Opiletool:


Let me tell you something, I also find it difficult to filter my words. As a matter of fact, most people know me for being so direct, regardless of the recipient's emotional state. But, there is a thin line between being firm and being insensitive. I got to realise that and started analysing the emotional state of a situation before giving my thought. Not because I don't want to be harsh, but because of the likely outcome which might be devastating for the victim.

The advice you gave is not far from the truth, it is infact the outright reality. However, the way you gave it, is a bit too harsh for someone in such a delicate position. Just imagine every comment on this thread is like that, who knows if the op is suicidal? Considering the fact that people now find it easy to take their own lives. Please, look at the emotional state of a subject before dishing out your opinion, hence, the harshness might erode the reality you're trying to portray.

Well, that's you. I call it how I see it. I didn't abuse her or call her names. I simply gave her a more matter-of-fact approach to her situation. Her emotions are her own problem, not mine.

Preshy561:

Thought you used to have sense.
You are very insensitive and irrational.
Wicked thing.

Hahaha. Then you should know how I feel about the above. Nothing.

CiciReally:
Hello every one, am new here, I hope I can get advice and answer to my confusion and challenge

I been dating my man for almost 2 years, Am Nigerian he’s german, he was open to me from beginning about having some infertility issue, he opened up after we had sex unprotected one day and i was worried about him getting a pill because it happened in his country.

He told me not to worry that he can’t father a child 90% so since then we been doing it unprotected and I never missed my period for a day, fast forward to after a year plus I missed my period after we spend my birthday together, being that i never cheated, I msg him asking him on scale of 1 to 100 how sure he is that he can’t father a child, he said 90%, I waited for another week still nothing so i did test and behold am pregnant, he was excited and insisted I must keep it as he never got any woman pregnant and it might be his only chance, I was troubled, always scared of 9 months, I hate hospital and all that challenges that come with pregnant.

I tried to convince him so we get rid of it but he refused and promised to be there for me.

Now 7 months into the pregnancy his behavior changed, from beginning he doesn’t pay for everything i need, hospital bills etc, I do most things on my own cos i felt he’s holding back cos he’s in doubt the baby is his, now flashback to wen i took in he confessed to me how he been going to sm special church in mountain that’s known for helping pple with his issue, prolly God heard his prayer, suddenly he changed, we agreed to get married so my family will get off my neck etc but now he’s giving me conditions, prenup and DNA after baby is born.

I have no issue with any of that but how he always bring it up, I am so hurt, I cry daily cos am � sure baby is his, only asked him to support fully as he promised till baby is born but his family and friends discouraging him, now will it be wicked of me to cut him off have my baby send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own him?? Cos i don’t think i all ever forget how he treated me the time i needed him most.

Yeye dey worry u! Make u dey smile. Small case you get, so if i were you. I go wait til baby come. The guy no trust and you cant blame him. So many nigerian stories out there wey go make am dey doubt. No hold am against the guy at all. When baby come remember to send me invite sha

lomprico:


Because you are bitter. Jealousy is written all over your comment.

What exactly am I jealous of? I'm not the one with a man that wants nothing to do with me.
I wouldn't exchange positions with her even if I was paid to. This is too much drama for me.

Chuks9000:

I don't know why you are beefing her. I feel her.
She wanted a D&C, the boo said no and promised heaven and earth. The least he could do us to offset the medical bills. That was the oral agreement the court will be interested in.

Well, he's still doubtful it's his child. She can sue him for half the expenses after the DNA has proven without a shadow of doubt that the child is his.

Lexusgs430:


Prenup is not such a bad document..........

It can be. Depending on the content.

She will give up some entitlements meant to secure her in the future to make him feel safe.

So she needs to understand what u are signing.

CiciReally:

@XhosaNostra Pls dear read carefully before judging or calling me bitter and tagging me dramatic, coming from a fellow woman, is it okey that he got me in this situation then backed out? To come back wen the storm is over, what sort of man or father is he? What will it cost him to stand by me till is time to confirm his doubt, I hav no issue if he doesn’t even pay the bills but that support mean the world, am new to this no friends or family around but him.

He is unreliable and you will be gullible to accept him back even if the child is his.
The best he should get is visitation rights if he behaves.
Don't mind those insulting you, they are clueless and don't know what you are going through.
Some of them are broken and looking for who to blame for their misfortunes.

Whatever you do, DO NOT marry him!

CiciReally:

@XhosaNostra Pls dear read carefully before judging or calling me bitter and tagging me dramatic, coming from a fellow woman, is it okey that he got me in this situation then backed out? To come back wen the storm is over, what sort of man or father is he? What will it cost him to stand by me till is time to confirm his doubt, I hav no issue if he doesn’t even pay the bills but that support mean the world, am new to this no friends or family around but him.

Dear CiciReally, inasmuch as XhosaNostra's comments are unpopular, I think they addressed your questions. You asked whether it would be wicked of you to cut the father off, have your baby, send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own the child and XhosaNostra answered you albeit devoid of emotions.
It's good to have a balance of suggestions and opinions so you can combine them all for your good.
I think you should sit your man down and pour out your heart to him in a loving way. Tell him how his behavior and words hurt you and remind him of his promise to stick with you during the pregnancy until the paternity of the child is confirmed. Remind him of how happy he was when he first found out he was going to be a daddy.
You need to be strong for what lies ahead.

dcutey:


Dear CiciReally, inasmuch as XhosaNostra's comments are unpopular, I think they addressed your questions. You asked whether it would be wicked of you to cut the father off, have your baby, send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own the child and XhosaNostra answered you albeit devoid of emotions.
It's good to have a balance of suggestions and opinions so you can combine them all for your good.
I think you should sit your man down and pour out your heart to him in a loving way. Tell him how his behavior and words hurt you and remind him of his promise to stick with you during the pregnancy until the paternity of the child is confirmed. Remind him of how happy he was when he first found out he was going to be a daddy.
You need to be strong for what lies ahead.

Thank you.

AntiWailer:


It can be. Depending on the content.

She will give up some entitlements meant to secure her in the future to make him feel safe.

So she needs to understand what u are signing.

If she has a child, that would be taken into consideration + financial provisions made for them.......

Prenup, is not so much a bad idea............

And I hope you know a Judge would still decide on the finer details, in the final settlements ?.......?


He cannot just take 100%, and leave her/them with 0%..... It does not work like that........

XhosaNostra:


They're not married. He's not obligated to be supportive at this stage. His responsibility begins the moment the child is born. She's a grown woman, she should handle her situation like an adult. She's not the 1st nor the last to go through something like this. Boohoo. What do you want me to say?

Look at what you are saying. Please hush with your own bitterness and don't rub it on someone's issue.

Can you imagine this wicked comment? Just shut up already. It is your type that births such irresponsible males.

koyyes:


Look at what you are saying. Please hush with your own bitterness and don't rub it on someone's issue.

Can you imagine this wicked comment? Just shut up already. It is your type that births such irresponsible males.

Unfortunately for you, that's how the world works.

XhosaNostra:


Well, have it your way. But just know that as a father, he also has as much parental rights as you do, regardless of how you feel or what transpired. Quite frankly, no court cares about feelings. It is in your best interest to adjust your attitude & sort out your feelings before the arrival of the baby because whether you like it or not, co-parenting is a possibility you're going to have to live with for the next 18 years. It's non-negotiable. Oopsie!

Thanks for this. I don't know if it's applicable in Nigeria.
Witnessed a similar situation in my compound some time ago. Sought help here and got none.
https://www.nairaland.com/4484607/owns-child

If a lady denies a man access to his child or run away with the child, what are his options?
And on what grounds can a man get custody of his child.
Hope to hear from you. Thanks

CiciReally:
Hello every one, am new here, I hope I can get advice and answer to my confusion and challenge

I been dating my man for almost 2 years, Am Nigerian he’s german, he was open to me from beginning about having some infertility issue, he opened up after we had sex unprotected one day and i was worried about him getting a pill because it happened in his country.

He told me not to worry that he can’t father a child 90% so since then we been doing it unprotected and I never missed my period for a day, fast forward to after a year plus I missed my period after we spend my birthday together, being that i never cheated, I msg him asking him on scale of 1 to 100 how sure he is that he can’t father a child, he said 90%, I waited for another week still nothing so i did test and behold am pregnant, he was excited and insisted I must keep it as he never got any woman pregnant and it might be his only chance, I was troubled, always scared of 9 months, I hate hospital and all that challenges that come with pregnant.

I tried to convince him so we get rid of it but he refused and promised to be there for me.

Now 7 months into the pregnancy his behavior changed, from beginning he doesn’t pay for everything i need, hospital bills etc, I do most things on my own cos i felt he’s holding back cos he’s in doubt the baby is his, now flashback to wen i took in he confessed to me how he been going to sm special church in mountain that’s known for helping pple with his issue, prolly God heard his prayer, suddenly he changed, we agreed to get married so my family will get off my neck etc but now he’s giving me conditions, prenup and DNA after baby is born.

I have no issue with any of that but how he always bring it up, I am so hurt, I cry daily cos am � sure baby is his, only asked him to support fully as he promised till baby is born but his family and friends discouraging him, now will it be wicked of me to cut him off have my baby send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own him?? Cos i don’t think i all ever forget how he treated me the time i needed him most.

My dear lovley sister, I really understand every beat of how u feel. Whatever ur mind may be telling u to do now may be right, but let me say this to u.

When u told him about the pregnancy, he was excited. Good beginning.
Along the way, he started acting up. Something has happened.

See, as a rational being, he must have tot about it and wonder how possible that the pregnancy is his. He has not done anything wrong here.
He may have remembered how some men got heartbroken after coming to realize that the child they have bn training is not theirs. He is still right in thinking that way.
Friends may have cautioned him to be careful before he claim another man's child just because he want to father a child of his own. He is a human being. reasoning with his friend is not really a bad line.

Whatever the case may be, what do u have to do?
You need to be strong. Don't hate the man. Don't be harsh to him if truly what u are carrying is his.
You are coasting towards earning his respect for life. Let the man be and talk to ur family to give u time to sort urself out.
When u deliver that bundle of Joy, let the man go for the DNA test.
I assure you, he will break down, regret all the time he was not there for u and wish he can turn the hands of time. But since he can't he will make it up by bn extra nice to u.

My sister, remain calm, have a peaceful delivery and a lovely home afterwards.

CiciReally:

@XhosaNostra Pls dear read carefully before judging or calling me bitter and tagging me dramatic, coming from a fellow woman, is it okey that he got me in this situation then backed out? To come back wen the storm is over, what sort of man or father is he? What will it cost him to stand by me till is time to confirm his doubt, I hav no issue if he doesn’t even pay the bills but that support mean the world, am new to this no friends or family around but him.

I believe it's possible to get a DNA test done, even in the womb?

I get ur pain, he should be able to stand with u at this trying time, especially since he claims to love u. Goes to show u, love is relative

ghettochild4u:

Full custody my foot... Which court will grant that for a baby not even toddler.. Use ur brain jor ok I guess u forgot say na abroad dem dey.. Even naija sef.. Which court will do it when d mother is sane n healthy

Forget matter. U dont knw how their system works. These whites can manipulate and state a case against the mother that shes insane and incompetent. He is their own, she is black. . Who do u think they ll favour. She has everything to lose. I have seen a case as this. Let her just play along and keep her plans or whatever under wraps. Whites are wicked o

XhosaNostra:


Unfortunately for you, that's how the world works.

Then it is very obvious you are from another part of the world.

Because not all humans reason like you. Keep your wicked thoughts to yourself because no sane person needs them.

Please calm down. I can understand your plight. He may be having doubts that the child is not his (its not easy to be convinced when a man is childless). Please take care of yourself and deliver the baby, a paternity test will prove your case. Remember the probability is 10% and it has worked in your favour.

I watched a parternity case on TV similar to this. The young chap (deu to low sperm count) was in doubt of a baby the current girlfriend claimed was his just because non of the ladies he had been sleeping with for years couldn't conceive. To make matters worse the mother of his child embarrassed him on TV that his dick was small. The bady in contention was as result of a one night stand between the two. When the DNA result showed the child was his, he wept for joy that he could father a child, hugged the little girl and immediately took responsibility of the childs upkeep.
Such is life!

zanga420:


Thanks for this. I don't know if it's applicable in Nigeria.
Witnessed a similar situation in my compound some time ago. Sought help here and got none.
https://www.nairaland.com/4484607/owns-child

If a lady denies a man access to his child or run away with the child, what are his options?
And on what grounds can a man get custody of his child.
Hope to hear from you. Thanks

You can go to a lawyer or the courthouse & they will file on your behalf, I think. I'm not certain of the ins & outs of child custody battles. So you're going to need someone with better knowledge of the laws in your state, to explain what needs to be done & what your chances are at retaining sole custody of the child.

ashjay001:


I believe it's possible to get a DNA test done, even in the womb?

I get ur pain, he should be able to stand with u at this trying time, especially since he claims to love u. Goes to show u, love is relative

It is possible to get a DNA test with the fetus in the womb only it has its risk - the main one being a risk of fetal loss. She is better off waiting till after the child is born.

XhosaNostra:
If the baby is his, then you have no right to keep him out of his child's life. That is wrong. Your issues are with him. Don't involve the child in your bitterness as this may lead to your downfall. What if he chooses to fight you through the court system for full custody? Is that something you're up for? Is it even worth it? Swallow your pride & let the man be part of his child's life without your baby mama drama. It's not about you!

ur comment is so bitter, so nauseating....do you understand this lady at all, borrow brain from the first commenter pls,u are surrounded by Evil, I can feel it.

XhosaNostra:


Unfortunately for you, that's how the world works.

Miserable bitter thing wanting people to share in her misery. Misery loves company. Now I know.

oyinda1599:
ur comment is so bitter, so nauseating....do you understand this lady at all, borrow brain from the first commenter pls,u are surrounded by Evil, I can feel it.

I really do not care how my comment makes you feel either. That's your issue to deal with. Is this some sort of a support group for the emotionally fragile? Look, I'm not a shrink. I'm not here to appeal to your emotional sensibilities. I believe there're pills for that.

Kagd10:


Miserable bitter thing wanting people to share in her misery. Misery loves company. Now I know.

Hey, it's lonely over here, come in

XhosaNostra:


That's not being judgmental, that's being realistic, dearie.

You get mental problem, I swear!

XhosaNostra:


Hey, it's lonely over here, come in

Lol. We all know you're miserable. Your comment shows it all.

IjebuWarrior:


You get mental problem, I swear+

Geez, thanks

Kagd10:


Lol. We all know you're miserable. Your comment shows it all.

And I'm not even gonna try to convince you otherwise. You're entitled to your make-belief.

XhosaNostra:


Your comment came hours later. I don't know if she made changes to her story or not, but I'm not gonna restructure my initial post to fit the new narrative. Sue me.

I won't sue you!!Still... It doesn't change the fact that your comment addressed a different subject matter!! Peace.

GoldenJAT:
I won't sue you!!Still... It doesn't change the fact that your comment addressed a different subject matter!! Peace.

So didn't she ask whether she should cut him out of the child's life? How's that going off on a tangent?

XhosaNostra:


And I'm not even gonna try to convince you otherwise. You're entitled to your make-belief.

That's what miserable element always say. They won't go help their miserable lives yet want others to share in their misery. Very useless nonsense.

XhosaNostra:


You can go to a lawyer or the courthouse & they will file on your behalf, I think. I'm not certain of the ins & outs of child custody battles. So you're going to need someone with better knowledge of the laws in your state, to explain what needs to be done & what your chances are at retaining sole custody of the child.

Thank you