timmybabyface, you can sleep on the same bed with the opposite sex and nothing will happen especially when there is no feelings involved
It's just all about self discipline, self control and your mind.
if you don't harbor the thought, nothing will happen
even when the other party wants to, its left for you to turn them down unless they end up raping you.

You don't really have a case...... can you also confess that you were faithful?If you were, you would have mentioned it. you seem so insecured and troubled. you have a good girl, what if she was one of those that sleep with different guys especially those that do the "friends with benefit"

Finally,
The last place to seek advice is nairaland, I have just gone through the comments. You and your girl know yourselves, you know her more than nairlanders, the solution is in your hands

frank950:


And here stands Mr Dictionary whose sentence is infested with grammatical errors. Remove the spec from your own eyes first.

Nonsense.

Zombie. Buhari IQ mate

babyfaceafrica:
all this weak men..where did they come from?....and he still has the effontery to ask us what he should do?...give her award nah...nansense

I was even thinking you were the OP

bamidelee:

poco poco
how you dey

I do not like when retards try to show any form of concern for me. Go back to being who you are...

rosalieene:

I was even thinking you were the OP

me ke?...I don't have such time for epistle...you cheat you leave!!,..simple...I have never cheated and will never do so.. if I have problems with my fiancess/wife....we call it quits if it can t be settled... to be jumping up and down with another lady is not my thing ..one woman self na struggle I dey take cope..not to talk of adding extra..God bless us all

Next2Bezee:


Don't be fooled. The same mother that is begging you is the same woman that turned a blind eye when her daughter was cheating.

If you believe that the girl only cheated on you twice, then your name is 'Sorry'.

She likes your money and gifts, but sharing nudes and having fone-zex is not enough to keep most Nigerian girls happy; their body no be firewood.

So, bro, if you like yourself, run! Run as fast as you can, without looking back.

You live and work in the Netherlands, so have some self-esteem. Don't allow one small 9ja olosho to play with your heart like this.

Work on yourself and shoot for white babes.

Remember what I said: run! If not, one day you will move back to Nigeria because of this girl, and when your money finishes, she will vamoose.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed.

Okafor's Law has not been disproved till today, be guided

AntiBrutus:


I do not like when retards try to show any form of concern for me. Go back to being who you are...

even if one would show any concern for anyone not you whose life is totally out of mercy to the celestial body. Tissue paper is valuable than you
Your life has been ruined totally by your uncultured attitudes
am here for you

[s]

bamidelee:

even if one would show any concern for anyone not you whose life is totally out of mercy to the celestial body. Tissue paper is valuable than you
Your life has been ruined totally by your uncultured attitudes
am here for you

[/s]

Triggered? Mission accomplished

Omo9ja147:
bros... state this law abeg... I wan hear am.

Okafor's law states that once a man has had a woman, he can have her again at any time.

AntiBrutus:
[s][/s]
Triggered? Mission accomplished

we would keep praying for you

Donald7610:
What loyalty do you expect, when you're far away
Hide your face bro
She be human
Not yet married

This doesn't justify cheating one bit.
A cheat is a cheat.

He said he was sending money and communicating with the girl and the girl's family knows him.

To me that shows a serious relationship.

Even if they were married, she will still cheat. Okafor's law in my understanding means that any woman who cheats before marriage will cheat after marriage, all things being equal.

timmybabyface:
Dear friends

Greetings to you and please pardon my manners if my ways of writing isn’t that perfect!

I met my Gf about 3years ago after my youth service in Nigeria l! she was in law school at that time and things was going on well till I finally found out that she has cheated on me when she traveled back to continue her law school in Abuja, she told me that she thought I wasn’t too serious at that time and that she’s truly sorry.

I forgive her because I love her and because of the good behavior of her parents towards me.

To cut the long story short, I have to travel outside Nigeria about one year and 8month ago to further my studies and things was really going on well between us both before I left, I always try to creat time for her out of my busy academic schedule and I still send her money according to my pocket.

When I traveled down to Nigeria to celebrate Christmas with family&friends I ask her if she has ever cheated on me when I was away. She started lying till I have to force her to talk and give her the only bible to swear but she could not do that , she was scared so she told me that she has cheated on me twice, she said the first one was when she visited her friend in Ibadan for her sister wedding and a friend of her came in without her knowledge, that she was drunk and they have sex.

She said the second one happened when she went for a job interview in Edo. according to her she said when the the interview was over that she could not go back to Lagos so her male friend log her in an hotel which both of them sleep till morning but nothing happened between them! I don’t believe a man and woman would sleep in an hotel room till morning and nothing happened! I’m a street wise and well oriented so such story is not a welcome story to me .

I’m a Nigerian I study and live in the Netherlands.


Please my dear friends kindly advise me on what to do, she has been begging me with her mom who is asking me to forgive her and that such would never happen again

Matured advice please! That I will appreciate

sorry i have to use strong words.you must be an idiot not to know you are dating a cheat and you must be a bigger idiot for staying in netherland and expecting a young woman in nigeria not to enjoy her pussy.is she your wife?.even if she is ,she wont have sex when starved for sex and you are not around?.stop being stupid please.the stupid girl should have given you the bible to swear first

Donald7610:
What loyalty do you expect, when you're far away
Hide your face bro
She be human
Not yet married

not yet married indeed! but that is the popular mistake, expecting a monkey to become a baboon after the wedding.

Halo22:
In as much as you have not married her officially and traditionally, just don't take it too far. Understand that ladies need sex more than men. Just go ahead with the marriage, but if u are still travelling back to Netherlands, go with her or else, cos as far am concerned, she would repeat the cheating and u can only be aware of the ones she feels like telling u.

if u dont have something sensible why can't u shut your mouth,this is a thread for matured folks not kids,highly irresponsible people here on nairaland these days,a lady that cannot be trusted in relationship why will I true her in marriage

SageMK:
SMH.

I don't know where this breed of men keep coming from.

To think your fiance, cheated on you twice with random modafúckers without a second thought but yet, here you are asking for directions on what to do?? Oh No.

Lol. I'll consider the fact that you are still in shock and just maybe that's why you can't decide on what to do.


Okay. Here's what you should do brother

1. Come back to Nigeria and call for a family meeting. Tell them you've forgive her and you'll like to marry her in the coming weeks.

2. Tell them their family house will be the venue of the grand reception you'll be holding for the wedding. And you need to fix their roof and a little renovation here and there.

3. Pay contractors to remove the roof and windows of their house. Then delete and block her contacts. Pack your bags and fly back to Netherlands.

Not necessary. For old times sake. Some people are not as foolish and heartless like you.

Op just move on.

Donald7610:
What loyalty do you expect, when you're far away
Hide your face bro
She be human
Not yet married

wow!! wisdom! perfect answer!

Hmm,the lady really tried just 2 times in 1 year and 8 months, average of 2 rounds every 10 months,to me that's really commendable considering the fact the temptations she has to past through,if you also factor in that you two are not yet married there's yet no strong link to prevent her from shining her Congo,I really pity the poor woman who knows how many times she must have masturbated on a rainy night to maintain her loyalty to you,and op can you swear with the Bible that u have not shined any Congo in Holland.

jaxxy:



If ur gf cheats on u close to ur wedding or as ur fiancée my brother chances she will cheat on u after ur wedding with either same guy or another is 80% better don’t dull urself. We are not talking about causal gf here where u have like 3 ur dating. A gal who can not hold it can not hold it period! When Ure out of town u will understand the consequences of ur actions. This is what I call cluelessness of Jonathan and Buhari.

Oga ... people flirt before marriage and are faithful in marriage... and also people are innocent before bit become worse dan devil in marriages... so the guy should know him dat has also had sex before marriage is cheating on his wife even if is d same person he marries... lets put things straight and stop this cheating nonsense... i still have my stand that no one is at fault since she is not married... do u think he his a saint.... dont forget that only an insecured person comes back to start investigating who and who his girl went our with .... dobt forget he also said it is not possible for a guy to stay in the room with a lady without haveing sex... so he to his guilty... i have spoken

Kenturkey048:
I pray you equal what you ve written..

That is her values don't doubt it

david22uu:



Oga ... people flirt before marriage and are faithful in marriage... and also people are innocent before bit become worse dan devil in marriages... so the guy should know him dat has also had sex before marriage is cheating on his wife even if is d same person he marries... lets put things straight and stop this cheating nonsense... i still have my stand that no one is at fault since she is not married... do u think he his a saint.... dont forget that only an insecured person comes back to start investigating who and who his girl went our with .... dobt forget he also said it is not possible for a guy to stay in the room with a lady without haveing sex... so he to his guilty... i have spoken

He’s insecure yes bt people are different and relationships are different. Cheating is not even the main issue bt how and why u cheat. Those reasons if genuine will determine if it will continue afterwards. If u just ignore it all as say u ain’t married u might be setting ur self up for more pain. Like i said a casual gf I don’t care bt a fiancée with parents already involved cheating 2ce with different mean? Hell naw.

timmybabyface:
Dear friends

Greetings to you and please pardon my manners if my ways of writing isn’t that perfect!

I met my Gf about 3years ago after my youth service in Nigeria l! she was in law school at that time and things was going on well till I finally found out that she has cheated on me when she traveled back to continue her law school in Abuja, she told me that she thought I wasn’t too serious at that time and that she’s truly sorry.

I forgive her because I love her and because of the good behavior of her parents towards me.

To cut the long story short, I have to travel outside Nigeria about one year and 8month ago to further my studies and things was really going on well between us both before I left, I always try to creat time for her out of my busy academic schedule and I still send her money according to my pocket.

When I traveled down to Nigeria to celebrate Christmas with family&friends I ask her if she has ever cheated on me when I was away. She started lying till I have to force her to talk and give her the only bible to swear but she could not do that , she was scared so she told me that she has cheated on me twice, she said the first one was when she visited her friend in Ibadan for her sister wedding and a friend of her came in without her knowledge, that she was drunk and they have sex.

She said the second one happened when she went for a job interview in Edo. according to her she said when the the interview was over that she could not go back to Lagos so her male friend log her in an hotel which both of them sleep till morning but nothing happened between them! I don’t believe a man and woman would sleep in an hotel room till morning and nothing happened! I’m a street wise and well oriented so such story is not a welcome story to me .

I’m a Nigerian I study and live in the Netherlands.


Please my dear friends kindly advise me on what to do, she has been begging me with her mom who is asking me to forgive her and that such would never happen again

Matured advice please! That I will appreciate

How can you get a matured advice when u are not matured?

annford:




You, I must say, are full of Wisdom and your words, very plain and simple.

Tango Yanky!

Freestainworld:
some men and their childish sef, how can you be asking a girl if she has cheated on you bro? you went out for a year plus, even without telling you, you should have known that something may or may not happen, if you love the girl, you marry her and stop stalking on her till you take her to the alter. if you really want to have peace of mind as a man, you must stop asking a woman childish questions and be a man, unless you caught her red handed or have an evidence. that is my advice because you never pay, you are just a share holder.

so are those that have paid immune from unfaithfulness? If the answer is no then shut up

Sage7:
There’s a likelihood for cheating to occur in distant relationships.

You can’t really judge. Even the OP must have cheated too.

Humans are bound to fall & fail in such relationships, especially when you’re not married.

The one who has sworn not to cheat or never cheated has not done so because more than half the time they’ve not found themselves in circumstances that warrants cheating.

You can’t judge nobody, except there is a ring on it.

For your sanity, try everything to take her to Netherlands if you eventually walk down the aisle with her. The devil you know is....

If you leave am, na man like you go still marry am.

Try another relationship & travel again, same thing will happen. The distance is the problem.

wrong advice....

SpecialAdviser:
The fact that she cheated when you have not married her doesn't make her worse. Is common among women. Marry her if she is good in every other aspect.

Does this advice sound sensible to u?.... Na questn o

You are very foolish....if you have made up ur mind, why coming here to disturb some busy people. Shey u're seeking advice. Please gerrera here.

bayulll011:


if u dont have something sensible why can't u shut your mouth,this is a thread for matured folks not kids,highly irresponsible people here on nairaland these days,a lady that cannot be trusted in relationship why will I true her in marriage