legal and godly), she can change her mind during the intercourse and if you dont stand up immediately, she can charge you for rape (Yes, your own wife o!) and you spend the rest of your life in jail?
I can continue to list the MADNESS that marriage in the "Western world" has become, till tomorrow, All l am saying is that, you guys should stop fooling yourselves thinking you can import a Naija lady abroad and she would still be the same "nice wife" you know in Nigeria or the nice lady she pretends to be while, in Nigeria. She would change and it is not her fault. she just cant help it (I am not justifying it or saying it is right)...but you must not expect otherwise because if you do, it is the disappointment when she changes, that will kill you first before her actions does. (Nigerian ladies, dont be annoyed, l am just trying to prepare the mind of you potential husbands for what would happen, so they dont start forming ignorance).
6.) The Devil you know, is better than the Angel you dont know! That is a big, fat lie. The Women abroad, especially the Akatas (Black women born and raised in the Western world, Europe, Americas) .... if you live abroad, you probably know them very well. (Less than 10% of them are "wife material). They grew up in a culture that treats men as scum, slaves and a tool for their pleasure. they are not really into marriage, as we see it over here in Nigeria or as we experienced it between our own parents.
They just wanna be proposed to with an expensive ring, do a lavish wedding and still f*ck around like they are still single. If they have a child for you, you can never be sure who is the father so a DNA test is as cheap and accessible as a malaria test over there. "Bastard Child" as we know it in Nigeria, does not bring "shame" to any woman over there because probably eight out of ten persons you come across was raised by a` man who is not their father but was told by their mother, that he is their father, till they found out. They just move on. Infact, it has become so "normalized| that men are beginning to think it is a "sign of good character" to not complain when your wife brings another man's pregnancy/child into the marriage, you just raise the kid like your own once she says 'I am sorry".
So, even if you marry an Akata in your neighborhood over there in the Western world, it is still as risky and dangerous as importing a wife from Nigeria.
And that brings us to the real issue: marriage is no longer what we know it to be. Drop all those expectations, if you dont want to be disappointed, you will be, if you still look at it from the lens of "how it used to or was supposed to be".
Let me stop here. My advice: Dont marry for children, there in no guarantee they wont be taken off-you by your wife, at one point in the future. There are so many men out there who cant see, relate or even be allowed to say 'hello' to their kids, by their wife or the state. Surrogacy can give you a child of your own, without a mother and the headache of marriage! Ask Linda Ikeji if still in doubt.
Dont marry for $ex, you can get it without marriage and all its wahala. The $ex doll is a low-maintenance item that wont throw you out of your house or call Police on you or cheat on you and you can remove the battery anytime you want. She is beautiful and very life-like!
Dont marry for love, it is not what keeps a marriage or brings happiness, (Trust, Commitment, Dedication, mutual respect is what does)
Dont marry because you think your wife is submissive or will obey you, she wont once she thinks she can get-away with not doing so (Abroad standard). Women of today are being told they are not women, but Men and should act like men,
Dont marry because of beauty, that one fades faster than those fake jeans they sell at Aba.
Dont marry because you think it will bring you happiness......most married men (especially in the WEST) are living in pain, fear and bondage. How can such people even pretend to be happy (Nigerian husbands living in Nigeria should than their stars but l can assure them that it wont last for long, the evil is gradually creeping-in.
If you must marry, sign a Pre-nup (or a Post-nup if already married). have no "good expectations" from the marriage, you wont get any, anyway. It breaks when it breaks, dont hinge your happiness on it. Marriage as of today, is all about the woman and what she selfishly wants. The man that marries should know how much danger he is subjecting himself to. That does not stop you from marrying afterall, we know electricity kills but we still wire our houses and use it. Those are the brutal truth that will come to pass, sooner or later, even if you dont believe it now.
PS: To some people this is trash and l agree with such people. To some it is life-saving and l still agree with them, to some. it is "wetin concern me" and those are the people l love most. Dont get worked up over this. This is the best comment I have read on this tread |