| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by labodeolu(m): 9:31am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Just one question bro. Why didn't she take the baby? 3 Likes |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by pansophist(m): 9:31am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Malawian:
You have made another error and our women will just be laughing at our gullibility. Exactly what makes you think they don't think things through before going ahead with it? Believe me when i tell you this, They have thought of it all and informing you before hand was just to cover their bases. If you think she wasn't intended to go have something fishy out there, why would she fight you for expressing your misgivings? Your points are valid, albeit, I made that statement under the benefit of doubt. 2 Likes |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Nobody: 9:32am On Mar 18, 2019 |
uuzba:
But didn't the OP see all this behaviour during dating time?
This is why it is very important to spend time with your spouse when dating. Go to cinema. Do different activities together. You will surely see her phone WhatsApp and all nonsense she's pressing. Then you can decide whether to marry or abandon.
But una no dey hear. Dating = Sex for you.
Sex is a kind of covenant. Once you sex with someone, you have formed Covent with that person that will affect and messup your head no matter where you run to in this world. What you don't know about this kind of girls is that once they are after you they will spend there own money for you. Give you sex like say na food. Years back i have a girl store my name with future husband. Where she has other guys name stored as sweet heart and the rest. I only have sex with this girl once in a month with a lot of campaign and manifestos Little did I know that there is a guy who is a guy that bleep her on the go. I got to know that the guy store her name as sure pussy. I was told by her co tenant that once the guy come around to sleep in her hostel na hard hard Bleep after the guy done smoke igbo finish. Then jedi jedi won kill me as i like chocolate and cakes so much. My younger sister is a baker so i get enough pastries. Baba this sugry stuff no even dey allow my dick enter govt house before it deliver its promises. I notice the electorate (my girl friend) don t like it that way cos she will want me to demolish buildings and build new road like apc govt. But sugars will not let me and my woman has turn herself to freelance journalist. While we are planning our introduction. She never complain once about me cos she is addicted to them outside and it seems all her anti party activities are in born When I discovered all this I just suspend her like they did to Amosun and Okorocha I move on. 19 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by bimgo: 9:33am On Mar 18, 2019 |
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| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Ugosample(m): 9:34am On Mar 18, 2019 |
pansophist:
You tolerate too much. Since you had allowed her visit her ex at first, stopping her will be harder.
Exactly what I was thinking. What I have noticed about
women is that sometimes, they take actions without
understanding the scope of its consequences, focusing only
on their own frame, and not the whole picture. Like a
chicken happily eating the lined grain in front of her,
unrealising that it leads to a trap she most cases than not,
won't escape from. And if something bad happens, she and
society will blame you for allowing such practice from her,
as the mantle of leadership has been given to you, and you
didn't stand your ground during the waves.
In marriage, some things should be a complete knockout, a
no-go area that must not be tolerated, and keeping contact
with exes should be part of it. These are sacrifices parties
must make for the flourishment of their marriage, and if both
parties will not understand and accept this stone fact, then
they are not ripe for the matrimonial institution. Breakups
are usually on account of irreconcilable differences, making
two people go their separate ways, how come she is still in
peaceful contact with not only one, but more than one of her
exes, even to a point of disregarding your feelings, the
integrity and respect of your marriage, even after repeated
warnings? This doesn't seem right.
You should from now henceforth, sternly make it clear that
you will not tolerate any of such visits again, and make her
understand that there are consequences, which must be
enforced if she tries to test your backbone (which she will).
For the meantime, you may report her to people you know
she has respect for (e.g her parents, pastors, etc), making
them also understand the consequences you will take it she
repeats such next time. A complex problem requires
complex solutions.
Lastly, and most importantly, to be able to project your
mantle of leadership, you MUST make sure that your
traditional duties and responsibilities as are a man are met
(the 5 P's), especially to Preside (lead), protect, provide,
produce and penetrate (good sex). It is unnegotiable. If after
you've done all these, and see no changes, well, I leave to
you to take solutions you deem sufficient and accept that
you can't change people if they do want to. Goodluck.
this advice you gave is the BEST. |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by adebajosnr: 9:34am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Correct your mistakes before is too late.... |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by hotmomma(f): 9:34am On Mar 18, 2019 |
First of all, calm down, personally, all those calling and reporting aren't necessary at this stage.
She shouldn't be in communication with her exes and acting all rude to you.
Remember she told you of those exes herself and let you know of the happenings not that you found out yourself. She is probably still immature but hey how many women have fully matured mentally before marriage?
I would advise you two rekindle your level of communication. That is the thing I see is lacking here. She needs to know that a husband MUST be respected and if you cant, your days as a married woman is numbered. Have a real heart to heart loving talk and you both talk to each other. Also, try to trust her more. I guess she is the friendly but naive type that doesn't know that some exes aren't happy with the marital progress of their ex. Pls don't do tit for tat and separation is not the answer here.
Also be careful who you get advises from. You don't throw away the baby with the bath water. Cheers. 4 Likes |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by drlateef: 9:34am On Mar 18, 2019 |
ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .
She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.
Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.
The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.
She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....
This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.
please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take You are definitely not at fault. She is immature. This is why many men want a virgin or inexperienced wife. She came to you In the marriage with a lot of baggage in her hands. She is refusing to let go of her past. If I were you, I will tell her to either choose her former boyfriends or me. It's extremely dangerous for a married woman to be hobnobbing with her former boyfriends. One thing can lead to the other, and she starts cheating on you. It has happened very well and it's common. Without going over the top, I will suspect she still has her eyes on those boys. She is not settled with you. That's most likely the truth. 1 Like |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by DanDeeBoss(m): 9:35am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Oyindidi:
She may not be doing anything yet. The problem I see is a woman being childish. She MAY change FIXED 1 Like |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by egojeny1(f): 9:35am On Mar 18, 2019 |
From my understanding i think the wife is still very young and immature. 1 Like |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Olufemiolaolu(m): 9:36am On Mar 18, 2019 |
ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .
She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.
Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.
The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.
She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....
This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.
please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take I'm very sorry, you are married to a baby wife that is still fixated on her exes. If she values you she ought not to allow her obsession with exes to determine the direction ur union is heading. In due time she will be comparing your ability on bed with her exes. May God help you |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by GlorifiedTunde(m): 9:36am On Mar 18, 2019 |
egojeny1:
Abeg mk una teach me how to clone someone's phone Are you married? If not, you don't need it! If you're married, are you suspecting him? If not, you don't need it! If you're suspecting him, are you mature enough to handle the situation after exposing him? If not, don't try to spy! If you have all the above stated as "Yes" google for phone spy Apps and only buy and not download free versions. The instructions will be there. Caution: if you're not emotionally mature, you could destroy what could be repaired beyond repairs! 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Oyindidi(f): 9:37am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Quorax:
Ruddyman500, give her the silent treatment. Nothing gets to a woman than silence.
Also stop eat I'm not her food. Cook ur meals urself or eat outside.
Thank me later. If my oga stop to eat my food I go happy o  less stress for me. Why men dey feel like not eating our food na punishment 2 Likes |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by HardBishop(m): 9:38am On Mar 18, 2019 |
NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Lies. I don't even have any ex number. Onward March code. I fear Christian marriage.. too much suspicious.. I love hiw Muslim marry.. they marry much.. many . but if a wife Bleep up... na to change gear |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Noblefirstlady: 9:38am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Women tend to take advantage of good men. How could you have allowed a woman you married to keep contact with her exes, I mean you get mind people that must have slept with her. To think you even allowed her to visit is so annoying what type of a man are you. Believe me women don't respect a man like you. You can't even stand your ground. Report her to her parents straight she must change her number and tell her parent that any day you find out that she is still in contact with them you are returning her back to them.
She is shameless to have even allowed you guys fight over her exes that used and dumped her for you. Not even one.
I'm a married woman I wouldn't want my husband to mention even the name of his ex not to talk of visiting and even keeping malice on top of it.
That woman can do anything because most of the ladies I know, when you breakup with them you become their enemy. So I'm wondering how she could still keep contact with all her exes or maybe they were just friends with benefits.
Forgive her for this one until she makes the same mistake again 10 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Grupo(m): 9:39am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Celestial777:
What you don't know about this kind of girls is that once they are after you they will spend there own money for you. Give you sex like say na food.
Years back i have a girl store my name with future husband. Where she has other guys name stored as sweet heart and the rest. I only have sex with this girl once in a month with a lot of campaign and manifestos
Little did I know that there is a guy who is a guy that bleep her on the go. I got to know that the guy store her name as sure pussy. I was told by her co tenant that once the guy come around to sleep in her hostel na hard hard Bleep after the guy done smoke igbo finish.
Then jedi jedi won kill me as i like chocolate and cakes so much. My younger sister is a baker so i get enough pastries.
Baba this sugry stuff no even dey allow my dick enter govt house before it deliver its promises.
I notice the electorate (my girl friend) don t like it that way cos she will want me to demolish buildings and build new road like apc govt.
But sugars will not let me and my woman has turn herself to freelance journalist.
While we are planning our introduction.
She never complain once about me cos she is addicted to them outside and it seems all her anti party activities are in born
When I discovered all this I just suspend her like they did to Amosun and Okorocha
I move on. Who are you, sir? See how you creatively put together this post! Jeez 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by tosyne2much(m): 9:39am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Your tolerance is a bit too high and should know that the Nigerian woman will always want to ride such a man
You need to make necessary correction because it's just a matter of time before this woman starts bringing in her exes home right in your face 2 Likes |
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| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Nobody: 9:40am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Randy100:
Truth be said friend, you are insecure. Trust her for once in your life, if you caught her cheating on you then, you can kick her ass out of the marriage. Please tell, are you married or speaking from a single's view of marriage? |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by pansophist(m): 9:40am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Ugosample:
this advice you gave is the BEST.
Lol, I deleted it from the first page of the thread, didn't expect it to go to the front page. |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by marosmart(m): 9:42am On Mar 18, 2019 |
Marriage is not do or die
Am not asking you to breakup
You need to act like a man |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Oyindidi(f): 9:43am On Mar 18, 2019 |
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| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Bigii(m): 9:45am On Mar 18, 2019 |
ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .
She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.
Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.
The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.
She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....
This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.
please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take Brother, let me tell you the truth, except your wife's ex refuse to knack if not l see knacking very soon. from experience, though i am very single but almost all my ex that are married still want us to be knacking but I would never go down with someone's wife. I do turn them down. The sexiest stage in a woman's life is when she give birth to one, this stage everything; boobs, nyarsh, hips, all shoots out and body becomes extremely yummy ...all ex would still want to chop. Your wife is at that stage so be careful and dont be blinded by love when handle the issue. 3 Likes |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by pedrilo: 9:45am On Mar 18, 2019 |
some women get fish brain aswear.
Yesterday, I fccked someone's girlfriend so bad i started feeling sorry for the guy.
pressed her breast so hard i thought they'd burst.
guys dnt allow ur gf stray, some guys got game so tight mhen and ur babe may not realize wen she got fccked and dumped like a used sanitary pad.
i pity my yesterday victim.
trust no one guys. i say trust no one 3 Likes |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Randy100: 9:47am On Mar 18, 2019 |
STRENGTHesq:
Shut the f**k up
By their names we shall know them. Trust kor trust ni
Like you're one of her exes. See as you the champion her infidelity cause 
Be civil young man. It is not a must that we will agree on the same point. I expected you to come up with a point that will counter my point. |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Ugosample(m): 9:47am On Mar 18, 2019 |
pansophist:
Lol, I deleted it from the first page of the thread, didn't expect it to go to the front page. why you delete am na? Leave it there joor  |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Numbass: 9:48am On Mar 18, 2019 |
pansophist:
What I have noticed about women is that sometimes, they take actions without understanding the scope of its consequences, focusing only on their own frame, and not the whole picture. Like a chicken happily eating the lined grain in front of her, unrealising that it leads to a trap she most cases than not, won't escape from. And if something bad happens, she and society will blame you for allowing such practice from her, as the mantle of leadership has been given to you, and you didn't stand your ground during the waves.
In marriage, some things should be a complete knockout, a no-go area that must not be tolerated, and keeping contact with exes should be part of it. These are sacrifices parties must make for the flourishment of their marriage, and if both parties will not understand and accept this stone fact, then they are not ripe for the matrimonial institution. Breakups are usually on account of irreconcilable differences, making two people go their separate ways, how come she is still in peaceful contact with not only one, but more than one of her exes, even to a point of disregarding your feelings, the integrity and respect of your marriage, even after repeated warnings? This doesn't seem right.
You should from now henceforth, sternly make it clear that you will not tolerate any of such visits again, and make her understand that there are consequences, which must be enforced if she tries to test your backbone (which she will). For the meantime, you may report her to people you know she has respect for (e.g her parents, pastors, etc), making them also understand the consequences you will take it she repeats such next time.
I agree with you 101%. Keeping in touch with ex's after marriage is a no-no amd should only be tolerated to a very very minute extent by either party. If it becomes one too many, it provokes feelings of mistrust, jealousy and anxiety and weakens the foundation of trust on which every marriage is built upon. Your marriage is still very young for these issues to be coming up. There is a Yoruba adage that says 'what you won't accept as a rich man, its when you are poor you should reject it." While there may be nothing to it, you should make it clear to her in no uncertain terms that henceforth you won't tolerate such anylonger. If she respects you and values your marriage, i believe she would put an end to it. I wish you all the best. 1 Like |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Bigii(m): 9:48am On Mar 18, 2019 |
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| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Diligentnigga(m): 9:48am On Mar 18, 2019 |
15ssDRIVE:
Baba,Woman Na the only sword with multiple edges. As in Na Baba God Dey give person wife,no
Matter of I sabi choose.
At this stage,the 2 options is peace,peace,peace.
Just Dey watch like Mumu,senior people says. Suru lafi se Oko obirin.
She go begin fear,when she realize that no more,questioning or counter arguments.
When she says,I am going to Ibadan. Tell am safe trip,may God go with you.
If she want go kafancha.... Salam alaikum.
She want go New York,tell am make she greet Donald trump for you.
Try to engage yourself in some hobbies,that needs time and attention.
For me as Igbo smoker...... I just Dey watch you like Dele Giwa.Till the day way,Gods kingdom go come in our life. Nice reply..just patience and quietness,,she will get afraid soonest,,i do dat for my gfs too dat i knw she loves me well,,i dont have time to be dragging or baby sitting women 1 Like |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by jaxxy(m): 9:48am On Mar 18, 2019 |
ruddyman500:
i honestly think so bro but i dont want to rush into taking rash decisions cos i know myself very well i do stand by any decision i make and nobody can change my mind on it She seems to be a nice lady in a way “I think” bt then she had her past and sm experiences and they seems to be positive ones that’s why she keep a tab on theses guys perhaps. I think u shud shift abit from being me right husband and be her friend let her be comfortable talking to u about everything and u possibly knowing better how to relate with her on that level I believe she will then see reasons for ur actions which are clearly inorder bt just different perspectives. Not everybody banishes their ex’s just because they are married. What if a few of these ex’s are responsible adults who can be of help to her or even u. Life is quite simple bt smtmes we make it complex. There shud be restrictions off course to certain extents bt u have to make her see reasons at her level that’s why I say try shifting from giving orders to friends where she can now understand ur perspective. Heated arguments may seem like a quick fix bt not a genuine fix. On a lighter note, One of these days sit her down and let her tell u the stories of this her many ex’s I think u need to hear it (lol) and know how she really thinks and why she keeps relating with them at the expense of peace in her marriage. U might be able to correct her from that angle. Cheers. 4 Likes |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Randy100: 9:48am On Mar 18, 2019 |
beatcoins:
Please tell, are you married or speaking from a single's view of marriage? I am not married but I am not single. |
| Re: What Is It With My Wife And Her Past Boyfriends? by Mac2016(m): 9:50am On Mar 18, 2019 |
ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .
She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.
Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.
The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.
She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....
This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.
please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take Bro, against most opinion that she might have started cheating, She has NOT started cheating yet. she wont be cheating with nonspecific guy ie she cant be cheating with all of them thats almost impossible. Again, she wouldnt have divulged every movement to you or tell you its an Ex she can easily said its a friend or relative. I am of the opinion that you shd allow her the more...(In your mind: You will be like "YOU SAY WETIN"  . Yes, you heard me right, Allow her the more! I am very certain possibly during your dating period you appeared a gentleman that everything is cool with. That might have influenced her choice of you above others, so na now you wan change am?! The danger of restricting her is more staggering than allowing her. Ask me why? Soon she will stop confiding in you..she wont even tell you where shes up to and what shes up to in the real sense. To her, presently she believes shes being very truthful to you and "you shd rather praise me than restrict me" thats her thots. Its dangerous to do otherwise cos she might easily get one of her past guys to confide in and it showed clearly they are readily willing to take her back! Now, this is ur own joker! try to be descriptive and do numerous examples and if she likes movies let her see many that depict how trusting in urself might go wrong cos i believe thats her opinion of herself that she can handle every emotions perfectly without anything going wrong! Let her know the reason why the scripture says "..flee from all temptations!" and gently persuade her on how sad you are to even have her ex come on ur mind... if gentle persuasion doesnt work then start moving with ur past exes (dont single just one out o so it wont seems as rekindled love affairs). do just as shes doing and make everything open to her, up to ur need for you to leave home sunday morning (that ure supposed to go to church) to go cater for ur exes sincere need. but pls dont get carried away sha and have a witness in your wife's friend cos of any eventual claims ur wife may want to bring up. If all these dont work. Bros, find another wife! My little penny 1 Like |
