Hello All
I need y’all advise on this.
I am getting married soon and my partner wants to rent a 3 bedroom apartment. I was cool with it but later after thinking properly, I felt it’s perhaps too much for us since we are just starting our lives.
I want us to be able to pay conveniently without fears. He has been saying the lord will provide and it makes me feel like I don’t believe God will really do.
Also another worry I have is that he has a lot of people around him that can think of coming to stay if we get the apartment and I actually love privacy.
Currently he is seeing things like I don’t want his own opinions to count or I don’t want him to make decisions for us...
Should I just let him please himself ?

yes. he is the husband, he will just have to hustle more. he is thinking of the long term needs if the family, just let him be.

Just let him be, he is the one paying. But believe me, I understand where you are coming from, a two bed room flat would have been ok for you guys.

HorlaBee27:
Hello All
I need y’all advise on this.
I am getting married soon and my partner wants to rent a 3 bedroom apartment. I was cool with it but later after thinking properly, I felt it’s perhaps too much for us since we are just starting our lives.
I want us to be able to pay conveniently without fears. He has been saying the lord will provide and it makes me feel like I don’t believe God will really do.
Also another worry I have is that he has a lot of people around him that can think of coming to stay if we get the apartment and I actually love privacy.
Currently he is seeing things like I don’t want his own opinions to count or I don’t want him to make decisions for us...
Should I just let him please himself ?

Dear OP, it's a good thing to desire a comfortable space for a family but your concerns are valid but how you put it across to him matters as he's the one paying. I dont think it's bad to move from a 2 bedroom to 3 bedroom as you both grow in size and income.
A successfully married friend of mine told me that effective family growth can only be achieved when the couple avoid interference of any kind but we know in African families, dependants is an epidemic norm that ought not to be. I don't see it ideal to have people staying with you immediately you guys get married as you're getting to know each other as a live in couple and there'll be less pressure around the house till the children start coming.
How has he been financing his rent (conveniently or stressfully)? Yes we have faith but wisdom is profitable to direct as Luke 14:28 says For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?

Esthered:


Dear OP, it's a good thing to desire a comfortable space for a family but your concerns are valid but how you put it across to him matters as he's the one paying. I dont think it's bad to move from a 2 bedroom to 3 bedroom as you both grow in size and income.
A successfully married friend of mine told me that effective family growth can only be achieved when the couple avoid interference of any kind but we know in African families, dependants is an epidemic norm that ought not to be. I don't see it ideal to have people staying with you immediately you guys get married as you're getting to know each other as a live in couple and there'll be less pressure around the house till the children start coming.
How has he been financing his rent (conveniently or stressfully)? Yes we have faith but wisdom is profitable to direct as Luke 14:28 says For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?

I will toast you, las las

Acidosis:


I will toast you, las las

Good evening sir

HorlaBee27:
Hello All
I need y’all advise on this.
I am getting married soon and my partner wants to rent a 3 bedroom apartment. I was cool with it but later after thinking properly, I felt it’s perhaps too much for us since we are just starting our lives.
I want us to be able to pay conveniently without fears. He has been saying the lord will provide and it makes me feel like I don’t believe God will really do.
Also another worry I have is that he has a lot of people around him that can think of coming to stay if we get the apartment and I actually love privacy.
Currently he is seeing things like I don’t want his own opinions to count or I don’t want him to make decisions for us...
Should I just let him please himself ?

I won't advise a 3 bedroom. Not even a 2 bedroom.

Newly weds needs to bond very well in the 1st couple of months/years and 3rd parties aren't allowed at this stage.

And considering the fact "the Lord will do it" factor is involved which tells me, you guys are not too financially bouyant, its better safe than sorry.

Abeg, go for a mini flat; its cheaper to maintain/pay for than 2/3 bedroom. People will talk and say all sorts of things to make u feel bad about the mini flat of a thing but, ensure say u no send.

When u have atleast stabilized after wedding for say 2years, and kids are beginning to come in, AND "finances are better/upgraded", u MAY consider 2 bedroom flat and that is if the space isnt' enough to put your things but nevertheless, its cheaper and safe to still stick to your mini flat till u have 2 kids or more.

This also ensures u don't have unwanted visitors from both sides. Trust me, not everybody will like the way you conduct your daily affairs and that's where issues will come up.

For instance, if u like eating 4 meats during your meal (with your husband of course) and your mother inlaw has a different view, trouble will start. Why not save yourself all these wahala?

Just ensure u have a heart to heart talk with your husband in a calm way; i'm sure he will think about it and reconsider

No, don’t let him please himself. “God will provide” “tomorrow will take care of itself” is a horrible financial plan, in fact there is NO plan. If this decision backfires it will affect you too. There is nothing as bad as being homeless.

So from your post, 1. You don’t think you guys can comfortably afford a 3 bedroom rental 2. Even if you guys can, you think a 2 bedroom will do and the extra money can be used for something else.

Talk to him again but this time show him the numbers, maybe using a visual aid might help convince him.

HorlaBee27:
Hello All
I need y’all advise on this.
I am getting married soon and my partner wants to rent a 3 bedroom apartment. I was cool with it but later after thinking properly, I felt it’s perhaps too much for us since we are just starting our lives.
I want us to be able to pay conveniently without fears. He has been saying the lord will provide and it makes me feel like I don’t believe God will really do.
Also another worry I have is that he has a lot of people around him that can think of coming to stay if we get the apartment and I actually love privacy.
Currently he is seeing things like I don’t want his own opinions to count or I don’t want him to make decisions for us...
Should I just let him please himself ?

HorlaBee27:
Hello All
I need y’all advise on this.
I am getting married soon and my partner wants to rent a 3 bedroom apartment. I was cool with it but later after thinking properly, I felt it’s perhaps too much for us since we are just starting our lives.
I want us to be able to pay conveniently without fears. He has been saying the lord will provide and it makes me feel like I don’t believe God will really do.
Also another worry I have is that he has a lot of people around him that can think of coming to stay if we get the apartment and I actually love privacy.
Currently he is seeing things like I don’t want his own opinions to count or I don’t want him to make decisions for us...
Should I just let him please himself ?

Let him know he stands alone in the decision and you will not be entertaining any squatters

Atk1nson:


Let him know he stands alone in the decision and you will not be entertaining any squatters

OP take this advise and your marriage has ended before it started..very tactless

Personally I don’t think a 3-bedroom flat is bad depending on what your plans are after marriage. If you both plan on having kids immediately then it’s ok. Especially if you are working... you may want to have a spare room for the working partner to sleep if necessary. Or for the baby to sleep sometimes when you both need sexy time . Also, if you have MIL or your mother around to take care of baby, you will want them to have their own space or room so that they are comfortable.

You have to weigh the options and the cost to you as a couple though. 2 bedroom is ideal and 3 bedroom sufficient! As for friends please make sure you draw the line. No one is allowed to stay in your home without your approval.

If he attempts it behind your back and you deal with the visitors once! He will not try it again. Please be firm with him on this before agreeing to the 3 bedroom idea. 2 bedroom is perfect however. Good enough for a starting family looking to expand with little room for visitors. Congratulations by the way.

Esthered:

Good evening sir

Sir bawo? just call me baby boo

Acidosis:


Sir bawo? just call me baby boo

Okay baby boo

Esthered:

Okay baby boo

Chai, this our love go sweet o Can we start with a one room sef con?

Acidosis:


Chai, this our love go sweet o Can we start with a one room sef con?

As long as there's water, no squatter/guest and the basic necessities to make it comfortable and I'll be able to read my books, we're good to go.

Esthered:


As long as there's water, no squatter/guest and the basic necessities to make it comfortable and I'll be able to read my books, we're good to go.

Where and when can I get the bridal list?

Acidosis:


Where and when can I get the bridal list?

Go to Mbak-Atai in Itam under Itu local government in Akwa-Ibom state, it's not far from the river that separates Akwa-Ibom from Calabar. Ask of Major E*****g, he's the head of my family but unfortunately the list has been delivered to someone.

mankettle:
yes. he is the husband, he will just have to hustle more. he is thinking of the long term needs if the family, just let him be.

dingbang:
Just let him be, he is the one paying. But believe me, I understand where you are coming from, a two bed room flat would have been ok for you guys.

in a marriage such important decision is made together
you people have no business getting married with such attitude

Esthered:


Go to Mbak-Atai in Itam under Itu local government in Akwa-Ibom state, it's not far from the river that separates Akwa-Ibom from Calabar. Ask of Major E*****g, he's the head of my family but unfortunately the list has been delivered to someone.

Wtf Wtf!!

Acidosis:

Wtf Wtf!!

Is it too far?

HorlaBee27:
Hello All
I need y’all advise on this.
I am getting married soon and my partner wants to rent a 3 bedroom apartment. I was cool with it but later after thinking properly, I felt it’s perhaps too much for us since we are just starting our lives.
I want us to be able to pay conveniently without fears. He has been saying the lord will provide and it makes me feel like I don’t believe God will really do.
Also another worry I have is that he has a lot of people around him that can think of coming to stay if we get the apartment and I actually love privacy.
Currently he is seeing things like I don’t want his own opinions to count or I don’t want him to make decisions for us...
Should I just let him please himself ?

make sure you two are on the same page before getting married
seems like he has a different approach than you, he is the dreamer whereas you calculate carefully
it could be complementary traits if not for the fact that he feels entitled to decision making
if he likes visitors and you love your privacy, you will experience great levels of discomfort and stress

Thank you for your input. I really feel relieved already.

Esthered:
Is it too far?

Lol, how can I get it from the current holder?

Acidosis:


Lol, how can I get it from the current holder?

It's not possible as the families are meeting this weekend to negotiate the list.

Esthered:


It's not possible as the families are meeting this weekend to negotiate the list.

Negotiate ke? Is that how it's done in your place? The list expensive ooo

babyfaceafrica:
OP take this advise and your marriage has ended before it started..very tactless

You and your mouth ehn...

Two bedroom is fine for a start. What do you guys need all the space for? It will encourage people to come and be tenants in your house.

Acidosis:
Negotiate ke? Is that how it's done in your place? The list expensive ooo

The list is not expensive as we're modest in my family but we give room for negotiation and our dowry is very minimal.

Esthered:


The list is not expensive as we're modest in my family but we give room for negotiation and our dowry is very minimal.

That's lovely. What if I decide to double whatever I find on the list? Do I stand a chance..?

Acidosis:


That's lovely. What if I decide to double whatever I find on the list? Do I stand a chance..?

No sir as the decision will be based on money that's ephemeral. Saying yes is based on things beyond money even if we can't deemphasize the importance of money.

Esthered:


No sir as the decision will be based on money that's ephemeral. Saying yes is based on things beyond money even if we can't deemphasize the importance of money.

Hmmm true.

All the best my dear. Send me IV o

Acidosis:


Hmmm true.

All the best my dear. Send me IV o

I will most definitely baby boo.