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Re: urg by goodnewscliff(m): 12:49pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
i dont wanto type much..... buhhh.... LOOK FOR WAYS TO CHANGE UR HUSBAND.....!!!!!!! U MUST NOT ALWAYS TALK BACK U MUST NOT ALWAYS SHOUT BACK!!!! i know its not easy buhh its ur marriage we talking of here with kids involved!!!!! be reasonable by all means.... give it time!!!!! ur husband could change for the better!!!!! |
Re: urg by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 12:54pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy: So, it's a taboo for men to do chores? I don't actually get your drift. I really hate egotistical men like you. 5 Likes |
Re: urg by eyinjuege: 12:56pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
This your story is strong o. Anyway, because you work from home and your work is flexible, many people will automatically assume you're not doing anything. I would advise you to get another maid who comes in the morning and leaves by 6pm so she can help you with the children and housework when they're back from school. If you had a maid who stays in long enough, she can help with the loading and laundry, cleaning of the house etc. As per his other attitudinal problems like shouting, and making stupid utterances, just apply the silence is the best answer approach and ignore his rantings. Some of us have little patience for such people and just give up on them there and then, with the ignore button mode activated. You should only pay attention to those people in your life with reasonable contributions. If that your job you do from home contributes to paying the bills, you can also kindly remind him that it's a great achievement to stay in the confines of your home and yet money dey rush you. 5 Likes |
Re: urg by davenaija: 12:57pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
goodnewscliff: Must not always talk back eh. Should men not master their emotional trigger and responses? Using the wife as a channel of outlet for unprocessed anger doesn't it show it vividly that the husband is emotionally unbalanced and immature? Please. This is how we blame all marital problems on women. So much so that in scenarios when men are innocent no one believes them. Put your thinking hat on please 4 Likes |
Re: urg by Samshumy: 1:15pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
UyaiIncomparabl:If he starts doing chores now, anytime he stops, the wife would nag. So it’s better he doesn’t do any chores apart from his clothes alone How you expect a married man to be doing household chores is what i don’t understand. This is Nigeria and not America or Canada |
Re: urg by generationz(f): 1:27pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
UjuJoan2: It could be that the man likes to wear his not-to-dirty clothes more than once before washing. (upbringing ) While the op washes clothes daily ( also upbringing) 1 Like |
Re: urg by davenaija: 1:30pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy: Not do as in duty, but as an emotional relief. Every married man does this, ask your dad. 8 Likes |
Re: urg by Nobody: 1:32pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
davenaija:well said!!!!!! 1 Like |
Re: urg by Nobody: 1:33pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy:selfish man!! Is better the wife cooks for herself alone. 3 Likes |
Re: urg by Samshumy: 1:33pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
davenaija:No he doesn’t. He washes his clothes only. He doesn’t do any house chores. |
Re: urg by davenaija: 1:33pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
This is glaring incompatibility issues though. Its either both go through it, around it, over it or under it. Some way the differences have to be processed. Husband has to calm, rather should be less irritated. Love conquers in the end, if there's healthy love, a multitude of errors can be overlooked if both sides meet at the middle. The burden of relationships musnt rest on just one party, nope. It becomes monotonous, stressful, irritating, unenjoyable causing stress, strain fatigue and psychological imbalance typical of unhealthy environment. Bottomline, if there's love and a resolve to build and defend the marriage, nothing can break such a union. This home may have an appearance of peace, both the couple don't have a healthy bond. 3 Likes |
Re: urg by Esthered: 1:34pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Why can't he assist where necessary as doing chores together can also be a bonding time as they'll work together as a team, joke and play. It doesn't have to happen all the time but those few times can be memorable and a goal achieved. Some Nigerian men make marriages boring and too serious because of their ego thereby making most singles believe marriage is primarily about ENDURING and not ENJOYMENT. They believe as long as they provide, her needs have been met, what about her emotional needs as well as others. I have an uncle whose wife use to cry all the time he's around because of his derogatory remarks. She now has low self esteem because he abuses her emotionally. What then is the love the OP's hubby professes for her? On a second thought, the signs may have been there during courtship but the euphoria of being a married woman would have made you ignore the red flags. Thanks for sharing your experience as it's an eye opener for the singles anticipating marriage to read meaning into every words and actions of their spouse even if it's said or done jokingly as that may be who they really are. Samshumy: 8 Likes |
Re: urg by davenaija: 1:37pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy: Self preservance, self centered Ness, selfishness. Too much of self. Men should lend their wives a hand, it reduces the psychological weight load of the work. Trust me, 5 Likes |
Re: urg by davenaija: 1:37pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy: |
Re: urg by Nobody: 1:38pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
davenaija:Well said... you couldn't have said it better. All these uneducated men need EDUCATION! 3 Likes |
Re: urg by Samshumy: 1:41pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Esthered:Well to me, a man is not supposed to do all those things. If the chores are too much, the wife can get a maid |
Re: urg by davenaija: 1:41pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Jen92: Men learn from their fathers, one way or the other, an absentee father or an abusive father. Men desiring to enter marriages must unlearn all they took from their dads, process it and choose and decide their own paths and not repeat their father's lifestyle in their marriages. 5 Likes |
Re: urg by Samshumy: 1:42pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
davenaija:Well i can’t inconvenience myself because of that and i believe so many people are also like that |
Re: urg by Nobody: 1:42pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
davenaija:I agree.!! Well said! 1 Like |
Re: urg by davenaija: 1:43pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy: This is a combative mental posture. A man can't, a woman should. Flexibility is key just standing around the kitchen while she cooks help them bond. If this alone is done, hope you know she won't complain. Plus both of them can gossip. These days gossips helps in bonding. 8 Likes |
Re: urg by Esthered: 1:43pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Wow but she's suppose to share bills with you. Samshumy: 3 Likes |
Re: urg by davenaija: 1:43pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Jen92: You're too kind. We need more family oriented threads on Fp. Whoever knows these guys should spread the word. Thx 3 Likes |
Re: urg by Nobody: 1:44pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy:Make sure you marry someone with same mentality with you!!! We dont want to see your post after a few years!!! Clearly Op noticed these character in her man yet she chose to marry. 5 Likes |
Re: urg by Samshumy: 1:44pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Esthered:If needed in some cases. I’m a man and there are some things i can’t do for a wife |
Re: urg by Acidosis(m): 1:45pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy: Your statement is very disturbing. I have made the necessary corrections though. 11 Likes |
Re: urg by davenaija: 1:46pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy: Once again self. You lose yourself the moment you marry. In a healthy marriage though. 5 Likes |
Re: urg by Samshumy: 1:46pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Jen92:Lol kindly explain. My post like how? The kind of person i a.m. is to give wife money and make she find means to do all chores. Whether by hiring maid or herself, e no concern me |
Re: urg by Samshumy: 1:47pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Acidosis:One maid is enough |
Re: urg by Samshumy: 1:47pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
davenaija:In marriage, i come first and by so, i can’t loose myself |
Re: urg by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 1:48pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy: You seem not to know what teamwork does to marriage. You men should stop being egotistical and put yourselves to good use. Money isn't the only thing you all should stick to offer. We all can make money if we want to. Do chores because it's expected of you and not a one person's chore. I wonder how you were raised. 2 Likes |
Re: urg by Samshumy: 1:50pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
davenaija:Lol well to me that’s my own believe and that’s how I’m made |
Re: urg by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 1:50pm On Apr 16, 2019 |
Samshumy: From whom did you learn such? |
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