My title says it all but I still need your contribution. Looking at the recent celebrity story about a failed marriage I have decided to take a thought about failed marriages.
Before we go further I am a woman and have been Married for 7 years. I think I know little about marriage.
Firstly, speaking as an experienced person in marriage counseling (I head a big school where 30 Percent of my parents are either divorced or separated) each time I have issues with a child (moral or academic default) I invite the parent mostly mom. At the end of the day we find ourselves discussing the father. Blames upon blames on how irresponsible the father is or how the child is taking after the father. I end up asking the mom if she knows she couldn't raise the kids without the father why did she divorce him
Note: most times it's the woman that was at fault i.e.lack of patience
I have a friend too who is separated from the husband to the extent that she has refused to tell the man she put to bed till date. When she was about to put to bed she called that I follow her but I told her I couldn't because it wasn't my duty. Then she started ranting about how the man has been useless and all that. I later volunteer my sister. After the birth it was a normal birth I called my sister to come home. She said she wanted to bury the placenta that there was no one to do it. Then I asked her to return it and tell the lady to call her husband who lives just 50# can from the hospital. In summary she didn't take the placenta from the hospital. She asked a nurse to bury it and didn't bother to know if she did or not. Then I told her it was dangerous. She went back to her to her usual story of 'he is not a serious man'
Just to make peace reign I called the man to find out only to find out that my friend was a cheat, the man found out and she opted for divorce. He is not ready for it but my friend asked him to leave ( they lived in a rented apartment)
Same as been the story of most of my divorce parents, they cheated.
When the marriage failed they find it hard to forgive themselves and they resort to ranting.
Women who weren't cheating or weren't at fault are usually calm after the divorce because they know they did their best.
To avoid becoming a sadist.....be transparent in marriage
My opinion tho .....( Don't mind my typo and writing)
Cheers

Because they are the bigger loser esp in Africa. A man can easily move on with another sweet 16 by remarrying especially if he has the money but it's not so for a woman. A woman's consolation after a failed marriage is her job if employed, custody of her child if any and the child support money if she will be getting one. The chances of a woman remarrying after a divorce is less than 5% she will remain a single mother for life n loneliness of old age will be waiting for her.

ogawisdom:
Because they are the bigger loser esp in Africa. A man can easily move on with another sweet 16 by remarrying especially if he has the money but it's not so for a woman. A woman's consolation after a failed marriage is her job if employed, custody of her child if any and the child support money if she will be getting one. The chances of a woman remarrying after a divorce is less than 5% she will remain a single mother for life n loneliness of old age will be waiting for her.

That was before. Women are more open to dating again and remarrying. My friend told me today that she is ready to start dating. She and her husband are separated, not divorced yet. But from all indications, the marriage cannot be resuscitated. People are learning that there is still another chance after a divorce.

ImaIma1:


That was before. Women are more open to dating again and remarrying. My friend told me today that she is ready to start dating. She and her husband are separated, not divorced yet. But from all indications, the marriage cannot be resuscitated. People are learning that there is still another chance after a divorce.

They can only fuc.k around with willing fuk boys in the name of dating but the chances of getting remarried is less than 5%

Well done ma...all the divorces and separations you've encountered were caused by either cheating or impatient wives. May God bless all the saints of this world for they are men fa. Cheers.

ogawisdom:


They can only fuc.k around with willing fuk boys in the name of dating but the chances of getting remarried is less than 5%

Is that statistics one you created or based on research that has been done?

From where you stand, it may be 1% but from what I have seen and known, it is way higher.

Op well done. You have succeeded in making the women the antagonists and putting them in a bad light. It is the women that cheated or were impatient in all the cases.

And you have so many women like that around you. Hope you are not cheating on your husband or being impatient. Since the woman is usually the issue.

Asking women to be "patient" and stay in failed miserable marriages is not only your 1st mistake in this issue, it is also a sure way to damage the child emotionally even more.

Your 2nd mistake on this issue is to believe that women are the main reason of divorces.... And as much as you may have female friends who were to blame, I doubt this is the case on ALL marriages. The rate is 50/50 men and women.

Your LAST mistake on the subject is to think that women who didn't cheat or didn't do anything wrong ain't bitter.... Sadly, that's your gravest error. Women are bitter after marriage failure because marriage is a do or die mission for most women in Nigeria. In Nigeria, marriage is synonymous with happiness, and most unmarried women will envy you on wedding day (even if you marry the biggest abusive demon out there). so divorce means the loss of that supposed happiness for these women.... And whether they did good or bad, most will turn bitter.

Also, since the day that women were born, it's been drilled into their skulls that marriage is their EVERYTHING. No matter what they do in life, if they ain't married, they are nothing. This is why people would look at Linda ikeji and still insult her to "go and get married" or "why ain't you married?" as if it is a necessity for success and/or happiness. So these people certainly will become bitter if they finally get married and then lose it all again.

Then to make matters worse, as much as a divorced woman with kids will easily find people to date, the majority are frowned upon when it comes to marriage. So, no more "supposed" happiness for them, no wonder they are bitter.

ImaIma1:
Op well done. You have succeeded in making the women the antagonists and putting them in a bad light. It is the women that cheated or were impatient in all the cases.

And you have so many women like that around you. Hope you are not cheating on your husband or being impatient. Since the woman is usually the issue.

Madam why are you PAINED, I hope you are not another Tonto Dike in disguise?

Bighead9:


Madam why are you PAINED, I hope you are not another Tonto Dike in disguise?

You can say that again
Really I mentioned the word "most of women" not all
Getting married after divorce is usually a wrong way out because most times it ends same way.
Attitude of women with the issue of feminism has affected many homes
Compare statistics of 80's to now

erifeoluwasimi:

You can say that again
Really I mentioned the word "most of women" not all
Getting married after divorce is usually a wrong way out because most times it ends same way.
Attitude of women with the issue of feminism has affected many homes
Compare statistics of 80's to now

Please just shut up and face your marriage

Amanee:


Please just shut up and face your marriage

Hope you find happiness

Bighead9:


Madam why are you PAINED, I hope you are not another Tonto Dike in disguise?

I don't have pain. Just wondering why the op sounded bias towards women on the topic.

And who is Tonto Dike?

erifeoluwasimi:

You can say that again
Really I mentioned the word "most of women" not all
Getting married after divorce is usually a wrong way out because most times it ends same way.
Attitude of women with the issue of feminism has affected many homes
Compare statistics of 80's to now

It doesn't change the fact that you sound bias towards women. Look at this comment I am quoting for instance... blaming women and talking about feminism. Are the men all saints and blameless. Please be objective and fair.

How can you compare the 80s to now? There are different variables, therefore the outcome will be different.

ImaIma1:


Is that statistics one you created or based on research that has been done?

From where you stand, it may be 1% but from what I have seen and known, it is way higher.

You are right, times have changed.

ImaIma1:
Op well done. You have succeeded in making the women the antagonists and putting them in a bad light. It is the women that cheated or were impatient in all the cases.

And you have so many women like that around you. Hope you are not cheating on your husband or being impatient. Since the woman is usually the issue.

You are wrong here.

The Op has done nothing wrong narrating her experiences with other women.

Moreover she did not generalise the matter under discussion.

erifeoluwasimi:

You can say that again
Really I mentioned the word "most of women" not all
Getting married after divorce is usually a wrong way out because most times it ends same way.
Attitude of women with the issue of feminism has affected many homes
Compare statistics of 80's to now

I was going to comment however you seem unreasonable.

Anyways, in my experience, the guilty party is usually bitter for longer.

dirtycoin:




You are wrong here.

The Op has done nothing wrong narrating her experiences with other women.

Moreover she did not generalise the matter under discussion.

Her women, her opinion. She should not generalize it. Let it be in the confines of her school

OP I believe you opened this thread because of that Nigerian actress right?

I just have to let you know that she is human... And she is not 'acting' anymore...she has realised that it was useless being nice and sweet.. . . ..and now she is showing the 'humanity' in her without the clause of celebrity attached to it... lots of people expected her to continue swallowing any bitter pills thrown at her by the public/ family....just the way other celebrities swallows since the word" celebrity" was carved out from the Dictionary.....well,.she's done acting just to be nice and politically correct and I like her now better than when she was pretending in the name of being a celebrity...

Most of the people condemning her keeps on acting as if they don't have females in their families... I have never seen a female specie that was deliberately provoked and she lets it slide... As if nothing happened... it's not always common...

It's unfortunate that the camera/ bloggers are on her at the moment... Some people talking trash about her will do worse if the camera (bloggers ) were to be focusing on them..

someone somewhere knows her weak points and was using it to his advantage...and she was reacting based on that and some people on the Internet were dumb to see it... In some divorce cases, both parties were hurt and they seeks revenge... the man may have been doing his in a coded manner... yet he has no fault in the eyes of the public...

ogawisdom:
Because they are the bigger loser esp in Africa. A man can easily move on with another sweet 16 by remarrying especially if he has the money but it's not so for a woman. A woman's consolation after a failed marriage is her job if employed, custody of her child if any and the child support money if she will be getting one. The chances of a woman remarrying after a divorce is less than 5% she will remain a single mother for life n loneliness of old age will be waiting for her.

Not true.
Quite a number of divorced women get back on the dating scene once they're ready. Some don't want to remarry again because they are happier being their own boss, and living on their own especially if they have their own money. They have guys they are dating on the side, have regular sex and who they can chat with. They also have the luxury of independence
The issue of remarrying comes in when they want more children. If they already have enough children, some think there's no point in remarrying.
I know quite a few previously divorced women in another marriage now and they're doing just fine.
In fact, it seems the single mothers these days are giving the never married ones a run for their money.
Men will always chase a woman who has her acts together whether she's been previously married or not. You're a man, observe your fellow men closely from now.

erifeoluwasimi:

You can say that again
Really I mentioned the word "most of women" not all
Getting married after divorce is usually a wrong way out because most times it ends same way.
Attitude of women with the issue of feminism has affected many homes
Compare statistics of 80's to now

I don't understand you. Why is getting remarried after a divorce a wrong way out? Who says they end up same way?

eyinjuege:


Not true.
Quite a number of divorced women get back on the dating scene once they're ready. Some don't want to remarry again because they are happier being their own boss, and living on their own especially if they have their own money. They have guys they are dating on the side, have regular sex and who they can chat with. They also have the luxury of independence
The issue of remarrying comes in when they want more children. If they already have enough children, some think there's no point in remarrying.
I know quite a few previously divorced women in another marriage now and they're doing just fine.
In fact, it seems the single mothers these days are giving the never married ones a run for their money.
Men will always chase a woman who has her acts together whether she's been previously married or not. You're a man, observe your fellow men closely from now.

U are contradicting yourself most of them will never re marry bc they will never attract the kinda of man to marry again, they only attract poor fuk boys. They will settle for fuking around in the name of dating. Most men that will come to them are after their money if they are comfortable so they won't like to marry them fuk boys DT they can only attract. U won't see a comfortable single guy going for a divorcee for marriage, very rare.

A divorced man is way ahead DT is why a whole celebrity like Tonto dike is still crying about her husband even after 3yrs of divorce while unknown Churchill has moved on since.

If it's about chop n clean mouth men full to mark her register free of charge aka oshofree which is called dating as a cover up. The right word is oshofree

NB: marriage is not meant to have children only after all every child will leave home someday, marriage is for a life companion, ppl only realize this in old age when all their children have left the house

ImaIma1:


Is that statistics one you created or based on research that has been done?

From where you stand, it may be 1% but from what I have seen and known, it is way higher.

Give me examples of Nigerian female divorcees that have remarried esp the celebrities or any known name let's start from there.

Will u even allow your brother to marry a second hand? lol

ogawisdom:


U are contradicting yourself most of them will never re marry bc they will never attract the kinda of man to marry again, they only attract poor fuk boys. They will settle for fuking around in the name of dating. Most men that will come to them are after their money if they are comfortable so they won't like to marry them fuk boys DT they can only attract. U won't see a comfortable single guy going for a divorcee for marriage, very rare. A divorced man is way ahead DT is why a whole celebrity like Tonto dike is still crying about her husband even after 3yrs of divorce while Churchill has moved on since.

Only foolish women give men money in the name of sex. A woman who has been married before should be wiser now.
A woman who has her acts together is always attractive. My cousin married a single mother of one about 10 years ago, and they have 2 children together now. She was the best thing to happen to him, not because she was rich, beautiful or whatever, but she is a woman who has her acts together. Funny enough, she is the only DIL of my uncle who has only sons that shows genuine care about him. Her son from her previous marriage has been accepted in the family as one of ours. True story.
Mariam Babangida was a single mother of one, and she ruled her man. Funke Akindele is remarried, Stella Damasus has remarried more times than I can keep up, Stephanie Okereke, and so many others.
Tonto has been mentally imbalanced even before her marriage, so she's a special case on her own. The only thing that might stop her remarrying is her nasty attitude which has always been a part of her. I'm surprised people fail to see her as she is. I was surprised when Churchill married her as she didn't seem alright to me, so I was initially happy her brain had been reset back to normal after marriage. However, character is like smoke and you can't hide it.
Do you know how these Nollywood folks have broken marriages, ,but you don't hear anything about them crying over their ex. Osas ighodaro, damilola adegbite etc, all have trouble in paradise but you won't hear pim about them. Even lilian esoro didn't make noise despite her man being public property as events have unfolded.
Don't use Tonto as a yardstick please . Its she and Emeka Iyke that like lamentations.

ogawisdom:


Give me examples Nigerian female divorcees that have remarried esp the celebrities or any known name let's start from there.

Will u even allow your brother to marry a second hand? lol

Our everyday people are much more than the celebrities...regular people that have remarried.

However, some celebrities who have remarried are Uche Obi Osotule, Stella Damasus, Monalisa Chinda, Funke Akindele, Stephanie Okereke, Foluke Daramola, Lola Alao, Regina Askia. We have those like Clarion Chukwura, Shan George, Ann Njemanze who remarried but it didn't last.

These are even the popular ones not to mention the low key ones.

ogawisdom:


U are contradicting yourself most of them will never re marry bc they will never attract the kinda of man to marry again, they only attract poor fuk boys. They will settle for fuking around in the name of dating. Most men that will come to them are after their money if they are comfortable so they won't like to marry them fuk boys DT they can only attract. U won't see a comfortable single guy going for a divorcee for marriage, very rare.

A divorced man is way ahead DT is why a whole celebrity like Tonto dike is still crying about her husband even after 3yrs of divorce while unknown Churchill has moved on since.

If it's about chop n clean mouth men full to mark her register free of charge aka oshofree which is called dating as a cover up. The right word is oshofree

NB: marriage is not meant to have children only after all every child will leave home someday, marriage is for a life companion, ppl only realize this in old age when all their children have left the house

Sincerely u said it all. Gbayi!!!
Igbeyin lo dun oloku Ada
It's at the end a one who weed with blunt cutlass will know the harm he has caused himself

erifeoluwasimi:
My title says it all but I still need your contribution. Looking at the recent celebrity story about a failed marriage I have decided to take a thought about failed marriages.
Before we go further I am a woman and have been Married for 7 years. I think I know little about marriage.
Firstly, speaking as an experienced person in marriage counseling (I head a big school where 30 Percent of my parents are either divorced or separated) each time I have issues with a child (moral or academic default) I invite the parent mostly mom. At the end of the day we find ourselves discussing the father. Blames upon blames on how irresponsible the father is or how the child is taking after the father. I end up asking the mom if she knows she couldn't raise the kids without the father why did she divorce him
Note: most times it's the woman that was at fault i.e.lack of patience
I have a friend too who is separated from the husband to the extent that she has refused to tell the man she put to bed till date. When she was about to put to bed she called that I follow her but I told her I couldn't because it wasn't my duty. Then she started ranting about how the man has been useless and all that. I later volunteer my sister. After the birth it was a normal birth I called my sister to come home. She said she wanted to bury the placenta that there was no one to do it. Then I asked her to return it and tell the lady to call her husband who lives just 50# can from the hospital. In summary she didn't take the placenta from the hospital. She asked a nurse to bury it and didn't bother to know if she did or not. Then I told her it was dangerous. She went back to her to her usual story of 'he is not a serious man'
Just to make peace reign I called the man to find out only to find out that my friend was a cheat, the man found out and she opted for divorce. He is not ready for it but my friend asked him to leave ( they lived in a rented apartment)
Same as been the story of most of my divorce parents, they cheated.
When the marriage failed they find it hard to forgive themselves and they resort to ranting.
Women who weren't cheating or weren't at fault are usually calm after the divorce because they know they did their best.
To avoid becoming a sadist.....be transparent in marriage
My opinion tho .....( Don't mind my typo and writing)
Cheers

its funny you said this
.... I Know so many women whose marriages crashed and they keep abusing their estranged ex husband's only to discover the man caught then cheating. Its almost like the cheats become more defensive and try everything possible to tarnish their ex. Brainless sha

MrBrownJay1:
Asking women to be "patient" and stay in failed miserable marriages is not only your 1st mistake in this issue, it is also a sure way to damage the child emotionally even more.

Your 2nd mistake on this issue is to believe that women are the main reason of divorces.... And as much as you may have female friends who were to blame, I doubt this is the case on ALL marriages. The rate is 50/50 men and women.

Your LAST mistake on the subject is to think that women who didn't cheat or didn't do anything wrong ain't bitter.... Sadly, that's your gravest error. Women are bitter after marriage failure because marriage is a do or die mission for most women in Nigeria. In Nigeria, marriage is synonymous with happiness, and most unmarried women will envy you on wedding day (even if you marry the biggest abusive demon out there). so divorce means the loss of that supposed happiness for these women.... And whether they did good or bad, most will turn bitter.

Also, since the day that women were born, it's been drilled into their skulls that marriage is their EVERYTHING. No matter what they do in life, if they ain't married, they are nothing. This is why people would look at Linda ikeji and still insult her to "go and get married" or "why ain't you married?" as if it is a necessity for success and/or happiness. So these people certainly will become bitter if they finally get married and then lose it all again.

Then to make matters worse, as much as a divorced woman with kids will easily find people to date, the majority are frowned upon when it comes to marriage. So, no more "supposed" happiness for them, no wonder they are bitter.

this narrative that's been promoted by sjws ....in the west here, women are even more desperate to get hooked up with all the so called liberalism. It's a womans nature to desire emmotion and commitment. Man on the other hand doesnt care until old age. The women here even lower their standards by marrying immigrants they know just want papers. Ita not apciery, it's simply women's nature.

revolt:
this narrative that's been promoted by sjws ....in the west here, women are even more desperate to get hooked up with all the so called liberalism. It's a womans nature to desire emmotion and commitment. Man on the other hand doesnt care until old age. The women here even lower their standards by marrying immigrants they know just want papers. Ita not apciery, it's simply women's nature.

A) EVERYONE (not just women) desire emotion and commitment... Just because men can get married til their old age (and many don't mind fukcing around), it certainly does NOT mean we don't seek commitment/emotion in our r/ships.

B) are seriously saying that an immigrant CANNOT be a good man, and therefore women shouldn't marry them?!?! Are you serious bro?! What's wrong with marrying an immigrant?! The majority of men who seek papers don't go to these women and tell them:" I seek papers and don't care about you, let's get married" , these dudes woo these babe and do all the right things men should do, so don't blame these babes for acting RIGHT, blame these deluded con men for acting WRONG

C) What west exactly are you talking about by the way?! Ukraine, Russia where you can buy a wife for 250€ ?!
Yes there are many 3rd world countries outside of Africa where women view marriage as a do or die (like Nigerian women)
Yes there are some women in the US/Europe etc who are lazy and looking for rich men to marry so they can live their fantasy Kim K lifestyle
Does these same women seek marriage above anything else, HELL NO, they seek MONEY, to buy themselves the bling bling lifestyle. Big difference.
In the west, especially Europe, a broke single divorced mother will never suffer, she will be taken care of by the state, and if she even has a job, she wouldn't even care about getting married again... But most importantly, both these women wouldn't suddenly turn "bitter" after divorce, that's when they will live their BEST LIFE. Because on this side of the world, people don't judge single/divorced women, they are viewed just like any other

Richy4:
OP I believe you opened this thread because of that Nigerian actress right?

I just have to let you know that she is human... And she is not 'acting' anymore...she has realised that it was useless being nice and sweet.. . . ..and now she is showing the 'humanity' in her without the clause of celebrity attached to it... lots of people expected her to continue swallowing any bitter pills thrown at her by the public/ family....just the way other celebrities swallows since the word" celebrity" was carved out from the Dictionary.....well,.she's done acting just to be nice and politically correct and I like her now better than when she was pretending in the name of being a celebrity...

Most of the people condemning her keeps on acting as if they don't have females in their families... I have never seen a female specie that was deliberately provoked and she lets it slide... As if nothing happened... it's not always common...

It's unfortunate that the camera/ bloggers are on her at the moment... Some people talking trash about her will do worse if the camera (bloggers ) were to be focusing on them..

someone somewhere knows her weak points and was using it to his advantage...and she was reacting based on that and some people on the Internet were dumb to see it... In some divorce cases, both parties were hurt and they seeks revenge... the man may have been doing his in a coded manner... yet he has no fault in the eyes of the public...

silence cannot be .misquoted... the Lady is unwise and naive...the man is matured

eyinjuege:


Not true.
Quite a number of divorced women get back on the dating scene once they're ready. Some don't want to remarry again because they are happier being their own boss, and living on their own especially if they have their own money. They have guys they are dating on the side, have regular sex and who they can chat with. They also have the luxury of independence
The issue of remarrying comes in when they want more children. If they already have enough children, some think there's no point in remarrying.
I know quite a few previously divorced women in another marriage now and they're doing just fine.
In fact, it seems the single mothers these days are giving the never married ones a run for their money.
Men will always chase a woman who has her acts together whether she's been previously married or not. You're a man, observe your fellow men closely from now.

men will always prefer a fresh, never married, never given birth Lady to a divorcee/separated woman. ladies are case on their own.who needs a lady with a baggage?