Op, the reason why you are going through all these is because your relationship with him was never clearly defined. And now, it has dawned on you that the person you have been having sex with is an irresponsible person.

Infact, even you were irresponsible at some point to be sleeping with an irresponsible person without taking precautions having in mind the 10% of his fertility. Then you wanted to abort the innocent child on top of that.

Even in doubt, for the sake of humanity and the history you both had, he would have just decided to at least be there for you and the unborn child till you put to birth.

If after birthing the child, a DNA test is conducted and the child is not his, he can back off and no one would fault him.

But instead, he is talking about prenup, DNA all at once on a proposed marriage with an already faulty foundation. How will that work? He is not even supportive in any way.

My advice to you is to birth your baby peacefully with without any of all these drama. Have a DNA after birthing to satisfy his curiosity.

You would have a stronger case in court because no one would give sole custody to any man that could not own up to his responsibility as the father of an unborn child.

Highest he can get are visitation rights if a miracle happens. But the court will ensure he provides for the child.

Good luck.

Kagd10:


That's what miserable element always say. They won't go help their miserable lives yet want others to share in their misery. Very useless nonsense.

Hahaha. Here comes Dr Dre PhD, your in-house armchair psychologist

XhosaNostra:


Hahaha. Here comes Dr Dre PhD, your in-house armchair psychologist

You know it's the truth. You're a miserable sadist. The old witch in the "sugar girl" story.

XhosaNostra:


Well, have it your way. But just know that as a father, he also has as much parental rights as you do, regardless of how you feel or what transpired. Quite frankly, no court cares about feelings. It is in your best interest to adjust your attitude & sort out your feelings before the arrival of the baby because whether you like it or not, co-parenting is a possibility you're going to have to live with for the next 18 years. It's non-negotiable. Oopsie!

U r annoying...am sure ur a guy, dts y ur talking lyk dt...

Kagd10:


You know it's the truth. You're a miserable sadist. The old witch in the "sugar girl" story.

OK. Now what?

mabliss:


U r annoying...am sure ur a guy, dts y ur talking lyk dt...

And your opinion of me should matter to me because?

XhosaNostra:


OK. Now what?

At least you know. Go help your miserable life and stop projecting it to others. Yeye dey smell.

Kagd10:


At least you know. Go help your miserable life and stop projecting it to others. Yeye dey smell.

Nope.

placeofallure:


I can relate 100% it's really painful when you have nobody around to help you with stuff emotionally and physically, especially when it's your first pregnancy. I have been there and still hold grudges against my in-laws who were supposed to be there for me when it costs them nothing. They're trying hard to make amends now.

Baby girl, you have to be strong for your baby. Ignore whatever tantrums your boyfriend is throwing. Like you said, he would've just tried to be nice pending your delivery to ascertain the paternity of the baby. I know it's not easy to go it all by yourself but what if he's loving and all but died ( God forbid) immediately you took in, won't you survive on your own? Just pretend he doesn't exist for now, gather all the strength you can and forge on. Your baby when he arrives will compensate for all the troubles. Good luck sister.

wow...dis is a reasonable comment, unlike some pple...I love ur advise jare and I second wot u sed...

XhosaNostra:


Nope.

I have given your miserable life the exciting attention it craves, now run back to your cave. Sadist.

Kagd10:


I have given your miserable life the exciting attention it craves, now run back to your cave. Sadist.

Nope. Not gonna happen.

XhosaNostra:


They're not married. He's not obligated to be supportive at this stage. His responsibility begins the moment the child is born. She's a grown woman, she should handle her situation like an adult. She's not the 1st nor the last to go through something like this. Boohoo. What do you want me to say?

Can you just shut it?! You sound like a sociopath. You'd better put that your lousy mouth on a leash.

CiciReally:
Hello every one, am new here, I hope I can get advice and answer to my confusion and challenge

I been dating my man for almost 2 years, Am Nigerian he’s german, he was open to me from beginning about having some infertility issue, he opened up after we had sex unprotected one day and i was worried about him getting a pill because it happened in his country.

He told me not to worry that he can’t father a child 90% so since then we been doing it unprotected and I never missed my period for a day, fast forward to after a year plus I missed my period after we spend my birthday together, being that i never cheated, I msg him asking him on scale of 1 to 100 how sure he is that he can’t father a child, he said 90%, I waited for another week still nothing so i did test and behold am pregnant, he was excited and insisted I must keep it as he never got any woman pregnant and it might be his only chance, I was troubled, always scared of 9 months, I hate hospital and all that challenges that come with pregnant.

I tried to convince him so we get rid of it but he refused and promised to be there for me.

Now 7 months into the pregnancy his behavior changed, from beginning he doesn’t pay for everything i need, hospital bills etc, I do most things on my own cos i felt he’s holding back cos he’s in doubt the baby is his, now flashback to wen i took in he confessed to me how he been going to sm special church in mountain that’s known for helping pple with his issue, prolly God heard his prayer, suddenly he changed, we agreed to get married so my family will get off my neck etc but now he’s giving me conditions, prenup and DNA after baby is born.

I have no issue with any of that but how he always bring it up, I am so hurt, I cry daily cos am � sure baby is his, only asked him to support fully as he promised till baby is born but his family and friends discouraging him, now will it be wicked of me to cut him off have my baby send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own him?? Cos i don’t think i all ever forget how he treated me the time i needed him most.

You see, his behaviour shows he is a right thinking man. Asking for pre-nup and DNA test is the right thing to do. It will only butress your claim to the fact that the child is his.

You feel bad because you don't think he trusts you. Do not worry, your man has done fertility tests and knows it is highly unlikely (not impossible) for him to father a child naturally. He only wants to believe what you tell him and is not ready to take your word for it. Even if he trusts you, he has to be very sure. Trust is a strong word.

Trust, but verify.

gensteejay:

Can you just shut it?! You sound like a sociopath. You'd better put that your lousy mouth on a leash.

No.

XhosaNostra:


No.

You can see that a number of commenters here have railed against your insensitive and jarring submissions on this issue. It's time you considered a change of attitude and treated this sort of problems humanely.

XhosaNostra:


They're not married. He's not obligated to be supportive at this stage. His responsibility begins the moment the child is born. She's a grown woman, she should handle her situation like an adult. She's not the 1st nor the last to go through something like this. Boohoo. What do you want me to say?

oh my God, is dis fellow a human being, I sincerely doubt it...na wa o...weda dey r married or nt, as far as d pregnancy is his, a responsible man should take care of d woman because he put d tin there...

gensteejay:

You can see that a number of commenters here have railed against your insensitive and jarring submissions on this issue. It's time you considered a change of attitude and treated this sort of problems humanely.

No, that may be what the majority of the commenters are here for, but that doesn't mean I should change my view of things to fit public opinion. That's not how I roll. You don't like my input, tough. There's the scroll button, use it!

CiciReally:
Hello every one, am new here, I hope I can get advice and answer to my confusion and challenge

I been dating my man for almost 2 years, Am Nigerian he’s german, he was open to me from beginning about having some infertility issue, he opened up after we had sex unprotected one day and i was worried about him getting a pill because it happened in his country.

He told me not to worry that he can’t father a child 90% so since then we been doing it unprotected and I never missed my period for a day, fast forward to after a year plus I missed my period after we spend my birthday together, being that i never cheated, I msg him asking him on scale of 1 to 100 how sure he is that he can’t father a child, he said 90%, I waited for another week still nothing so i did test and behold am pregnant, he was excited and insisted I must keep it as he never got any woman pregnant and it might be his only chance, I was troubled, always scared of 9 months, I hate hospital and all that challenges that come with pregnant.

I tried to convince him so we get rid of it but he refused and promised to be there for me.

Now 7 months into the pregnancy his behavior changed, from beginning he doesn’t pay for everything i need, hospital bills etc, I do most things on my own cos i felt he’s holding back cos he’s in doubt the baby is his, now flashback to wen i took in he confessed to me how he been going to sm special church in mountain that’s known for helping pple with his issue, prolly God heard his prayer, suddenly he changed, we agreed to get married so my family will get off my neck etc but now he’s giving me conditions, prenup and DNA after baby is born.

I have no issue with any of that but how he always bring it up, I am so hurt, I cry daily cos am � sure baby is his, only asked him to support fully as he promised till baby is born but his family and friends discouraging him, now will it be wicked of me to cut him off have my baby send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own him?? Cos i don’t think i all ever forget how he treated me the time i needed him most.

So he attended a church and God answered his prayers to fornicate and impregnate you?


where is our religious moral?




back to your topic, I will advice you lie low for now and don't deny your child the privilege of accessing his dad's care and love. Remain calm with the said boyfriend until the DNA is confirmed.
Emotional pain isn't a bad result for the Sin of Formication.

mabliss:



oh my God, is dis fellow a human being, I sincerely doubt it...na wa o...weda dey r married or nt, as far as d pregnancy is his, a responsible man should take care of d woman because he put d tin there...

He's doubtful, so there's also that or did you miss that part?

austyn0:

I was about walking into a ditch with my thoughts before you drew me back with this. I am deeply impressed.

Truly, she shouldn't allow that child grow up fatherless, she shouldn't bring that child into the bad mistakes they both made in life.

It wasn't the child that requested she continue raw sex with the man despite knowing he is not 100% impotent. Whatever that happened between them should stay between them and allow the Innocent child know both his/her parents.

Nice one dear

obongos...birds of d same feather

XhosaNostra:


He's doubtful, so there's also that or did you miss that part?

The problem is why did he become doubtful when she got to the 7th month of pregnancy. She told him the news he was excited. Month 1 went by, month 2 went by, month 3, month 4, month 5, month 6 and then got to month 7 and now he is expressing doubts. Why did he not express those doubts from the moment she told him of the pregnancy? She would have gotten rid of it had he done that, rather than convince her, only to back out later. What all of a sudden triggered his doubts? With just 2 months left to go before the baby is born. He was happy and supportive prior. (Please note I am not an advocate of abortion) From her story... I feel this is one of the things angering her the most.

I don’t want to say he did 419 on her- she should also shoulder responsibility in this. Just like he doubts her now. She too should have doubted his infertility and used contraception. I am a Qualified Midwife- if you know how many women lie to men that they can’t have children or that they are on contraception when they are not - it’s shockingly shocking. If women can do it. Then men can do it too.

He must have hoped there was a slight chance he would get this lady pregnant, hence going for deliverance up and down and the unprotected sex. And now she is... 7 months down the line he just remembered he is 90% infertile.

Also everyone is assuming this man is white. I do not know many white men that go for deliverance up and down. A White man would go the medical route before going on his knees to the altar. This man may be a Nigerian man- who is simply a German citizen. White men look after children that are not theirs all the time ... Nigerian men don’t. I may be wrong ooo and OP if I am please correct me.

CunnyLinguist:


Just read the whole story and i am going to be a FEMINIST for this one


1. He scammed you into skin-to-skin sex

2. He probably isn't desperate for the baby, he is playing on your intelligence.

3. Don't mind the dumb advice that the baby can be talen from you.... in Europe, the West, you have greater rights over the child except he proves you are irresponsible and can't take care of the child.

Dont sign ANYTHING!

@CunnyLinguist thanks much dear

Omoge87:


The problem is why did he become doubtful when she got to the 7th month of pregnancy. She told him the news he was excited. Month 1 went by, month 2 went by, month 3, month 4, month 5, month 6 and then got to month 7 and now he is expressing doubts. Why did he not express those doubts from the moment she told him of the pregnancy? She would have gotten rid of it had he done that, rather than convince her, only to back it later. What all of a sudden triggered his doubts? he was happy and supportive prior. (Please note I am not an advocate of abortion) From her story... I feel this is one of the things angering her the most.

Shit happens. Oh well.

That's nonsense. He has ZERO right to the child of a woman he was NOT legally married to. In fact, in my place, some families won't accept the bride price if they discover that their daughter is pregnant. And if the man chooses to pay the dowry after the woman's child birth, he'd be reminded that though he's allowed custody of the child (through his wife), the baby belongs to his father in-law - not him. Though some people may not want to enforce this tradition after the bride price is paid, you cannot claim the fatherhood of your woman's baby without paying her dowry.

There's a reason why marriage is called a legal contract.

XhosaNostra:
If the baby is his, then you have no right to keep him out of his child's life. That is wrong. Your issues are with him. Don't involve the child in your bitterness as this may lead to your downfall. What if he chooses to fight you through the court system for full custody? Is that something you're up for? Is it even worth it? Swallow your pride & let the man be part of his child's life without your baby mama drama. It's not about you!

pchukwudi:
That's nonsense. He has ZERO right to the child of a woman he was NOT legally married to. In fact, in my place, some families won't accept the bride price if they discover that their daughter is pregnant. And if the man chooses to pay the dowry after the woman's child birth, he'd be reminded that though he's allowed custody of the child (through his wife), the baby belongs to his father in-law - not him. Though some people may not want to enforce this tradition after the bride price is paid, you cannot claim the fatherhood of your woman's baby without paying her dowry.

There's a reason why marriage is called a legal contract.

That's not how the law works. He has every right to be in his child's life.

CiciReally:
Hello every one, am new here, I hope I can get advice and answer to my confusion and challenge

I been dating my man for almost 2 years, Am Nigerian he’s german, he was open to me from beginning about having some infertility issue, he opened up after we had sex unprotected one day and i was worried about him getting a pill because it happened in his country.

He told me not to worry that he can’t father a child 90% so since then we been doing it unprotected and I never missed my period for a day, fast forward to after a year plus I missed my period after we spend my birthday together, being that i never cheated, I msg him asking him on scale of 1 to 100 how sure he is that he can’t father a child, he said 90%, I waited for another week still nothing so i did test and behold am pregnant, he was excited and insisted I must keep it as he never got any woman pregnant and it might be his only chance, I was troubled, always scared of 9 months, I hate hospital and all that challenges that come with pregnant.

I tried to convince him so we get rid of it but he refused and promised to be there for me.

Now 7 months into the pregnancy his behavior changed, from beginning he doesn’t pay for everything i need, hospital bills etc, I do most things on my own cos i felt he’s holding back cos he’s in doubt the baby is his, now flashback to wen i took in he confessed to me how he been going to sm special church in mountain that’s known for helping pple with his issue, prolly God heard his prayer, suddenly he changed, we agreed to get married so my family will get off my neck etc but now he’s giving me conditions, prenup and DNA after baby is born.

I have no issue with any of that but how he always bring it up, I am so hurt, I cry daily cos am � sure baby is his, only asked him to support fully as he promised till baby is born but his family and friends discouraging him, now will it be wicked of me to cut him off have my baby send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own him?? Cos i don’t think i all ever forget how he treated me the time i needed him most.

90% chance cannot father a child. What happened to the other 10%. All it takes is One sperm.

No need to act wicked. Just have the baby, do the DNA and continue your life together if any. If not raise your bundle of joy alone. There is no shame or crime. God will reward you

Which law are you referring to?

Can you cite some examples of laws that recognize paternal rights to a child outside a validly constituted or legally dissolved marriage contract?

XhosaNostra:


That's not how the law works. He has every right to be in his child's life.

pchukwudi:
That's nonsense. He has ZERO right to the child of a woman he was NOT legally married to. In fact, in my place, some families won't accept the bride price if they discover that their daughter is pregnant. And if the man chooses to pay the dowry after the woman's child birth, he'd be reminded that though he's allowed custody of the child (through his wife), the baby belongs to his father in-law - not him. Though some people may not want to enforce this tradition after the bride price is paid, you cannot claim the fatherhood of your woman's baby without paying her dowry.

There's a reason why marriage is called a legal contract.

In fact in the UK - if a man and woman are not married - and they want to register the baby’s birth for the birth certificate- the father has to accompany the mother for his name to be put on the birth certificate ooo. If the mother does not agree his name won’t be on that birth certificate. If they are married only one has to go and register the child - providing they have their marriage certificate as proof of their union. If single both have to go. It also protects the rights of the man -because once a name is on the birth certificate he is liable for any child support payments.

pchukwudi:
Which law are you referring to?

Western law or whatever you wanna call it. She's in his territory, so she better abide by the rules of the country in which she's living & not some customary laws from her village.

Fish brain women. Go and seat down. You widened your leg for a German. Was he not ejaculating? You dey crase?

It's a basic stuff based on common sense. Don't mind the kids who flood Nairaland to issue "professional" advice after watching too many fairy tale movies.

Omoge87:


In fact in the UK - if a man and woman are not married - and they want to register the baby’s birth for the birth certificate- the father has to accompany the mother for his name to be put on the birth certificate ooo. If the mother does not agree his name won’t be on that birth certificate. Just like that.

Can you post a link to that "western law" you talk about?

XhosaNostra:


Western law or whatever you wanna call it. She's in his territory, so she better abide by the rules of the country in which she's living & not some customary laws from her village.