I decided to bring this to family section because I need matured advice.

In all my life I've only had three relationships because I always weigh the pros and cons before I commit to anything, my past relationships always start with sex, infact I'm always persuaded for a long time before I finally agree and there is never any attraction at first for me, but when sex sets in, the feelings grow and whatnot.

Then I met this wonderful man, we got talking and chating and both clicked at the same time, he is everything I ever wanted in every aspect you can think of but there is a problem, the sexual attraction and love between us is really strong and it's affecting my health, we are both working and we talk and chat for hours every night, we cant do without keeping in touch everyday (we don't stay in same state but we've seen several times) we've not had sex cos there comes a time in ones life that sex won't be a priority or a defining factor in a relationship but I'm always scared, when we fight it always seem as if we would never talk again, my heart beats fast when he misses my calls, I think of him every night before I sleep, a little thought of him makes me wet, when there is a misunderstanding I don't sleep at all, I've tried my best to shut my heart from my head but it's not working, sometimes I pray to God to take this strong feeling I have for him away cos it's just too much, I have never felt like this for anyone in my life before, this is someone that sex isnt involved at all so why this feeling, he says he feels that strong way too but I cant really describe his,

Last week Friday I had to check my BP and it was very high so I told myself this had to stop cos it's not normal, love shouldn't affect ones health this much, so I stopped talking to him, he called and asked what's wrong I said nothing that I just need a break but he wasn't happy with it, he asked and begged that I shouldn't leave him which I said I won't but I didn't tell him he is affecting my health. Since then we haven't talked to each other and it has not been easy for me especially this holiday, sometimes I lay on my bed and cry and groan cos I long to hear from him but I want him out of my head, I need my complete health restored.

Please is this the real deal? Is this love? How do I go about being in control of my emotions without affecting my health? Feel free to ask questions and I'll answer as discreetly as possible, thank you.

Please is this the real deal

Yes dear, it is the real deal. That's true love, a very rare feeling which most mistook and substitute for common interest, giving gifts, great sex, etc. You're currently experiencing that peak where the brain chemistry (dopamine and the likes) becomes unusually high.

But hey! Is true love enough to sustain you in your relationship? Absolutely not! But is that an excuse to say true love isn't worth it or required? No.

More importantly, is that feeling sustainable? Naah, give it a few months or a year max, it would subside but never disappears (even when you marry another man).

You're in for a HUGE experience. It can either be good or bad, depends entirely on what you make of it.

Acidosis:



Yes dear, it is the real deal. That's true love, a very rare feeling which most mistook and substitute for common interest, giving gifts, great sex, etc. You're currently experiencing that peak where the brain chemistry (dopamine and the likes) becomes unusually high.

But hey! Is true love enough to sustain you in your relationship? Absolutely not! But is that an excuse to say true love isn't worth it or required? No.

More importantly, is that feeling sustainable? Naah, give it a few months or a year max, it would subside but never disappears (even when you marry another man).

You're in for a HUGE experience. It can either be good or bad, depends entirely on what you make of it.

Thank you.

Fountainofyouth:
I decided to bring this to family section because I need matured advice.

In all my life I've only had three relationships because I always weigh the pros and cons before I commit to anything, my past relationships always start with sex, infact I'm always persuaded for a long time before I finally agree and there is never any attraction at first for me, then when sex sets in, the feelings grow and whatnot.

Then I met this wonderful man, we got talking and chating and both clicked at the same time, he is everything I ever wanted in every aspect you can think of but there a problem, the sexual attraction and love between us is really strong and it's affecting my health, we are both working and we talk and chat for hours every night, we cant do without keeping in touch everyday (we don't stay in same state but we've seen several times) we've not had sex cos there comes a time in ones life that sex won't be a priority or a defining factor in a relationship but I'm always scared, when we fight it always seem as if we would never talk again, my heart beats fast when he misses my calls, I think of him every night before I sleep, a little thought of him makes me wet, when there is a misunderstanding I don't sleep at all, I've tried my best to shut my heart from my head but it's not working, sometimes I pray to God to take this strong feeling I have for him away cos it's just too much, I have never felt like this for anyone in my life before, this is someone that sex isnt involved at all so why this feeling, he says he feels that strong way too but I cant really describe his,

Last week Friday I had to check my BP and it was very high so I told myself this had to stop cos it's not normal, love shouldn't affect ones health this much, so I stopped talking to him, he called and asked what's wrong I said nothing that I just need a break but he wasn't happy with it, he asked and begged that I shouldn't leave him which I said I won't but I didn't tell him he is affecting my health. Since then we haven't talked to each other and it has not been easy for me especially this holiday, sometimes I lay on my bed and cry and groan cos I long to hear from him but I want him out of my head, I need my complete health restored.

Please is this the real deal? Is this love? How do I go about being in control of my emotions without affecting my health? Feel free to ask questions and I'll answer as discreetly as possible, thank you.


Cc. Acidosis, crackhaus, ibkyee, bukatyne, lewstherin, LordKO, preshy561, kristapretty, lilmissfavvy.

It's love! I've been there, but I had to CAUTION myself. Speak when you can, it's normal to think of someone you love. Don't just ask him to leave without a proper reason, the feelings don't just go away. Whenever you're alone and the love thought which gives you high bp sets in, look for something to distract you like a movie or music. It's love yea. One more thing, ask yourself - does this person feel same way about me Does he have High blood pressure like I do because of him?? If no, then start to love with your brain and head, love for heart de quick wound person.

So na me write all these things above I surprise say I still get sense

KristaPretty:


It's love! I've been there, but I had to CAUTION myself. Speak when you can, it's normal to think of someone you love. Don't just ask him to leave without a proper reason, the feelings don't just go away. Whenever you're alone and the love thought which gives you high bp sets in, look for something to distract you like a movie or music. It's love yea. One more thing, ask yourself - does this person feel same way about me Does he have High blood pressure like I do because of him?? If no, then start to love with your brain and head, love for heart de quick wound person.

So na me write all these things above I surprise say I still get sense

Lol thanks babe.

OP, when did you meet this man/how long have you known him?

Wow! This is a strong one!!

They say women are the more emotional of the 2 sexes. I don't say that in a demeaning way. I value the emotional responses of my wife because many times logic is never enough. The trick is in balancing the two.

You are obviously experiencing a very strong emotional reaction to another person. Is this love? I don't know. The same chemical reactions in the brain that simulate love also simulate lust so.....

Is a strong emotional response to someone you wany to love a good thing? Heck yeah! I don't agree with those who say you shouldn't love fully. Hurt may come down the line but the joys of the love are so worth it.

I don't know what to say about this except ride it out as long as you can and enjoy the ride while you're at it. But don't forget your brains in your nether regions!

But as for your health? You may want to check your other vital signs. It may not be von Dude that's causing your high blood pressure. You may be under other stresses like having to catch up with work and stuff after spending all night on the phone. Your blood cholesterol may be high. Heck you may have been infected by an alien parasite! Anything. Do a better health check before assuming Mr Shakesmyheart is responsible.

And finally, good luck sister. You'll need it!

theButterfly:
OP, when did you meet this man/how long have you known him?

I've known him for eight months.

LewsTherin:
Wow! This is a strong one!!

They say women are the more emotional of the 2 sexes. I don't say that in a demeaning way. I value the emotional responses of my wife because many times logic is never enough. The trick is in balancing the two.

You are obviously experiencing a very strong emotional reaction to another person. Is this love? I don't know. The same chemical reactions in the brain that simulate love also simulate lust so.....

Is a strong emotional response to someone you wany to love a good thing? Heck yeah! I don't agree with those who say you shouldn't love fully. Hurt may come down the line but the joys of the love are so worth it.

I don't know what to say about this except ride it out as long as you can and enjoy the ride while you're at it. But don't forget your brains in your nether regions!

But as for your health? You may want to check your other vital signs. It may not be von Dude that's causing your high blood pressure. You may be under other stresses like having to catch up with work and stuff after spending all night on the phone. Your blood cholesterol may be high. Heck you may have been infected by an alien parasite! Anything. Do a better health check before assuming Mr Shakesmyheart is responsible.

And finally, good luck sister. You'll need it!

Thank you.

Fountainofyouth:
I decided to bring this to family section because I need matured advice.

1. In all my life I've only had three relationships because I always weigh the pros and cons before I commit to anything, my past relationships always start with sex, infact I'm always persuaded for a long time before I finally agree and there is never any attraction at first for me, then when sex sets in, the feelings grow and whatnot.

2. Then I met this wonderful man, we got talking and chating and both clicked at the same time, he is everything I ever wanted in every aspect you can think of but there a problem, the sexual attraction and love between us is really strong and it's affecting my health, we are both working and we talk and chat for hours every night, we cant do without keeping in touch everyday (we don't stay in same state but we've seen several times) we've not had sex cos there comes a time in ones life that sex won't be a priority or a defining factor in a relationship but I'm always scared, when we fight it always seem as if we would never talk again, my heart beats fast when he misses my calls, I think of him every night before I sleep, a little thought of him makes me wet, when there is a misunderstanding I don't sleep at all, I've tried my best to shut my heart from my head but it's not working, sometimes I pray to God to take this strong feeling I have for him away cos it's just too much, I have never felt like this for anyone in my life before, this is someone that sex isnt involved at all so why this feeling, he says he feels that strong way too but I cant really describe his,

3. Last week Friday I had to check my BP and it was very high so I told myself this had to stop cos it's not normal, love shouldn't affect ones health this much, so I stopped talking to him, he called and asked what's wrong I said nothing that I just need a break but he wasn't happy with it, he asked and begged that I shouldn't leave him which I said I won't but I didn't tell him he is affecting my health. Since then we haven't talked to each other and it has not been easy for me especially this holiday, sometimes I lay on my bed and cry and groan cos I long to hear from him but I want him out of my head, I need my complete health restored.

4. Please is this the real deal? Is this love? How do I go about being in control of my emotions without affecting my health? Feel free to ask questions and I'll answer as discreetly as possible, thank you.

1. Ok

2. This is either the real deal or obsession because you have not had sex yet. If it is the latter, the moment you have sex, the feelings will disappear. He says he feels the same way, what about his actions?

3. Hahaha at ending the relationship because of your health. Is your healh better now? If no, then maybe you should reconsider your stance on the relationship. That said, you need to check what is triggering the high BP. Is it hereditary? Perhaps you want to tell him that he is literally 'killing you softly.'

bukatyne:


1. Ok

2. This is either the real deal or obsession because you have not had sex yet. If it is the latter, the moment you have sex, the feelings will disappear. He says he feels the same way, what about his actions?

3. Hahaha at ending the relationship because of your health. Is your healh better now? If no, then maybe you should reconsider your stance on the relationship. That said, you need to check what is triggering the high BP. Is it hereditary? Perhaps you want to tell him that he is literally 'killing you softly.'

2. He has shown in ways more than one he is committed to the relationship, if it is an obsession, should I just get on with it to know if this strong feeling would disappear? Cos I really need my peace of mind.....

3. Lol yeah I think i should tell him he is killing me softly, my heart beats very fast anytime I see his chats and calls, sometimes I force myself to calm down and it really doesn't work.....

Fountainofyouth:


2. He has shown in ways more than one he is committed to the relationship, if it is an obsession, should I just get on with it to know if this strong feeling would disappear? Cos I really need my peace of mind.....

3. Lol yeah I think i should tell him he is killing me softly, my heart beats very fast anytime I see his chats and calls, sometimes I force myself to calm down and it really doesn't work.....

2. No don't. Please look for other things to occupy your time and see how you fare.

3. Tell him and let's hear. You don't know if he is in the hospital because he hasn't heard from you

Chei, see love. Such a beautiful feeling.
Even reading your vivid descriptions of it all, gives me a sort of thrill because this is something a lot of people and even me personally have not felt for a quite a while.
Trust me, what you're feeling and the fact that you are still capable of feeling someone this much is a GIFT. You must enjoy the rawness of it, you must revel in it, you must bask in it.

Don't fight it, I repeat, DO NOT fight it.

There's no correlation between loving too much and negative health, none whatsoever. I giggled as I read that part about your blood pressure, it's cute.
Your high blood pressure may just be a result of you fighting your emotions and not the emotion itself causing it - you need to calm down jor. If you feel like hearing his voice, call him.
Don't hold back.

Angeliqué Kidjo when asked during an interview on France24 about what she thinks the greatest problem of the world is today, her response was "...too many people don't know what love truly feels like anymore, everyone now seems too smart and too wise thus making each human relationship a measure of what's in it for me..."

Please you must enjoy what you feel for as long as it lasts, it will make you glow, it will make you more relaxed, it will improve your personality generally - all these are what's in it for you.

Meanwhile, I do have an advise regarding the distance between you two.
Whenever you both can, try as much as possible to see each other often. For a relationship at its infancy, you need all the physical presence you can get.

Cheers, and good luck.

Cc: Fountainofyouth

crackhaus:
Chei, see love. Such a beautiful feeling.
Even reading your vivid descriptions of it all, gives me a sort of thrill because this is something a lot of people and even me personally have not felt for a quite a while.
Trust me, what you're feeling and the fact that you are still capable of feeling someone this much is a GIFT. You must enjoy the rawness of it, you must revel in it, you must bask in it.

Don't fight it, I repeat, DO NOT fight it.

There's no correlation between loving too much and negative health, none whatsoever. I giggled as I read that part about your blood pressure, it's cute.
Your high blood pressure may just be a result of you fighting your emotions and not the emotion itself causing it - you need to calm down jor. If you feel like hearing his voice, call him.
Don't hold back.

Angeliqué Kidjo when asked during an interview on France24 about what she thinks the greatest problem of the world is today, her response was "...too many people don't know what love truly feels like anymore, everyone now seems too smart and too wise thus making every human relationship a measure of what's in it for me..."

Please you must enjoy what you feel for as long as it lasts, it will make you glow, it will make you more relaxed, it will improve your personality generally - all these are what's in it for you.

Meanwhile, I do have an advise regarding the distance between you two.
Whenever you both can, try as much as possible to see each other often. For a relationship at its infancy, you need all the physical presence you can get.

Cheers, and good luck.

Cc: Fountainofyouth

Thank you soo much, your words are reassuring, thank you.

bukatyne:


2. No don't. Please look for other things to occupy your time and see how you fare.

3. Tell him and let's hear. You don't know if he is in the hospital because he hasn't heard from you

Lol I will, thanks babe.

Fountainofyouth:



Lol I will, thanks babe.

*Hugs* to a fantastic love life.

Waoh..... someone is in love. You have to handle things carefully, so that the love will wax stronger. Why did you stop calling him? Absolutely unnecessary. This is a long distance relationship, and communication is the most important instrument at hand. There is no need pretending, pls let the love flow, put in your best, if it works out fine, if it does not (God forbid) then you will know you tried your best.

You didn't mention how long you have dated? Believe me with time, the crazy feeling will subside ''just a little bit'', and your health wount be at risk. For now, u gotta take charge of your health, eg after calling him, you both chat, you could face your hobbies, eg playing music all night long, watching movies, reading your Bible, etc. I pray he is a mature guy, I feel he's in love too, as for the the sex issue.....ooopps! Don't give in, pls don't. Hold on and continue to study him.

Some people have a partner they love, yet no sexual or physical attraction, in your case there is love and plenty attraction, chill, it's not a crime to feel strongly for him. You said you went on what break? Call off that break, pamper your baby cuz he seems like a good man, try and reduce fights and disagreements as much as possible. But, don't bug him too much while at work with calls, he needs to concentrate, you could rather send messages atimes, It is well. Cheers.!

Fountainofyouth:



Thank you soo much, your words are reassuring, thank you.

My pleasure.

Oya what is your original moniker?

LilMissFavvy:
Waoh..... someone is in love. You have to handle things carefully, so that the love will wax stronger. Why did you stop calling him? Absolutely unnecessary. This is a long distance relationship, and communication is the most important instrument at hand. There is no need pretending, pls let the love flow, put in your best, if it works out fine, if it does not (God forbid) then you will know you tried your best.

You didn't mention how long you have dated? Believe me with time, the crazy feeling will subside ''just a little bit'', and your health wount be at risk. For now, u gotta take charge of your health, eg after calling him, you both chat, you could face your hobbies, eg playing music all night long, watching movies, reading your Bible, etc. I pray he is a mature guy, I feel he's in love too, as for the the sex issue.....ooopps! Don't give in, pls don't. Hold on and continue to study him.

Some people have a partner they love, yet no sexual or physical attraction, in your case there is love and plenty attraction, chill, it's not a crime to feel strongly for him. You said you went on what break? Call off that break, pamper your baby cuz he seems like a good man, try and reduce fights and disagreements as much as possible. But, don't bug him too much while at work with calls, he needs to concentrate, you could rather send messages atimes, It is well. Cheers.!

We've known each other for eight months, thanks for the advice.

crackhaus:

My pleasure.

Oya what is your original moniker?

Can't say, kinda known here

Stop depriving yourself of sleep. It can lead to madness.

Love does not hurt, it is the most beautiful feeling ever. It's a divine feeling.

Enjoy it!

At least you're in love with someone who loves you right back and wants to be with you, you should be thankful for that.

elantraceey:
At least you're in love with someone who loves you right back and wants to be with you, you should be thankful for that.

Yes! Appreciate him!

Fountainofyouth:


Lol thanks babe.

Wow this is what they call RAW DEEP REAL LOVE, savour it while it lasts girl, it is a good feeling, relax and enjoy it.

There is something cute about you and your post!
Everything you typed about usually happened to me when in love, but for mine, it was consummated fully, I also had little appetite, little sleep
I start a fight and ask him if he is really allowing me to leave, etc
Anyway it was all very exhilarating

However how high is this BP? I truly want to know
(I have had BP issues in relationships only when I said yes to proposals, or when considering any, and this happened a number of times- my BP would rise to bad heights with palpitations, and become normal once I called things off). If young or not in any way ready for marriage? Just ride the feeling and don’t get married yet. It can happen over and over again. Also why are you fighting this feeling?(bad advice maybe, but it’s how I feel)
My idea of real love though is a heady passion and tenderness and peace of mind mix

Honestly? Also go get a cardio check.
Good luck

I was giggling and smiling throughout reading your post


P.s. get a health check

Is he rich?

Love wey dey give someone bp, that one nah love?


Dear Op, there is a thin line between Love and Infatuation.Love in it's natural state is calm, gentle, harmless and a continuous process (it grows) sometimes it is invincible (these are the times we doubt those who love us) Love grows with communication but never relies on it to exist. It puts the other first but does not destroy one's health, love is sacrificial, patient, kind and understanding (it gives the choice for it's feeler to make decisions, I.e it does not becloud one's reasoning) While infatuation on the other hand is the opposite of all I described.

Now, is what you are feeling bad? well, I can't answer that for you but what I know it is dangerous.If you go on with your man this way, believe me Sis you are bargaining for short life. You see in every relationship there will be challenges. Challenges that sometimes only logic can solve. For example how will you handle it if one day your husband is held up in a very tight meeting with the new pretty CEO recently transferred to his company and he is unable to pick his calls? Or what if suddenly your man brings up these strange attitudes you don't understand (men do that a lot sis) Or if your man is being sent on errand or on a course by his company? Sis think. How will you cope will this overflowing feelings of yours?.


Can your Situation be helped? Yes! if I were in your shoes, i will take a step backward and think. My First question will be: Why do I feel this way? If you know the cause, you know the solution.

The next question: Who is my man? Now you have to know who he really is. Is he worth the stress? Even if I love him more than he loves me, is he giving his all?
The most important question:Is he likely to take advantage of my emotions.Ma, if you are certain he won't take advantage of your feelings and emotions then get him involved. Open up your fears and tell him about the effect his love has on you but do it in a matter of fact way (business likely) if you talk to him in a romantic settings believe me lots of things will be swept under the carpet.So be Woman enough .


That said, please whatever you decide, your health first. Only one who is alive can love. I wish you luck.

pocohantas:
Is he rich?

Lol he is, but does it matter?

ibkayee:
I was giggling and smiling throughout reading your post


P.s. get a health check

Thank you.