Fam,my colleague got a girl pregnant 5 years ago and had a son.The mother left after having the child.He kept the child and took care of him with the help of his mother and siblings.I won't judge the mother because i don't know her story too.He has always been advised to go pay dowry to the girl's parents but he didn't adhere.The shocking part was that the mother of the boy came visiting and was welcomed.Surprisingly,she ran away with the child to Bayelsa which happened to be her homeland.My colleague thought the child was kidnapped and made entry on a missing person to the police station.This affected his mood and work output.He had to take casual leave so as to go look for the child.Luckily,the child was seen in Bayelsa the mother's place.Now he is complaining of extortion from the girl's parents as they stated that his son was sick and that he had to pay for his hospital bills before he could set eyes on him. I was contemplating telling him to pay her dowry and have a united family but i don't understand the extortion nor when it will come to an end.I see it as a wicked manipulation. He took responsibility for the child as the dad for 5 years,why are they not seeing it? I only blamed him for not contacting the girl's family for this long.What do you suggest to him.I lack wisdom for this one cos it involves customs,law and equity.I will link him up to read your comments.We are waiting!

That's why I advice people to know the type of women they have sexual intercourse with, some women are demons. If you mistakenly impregnate them....my brother your life is finished. Speaking from experience.

Dear Sweetilicious,
Never you give him that wrong advice to go and pay the dowry of a "run away" mother who denied her baby the nutritious breast milk meant exclusively for the kid.

To the young man, you were not prepared to becoming a father five years ago, you allowed your big prick and the pleasure of sex mess with your brain and made you forget to pull out when it was 2 seconds, I won't blame you that much though, you were really deep inside the pussy and shiit happens.

Now, what your silly baby mama did was kidnap and her parents trying to extort from you in order to see your boy is called blackmailing.

I will advise you to involve the police on your next visit to Bayelsa and charge them for this gross stupidity. They were no where to be found when your mom and your sister took care of the little boy, and now, they spring out from their canoe house to snatch the boy away and trying to reap where they did not sow.

Involve the police and press charges against them. "If pant wan tear, my broda, make E tear finish" Nor reason anybody face.

This is my "Wrong Advice"

one he doesn't have to pay dowry to anybody.
two. the mother came to carry her child she should be ready to shoulder the responsibility of catering for the child. if they want him to take care of the child he must be given free and unhindered access to the child.
now if he really wants his child back, he must run to bayelsa state urgently and get the court there to award him custody using the Ministry of social welfare. it is an irresponsible mother that will abandon the child, there is no Two ways about that and no sane court will want to award her custody just because she is the mother

In big mess? I actually thought ur colleague ran away with company's money.

You're a bad friend by advising your friend to pay dowry for such girl.

My ex has never allowed me to see my daughter. Nine years now. Guess what.....I dash them. I did my best them nearly kill me with conditions. Thinking I will be broke forever. Boy don be man now. Pikin don dey ask for papa small small. Especially when she dey feel her papa balling from afar.


My advice....leave the child. Have a copy of the police report you made. And continue your life. It all plays out on its own.

Miss you my angel. For the records I wrote this here

Shibaraba:
My ex has never allowed me to see my daughter. Nine years now. Guess what.....I dash them. I did my best them nearly kill me with conditions. Thinking I will be broke forever. Boy don be man now. Pikin don dey ask for papa small small. Especially when she dey feel her papa balling from afar.


My advice....leave the child. Have a copy of the police report you made. And continue your life. It all plays out on its own.

Miss you my angel. For the records I wrote this here

I been dem expect yeye thing from you. You talk small sense today

Tell that yr nigga nt to marry that fuc.kin pussy sharer of a lady, she is bad her family her bader, a good parent will nt allow there daughter to act that way,,,,,

yr baby will be fine, don't rush to send them money, be smart ni nigga

ThothHermes:
I been dem expect yeye thing from you. You talk small sense today

Baba no be every time person dey craze na

Shibaraba:

Baba no be every time person dey craze na

I tell you bros. Too much craze no good.

He should pay the hospital bills and dowry. This is when approaching things from a place of peace.

don't pay any dowry of a woman you've not seen for 5 years o.
and there's no hospital bill anywhere, they're just out to extort.
even if the son has been ill, it's not too much for the mother to pay his hospital bills. I'm sure the father has been doing that singlehandedly for 5 years.
Just involve the police and a lawyer, and do what is right by your son

...

They are 100 percent wrong. The girl and her family.
All he needs is to prove that he’s been the only parent who has been there for the child since birth.

He can get a reasonable judge to grant him full custody (yes I said it) and have the mom on supervised visitation if at all.

She’s not a mother and her family is trash if they support her to act in such a manner.

You can’t just willingly walk away from a child and decide to swoop back in whenever it suits you. Playing pawn with an innocent child. She’s a dumbass.

Shibaraba:
My ex has never allowed me to see my daughter. Nine years now. Guess what.....I dash them. I did my best them nearly kill me with conditions. Thinking I will be broke forever. Boy don be man now. Pikin don dey ask for papa small small. Especially when she dey feel her papa balling from afar.


My advice....leave the child. Have a copy of the police report you made. And continue your life. It all plays out on its own.

Miss you my angel. For the records I wrote this here

Don't just abandon her and say 'it all plays out on its own' please when your daughter starts secondary school try as much as possible to be in her life. Girls need their fathers. You need to fight to be in your child's life so she doesn't feel neglected.

You are basically asking him to marry her.
On what grounds please? “Place of peace” when they are obviously out for trouble.

What about his own happiness? So he should give up hopes of settling with someone he loves for this woman who doesn’t give a crap about him?

Chubhie:
He should pay the hospital bills and dowry. This is when approaching things from a place of peace.

cococandy:
You are basically asking him to marry her.
On what grounds please? “Place of peace” when they are obviously out for trouble.

What about his own happiness? So he should give up hopes of settling with someone he loves for this woman who doesn’t give a crap about him?

According to the laid down ways of our ancestors, paying the dowry automatically grants him a right over that child. He could take only the child and walk away.

Now, the family can simply insist that the man did not fulfill traditions by paying dowry hence can not lay claim to that child which is very valid.

It's in his best interest not to fight this cos the girl's family are in the drivers sit and they are very aware of the position of advantage they're in.

Our ancestors haven’t always been right. You don’t do things because that’s how they have always been done. You do things because they make sense. Because it’s right and fair to everyone involved.

If he had abandoned the child at birth, they may have a leg to stand on invoking tradition for him. Now the reverse is the case, he’s the one in a position to give them conditions on re-establishing a relationship with the child if that’s what they are really interested in.

They must have the interest of that child at heart and prove it over and over before they can get the right to have a say in that child’s life.

They are not in any driver’s seat or position of advantage. I’m surprised how many people don’t know their rights and how the law works.
If anything, they have just dug a big hole for themselves in this matter

Chubhie:

According to the laid down ways of our ancestors, paying the dowry automatically grants him a right over that child. He could take only the child and walk away.

Now, the family can simply insist that the man did not fulfill traditions by paying dowry hence can not lay claim to that child which is very valid.

It's in his best interest not to fight this cos the girl's family are in the drivers sit and they are very aware of the position of advantage they're in.

OP what kinda advice were u trying to give to that young man? To go and pay dowry to become a happy family?

So u are implying that it is compulsory to marry someone whom an individual had a child with even when the chemistry is not there?.. even when they were not compatible just to be I quote "happy family "

It's been long that I 've heard this kinda outdated advice..so in the 80's

cococandy:
Our ancestors haven’t always been right. You don’t do things because that’s how they have always been done. You do things because they make sense. Because it’s right and fair to everyone involved.

If he had abandoned the child at birth, they may have a leg to stand on invoking tradition for him. Now the reverse is the case, he’s the one in a position to give them conditions on re-establishing a relationship with the child if that’s what they are really interested in.

They must have the interest of that child at heart and prove it over and over before they can get the right to have a say in that child’s life.

They are not in any driver’s seat or position of advantage. I’m surprised how many people don’t know their rights and how the law works.
If anything, they have just dug a big hole for themselves in this matter

Our ancestors are very wise and our values, culture and traditions are the best. During the golden age of humanity when our ancestors walked amongst us, It was unheard of for a man to put a lady in the family way without first going to knock on the family's door to show interest.

It is an insult to put a man's daughter in the family way without his consent. Now, if such happens by mistake and the person responsible develops cold feet to make amends, the father or any male in that family have the right to defend their honour. Many culprits have been decapitated in such madness. This shows how we value and respect our women.

This guy in this scenario must now approach the girl's father with all the respect he deserves to save his own head. Literally.

Go and apologise to her family, settle things amicably in such a way that both of you will have joint custody of the child

Mizwisdom:
Go and apologise to her family, settle things amicably in such a way that both of you will have joint custody of the child

I can't believe you're the one saying this.

Apologies for what exactly? Rape or Sexual assault?

JasonScoolari:
I can't believe you're the one saying this.

Apologies for what exactly? Rape or Sexual assault?

He put their daughter in a family way without approaching the family afterwards. Do you think they won't be angry with him?

Mizwisdom:



He put their daughter in a family way without approaching the family afterwards. Do you think they won't be angry with him?

I can imagine how "angry" Davido, Flavour and Wizkid baby mama parents are.

Why didn't they register their displeasure when their wayward daughter was 6months gone?

Don't you think the parents didn't raise their daughter well?

JasonScoolari:
I can imagine how "angry" Davido, Flavour and Wizkid baby mama parents are.

Why didn't they register their displeasure when their wayward daughter was 6months gone?

Don't you think the parents didn't raise their daughter well?

Trust me, she must have been dealt with. If you look closely, they are the ones that gave her this idea and they will still support her financially. Put yourself in her father's shoes, there are some rights he needs to observe before he will be granted custody. Besides the monthly upkeep Davido pays, when he took his daughter abroad without her mother's consent , he got schooled by Dele Momodu. Seems you are playing down things, haven't you heard that in some climes if the women lives with a guy as spouse, bears children for him but he never bothered to meet her family, they will force him to marry her corpse and seize the kids until he fulfils some rights? it's different from this case slightly but i want you to understand how serious this issue is

How do you mistakenly get someone pregnant?! When you’ve unprotected sex it’s either STD or pregnancy that MAY be the outcome....

MicheyJ1:
That's why I advice people to know the type of women they have sexual intercourse with, some women are demons. If you mistakenly impregnate them....my brother your life is finished. Speaking from experience.

Mizwisdom:



He put their daughter in a family way without approaching the family afterwards. Do you think they won't be angry with him?

Dear it was a consensual relationship between two adults.. He doesn't need to apologise to any particular family because he did nothing wrong. .

She was not held at gun or knife point when it happened... in my own opinion which does not count, it's between the two of them to iron out the mess.. yes her family has the right to be angry but not at the man.. they should channel their anger to their daughter because they believe they raised her well enough...

Richy4:


Dear it was a consensual relationship between two adults.. He doesn't need to apologise to any particular family because he did nothing wrong. .

She was not held at gun or knife point when it happened... in my own opinion which does not count, it's between the two of them to iron out the mess.. yes her family has the right to be angry but not at the man.. they should channel their anger to their daughter because they believe they raised her well enough...

All I will say is this; if he has two heads, he should go and collect his child.

Mizwisdom:



Trust me, she must have been dealt with. If you look closely, they are the ones that gave her this idea and they will still support her financially. Put yourself in her father's shoes, there are some rights he needs to observe before he will be granted custody. Besides the monthly upkeep Davido pays, when he took his daughter abroad without her mother's consent , he got schooled by Dele Momodu. Seems you are playing down things, haven't you heard that in some climes if the women lives with a guy as spouse, bears children for him but he never bothered to meet her family, they will force him to marry her corpse and seize the kids until he fulfils some rights? it's different from this case slightly but i want you to understand how serious this issue is

Dear Mizwisdom,
Why did she leave her precious little baby at such tender age?
Lemme guess, maybe my brother was poor 5years ago and she wouldn't want to associate with poverty at such young age hence she fled to her riverine community leaving her baby and my poor brother to die.

JasonScoolari:
Dear Mizwisdom,
Why did she leave her precious little baby at such tender age?
Lemme guess, maybe my brother was poor 5years ago and she wouldn't want to associate with poverty at such your age hence she fled to her riverine community leaving her baby and my poor brother to die.

I've given you my proper advice, there's no way they'll release his child except he settles with her family but if you doubt me, then go there, you and your brother will understand better

Mizwisdom:



All I will say is this; if he has two heads, he should go and collect his child.

He will... and it is too easy....ie if he was surrounded with good advisers... Not like the OP that wants to sentence him to an everlasting unhappiness...