Parrot69:
Afraid of the lash out that why you said “some nice Nigerian men”
By the way, how many have you met?

If I was afraid I wouldn't have written what I wrote. I wrote some because it's only logical that there are some good included with the bad.

Angela777:

he traveled back with the baby girl, her mother wanted her back, I never had a legal custody on the baby and I believe the mother has all rights on her daughter but now I even doubt if she is the mother. He brought the baby on fake documents and he never wanted to get social security and the green card for the baby, I was asking him why? No social security, she doesn't exists in America, he said he will take her back to Nigeria, I didn't know until he left, she was not his or anything, so I assumed as a father he has all rights to decide, he even was taking showers with her him all naked which was weird but he shout at me saying he is her father and it's the way they do in Africa, I didn't argue but asked him at least to wear boxers when he is in shower bathing her. It was many weird things, it's hard for me to talk about it. Just now thinking and looking back I really see he and his woman had bad intentions, something it didn't work for them

what an irresponsible man

Angela777:

No, I am not a Nigerian, I am white American, I had a Nigerian fiance whom I brought to USA, bad experience

so sad to hear this.some men don't no the value of what they have. pls can w chat private

gentlesmithugo:
so sad to hear this.some men don't no the value of what they have. pls can w chat private

we can send me a message in my Facebook but tell me your nick name here in NL, so I know it's you. I don't chat with many.

Angela777:

we can send me a message in my Facebook but tell me your nick name here in NL, so I know it's you. I don't chat with many.
https://www.facebook.com/tashaalexandertasha

my nickname is gentlesmith

gentlesmithugo:
my nickname is gentlesmith

while my Facebook name is sabestine ugochukwu.

gentlesmithugo:
my nickname is gentlesmith

yes, I mean when you send me the message in Facebook, tell me your nick. I don't answer to people I don't know, I will answer to you

cococandy:
You’re looking for who to subdue and dominate

E go red for you.

You don’t want chores as a duty but I’m sure you will want her financial contribution as a duty. You never start. Life go hard you so.

Don't mind him.

Angela777:

Thank you, I am not strong at all, I was crying lots, still do, it's hard to understand so much bad. And yes, God is always with me and I guess God was watching me from above and saved me from more troubles. Now I am pretty much ok, thank you.

And interesting thing, I didn't learn to hate Nigeria and Nigerian people because of a bad experience, I like Nigeria, I like Africa and I understand now Africa better

The Lord is your strength.. He won't forget your labour of love.

Angela777:

yes, I mean when you send me the message in Facebook, tell me your nick. I don't answer to people I don't know, I will answer to you

Hello, to save yourself from more heartbreak, I'll suggest you not to chat anyone privately on this forum or facebook.

rs172:

Hello, to save yourself from more heartbreak, I'll suggest you not to chat anyone privately on this forum or facebook.

Thank you, I understand you

Angela777:

Lol, now you can call me loser. My Nigerian ex put me in debts and almost ruined my life, almost got my house, so loving and nice Nigerian man, I never met such a nice man before yet so many lies and cheats which I didn't know about. I brought him to my house for us to marry, he told me he is a single father of a baby girl, the mother of the girl abandoned him, he is poor, so I was supporting him and paid his visa, tickets, green card application, clothes, things for both of them coming to America. He had other plans, applying for our marriage license and marrying me, his brother was assisting one of his women giving a birth to his child and I was told, I was the only one, we dated 2 years, I wasn't even accepting him for long, he was so loving and convincing. Afterwards, when it was all over, his family and women showed up, 3 women he has with 1 child with each he never told me about them. I was asking, to apply for US visa, all your children if you have more, are welcome to be in the application, they will get American passports one day. No, he said he has only 1 girl his daughter.

He brought the girl on my visa and support as his daughter but when he left, he left in my house the DNA result saying this girl is not his, his family and the mother of the girl confirmed the girl he brought to my house is not his. He faked documents, it's called human trafficking, big crime in America.I wasn't aware but he came marrying me and at the same time paid the mother's of the child a tourist visa, twice to come here, she was denied twice, the US embassy saw her visa was paid from my credit card and my account. He also was planning 2 traditional wedding in his village to 2 Nigerian women, as soon he had the US travel permit, he was going to Nigeria to do the traditional weddings being married in America

All his scam was over once his woman was denied her tourist visa, she started to call, claim her daughter back, accusing him kidnapping her daughter and saying she goes to the police and US embassy and tells on him. He realized in America human trafficking is jail for him for years, he run back to Africa so fast, in 1 day. I was saved by the bell, he was so nice and I was processing to put his name on the title of my house, fortunately my bank process was slow.

Apart of all that, being married to me, he was inviting women over, asking for sex, kicking me out of my car, not willing to get a regular job, just part time night small jobs, scamming from my internet and phone line other ladies and shopping, shopping on my credit. As you know, it costs lots to bring a foreign fiance and also it costs lots to get a divorce (short marriage, I got the annulment, it cost more but I don't want to call it marriage, it was a scam). He stayed 4 months in my house and left 2 years ago, I am still paying my debts on what I spent on him and the baby girl apart of being a free babysitter for 4 months.

So nice and credible single father I met not minding he is poor black Nigerian. Another one? I know there are good Nigerian or foreign men in the world, but no, thank you. So dear Naija4lifeYank, we both are in the same boat, doesn't matter the race, country, man or woman, it happens to anybody

Please stop the bullshyting, we know the man is not here to confirm or deny these accusations but from the look of it, it dont add up.
Too much garnishing, IMO.

Excuzeme:

Please stop the bullshyting, we know the man is not here to confirm or deny these accusations but from the look of it, it dont add up.
Too much garnishing, IMO.

Thanks for reading

This topic has been most enlightening, especially with inputs from Lord (I like his historical perspective to the ,am/woman struggle for supremacy). Are we still on the topic of marriage?

I also drew a lot of knowledge from opposing vies but in all, l think I dont think "men generally", are just crying foul and l dont think anything is wrong with out traditions and customs. i also know that not all women are bad, there are also bad men who turn out to be bad husbands.

Marriage did not start TODAY, we humans of the 21st century are not the first to be married nor did we institute marriage.
In essence, there was "something" called marriage, that our forefathers and fore-mothers consummated and nurtured, that produced us down the line.
This mean they have "an idea" of what it should look like and what it looked like!
These "ideas of what it should look like" was passed down to us, over generations.
But right now, what we have as marriage, "does not look like what it used to look like".

Whether it is a good thing or a bad thing, it depends on where you are looking at it from, because your 69 is a 96 to another person looking at it from the opposite direction!

Being that as it may, as a closing arguement, l think we would all agree that we all go into marriage, WITH EXPECTATIONS!
Some expectations are legitimate, some are unreal, some are even undeserved!

A man should help his wife not because she demands it or some law threatens him if he doesn't, but because it is the right thing to do.
Ditto a woman, should assist the husband, be loyal and be committed in the relationship because if truly you wanted to be married as "in the real meaning of marriage", YOU ARE HELPERS TO EACH OTHER.

"Helpers" dont COMPETE.
Helpers dont CONFRONT
Helpers dont THREATEN each other.
Helpers dont PLAN EVIL against each other!
Helpers LOOKOUT for each other
Helpers PUT THE OTHER FIRST
Helper is not about SELF...
Helper is about TRUSTING the other with your life.

Some Men are NOT "helpers" yet they want to marry?
Why cant you help your wife, if she is actually tired and you know it?
Do you forget that you have a duty of protection towards her?
Why is there a problem with bathing your own children (Am not talking about your wife commanding or demanding you do it, that one wont work) That should come naturally because you also have a duty of care towards your children?
Why are you not committed to providing for the financial needs of your wife, within reasonable limits?
That is why you married her, to HELP HER, right?

Some Women are not Helpers, yet they want to marry? WHY?
"Helping" and "Sharing" of responsibilities are not the same thing!
Why do you wanna "share" house chores with your husband, instead of allowing him to help you out?
Do you even realise that a person who willingly "helps" you, could do more (than half) than when you insist on sharing responsibilities?
Do you know that if you are humble (some call it stupid) and know how to manage your husband with respect, he could actually be your "slave" to the point that people would think he is either a "she-man" or you have jazzed him?
Husbands just want to be respected and treated with dignity!


I dont like taking discussions personal but is it not strange that a man looked at my own wife who is humble, respectful and does not "share" chores with me (I do whatever l like, when l like to do it (but l am sure not the lazy type of man and no house work is beyond me)....because l want to do it out of my own volition), does not argue with me and will differ to my position on mo[b][/b]st things, after she is convinced l have superior idea....and the man said, "when next l come to this world, l want to be a woman"!
My wife gaze him a 'witch-eye' look and said "it is not enough if you come back as a woman, you will need to come back as A WOMAN LIKE ME!
Later, l saw him and asked him why "a man would want to be a woman, in this so-called man's world? He replied: Dont you see how you take care of her and treat her like an egg? I smiled and it all came back to me. She deserves every bit of it and even more!
WHY? because "she is my HELPER and treats me like HER LORD". it is that simple.

We take care of each other, We dont compete, we dont argue, we dont confront or threaten each other and we both feel safe in the "union".
She is only happy when l am happy and l wont feel contented until l am sure she is satisfied, even in bed! We dont divide work but we just get work done. She wont give me "an order" because she knows that is not something l do very well, l am just too rebellious by nature but she has a way of putting things in my mind (Diplomacy) that l just want to do it.

She works and l work but she will still cook after work (but if l sense she is too tired, l can volunteer to do dinner or just ask her to let us take something light (snacks in the fridge) and call it a day.
Back in the day when our kids were still very young, whoever comes home first, makes food for the children and my kids like my own food more than hers but it is just a pleasure to make food for them, whenever the opportunity comes.
I dont bath our kids for school because l wake-up late but l pick them up on my way back from work, if l close before her, whats the big deal?
I can cook, she can cook. I am Mr. Fix It in the house.Spoil it and l will fix it, in the kitchen, compound, electricals, furniture, anything DIY in the house, vehicles, e.t.c. but she has never for once ORDERED me to do something...l just wont do that thing.

But she does not have to, even when l dont see it and she tries to do it, l take it from her and do it for her. I am the husband, lord of the house with the greatest responsibility in the house.
We have joint accounts and also have individual accounts. I have the Pin Code to all Accounts while she has the Pin Code to her account and our joint account but she trusts that my individual account is not hidden from her (she knows where the Bank card is) and is never used for anything that will not glorify our family. A reasonable man will not betray such trust, would he?
We dont have much money (we are middle class sort of) but we dont argue over money, we just spend it as best as we know and whenever we need to spend it. She is not ostentatious and l am not the wasteful type either and dont have a side chick sef.

But she ensures that l am okay and not lacking anything that l cannot do for myself or dont want to do for myself - She throws our cloths into the machine without any one asking her to do it but when l sensed that my Agbada are too strenuous for her to iron, l either give it out or do that one myself. I iron her clothes with mine whenever l am ironing, which is often.

The point l am making is that "marriage is not a competition of mischief between a man and a woman or who can outsmart the other best".
It is all about Help, Help, Help the other person. It is not a war of the sexes as most people, especially women, are making it to appear, on thsi thread.

Women should remain women, wives should remain wives and behave as wives....supportive and helping their husbands, making coming home a pleasurable thing for him, making life easier for him, making him thank the day he decided to marry her. Just do your best and try to make things work out. Why is this so difficult?

Husbands also should be responsible, be an example to your children, command the respect of your wife (I said "command", NOT Demand or Coerce! "Command" means she willing gives you that "headship" of the house because she knows you deserve it and it is the right thing to do)... help the family, be supportive to your wife, love your wife and treat her as a "weaker vessel" (physically but not mentally), do whatever you can to increase her happiness and let her be proud of you.

All these women that are into competition with their husband, that claim right or share duties or threaten him or rubbish him or plot bad things against him, you dont really know what you are missing!
Marriage can be fun, it can be the best thing that ever happen to you, if only you will learn to BE A WIFE and not a competitor to your husband, if you surrender yourself to your husband...and if you have married fro the right reasons (wanting a life companion that would bring you happiness).
My wife thinks she is lucky, l tell her she is not but she deserves what she is getting. as you lay your bed, so you will lie on it, it may take some time to jell but if you are patient and consistent, it will jell for you.

I hope we all drop the "women are devils, men are evil" mentality and start thinking of how we can "help without threatening" the other person we chose to marry. I see too much of that in todays marriages
If you marry for the wrong reasons and enter into it with the WRONG ATTITUDE, it can be a very nasty and damaging experience for both parties

Angela777:

Whatever you say but it's all true and is much more bad things to that. Anyway, it's too much I told here because usually people try to accuse the victim and make me feel worse as it was me wrongdoing. It's ok. I know I am well and I know I am not even vindictive and even now I wish him well, I never accused him to the authorities, never threatened him as his Nigerian women did. One of his women even was pushing me to put him in jail saying he deserves the punishment. I am not God to punish anybody and I DO NOT BELIEVE AFTER LOVING HURTING THE MAN I LOVED. He decided to leave and to me no way back even if he asks now, it is over, he lives his life the way he likes. I wanted him to get his green card even after all cheating was and it was the way to do good for one Nigerian who maybe could live better and his kids too, it didn't work, so much pity it was all wasted.

If you like to judge people in their best intentions, go ahead, judge me, blame me, offend me as my ex did for nothing. I am used to this kind of Nigerian man behavior. Go ahead, tell me it was all my fault, I was not submissive enough not accepting him to touch me after I saw his cheating and God forgive me, I yelled at him, it's wrong to yell, he hit me badly physically and broke my door. In your culture probably he was right hitting me after I yelled at him it is over. But also I know I was right, very right not calling 911 on him even when he got abusing me physically. All I understood he is frustrated, maybe afraid, in a foreign country, there was a little girl with us and all I knew even if he hurts me so much, I WILL NOT HURT HIM BACK. it was the man I loved and he was in my country and in my house, I better be very careful trying NOT HURTING HIM.

Go ahead, dear, blame me for that too, tell me it was all my fault

I am not blaming you for anything because l dont really know both of you but l just look at the things you write, the way you construct your sentences when you are writing about your "Nigerian ex" and the way you construct your sentences when l put you on the defensive (and others have done the same thing too previously), they just dont seem like it is the same person.
Even the choice of words and syntax of your sentences are just not alike.
these are what sends red flags up my azz

PS: Hitting somebody, be it a woman or a man, is NOT a cultural thing, it is not a Nigerian culture (forget all the crap you have been told), it is an individual thing as different people have different level of control over their anger/emotions.
I dont think slapping their husbands is an American culture or would you think it is?

but hey, its non of my business so dont let us fall out over that.
Forgive my former post. You will find love again, with the right person. If something dont workout after you've tried your best, its probably not in your best interest so no need to even worry over it.
The frog sits still and its food comes to it, while the Lion, with all its power, still has to chase its food! (African Proverb)
What belongs to you will eventually come to you, if you keep the faith.

Thanks for reading

pansophist:
The kind of wife you are looking for will be hard to find in the US (and the west in general). South America, Eastern Europe, Africa and Asia are places you will find women who uphold traditional female qualities and won't expect domestic input from you. As a corollary, you will be required to fulfil traditional masculine duties, especially understanding that bringing home the bacon is solely your responsibility.


Furthermore, any country that has undergone mainstream feminism tends to withers traditional women of which you seek, as they are looked down upon as people suffering from internalized misogyny. Women in the west generally are into career building, placing it above family. I am not married (still in my 20's), albeit, my ex-employer, friends and many Dutch people I know (I live in the Netherlands) actually prefer women from the aforementioned countries, solely for the same reasons you espouse.

^^^^^^
^^^^^^
... OK...the buzz word here is feminism!

Sorry, I did disturb your Topic. Please, go ahead with the main theme, "Nigerian men abroad, how did you choose your significant half?"

rs172:





Hello, to save yourself from more heartbreak, I'll suggest you not to chat anyone privately on this forum or facebook.

Can you shut the sewer you call mouth up?

What is that supposed to mean? You are better than the rest here?

Licking her ass?

Selling your brothers cheap?

You are not a brother

Angela777:
Sorry, I did disturb your Topic. Please, go ahead with the main theme, "Nigerian men abroad, how did you choose your significant half?"

You didn’t derail the thread, we also learnt from your experience, thanks to everyone’s contribution...

Btw, reply to as many messages as possible on Facebook, Nigerian guys are good hardworking guys; no doubt we have the bad eggs, just watch out and twice be careful this time... cheers!

TaminaliaCatapa:


You didn’t derail the thread, we also learnt from your experience, thanks to everyone’s contribution...

Btw, reply to as many messages as possible on Facebook, Nigerian guys are good hardworking guys; no doubt we have the bad eggs, just watch out and twice be careful this time... cheers!

Thank you, I will follow your advice. I really prefer trust and like people than stay away and suspect everybody just for being Nigerian.
Thank you again

Angela777:

Thank you, I will follow your advice. I really prefer trust and like people than stay away and suspect everybody just for being Nigerian.
Thank you again

I don’t do whites, maybe later, but any one of my brothers u choose, promise to carry me and a few of us here along....promise?

TaminaliaCatapa:

I don’t do whites, maybe later, but any one of my brothers u choose, promise to carry me and a few of us here along....promise?

Never say never, I never thought I will be with a black man. Having friends is always good, I like Nigerians and I promise

Joromi12:
lol. If u want peace then u hv no business with wat he does with manhood

True.That is why I will not recruit a jamboree dick sharer to take over this job position.And don't tell me Everyman cheats cos it is all lies.

Boss13:


Hahahahaha little devil. If that’s my situation and my marriage is sweet. How e concern you little devil. Busy body. Come face front and face your devilish life. Go and make a man miserable with your disgusting attitude. People their mothers did not train properly want to come to public square to talk.

Tufiakwa!

You're a monster abeg. You lack home training is why you treat your naive wife like a doormat. Seriously I blame your mum for not using you in the kitchen when it mattered. Now it's too late for you, men like you end up killing their wives, for how can anyone, of all monikers around take pride in calling himself BOss. Oga you're a monster, just admit it and shame the devil. It's only a matter of time you unleash the venom inside of you on that pushover you call a wife. I know your type. Stupid, foolish entitled men who never had a fatherly figure around to show them the way.

May you see the light.

TaminaliaCatapa:


Can you shut the sewer you call mouth up?

What is that supposed to mean? You are better than the rest here?

Licking her ass?

Selling your brothers cheap?

You are not a brother

Hello, I'm not perfect, I'm humane i don't know how to hurt others to make myself happy.
Moreover it was a suggestion and not selling any brother out.

Any thoughts on Japanese women?

cococandy:
When he gets the Filipina to America and or he is lucky to get one that is already here who he won’t have to file visa for, he will know what’s up.

Just two purchases of Louis Vuitton and Chanel per month will make sure that any dream he has of having a bit of money is squashed.

They don’t joke with their material stuff.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

A typical Filipina will spend $3-5k per month on only luxury goods. He should make sure he can afford that.
And they are not like Nigerian women who hustle into medical fields to make money for their husbands and families back home.

I just laugh at the ignorance on this forum.

No. I don’t have Japanese lady friends

twosquare:
Any thoughts on Japanese women?

Pain

TaminaliaCatapa:


Can you shut the sewer you call mouth up?

What is that supposed to mean? You are better than the rest here?

Licking her ass?

Selling your brothers cheap?

You are not a brother

Ok

cococandy:
No. I don’t have Japanese lady friends

needful:
@Cococandy, I choosed to mention you because u vividly understood the concept. I live in Canada and the truth is 70% of naija men needs brain resetting. A man will immigrate to Canada with his family, pushed the wife to go and do RN against her wish, he still wants the RN with about 3children and 12hrs shift to come back and serve his hands and foot. Is this not insane?, i dont really understand the basis upon which marriage is constituted. marriage especially Nigeria men. What I see in most of this naija men are selfishness,. Alot of peaceful families are divorcing because the man wants the wife to work full time, pay half of the Bill's and still serve him and the children. The moment you men understand that women are humans created by God as God created you people, marital issues will disappear.
To all this ones shouting my property this and that, which property do u even own, is it the one u mortgaged to pay for 25 to 30yrs? Or another one. I trained my wife in school, with whose money. Can any of you even train somebody in school single handedly without Govt loan? Mtcheww, confused Hypocrites.
And for the this olosho poster looking for a woman to enslave, continue and am sure u will find one when u are 75yrs old. Nonsense

I know I am jumping

This post of yours is why I take the whites more seriously when it comes to marriage.

They know what they want and know how to work towards it.

They know that a wife can't work full time and do all that so they clamour for a wife to stay at home.

TaminaliaCatapa:


Can you shut the sewer you call mouth up?

What is that supposed to mean? You are better than the rest here?

Licking her ass?

Selling your brothers cheap?

You are not a brother

Word.....different people with different thinking.... shit happened to someone doesn't mean it will get to another person.....tis a complex world we live in...