LasLas:

Yea I noticed all this which I sometimes draw her attention to, sometimes when I tell her to do some home chores she feels I am punishing her, dat if I can't do it myself. She once said she fell for me cuz of how she sees me doing my cleaning and cooking myself dat she needs such a man. there was a time she told me she must add her dad's name to her marital name which I objected. we even had to argue about it for sometime. I have tried to discuss somethings with her but she thinks am too archaic or not modern in my reasoning. she'll always tell me things aren't done dat way again

missimelda01

Whatever his reasons were is not really my issue. I commented before the post got to front page, i didn't bother to follow the story cos the first post was discouraging. I hope you understand too.

deltateam:


You understand that op didn't volunteer all the information in that post. He released them in bits along the way. He seems afraid of releasing every detail though.

Rhaspody:


You just use style tell us say your dad grab dough.

coded guy..

All the props/ promoshe give her mother as good adviser to the dad make me wonder why the so called adviser no close those deals herself if she's got her dough...

LasLas:

do you know she has actually suggested that one's to me? That she must include her father's name to her name when married? She reluctantly agreed after so much argument. Giving reason that her dad has give much to her, she won't just want her dad's name to disappear of which she has alot of brothers bearing her dad's name

don't you have siblings bearing your father's name too? So, why must your wife throw hee father's name away?

Is she your child?

Have you done half the things her father has done for her? So, because you are marrying her, she must throw away her entire identity?

Nothing concerns you with what names she chooses to affix to your name that she will already take, as long as na your name finish story. Afterall, great women like Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala have taken both their father's and husband's names to great heights and nobody has died.


You never jam, there are some mad ones that will insist yoir kids bear a combination of your name and her father's name, na this one you dey fear for. Grow a backbone, because external forces are obviously playing you like pingpong.

iammiracle1:
Feminism is grossly misunderstood in this part of the world, OP the fact that your fiancee doesn't agree with you in everything doesn't make her a feminist, you may think having a woman who laps and agrees to your every decision to prove you are the "man" is the way to go its not, in the long run its either you get tired of been with a woman that doesn't challenge you mentally or you miss out on having the opinion of your partner which could turn out to be very viable, till today my popsy raves about how our mum saved him from a life of bankruptcy by putting her feet down and disagreeing with his proposed business plan, we would have been in the village by now because exactly what she said happened, it doesn't mean that your woman should be rude but trust me its viable to have someone who can think on her feet.

God Bless you!

Only a weak man, a man who feels threatened, a man with inferiority complex & self esteem issues, a man who's more egoistic that sensible or a man with ulterior motives will be bothered by a lady who has her own mind seeing as it will be of benefit to both of them. My only advice to such women is: "learn when to submit & learn when to be assertive and proactive. You are not in competition with your husband."

kushme:


coded guy..

All the props/ promoshe give her mother as good adviser to the dad make me wonder why the so called adviser no close those deals herself if she's got her dough...

so that you people will say women are acquiring properties without their husband's knowledge?

Do you know how much of her money may have gone into those deals? A lot of you eithee had no knowledge of what went on behind the scenes in your own homes, or your mothers were lazy slay queens that contributed nothing to building homes.

You are not putting your mothers in good lights with your narratives and it is sad because, mothers break their backs for their kids, only for someone's son to come online and mock his mother's sacrifices

safarigirl:
don't you have siblings bearing your father's name too? So, why must your wife throw hee father's name away?

Is she your child?

Have you done half the things her father has done for her? So, because you are marrying her, she must throw away her entire identity?

Nothing concerns you with what names she chooses to affix to your name that she will already take, as long as na your name finish story. Afterall, great women like Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala have taken both their father's and husband's names to great heights and nobody has died.


You never jam, there are some mad ones that will insist yoir kids bear a combination of your name and her father's name, na this one you dey fear for. Grow a backbone, because external forces are obviously playing you like pingpong.

The bearing of names is not even my main contention. Its the fact she is considering splitting cooking timetable and household chores with the husband.

Seen, but I think the OP has other reasons why he wants to leave that he's not revealing to us. I'm no longer interested in the story.

deltateam:


missimelda01

iammiracle1:
Feminism is grossly misunderstood in this part of the world, OP the fact that your fiancee doesn't agree with you in everything doesn't make her a feminist, you may think having a woman who laps and agrees to your every decision to prove you are the "man" is the way to go its not, in the long run its either you get tired of been with a woman that doesn't challenge you mentally or you miss out on having the opinion of your partner which could turn out to be very viable, till today my popsy raves about how our mum saved him from a life of bankruptcy by putting her feet down and disagreeing with his proposed business plan, we would have been in the village by now because exactly what she said happened, it doesn't mean that your woman should be rude but trust me its viable to have someone who can think on her feet.

I understand and appreciate this fact but what of the issue of a woman telling her husband to cook for himself or telling him off publicly on social media like Tonto Dike.

deltateam:


The bearing of names is not even my main contention. Its the fact she is considering splitting cooking timetable and household chores with the husband.

While I do not subscribe to an actual time table, there is nothing wrong with a couple splitting household work.

If we can split bills, then, we can split household chores. If I cook the meal, you do the dishes or set the table, but don't sit around like some handicapped person when na only two of us dey house. Some women look raggedy within twin years of marriage because their husbands want to kill them with work. Someone will now come and say, "look good for your husband". Those wives you see that look stunning, they do not have to worry about sweeping the house.


I can't do an actual time table for such, because I find it ridiculous, but we are going to find a formula that works, I kuku don't have the physical strength to do plenty work.

missimelda01:
Seen, but I think the OP has other reasons why he wants to leave that he's not revealing to us. I'm no longer interested in the story.

..

Please not yet. You mentioned about your belief in equity more than equality. That presupposes that you accept the headship of a man in marriage but then what do you mean by equity?

Is it that both parties should be tolerant and understanding of each other?

While sharing the same love of Latin music and a passion for pasta might enhance your relationship, what really makes a difference is the values that you share. Fran Creffield explains why shared values are more important than shared interests
It’s lovely to have a relationship with someone who enjoys the same hobbies , activities, holidays or food as you. While it’s important that your interests aren’t off-putting to your partner, there are many examples of long and happy relationships where couples actually have interests that are totally diverse. The reason these relationships continue is because they share values.
If you have shared values, regardless of your interests, your relationship has a good chance of success. On the other hand, if you have no shared values but lots of common interests, you might have a great time together for a while but when it comes to making decisions about marriage, children and careers, you could find that you lack the strong foundations that move you forward.

Core values
These are the fundamental beliefs that make you unique. Many of them will have been formed in childhood, inherited from your parents. Your core values will affect all the decisions and choices you make in life, including your religion , your political beliefs, your career choices, your lifestyle and how you spend your time.
Each of us is constantly making decisions based on what feels ‘right’ to us. It’s an inner feeling. When you go along with something that doesn’t fit with your core values, you will feel uncomfortable and unhappy.
Core values can change over time as we grow and learn more about what’s important to us as individuals but it’s unlikely that anyone will be happy in a relationship with someone whose core values conflict with their own.
You may decide a relationship is worth changing for because you have so many shared interests. If you adapt to fit in with another person’s religion, for example, unless you find a way to make it suit your own values then it’s unlikely that you will feel authentic within the relationship – you will feel compromised.

What are your values?
Many people aren’t very clear about what their values are. They don’t know that they feel strongly about something until it’s threatened. It’s important to spend some time getting to know yourself and what’s important to you if you are going to find a compatible match.
Also examine what values you’re looking for in a match, are they values you actually have yourself or are they things you aspire to?

Secondary values
There are values that change over time according to what life stage you’re at. What’s important to a teenager is usually very different from what’s important to a parent of young children. These secondary values are usually underpinned by core beliefs, so a teenager who is passionate about animal rights will probably still think being a vegetarian is important in later life.
Having a lot in common
We tend to judge people on how they spend their time. We do this because interests are often reflective of someone’s core values, but they can be misleading. One person may be involved in charity work because they believe passionately about the cause while another could be involved because they’re hoping to meet new people and have no real interest in the cause.
The test of values usually comes later in the relationship when big, life-changing decisions have to be made. Discovering you have completely different values about the upbringing of children often doesn’t come up until a couple actually have a child and then all sorts of problems can arise. Get to know someone’s values in the dating phase of a relationship.

Longevity
Couples who (happily) grow old together are the ones who connect at that deep level. When the kids have left home and the glittering careers have ended, they’re still in tune with each other at a deeply compatible level, joined by their values. This is the level that eHarmony uses to select matches and it’s the one that will stand the test of time.

Copied from: https://www.eharmony.co.uk/dating-advice/dating/why-shared-values-are-more-important-than-shared-interests

safarigirl:
don't you have siblings bearing your father's name too? So, why must your wife throw hee father's name away?

Is she your child?

Have you done half the things her father has done for her? So, because you are marrying her, she must throw away her entire identity?

Nothing concerns you with what names she chooses to affix to your name that she will already take, as long as na your name finish story. Afterall, great women like Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala have taken both their father's and husband's names to great heights and nobody has died.


You never jam, there are some mad ones that will insist yoir kids bear a combination of your name and her father's name, na this one you dey fear for. Grow a backbone, because external forces are obviously playing you like pingpong.

non of my married sisters are bearing my dad's name. Even if they do and husband is Oook dats him and I'm different...

safarigirl:
so that you people will say women are acquiring properties without their husband's knowledge?

Do you know how much of her money may have gone into those deals? A lot of you eithee had no knowledge of what went on behind the scenes in your own homes, or your mothers were lazy slay queens that contributed nothing to building homes.

You are not putting your mothers in good lights with your narratives and it is sad because, mothers break their backs for their kids, only for someone's son to come online and mock his mother's sacrifices

Who ask you for all da fvckin' pickup lines you're dropping?
Say something new...

Yes, both parties should compliment each other, that's what I meant by equity. The man is the head of the home, I stand with that.

deltateam:
..

Please not yet. You mentioned about your belief in equity more than equality. That presupposes that you accept the headship of a man in marriage but then what do you mean by equity?

Is it that both parties should be tolerant and understanding of each other?

safarigirl:


While I do not subscribe to an actual time table, there is nothing wrong with a couple splitting household work.

If we can split bills, then, we can split household chores. If I cook the meal, you do the dishes or set the table, but don't sit around like some handicapped person when na only two of us dey house. Some women look raggedy within twin years of marriage because their husbands want to kill them with work. Someone will now come and say, "look good for your husband". Those wives you see that look stunning, they do not have to worry about sweeping the house.


I can't do an actual time table for such, because I find it ridiculous, but we are going to find a formula that works, I kuku don't have the physical strength to do plenty work.

Scary. Men you see it for yourselves. Look before you say " I do."

I have never seen my Dad washing dishes or sweeping the house. I wonder what our women want to turn us to these days.

kushme:


coded guy..

All the props/ promoshe give her mother as good adviser to the dad make me wonder why the so called adviser no close those deals herself if she's got her dough...

Really? With the way you are sounding, would you not feel threatened if your wife buys a property for herself or even for the family with HER OWN MONEY!? Would you even support her to have her own money and invest as she deems fit?

You call such savings & insight & Divine advices "so called advising"? Really? You sound like the types that don't & won't listen to their wives not for any other reason other than "SHE'S A WOMAN! She shouldn't be heard even when her method or suggestion is so much better than mine."

LasLas:

non of my married sisters are bearing my dad's name. Even if they do and husband is Oook dats him and I'm different...

Exactly, you're different, so is this woman you planned to marry. If your sisters don't want your father's name, that is their business, it probably wasn't very useful to them initially.

Just break up with this poor lady and stop complaining all over the internet. I feel bad for her that she's stuck with you. Nobody deserves to be with someone that picks on them this much.

Whatever you do, please, don't marry that lady. You're not good for her.

missimelda01:
Yes, both parties should compliment each other, that's what I meant by equity. The man is the head of the home, I stand with that.

Fair enough.

Do you then consider yourself a feminist, if yes, what's your definition of feminism?

MissJoy29:

Really? With the way you are sounding, would you not feel threatened if your wife buys a property for herself or even for the family with HER OWN MONEY!? Would you even support her to have her own money and invest as she deems fit?

You call such savings & insight & Divine advices "so called advising"? Really? You sound like the types that don't & won't listen to their wives not for any other reason other than "SHE'S A WOMAN! She shouldn't be heard even when her method or suggestion is so much better than mine."

leave that boy alone

His mother wasn't useful to his father, so, he thinks all women are like her.....either that, or he's a 12-year old kid

deltateam:


Scary. Men you see it for yourselves. Look before you say " I do."

I have never seen my Dad washing dishes or sweeping the house. I wonder what our women want to turn us to these days.

See your mouth! That you haven't seen him do those things does it make him a good husband or make the ones doing them for their wives bad husbands?

safarigirl:
leave that boy alone

His mother wasn't useful to his father, so, he thinks all women are like her.....either that, or he's a 12-year old kid

I think he's highly & unapologetically immature!

deltateam:


Scary. Men you see it for yourselves. Look before you say " I do."

I have never seen my Dad washing dishes or sweeping the house. I wonder what our women want to turn us to these days.

I feel bad for you.

My father cooked, my father washed his undies himself, do you know why? Because my mother was asthmatic, and it didn't kill him to help.

My mother is late, my father remarried. His wife wakes up by 4AM to prepare kids for school, he is up at the same time, helping her out. When she washes clothes, he hangs them, when they dry, he irons them. He has changed diapers, cleaned baby poop, dressed kids up, helped with homework, and all this he does, while still contributing to finances.

I have not heard my father complain once about this.

My father is not perfect, but I dare say, he showed me what a man ought to be in a marriage. He shows me what an ideal marriage entails, and I won't marry a man who cannot put in that effort.

Women, take note of this man, these ones belong to the stone age. Entitled and lazy people

I am a feminist.. I believe in the social, economical and political equality of both sex because I don't not think there's any reason why the ladies should be given less opportunities in the society. I also believe in the Christian model of a marriage. Most feminist take things to the extreme, it's really unnecessary to drag position with your 'husband'.

I'm no longer answering any question

deltateam:


Fair enough.

Do you then consider yourself a feminist, if yes, what's your definition of feminism?

safarigirl:
I feel bad for you.

My father cooked, my father washed his undies himself, do you know why? Because my mother was asthmatic, and it didn't kill him to help.

My mother is late, my father remarried. His wife wakes up by 4AM to prepare kids for school, he is up at the same time, helping her out. When she washes clothes, he hangs them, when they dry, he irons them. He has changed diapers, cleaned baby poop, dressed kids up, helped with homework, and all this he does, while still contributing to finances.

I have not heard my father complain once about this.

My father is not perfect, but I dare say, he showed me what a man ought to be in a marriage. He shows me what an ideal marriage entails, and I won't marry a man who cannot put in that effort.

Women, take note of this man, these ones belong to the stone age. Entitled and lazy people

You can't marry a man who cannot change baby poop abi? You go tay sha.

Next thread.

MissJoy29:

Really? With the way you are sounding, would you not feel threatened if your wife buys a property for herself or even for the family with HER OWN MONEY!? Would you even support her to have her own money and invest as she deems fit?

You call such savings & insight & Divine advices "so called advising"? Really? You sound like the types that don't & won't listen to their wives not for any other reason other than "SHE'S A WOMAN! She shouldn't be heard even when her method or suggestion is so much better than mine."

Why capitalize the bold? Oh, I see, you want me to get it straight into the fvcked up mind of mine!
Okay, I hear you, "divine advice"..
Tell me some new.

kushme:


Why capitalize the bold? Oh, I see, you want me to get it straight into the fvcked up mind of mine!

Yep. That's what I want.

MissJoy29:

Yep. That's what I want.

, so predictable with the ol' story just a different day..

Don't force it.its hard,but i think u shldn't go ahead with it.d way u feel about her might get worse once married .what do u do then? seek divine intervention in ur life and let God lead u to ur next relationship.

Ask yourself thus: What has she done that build such feeling in my (your) heart? What was the incident(s) that took place during the visiting period?
Answer them and do wat u feel

I no want laugh abeg Naija men hate independent women.

Wake up op, no yes sir wife anywhere again

Curlieweed:


Forget all these spirit abi na wine. This is very obvious.

Babe done achieve major milestone, meeting the parents. She is now feeling more relaxed and showing more of her true self. Our guy is seeing her in this new light, coupled with the usual cold feet you get when entering into a very major undertaking. That is the cause of his discomfort.

He just needs to honestly ask himself if he can relate with an assertive partner. If he cannot, then he should call it quits.

Good observation. Are you a psychologist?