My husband and I have had arguements before where he hits me and I hit him in return as well. This time around I was pregnant by 4 months and went out to see museum with one of my good male friend(husband knew he was in town and was to be invited over for dinner) without telling my husband.He came to know about this 4 days later when he checked my bag and find the receipt. Instead of discussing the same like matured adults, he was waiting to hit me and started slapping me continously and kicked and punched me and thrashed me to the floor. And he even started saying nasty things like child is not his and started using bad words for me which made me more mad.I was lacking any strength to fight him back and said if he didnt stop I will call the police to which he said u can call the cops, so I did as I was bruised all over.......I am still not able to understand what kind of a man would hit his wife at such time............Please help

For real?

But you fvcked up na, no man would be cool with his wife seeking emotional security from another man. Yeah! Incase u don't know, that's the implication of what you've done.

Why would u sneaked around with a friend of opposite gender without the consent of your husband? You've breached marital laws and vows..

No much problem yet though. I understand pregnant women can be illogical and irrational when it comes to thinking, especially at this stage (4 months).

Just show some remorse and admit that u were wrong. Apologize sincerely without binding words with him.

Words don't kill, be ready to absorb worse things he might say to you, most time we men don't mean what we say out of anger, some don't even remember after the moment has passed.

But please, its a heightened insult and embarrassment to your husband to sneak around with friends of opposite sex without his consent and approval.

Don't think much about this so u don't have a rise in ur blood pressure. Remember its not just you now, but you and your baby. You will be fine.

You hide such information from your husband, you are most likely sleeping with the "good male friend" or have plans to.

He was wrong for brutalizing you, but it seems as you are abroad, you've lost all the values.

I pray I don't end up with a woman like you that will go on secret "dates" in marriage with "good" friends even while pregnant.

tempest01:
You hide such information from your husband, you are most likely sleeping with the "good male friend" or have plans to.

He was wrong for brutalizing you, but it seems as you are abroad, you've lost all the values.

I pray I don't end up with a woman like you that will go on secret "dates" in marriage with "good" friends even while pregnant.

you won't even see a woman to marry you,with this kind of mentality

Kiddogarcia:
you won't even see a woman to marry you,with this kind of mentality

Hahaha....you think so? You seem like a kid with a shadowed viewpoint.

I will like to know your weak mentality where it is okay for a WIFE to secretly go out with a good male friend and cannot inform you if nothing is up between them. After plans have been made for him to visit, if you both had new plans to go out, why not still inform me?

If you cannot be assertive and protect what is yours, how won't you lose it to someone more assertive?

Hope that mentality takes you far in marriage. As a guy, any woman that takes a liking to you (married or not) that you have intentions (and this is men's default - intentions) , you know how easy it is to bed her. And you expect the husband to let you to be wilding with her while he pats you on the back. Well done.

Are you guys saying rules for men and women are different after marriage?? He in the past has too gone out with his female friends and didnt tell me, I came to know after seeing his pics but I trust him completely so I didn't created a fuss out of it and took it in a sporting manner that it is normal to go out with your good friends.So, how is his beating me and that too in this state justified??

Sumk:
Are you guys saying rules for men and women are different after marriage?? He in the past has too bgone out with his female friends and didnt tell me, I came to know after seeing his pics but I trust him completely so I didn't created a fuss out of it and took it in a sporting manner that it is normal to go out with your good friends.So, how is his beating me and that too in this state justified??

madam you are African, you should respect that... Your husband wanted African values,else he would have married those whity over there. You should respect that.
The issue of beating didn't start today, you affirmed both of you hit yourselves(this is really funny sha a house of real commotion) , so there was never anytime both of you sat down to talk like adults ( and seem like you cool with it as that is the only language you two understands) .. So he only used your domestic "Lingual franca" to communicate to you what you did is bad...
Make una continue with this your fine communication skills until una kill unaselves one day!!! Mad funny couple.

Like I earlier Mentioned... Madam, RESPECT AFRICAN VALUES. What you did was WRONG, at least you should have informed him when he got back, not allowing him find out himself, it rakes suspicion.

Moving forward: Go back and apologize, hand him an olive branch for peace . You didn't do good, and no one will smile about what you did.

In all ramification your husband should be suspicious, sis you're married don't try to act single. If I'm your husband you'll go to your parents until DNA has successfully proven it's mine.

Nigerian women, you're married and still wanna slay.
Sharperly you don turn tour guide without informing your husband, so without receipts he'd still be in the dark.

Male friend indeed, Bestie Bestie before you know it preeq don enter bottom.

With all due respect ma'am you're not acting like a married woman, go apologize to your hubby

Women most times act irrationally...they act before they think. It's a pity sha.

You’re wrong lady. Don’t start the “What man hits his wife” charade to gain sympathy. What is wrong with you ladies of today? What went wrong with your morals? Did you inform him of your whereabouts? You are not even sorry. Na wa for you o

I don’t condone domestic violence but you’re a clear case of DV perpetrator.

Because you're pregnant, you think you can do anyhow abi.
I don't support the fact that he hit you but what you did was very wrong
And you need to apologize to him.

You are an instigator who knows very well what he/she is doing.

Poor dude should have applied restraint and disconnected quietly from you.

That's what I'd have done. Na she and cops for begin look for me and beg me to forgive and forget.

I was lacking any strength to fight him back and said if he didnt stop I will call the police to which he said u can call the cops, so I did as I was bruised all over

lonelygem:
For real?

But you fvcked up na, no man would be cool with his wife seeking emotional security from another man. Yeah! Incase u don't know, that's the implication of what you've done.

Why would u sneaked around with a friend of opposite gender without the consent of your husband? You've breached marital laws and vows..

No much problem yet though. I understand pregnant women can be illogical and irrational when it comes to thinking, especially at this stage (4 months).

Just show some remorse and admit that u were wrong. Apologize sincerely without binding words with him.

Words don't kill, be ready to absorb worse things he might say to you, most time we men don't mean what we say out of anger, some don't even remember after the moment has passed.

But please, its a heightened insult and embarrassment to your husband to sneak around with friends of opposite sex without his consent and approval.

Don't think much about this so u don't have a rise in ur blood pressure. Remember its not just you now, but you and your baby. You will be fine.

Trash advice.

OP what do you mean by please help?!

Please help with what?

Anyway, don't apologise to him.
If he insults you, insult him back.

Are you on twitter?
There are activists that can help you arrest him if he lays his hands on you and lock him up.

Who does he think he is?
A fool.

Plot your escape from that marriage.

Don't take any stupid advice from nl men...

WhO knows how they treat their wives at home?

Leave.

Help me because slowly and slowly I am loosing my self esteem, getting bruised all over in pregnancy has left me with trauma and I still feel helpless

Nothing justifies been physically abused. Since the two of you are hot-headed and hitting each other is second nature to your marriage, if he didn't hit and punch you in this instance, he soon would in another.

At this stage, unless you want to be sleeping with one eye open (b|c a man who beats you while you're pregnant can send you to an early grave), find a safe place to stay, at least until you have the baby.

The men on this thread ehn , chai , may God help us from man killers in the name of husbands. Nothing can justify hitting a 4 months old pregnant woman , nothing .



But op you've already made your marriage your marriage a wresting ground , he hits you and you hit him back, you go out without his knowledge , etc plus I'm quite sure he must have been hitting you small small before you got married but you ignored it. I have nothing to say to you other than you should go to your parents place till you have your baby , get a DNA done and show it to him so you could have peace because the next time he might beat you till you get a miscarriage,only a DNA can convince him to he baby is his.

I didn't make it one, he was emotionally abusive and controlling before marriage as well but I thought he will change. Sadly, it only got worse. Initially, I tried to communicate with him and explain him but he gets angry and start physically abusing me to which I retaliate by hitting him back.But this time around, it only got worse

Sumk:
My husband and I have had arguements before where he hits me and I hit him in return as well.

What kind of argument?

This time around I was pregnant by 4 months and went out to see museum with one of my good male friend(husband knew he was in town and was to be invited over for dinner) without telling my ]
husband. He came to know about this 4 days later when he checked my bag and find the receipt.

So you went out with another man and you couldn't even be sober enough to tell him till he finds out? I put it to you that you are hiding something from him.

Instead of discussing the same like matured adults, he was waiting to hit me and started slapping me continously and kicked and punched me and thrashed me to the floor.

There is nothing to discuss though hitting you wasn't appropriate. The appropriate thing is to ignore you indefinitely using the silent treatment formula

And he even started saying nasty things like child is not his and started using bad words for me which made me more mad.

I am also suspecting and questioning the paternity of the child. I think your husband should distance from you pending the DNA test result of the child.

I was lacking any strength to fight him back

Yimu

and said if he didnt stop I will call the police to which he said u can call the cops, so I did as I was bruised all over.......I am still not able to understand what kind of a man would hit his wife at such time............Please help

Why seek help here when you have the police? Is the NL the Police station?

Conclusively, you need Christ not help.

So you know, my gf/fiancee/wife is not permitted to keep and go on date with any male except her father and male sibling (Same mama, same papa). Not even "cousin" is permitted or half/step brother (if any exist). She isn't even permitted to introduce any male to me, whether as friend or whatever.

[s]

breakerofchains:


Trash advice.

OP what do you mean by please help?!

Please help with what?

Anyway, don't apologise to him.
If he insults you, insult him back.

Are you on twitter?
There are activists that can help you arrest him if he lays his hands on you and lock him up.

Who does he think he is?
A fool.

Plot your escape from that marriage.

Don't take any stupid advice from nl men...

WhO knows how they treat their wives at home?

[/s]
NA DEM

But the fact he went out with his female friends before and I got to know about it from the pics,still I trust him and took it in a sporting manner that it's natural to go out with friends.....I didn't beat the hell out of him

Sumk:
Are you guys saying rules for men and women are different after marriage?? He in the past has too gone out with his female friends and didnt tell me, I came to know after seeing his pics but I trust him completely so I didn't created a fuss out of it and took it in a sporting manner that it is normal to go out with your good friends.So, how is his beating me and that too in this state justified??

So action and reaction are equal and opposite...So because he has gone out with friends in the past that means you shouldn't have sense..So if he does wrong,you will do wrong as well..Are you living for him or for good morals..Meanwhile as for him hitting you,sue him and probably issue a restraining order..I dont support domestic violence. My wife no be punching bag.

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]
NA DEM

Mtcheeeww....

You want her to continue suffering in the name of virtuous wife?
Sufferhead FC

OP deal with your husband. If he tries nonsense, lock him up.
He can fight with his fellow inmates since he likes to fight

I feel like all you males are not capable enough to understand my viewpoint here.......are rules different for men and women after marriage.....is physical abuse justified if one is not doing the right thing?

breakerofchains:



Mtcheeeww....
You want her to continue suffering in the name of virtuous wife? Sufferhead FC
OP deal with your husband. If he tries nonsense, lock him up. He can fight with his fellow inmates since he likes to fight

Online warrior feminists, always angry and bitter!
We know una...

Sumk:
I feel like all you males are not capable enough to understand my viewpoint here.......are rules different for men and women after marriage.....is physical abuse justified if one is not doing the right thing?

You are just blabbing, no one justified the abuse but that doesn't make you RIGHT. I expect him to distance himself from you as you can't be trusted. Besides, both of you are used to applying the hitting each other formula to settle your dispute. Why wailing now?

That he went out with girls in the past is NOT a justification for you to do same.

Sumk:
I feel like all you males are not capable enough to understand my viewpoint here.......are rules different for men and women after marriage.....is physical abuse justified if one is not doing the right thing?

Under no circumstances is physical abuse ever justified. No one has the right to beat you, nor you, them.

theButterfly:
Under no circumstances is physical abuse ever justified. No one has the right to beat you, nor you, them.

What if you return home to see your wife beating your mother? What will you do? Discuss with her?

And what if it doesn't happen? In case, wife comes and see husband is beating her mother?