Bros, this one get as e be.
Even feminism doesn't approve of this one.
I don't believe in submission but MUTUAL RESPECT.
Your wife needs to respect the sanctity of your marriage like you've been respecting it. It's a no-brainer.

Put your feet down and demand some respect.

[quote author=Preshy561 post=76755019]Tolerating too much nonsense.
Ex kor. [/
EXTENSION ni......

Women and their exes sha
I wanted to sy you were too jealous but then I saw where you mention the integrity of the family. Nice one.

All you need to do is tell her how you feel about her having anything to do with her exes. Being with them or even talking to them could trigger past memories and before she knows it, it turns to something else. That's what people don't understand. We are all humans after all.

As I said in one of my past comments here, a man values a woman who respects him more than a woman who loves him. Bros, I read your story and I read most of the comments made so far. I was in the same situation when a girl I wanted to marry always took the sides of her exes when I explicitly told her they are in her past and she must decide what she wanted; me or them: she struggled to answer. The relationship has ended (thankfully) and I am grateful I did not marry her. My life is important to me if it isnt to her.

My give away to you is "be a man". Lay down your rules in this matter. There is no such thing as not monitoring your wife. You have to. Dont ever give some of them freedom because they really dont have sufficient sense and maturity to know how to manage freedom. Dont report her to a Pastor or her parents, except you are ready to dissolve the union. A wayward girl would enhance her rebellion when you report her to people.

You obviously have a community toto for a wife (I am sorry).

Infidelity starts when you start putting other people above your spouse.

Therefore, separate. And file the separation legally. Then tell her to go and frolick with her exes, and that when she's ready to be married, she should come back.

In the (un)likely event that she comes back and you still want to be married to such a person who puts her exes over you, that is a personal decision you must take.

stupidity:
In as much as I hate restricting my girls movement, even to visit an ex or whoever she wants to visit, our ladies are so dumb to know almost every man that comes in contact with them, be it an ex or a new toaster, or wannabe bestie, will grab every opportunity to get her laid.

Just know one thing bro, when an ex visits me, or I ask her to visit me for whatsoever reason. The fvck must be fvcked. Fact#. Talk more of the ex having a bigger dlck than yours, and the said ex can fvck very well. Tell me why she won’t wanna have some when she visits him.

Dem go fvck your wife o. Bros.

Na anyhow ladies just full Nigeria. Who does that??



Someone in the comment section said the OPs wife has “excess ex’s”

Another said “he knows the password to unlock all his ex’s brain and get them laid”

so what are we now saying??

If my ex visits me, tori olorun, I fvck her like I’m not gonna see her again. But not when she’s married I be good boy for that area

Re good boy for that area, you sure? I mean with this damning statement of yours that all bang must be banged, you're a suspect there oo bro. Anyhow, you did good in stating the obvious. Guy op is a learner. My wife tried that shit in 2016, today she's in her mother's house still looking for a husband. I had since moved on.

lol

this thread just dey make me dey laugh like fool

guys you think you're in this world to stress yourself over a woman? immature one at that

the words "space" "give me freedom" "you're insecure"

these are words they use in making you look stupid

who said you have to fight for a woman?

you think say woman wey get sense will bother herself about exes instead of achieving better things?

it's very easy to detect a fuc.ked up woman less than a week

the question is do you think love is real? do you think love is pressing breast and yansh?

do you have standards?

Firstly to handle this, keep ur emotions in check...this is not the time for lovey dovey...U knw the way u handle a kid when he is trying to do what will harm him...that is how u handle this...tell her in clear and bold terms that the next time she mentions any ex is the begining of the end....tell her clearly that anyone who has had sexual relationship with her in the past or declare intentions to have sexual relationship with her should not be declared as a friend...Anyone outside that she is free to associate as she wills...Let her knw that if she fails to declare to u or she lies about it...tge day u knw the consequence will be same....To back this up...begin to "paramo" for her...dont open up on ur finances, work and all those things u normally lean on her for emotional support...let it simply be sex(make sure it is good and great...up ur game if need be)...food and the kids...keep ur personal life away from her...becom3 somewhat cold ...a little more assertive but keep doing all a man should do to his wife...let her notice these changes...If she comes forth and ask ....torment her more till u are convinced she has gotten it...else...keep at it and let things drift till u find a gud woman who understands what marriage means....dont report her to anybody it will only embolden her....her family will always take her side when u are not there...church leaders have more on their plate ...friends will see u as desperate for control or immature...say nothing to anyone...handle it urself ...and dont letbur emotions over run things

Noblefirstlady:

Dear you mean it's not a punishment for you?
For me if you want me to fall sick then my husband should just stop eating my food

If I serve and he refuse to eat. I pick the meat and fish and eat. One day he said I'm wicked that I didnt beg him to eat. I made it clear that I'm not bothered, we laugh about it and that was end of rejecting food

pansophist:
What I have noticed about women is that sometimes, they take actions without understanding the scope of its consequences, focusing only on their own frame, and not the whole picture. Like a chicken happily eating the lined grain in front of her, unrealising that it leads to a trap she most cases than not, won't escape from. And if something bad happens, she and society will blame you for allowing such practice from her, as the mantle of leadership has been given to you, and you didn't stand your ground during the waves.

In marriage, some things should be a complete knockout, a no-go area that must not be tolerated, and keeping contact with exes should be part of it. These are sacrifices parties must make for the flourishment of their marriage, and if both parties will not understand and accept this stone fact, then they are not ripe for the matrimonial institution. Breakups are usually on account of irreconcilable differences, making two people go their separate ways, how come she is still in peaceful contact with not only one, but more than one of her exes, even to a point of disregarding your feelings, the integrity and respect of your marriage, even after repeated warnings? This doesn't seem right.

You should from now henceforth, sternly make it clear that you will not tolerate any of such visits again, and make her understand that there are consequences, which must be enforced if she tries to test your backbone (which she will). For the meantime, you may report her to people you know she has respect for (e.g her parents, pastors, etc), making them also understand the consequences you will take it she repeats such next time. A complex problem requires complex solutions.

Lastly, and most importantly, to be able to project your mantle of leadership, you MUST make sure that your traditional duties and responsibilities as are a man are met (the 5 P's), especially to Preside (lead), protect, provide, produce and penetrate (good sex). It is unnegotiable. If after you've done all these, and see no changes, well, I leave to you to take solutions you deem sufficient and accept that you can't change people if they do want to. Goodluck.

Thanks so much bro i really appreciate this

Tell her you never want to hear the word "ex" again, she can replace it with "former fvck mate" just so that she will see how stupid she sounds

I just dey vex for this matter wey no really concern me

tillaman:
you would be making a big mistake if you don’t beg him or find out why he stopped eating your food trust me!! If your oga sees one super talented youngster that is ready to give him some nice delicacies and some mad stunts on bed I mean some life changing styles then you would come to Nairaland to tell us how some men can be a bum meanwhile it’s all your fault cause of laziness and Negligence

He is free to go I no hold him leg but him no go fit

morningstar55:
I'm learning

Were are learning

Quorax:
lol I go add another one join if that doesn't work...see u.

You go tire, one day oga conclude sey I be feminist

Notbothered.com

Oyindidi:
He is free to go I no hold him leg but him no go fit

Lol I love that!! But please don’t make that mistake I beg you ma’am

My brother, i have similar experience when i got married. a week after our wedding my wife woke up to informed that she want to go to the town to collect phone from her ex who came back from abroad. i just declare that she can go and should not come back home. she brag from that morning till in the night but i refuse to alter a word. i told her to choose her marriage or her ex. some times u need to be rigid to get it right.

tillaman:
Lol I love that!! But please don’t make that mistake I beg you ma’am

Leave am, we no dey fear

Your wife is a smart cheat ... tell you where she is going to "cheat", so if pple report to you, you will be like "she told me though".
Seat her down and let her know she is your wife and not girl friend. Again, you appear to me as a weakling. Be a man. Women only respect men!

Oyindidi:
You go tire, one day oga conclude sey I be feminist

Notbothered.com

lol... We know ur type. Be forming hard but dying inside... I go just find ur weak point use am deal with u.

Oyindidi:
Leave am, we no dey fear

lol
Correct woman e sure for you die

My advice to u is take charge and control of ur home less u loss it all. Take a decision u feel if not will affect ur home negatively and stand by it.
Ur wife is ur liability, u married her. If anything untoward happened to her, u will b first b held responsible. So, take charge of ur home. U made a mistake initially by allowing her visit her ex, so she capitalised on the first test and feel it's her right to b free. This is marriage and not boyfriend and girlfriend thing.
Make sure she chooses her ex or her home.

musa1987:
My brother, i have similar experience when i got married. a week after our wedding my wife woke up to informed that she want to go to the town to collect phone from her ex who came back from abroad. i just declare that she can go and should not come back home. she brag from that morning till in the night but i refuse to alter a word. i told her to choose her marriage or her ex. some times u need to be rigid to get it right.

nice one bro that’s how to curb a woman!!

ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .

She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.

Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.

The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.

She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....

This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.

please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take

Your wife doesn't respect you at all. Those are traits of an independent woman. Be assertive and firm, let there be consequences anytime she disobeys u

She will get worst d more u dance to her tunes, incidentally except she learns to respect u as her husband the future of the marriage is bleak

Abrahamdgreat:
Ur not faulty bro... Since she no wan get sense no talk for her matter again, if she continues then u sef start urs too

know be so the marriage will not work like that

Quorax:
lol... We know ur type. Be forming hard but dying inside... I go just find ur weak point use am deal with u.

Lol, no be forming hard o. Year one of marriage I go cry for every little thing. Year twelve I don turn kaki nothing dey move me. Him dey see my post as him be nairalander

ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .

She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.

Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.

The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.

She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....

This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.

please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take

Guy, most suggestions I'm seeing here are from guys that have just girlfriends and not from men that have wife and homes.
DM me so we can have good talk about that.

daben1:
You made a mistake by allowing her to visit her ex the first time, you should have stood your ground the first time she brought up the issue, anything you know you can't take, DON'T allow it the first time

You're so wise bro!

ruddyman500:


i honestly think so bro but i dont want to rush into taking rash decisions cos i know myself very well i do stand by any decision i make and nobody can change my mind on it

see bro, is not you're harsh but you have to take both action, she's your wife for life and if she really love you, she will really understand your point... Is not the matter of angry, don't be up set at all. walk to her and talk to her where she's listening, tell her you don't want her to visit any ex. What's even an ex when you have married for God's sake, you have broke up with someone so what is it again. Ex that still single o if is the one that about married and want to visit ex wife maybe in case they have became real family friends is different. Bro Intelligently check well there is something behind if she refuse to listen to you but don't be angry because angry can't solve this kind of problem.

ruddyman500:
.

Tell her elder brother

The only reason why I may not condemn her is, she always tell you she wants to visit her EX, but my question is, if they where that good, why did she leave them. She really needs to accept her status as a married woman and stop seeing herself otherwise. I think you still need to keep talking to her, but mostly whenever you guys are in a happy mood. Good you told her friend, you can still confide in her brother, that is, if you try to talk to her on your own.
All the quarrels is not a good omen but with prayers, patience and love. You will win.

SincereBigot:
Tell her you never want to hear the word "ex" again, she can replace it with "former fvck mate" just so that she will see how stupid she sounds

I just dey vex for this matter wey no really concern me

thank u ...any time I hear from these babes "" I dated 5 guys before u,they RE my ex""all I understand is "" I opened my legs for 5 guys before u"

You caused this by allowing contact with ex’s
Now you things have run away.
Now you could continue to have this back and forth or you could simply start doing what she does. Every time you have a matter that needs to be resolved tell her one of your ex’s knows what to do. Even if a button needs sewing on your shirt tell her your ex owns a shop and you are taking it there.

She is taking advantage of your good nature simple because you allowed what you could have easily said no to. And now she feels caged? Tell her to go and spread her wings but she cannot come back. She needs to decide if she wants to be married or play at being single. This is the issue with some women, they don’t know what they want and will go out of their way to sabotage things.
You made a mistake by agreeing to this “my ex business”

You have one child. Don’t have anymore
She is immature either get things in check or assume this is the beginning of the end.
But you can’t get worked up over someone who is behaving like a child and wants to have her cake and eat it.
Next thing she will be in the ex’s bed if she has not already done so.
Grow some balls brother or pick them up from the floor as this marriage is borderline circus.