Stop complaining about any of her acts. Ignore her and find solace in something else. Act like you don't care,even though you care.

Stop acting weak, man up and see what her reaction will be.

Juliearth:




First of all, I must applaud you for your patience and self control. You are already in this union and it's for better or worse. I would advise you to stand up to your position as a man. You need to make her understand that you are the man of the house, the head and "lord" over her. She needs to understand that you can walk away if she doesn't put a leash on her terrible and distasteful character. Perhaps she feels encouraged to do these things because she knows that you probably may not react. You need to "change it for her"( pardon my French). By that I don't mean violence please, but be firm, let their be retribution for every ill character she displays... Good luck.

Thanks for this deep thoughts

this happens when you think with your heart instead of ur brain.....you saw the signs but you waved it...carry your cross

Juliearth:



Emotionally weak? Then you shouldn't get married. Even if you marry an Angel, your willpower would be tested and your energy zapped. You have to work OK that bro.

Yeah, am really working on that and I believe things will get better soon.

ferrariLaferrari:
Bro hear me well
Don’t stay in same room with her again,let her come around you herself. Act as if you don’t give a bleep about anything she does, later she will get tired if she’s always nagging alone.
If you divorce her now, your kids moral and mental psychology will be damaged.
So just play cool God be with you sir

Seconded

ferrariLaferrari:
Bro hear me well
Don’t stay in same room with her again,let her come around you herself. Act as if you don’t give a bleep about anything she does, later she will get tired if she’s always nagging alone.
If you divorce her now, your kids moral and mental psychology will be damaged.
So just play cool God be with you sir

I will not support this, what if she turns out to be sexually satisfied outside.

I also think the society you live has greatly influenced her attitude and way of life. I’m assuming you live outside Nigeria. Sincerely, you are responsible for your life. No one else. The decisions we make ultimately make or mar us. I can only spare a thought and prayer for you. Goodluck

GoldCircle:
I also think the society you live has greatly influenced her attitude and way of life. I’m assuming you live outside Nigeria. Sincerely, you are responsible for your life. No one else. The decisions we make ultimately make or mar us. I can only spare a thought and prayer for you. Goodluck

Thanks. We live in the states

Write and pass ielts....At least get band 7.5..Contact a GENUINE travel agent...Wayo full everywhere..So,be very careful and smart! Try and get yourself in Canada,Australia or US.. Get a Permanent Residency.They can process it for you easily in Nigeria depending on the course you studied....Might cost you few( million).....Settle there,work peacefully,live happily.....After 6months or so,come and take your children along.....You will see she would come crawling with her knees,stomach and buttocks begging.....

I hate NONSENSE...Personally,I can't condone such from anyone....

Create a strong bond with everyone she's not in good relationship with, her mom, siblings etc.

Tell her your condition for peace with her is to make peace with her family. If she is able to do that, be ready to renew your love and continue with the marriage.
If she can't make peace with her mum and siblings, you may consider leaving.

You didn't mention how you and her has been relating with your own family .an Idea on this will give us insight on your own personality too.

qereshi:
Thanks. We live in the states

Oops you in a bind there. Lol. She has the upper hand bro. Anyways, be a man and don't apologize. In fact do a reverse, when she talks to u shout back. A dose of her medicine won't b bad. But sincerely, u need tender loving care and not d craze woman who wanna kill you before your time

FloraEC:

Yea, I read what you wrote well but since is one-sided, I refuse to judge.
You knew she was that terrible and still settled down with her, spent 8years with her as her husband, birth kids too. You've passed the early stages of marriage and sticked managed together, didn't she have any good side throughout that period or was she like this? That means you've been unhappy in 2,920 days of your life in marriage?
I refuse to believe

ok, thanks, so.ethings are better understood when experienced.

mostyg:
Create a strong bond with everyone she's not in good relationship with, her mom, siblings etc.

Tell her your condition for peace with her is to make peace with her family. If she is able to do that, be ready to renew your love and continue with the marriage.
If she can't make peace with her mum and siblings, you may consider leaving.

You didn't mention how you and her has been relating with your own family .an Idea on this will give us insight on your own personality too.

No one in my family knows, I covered up all, but my eldest knew some of these things, she is married to a pastor, I begged her not tell.my mum and younger ones because for me, once my younger ones and mum are aware, then I must act drastically because failure to act then will be very bad for my personality I have been trying to save the marriage. You know the thing with your own siblings, even if my wife and I make up, my siblings might still have that biase towards her. So I have been trying to salvage her respect However I think I have gotten to the point of bringing in both family

Chinny024:
Write and pass ielts....At least get band 7.5..Contact a GENUINE travel agent...Wayo full everywhere..So,be very careful and smart! Try and get yourself in Canada,Australia or US.. Get a Permanent Residency.They can process it for you easily in Nigeria depending on the course you studied....Might cost you few( million).....Settle there,work peacefully,live happily.....After 6months or so,come and take your children along.....You will see she would come crawling with her knees,stomach and buttocks begging.....

I hate NONSENSE...Personally,I can't condone such from anyone....

I live in the US already.

essenceplus:
Osanobua. Op be strong. Have you tried digging deep? Can we talk offline

I sent you a mail request please drop your number on the reply

qereshi:
Oga please I am not perfect at all, please read what I wrote, it is not about me alone, what about the quarrel with her siblings that has remained unsettled for years till now, what about her mum?. ...

What do you want?

wow! so much toxic reactions. sincerely it's not healthy for you or your kids and if you die (God forbid) from heart attack or depression, she may not miss u and she will move on as if nothing happened.

you need to get your sanity back and be firm before you loose your mind. if you keep tolerating her toxic reactions then the kids will be affected psychologically . so what's the point of putting up with the devil and living in constant humiliation and fear.

it's up to you to make up your mind to take a break and separate for a while to see if she will come Bak to her senses or behave while u perform your fatherly responsibility from a distance and have some peace

you are the one in the situation and only you can get yourself out before it's too late. goodluck

Thanks for your time and worthy advice

She's the product of a broken home.
She had to grow up and be strong and independent when there was no father around.
She has learnt to rely on herself and herself alone.
Unfortunately, some people think being obstinate=being strong.

There's nothing you can do to change her unless she decides to see the error in her mindset.
And if your marriage fails, she'll only say that you are an evil man just like her father.

Talk to her. Tell her that a broken home is not hereditary.
Only her can choose to make her marriage pleasant...and you are willing to work with her on it.
Be sincere and outline little things you can do together for a start. E.g. Choose a day, and go out together alone, no kids. Nothing fancy. Just a beautiful serene place. Enjoy the calmness and serenity it'll offer.
You can do this once a month. Repetitively. It'll be like a time set apart for both of you to work on your marriage.

#Dazall

@op did you you take her abroad or you guys met there?

8years of marriage, has she always been like throughout the years?


Do you really think she is capable of change?

The fact that she doesn't care about what you do says alot "don't tell me where you are going too" infact I feel she wants a divorce, she doesn't just want to be the one to ask. Living in the states is also encouraging her, Most Nigeria ladies turn to something else entirely over there.


My advice, move on, she is a lost case already. The marriage would have be atleast salvageable if you guys are Nigeria base

mrjojo:
@op did you you take her abroad or you guys met there?

8years of marriage, has she always been like throughout the years?


Do you really think she is capable of change?

The fact that she doesn't care about what you do says alot "don't tell me where you are going too" infact I feel she wants a divorce, she doesn't just want to be the one to ask. Living in the states is also encouraging her, Most Nigeria ladies turn to something else entirely over there.


My advice, move on, she is a lost case already. The marriage would have be atleast salvageable if you guys are Nigeria base

I took her abroad, because that has always been her dream, and more over the problem with her siblings were just too much. Also like I said, she can be nice at times, but in the real sense nobody can be bitter all year round, even devil has time for cooking off. Her joy can't last a day, anything can annoy and send her wild. I can not say if she is capable of change, it is actually the change in have been hoping for. However, her actions does not suggest that she values the marriage.

qereshi:
[b]I took her abroa[/b]d, because that has always been her dream, and more over the problem with her siblings were just too much. Also like I said, she can be nice at times, but in the real sense nobody can be bitter all year round, even devil has time for cooking off. Her joy can't last a day, anything can annoy and send her wild. I can not say if she is capable of change, it is actually the change in have been hoping for. However, her actions does not suggest that she values the marriage.

This right here is the straw that breaks the camel's back. Taking her abroad simply magnified her behaviors, The US is a fertile land for altitude and misdemeanor to fully blossom. Nigerian ladies tend to "overdo" when taken abroad, this is fast becoming a trend, Google to see more stories. Anyways, if you feel she is in capable of change, and since there is no one person she respect and can listen too. It time to flee for your peace of mind. Kindly divorce since she seem to want it also, I don't understand why she hasn't asked for it, but instead planned on frustrating you till you do. Your children will be fine, just make sure you provide and set up reasonable amount of time to spend with them.

I know it not going to be easy, be strong. SHALLOM

Juliearth:



Emotionally weak? Then you shouldn't get married. Even if you marry an Angel, your willpower would be tested and your energy zapped. You have to work OK that bro.

Being too strong emotionally isnt the way to go neither. It leads you to making hasty and uninformed decision with adverse effect. This is what I thought happened in our case.

FunkyAlhaji2015:


Being too strong emotionally isnt the way to go neither. It leads you to making hasty and uninformed decision with adverse effect. This is what I thought happened in our case.

Are you stalking me now?
Do I get the mods here involved?
Was there ever a "we, us, our..?
Wake up!

Juliearth:




Are you stalking me now?
Do I get the mods here involved?
Was there ever a "we, us, our..?
Wake up!

I'm guessing you do not know the meaning of "stalking".

This is serious, ignore her for the sake of your health

She derives pleasure from her actions, because she is aware it will get to you
Ignore her, sleep on the same bed, but don't say a word to her, when you get tired playing with your children, press your phone, visit your friends, sports things, by the time you are through ignoring her, she will feel useless around you, she will wonder why you suddenly changed

Thanks, I did this several times ago, the last one lasted for over 3 months, not a word, to the extent we were cooking and eating differently. She don't give a damn, or at least, she appear not to care