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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? (67762 Views)
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Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Toks2008(m): 11:47am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Amberon11: And how does the word "hypocrite" correlate with my view? Se ko re e? |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 11:51am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Ugosample:exactly, putting women generally on a pedestal is dangerous. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Mrbigman1(m): 11:53am On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa: Not all bro, dia re exceptions. Usually ppl those things affects are ppl who don’t tell the truth to the woman Dey wanna marry and the woman herself comes with too many expectations. Secondly who the woman is listening to and lastly her mindset before crossing. Over here when ladies cross for education purposes dey will not even answer your hello in the name of seeking white men till konji and age sets in Dey will be begging men for prick and marriage as if it’s 10 naira |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by DanDeeBoss(m): 11:54am On Mar 12, 2019 |
Divay22:Oh.... Actually I am leaving for Niger Republic tomorrow, what do you think?? |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Divay22(f): 11:56am On Mar 12, 2019 |
DanDeeBoss:Lol Go well bro |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by cococandy(f): 12:05pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
Not Cali Yea I like it too LUCAS99: |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Ishilove: 12:05pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
brenister10:You see the bolded? What you wrote is in the context of marital relationships. What your brothers want is the woman performing wifely duties in non-marital relationships. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 12:09pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
cococandy:naturally any diasporan man who comes to naija to take a homebased wife with him back to abroad will naturally see to her needs if he enrolls her in college over there. Those diasporan guys wey no too whole and wey no go fit afford to carry a homebased wife back with them wetin dem dem do be say wen dem come back home to marry a homebased wife they insist she remains in nigeria while they may be sending her montly allawee( though sometimes such men insist their homebase wife remain in nigeria cos they might be married with kids overseas). Many of such ladies full benin and some even get lovers on code sef. The man can only visit on christmas and new year or maybe easter as well. The ones who pick their homebased wives with them back abroad always see to the wellbeing of such wives. Why do u think most diasporan men who wen they carry their wives back with them always insist they enroll for a medical programme when they are overseas with them. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Opeoluwasamuel: 12:17pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
NwanyiAwkaetiti: cheating isn't always stemmed from a bad perspective, sometimes sexual dissatisfaction is a major factor, sexual satisfaction in relationships is premised on the knowledge that you open yourself to and the principles you engage. Different ladies had different stories to tell, here's a classic story of one: follow the link to read more. https://goodproducts.com.ng/on-orgasm
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Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 12:17pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
NwanyiAwkaetiti:the worst. And when she become used to the society you rather can't control her. 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Kenfil(f): 12:17pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa: Would you still expect that wife to work and share bills with you? Then stop complaining bout chores cos almost all ur African brothers in d western world understand that this is how life works here. Goodluck with ur search for a wife |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by LordAdam16: 12:20pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
Ugosample: First off, I'm not sure how you read this sentence of mine: That's why China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Hungary, India, et al are all advancing and becoming wealthy countries, but never abandoning their patriarchy. And somehow you interpreted it as "countries advancing because of 'patriarchy'." Nation building requires a lot of moving pieces that have to interact in the right way for there to be advancements. I simply said they're advancing and becoming wealthy, but not abandoning their patriarchy. They have the choice to but they aren't. That's why Russia jailed a feminist blogger for inciting hate against men. Egypt jailed a feminist for making an uncorroborated sexual assault claim against a taxi driver. These are countries advancing but sticking with their patriarchy. Women can vote, they can drive cars, they can even assume political office, but they have lines women can't cross. And every day I find it harder to fault their choice. For example, I'm pro-choice. Women have a right to decide if they want to keep a baby or not. But I have a term limit--first trimester. However, there are pro-choice absolutists in the US pushing for women to have the right to abort newborns during birth or after birth. They're calling it after-birth abortion, when by any reasonable definition of it, it really is infanticide. And this is not just alt-right propaganda. The governor of Virginia supported it after a female state legislator pushed the bill. That's what happens when you give women a meter. And the funny part is that I'm antimoralist, can understand the logic behind their extreme calls, but even I know it's a cuckoo call. That's what my point is about, not your misinterpretation of making it seem patriarchy is responsible for economic growth. ________ And even if I were to debate that sentiment, it certainly would be a lot clearer. Because even in most Asian matriarchal societies, men don't do domestic chores. The matriarch organizes women in her family for child rearing, house cleaning, and other traditional feminine roles in patriarchal societies. Even among Bonobos, matriarchs and high-ranking females give their sons male privilege and in-fighting is just as prevalent as any ape society. Then among Chimpanzees, recent research has uncovered the nuance of the patriarchy and how alpha males aren't just outsized brute males who lord over submissive, voiceless females; but leaders who have to serve their troops, form changing alliances, provoke admiration, and continually convince the female clan that they have what it takes to lead. This entire idea that patriarchy is a cancer that should be excised goes against the spirit of hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. All of our sissified, docile cousins (from other human species in the homo genus to the ardipithecus) are extinct. Men told the womenfolk to stay back and raise kids while they hunted animals many times their size like the mammoth and after that regularly go on multi-year war campaigns, because women on average are terrible hunters and fighters. I don't know how many feminists, like our residents cococandy and co, would relish the opportunity of going after a sabre-tooth tiger attacking the community with only stone tools. Whereas able men of fighting age would be rallied, much like the compulsory draft for males in the US, to go after a beast whose biting force can crack skulls like a popsicle. Women did not enter the workplace in the US until there was a world war. With men giving their lives in the trenches, women had to join the war effort by taking jobs in industries. And this could only work out because the first and second industrial revolutions had eliminated a lot of manual work in favor of machines. Who designed and developed these machines? The patriarchy. Why? Because of the Patriarchy and for the Patriarchy? Today, we've advanced so much and are now in the knowledge economy, heavily reducing the need for manual labor, and as such women can participate. And what thanks did the patriarchy get for that? Vilification. Even then, fewer women choose to do the most necessary and the most dangerous jobs required for the advancement of human civilization. Instead of going into STEM, they rather want to go into gender studies. Rather than take construction, truck driving jobs, with high work-related mortality they instead want to take administrative jobs. Today, men account for 90+% of all workplace fatalities. And the same men who have to go several miles underground to dig coal or work in oil rigs to source for the fuel that'd power the devices that make their lives easier somehow are the embodiments of toxic masculinity who they waste no time denigrating with the same inventions made by men and the patriarchy. So while patriarchy is not solely responsible for the advancement of human society, it sure explains a lot. And by a lot, I mean over 300,000 years. -Lord 11 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by khiaa(f): 12:25pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
Ugosample: What the heck is a "deep seatee problem,"? Do you mean a deep seeded problem ?; |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 12:27pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
wetdick:I'd like to jump in on this. Western women are also not marrying western men. It is not as if the decision is solely for the man to make. Some of us only want to get married once in our lifetime, hence it is imperative to have a hand in that choice. We are not chattles. More women are choosing to remain single because we want to wait for our person/take our time to find him. I have been single for most of my life and will continue to be until I find my person. If someone asks me to marry him and I feel he is not genuine, we are incompatible, he has questionable character, doesn't treat me well, I will thank him but decline. 3 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Boss13: 12:41pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
HeliosHay: I think it has to do with the religion specifying women roles. I love equality but the feminist wave is now becoming hostile. More women are now ingesting testosterone either through movies, books or commercials. Someone was arguing against my suggestion. It’s my opinion and I have seen the Muslim abroad holding on to their traditional lives and conflicts in marriages are easily resolved. Also, you know your children would have some traditional values and not get carried away with the next new thing. America is a toxic environment - anything goes as long as there is money to be made from it. 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by dammypat(f): 12:41pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
Pls I just beg you guys bad mouthing Nigeria women,pls stop defaming us! Having a good marriage doesn't have to do with race, your skin color or the language you speak, if you are abroad,came home to get a wife and it got bad and that made you create a bad identity for Nigeria women and discourage others thinking about doing such with deserving partners,permit me to say you are committing a grave sin against humanity and also accept my sincere sympathy if you fell into wrong hands,bad men and women are everywhere,Nigeria,America,Europe,Asia,middle east e.t.c,im sure your sisters and aunts are Nigerians,are they bad too Not every Nigeria women see you guys abroad as an escape route out of poverty,some of us are God fearing,hard working, disciplined and love genuinely,good marriage is more than big ass,big boobs,fine,skin colour,level of education or exposure or even fat pocket,i know people who married home based and are enjoying it,i also know another who got the other side of it, not leaving out those who married abroad based/other race and are enjoying it and those who also got screwed, Life happens! get a partner who loves you genuinely and understand what marriage is irrespective of his/her race. I am Nigeria woman and I'm virtuous!!! 5 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 12:41pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
Blyzz:So what gives? Which would u rather he choose? He should just marry someone who makes him happy... Simple. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 12:53pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
NwanyiAwkaetiti:yes, happiness is the right word. When a man is happy, he does things with his freewill. But in my case, when my account balance okay, I do things freely and happily. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Boss13: 12:57pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
Naija4lifeYank: So sorry about your experience. I also understand your fear. Many Nigerian women still do not understand US laws. Some think they moment they marry you everything is theirs. However, they forget that prior to the marriage whatever the man has is his. During the marriage, whatever assets and liabilities incurred would be shared 50:50 if there is no prenuptial agreement and if there is, according to the sharing ratio agreed by both partners. All these the house belong to the wife is a lie but because of the kids welfare and the woman being assumed as the primary life giver. If the man decides to sell the house he brought prior to the marriage, the woman gets kicked out. 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 12:58pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
Blyzz:So when your account is low, u become unhappy and moody? 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 1:01pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
sharpwriter:na lie.. No be beauty dey make woman dey act arrogant or go say she refuse to cook or do any stuff. Na her mindset. Na d way her mom take raise her for house. I have seen ugly girls dat act as if dey are the world's most precious gift to a man and very beautiful ladies who are down to act. In short from my experience its the beautiful ladies who are more down to earth than than the ugly and plain ones. Say one mgbeke paint paint face and wear one mammy water wig and start to dey shake yansh in front of mirror does not make her beautiful 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 1:02pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
NwanyiAwkaetiti:not really moody, I rather not see true love, although I'm not yet married. And I can't focus in doing the right things at home. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Ugosample(m): 1:05pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
LordAdam16: Countries developing or not have ZERO links to patriarchy Like I said, there are patriarchal rich and poor countries developed and underdeveloped etc It's so many things rolled in one. And women played A BIG ROLE too in civilizations that are stable and surviving And here is the catch Women are just as capable of destroying civilisations And funny enough, the world is STILL patriarchal even westen Europe All the rebellion and feminism and all these is because largely, we as men failed to manage things if there was no basis, all these movements would have died and had no base But it's because men of the past were highly misogynist and dealt badly with women, that these movements happen. In societies that are less misogynist feminism lacks appeal there in societies that women role are not belittled or commonised the way you see it here, feminism lacks appeal too. I did volunteer work in a far flung village somewhere in Africa, feminism can NEVER sell there because they don't need it. the womentake pride in their role as nurturers and custodian of family while the men do their bit (tho polygamy is the small minus they have) why will they want to leave that role, and be dragging men's role with them 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Boss13: 1:06pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
needful: Madam you must be in pains. Did you lose your marriage. Many of these issues could have been resolved by mere dialogue. I live in Canada too with my family. It’s a cultural shock for me barely doing any domestic chores during my lifetime due to having maids at my leisure and disposal. My wife works and still handles her role. She complains too and I understand when she is in that mood. I can’t cook else I would have supported her. We have agreed on how domestic chores would be handled. I do the cleaning. She does the cooking. She still complains - Women do love to complain. Anyways it’s more of having a sincere discussion than cussing out. Nobody would listen to each other. In marriage you work as partners. You compromise and ignore certain things. It’s for your own happiness. What does a woman gain challenging a man - to me it’s childish. Learn to communicate even when you are angry. Based on some of the comments I have read here, I can point out bad wives, potential bad wives and good wives as well. 6 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 1:08pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
sharpwriter:lol my brother certain things over that side makes us to lose our humanity and brings out the animality in us. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by cococandy(f): 1:08pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
lefulefu: Why? Because the women make a lot of money in the medical field and it benefits the men immensely. Since most families in the USA have joint ownership of assets, the money the women make also go the men. So these men aren’t saints who are saving desperate naija girls from poverty. They are also pragmatic calculating people who are seeking to improve their status in life by the women they marry. You can tell the naive ignorant people otherwise but those who know know 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Boss13: 1:13pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
TaminaliaCatapa: Please ignore that black America. They are the scum of black people. Always good at giving the black race a bad name. Quick to claim victims instead of getting things done. Don’t give yourself a headache because of their irritating lifestyle. You wonder what’s she is doing on a Nigerian forum if she dislikes Nigerians so much. 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by tunjilana: 1:13pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
lefulefu:One once tols me she cant cook, clean or do any domestic work, that any man who marries her must get a maid...when I asked if she was willing to hustle like the man and share bills with him...she said lailai...A man must take care of his woman and bla bla bla...This crave for equality without acceptance of tge reaponsibility that comes with it, is the reason most ladies are single and lot of unions are collapsing... 3 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by omoharry(f): 1:14pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
lefulefu:There is something wrong somewhere with that.It not normal. |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Ugosample(m): 1:14pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
Boss13: some of the Muslims confirm BY CHOICE But a culture that promotes honour killings and the subjugation and commoditization of women is not a culture worth praising or emulating I respect cultures that ALLOW women to be feminine and "traditional" by choice, not coercion At a family friends town in Canada, a Pakistani man (muzzie btw) killed his two daughters for coming over and partying and living the life that youths their age were living So I will NEVER support or give kudos to such But just likr we have in parts of northern NIGERIA some of them are well educated have good careers and still are "traditional" e.g. Moghalu VP candidate That's more like it. 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Boss13: 1:18pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
Meliaen: You are going to have problems in your marriage if you think this way |
Re: Nigerian Men Abroad, How Did You Choose Your Significant Half? by Nobody: 1:18pm On Mar 12, 2019 |
HeliosHay:kidding ke? i dey tell u wetin i dey see wit my two naked eyes. My neighbours for upstairs. Dem be young couples and na d lady dey in charge of the marriage. This is a homebred bini lady. This is why i always laugh when i see on social media diasporan guys always talking about home based ladies being so submissive cos they will prepare egusi soup in the kitchen and pound yam for u and kneel down and offer u d food. Na were dat one wan happen?. Home based ladies are also becoming wise as well. |
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