calgaryFriend:

What should people earning 50k per month do ? Steal ?
Money will never be enough, the onus is on a good wife to be grateful and manage what the husband is able to give her.

Not become an ingrate like the OP is doing.

People are roaming around without job and someone is saying 20k permonth for food for 2 poeple is not enough, that is someones monthly salary you are blowing away.

Be grateful OP, your husband is a hero, dont allow strangers make you belittle your husband, I pray it will not be too late for you to learn.

If you use your attitude to push him away, there are useless slay mamas that will cook correct soup for him with 10k per month and still give him snake in the monkey shadow style in bed fa. .........

10k a month threat from a prostitute that will later cost him his manhood. For real.
Emotionally blackmailing women by dishing out what you cannot take is a faux pas in this 21st century. If you think your 20k a month feeding allawee is feasible, run it down let's see sir. People are watching this thread to see if they are over spending and ways to cut down, so do well to enlighten us. No point giving vague remarks .

Theyoungmatron:
10k a month threat from a prostitute that will later cost him his manhood. For real.
Emotionally blackmailing women by dishing out what you cannot take is a faux pas in this 21st century. If you think your 20k a month feeding allawee is feasible, run it down let's see sir. People are watching this thread to see if they are over spending and ways to cut down, so do well to enlighten us. No point giving vague remarks .

It is the truth, you are the one trying to pretend that that is not a real threat.

I bet you know it is, so what is wrong with talking about it ?

It is better for her to learn from the mistake of others and not herself.

All of you saying 20k is enough for a man and his pregnant wife. were you able to feed well with your 19800 naira corper allawee

zeb04:
Truth is, 20k a month should be enough for 2 but not with the arrival of a new born.

As soon as I get feeding money I remove 7k for diapers, 7k for baby food. And she finishes two things in one week (that is 7x4weeks) baby wipes, 1k Baby soap is 2k. That is almost half the money.

Calculating it is even giving me headache. Abeg masters is not what he should be considering at the moment.

Leave them. They think babies are like doll baby that will just sit and look cute, without eating, pissing or shitting. Experience is the best teacher for them. Masters ko, mastera ni. He will almost drop out from the masters program when the birth comes and the expenses start to flow in. Babies are cute but so expensive eh!

Why are people missing the point of this thread as stated by the OP?

A woman who out of N20k feeding and small change can buy an industrial machine is not an extravagant wife.

Na wa.

calgaryFriend:

It is the truth, you are the one trying to pretend that that is not a real threat.

I bet you know it is, so what is wrong with talking about it ?

It is better for her to learn from the mistake of others and not herself.

Oga give us break down and stop being emotional abeg.

Olosho this olosho that with his 5k feeding allowance. Why he no marry them. Punk.

I even thought you were reasonably looking for a solution for her.

calgaryFriend:

It is the truth, you are the one trying to pretend that that is not a real threat.

I bet you know it is, so what is wrong with talking about it ?

It is better for her to learn from the mistake of others and not herself.

You are evading my questions and this threat is getting stale.
A man that can't increase the feeding allowance of his family, will give maintenance allowance to a prostitute from which the supposed "runs girls" will use 10k to cook soup for him? What planet are you lots living in? I think something is wrong somewhere with this reasoning sir.

This is the time for people earning below 50k per month to come and tell us how they do it. I know in Osun, Ogun, Oyo, Ekiti and most northern states, the take home pay for a GL 8 officer is less than 50k. Infact in some states, the government has been paying civil servants half salary for more than 2 years now.

If you dont know how to manage your home or resources dont come and tell us it can not be done, how are these categories of people doing it ?

Are they stealing ? I am giving facts here and these things can be confirmed. I have friends in the civil service earning less than 50k and they are graduates.

How are they doing it ?

Una dey talk say 20k per month is too small for 2 people. Are they cooking elephant ? Na so people dey take chop their future o. How do you want to build a house if you say 20k is too small for 2 people to feed in a month, but the time they have 2 more children they will be feeding with how much ? 40k a month ?

How will the man not steal ?

We have a lot of people on these forum that dont even know what is going on in Nigeria.

The teacher teaching in public schools , how much do they earn ? Dont they have families too ?

Theyoungmatron:
You are evading my questions and this threat is getting stale.
A man that can't increase the feeding allowance of his family, will give maintenance allowance to a prostitute from which the supposed "runs girls" will use 10k to cook soup for him? What planet are you lots living in? I think something is wrong somewhere with this reasoning sir.

I no longer manage resources, I collect every dime I need around the house and increased house allowances... Please I'm I over reacting?
We've been married for a year and half.

tHAT IS what the OP wrote, she has started nagging her husband because according to her, the man is not doing enough with the 20k/month he is giving her for feeding.

This is how some men will start running away from home and be going to beer parlour, na from there the girlfriend of their friend will bring her own friend. Na so you start to dey loose your husband fa.

I worked in Naija for 6 good years, worked a professional job and saw this narrative countless times.

I just dey warn the OP, make devil nor con pour sand sand for her garri.

I don talk my own.

calgaryFriend:



tHAT IS what the OP wrote, she has started nagging her husband because according to her, the man is not doing enough with the 20k/month he is giving her for feeding.

This is how some men will start running away from home and be going to beer parlour, na from there the girlfriend of their friend will bring her own friend. Na so you start to dey loose your husband fa.

I worked in Naija for 6 good years, worked a professional job and saw this narrative countless times.

I just dey warn the OP, make devil nor con pour sand sand for her garri.

I don talk my own.

Sand sand for gari wey don dey sour. Kai, as If marriage is a tournament and the husband a trophy. African women don suffer.


Which money will he give his outside girlfriend that he won't give to his wife. Is it also justified for the wife to get the remainder from an outside boyfriend since the horseband is not coming through.?

Honestly, what you wrote is utterly myopic and devoid of objective reasoning.


You are still evading my questions of the 5k breakdown abi i go wait taya.


i pity the woman for the vulnerability of her condition. If she is not pregnant, i doubt she will open a thread for this, she would have purchased her own form and beat the odds.

Excesslove222:


Its to be done in Nigeria... Thank you for the advice
I guess moving forward, ill have to start looking out for myself and my kids "selfishly".

Trusting him too much may just be why I'm so hurt.

Hmmmmm..

Please you didn't answer a certain question I asked.
I'll reframe it this time...

After he has taken out the cost for the masters from the savings, what percentage of the total savings remains?

crackhaus:

Hmmmmm..

Please you didn't answer a certain question I asked.
I'll reframe it this time...

After he has taken out the cost for the masters from the savings, what percentage of the total savings remains?

I don't have that information, but I know he has spent about 300k so far. And its just the starting point according to him.

calgaryFriend:

If the bolded is true, and the husband currently drops 5k as housekeep (For someone that does not contribute anything to the home, the OP sounds like an ingrate), is a car the next thing ?
I said earlier, a masters degree is not as expensive as a car. So saying the husband wants to use the money for a car to do masters does not make sense.

Why are you closing your eye to that inconsistency in the OPs narrative.

How can someone work and earn money and he says he wants to use part of it to develop himself and the wife will insist that he must buy a car ?

If they have money for a car, then the husband can use some to do masters and the left over will be can still be used to do some other things.

Lastly how does buying a car improve the condition of the home for a wife that does not go any where but works from home?

Cant you see the OP is not entirely truthful ?

Its not about the car...I have been fine without it for more than 2 years and I did not die.
A baby is on the way, that is why I'm bothered...it was "our plan" maybe you aren't married so you won't understand.

FYI, he bring 5k per week and I add and extra 3k to it weekly because I sew and I have lots of clients "even at home where I sew" that's why I could afford an industrial sewing machine of over 100k.
Now I have stopped adding to it, he is really feeling the brunt.

A car would have made life and my business easier for me cause I do home delivery (don't ask me to use uber cause most of my clients won't pay the extra charges), I pick up from clients houses and I also source for fabrics for my clients.

I know you still won't get the point tho.

Excesslove222:


Its not about the car...I have been fine without it for more than 2 years and I did not die.
A baby is on the way, that is why I'm bothered...it was "our plan" maybe you aren't married so you won't understand.

FYI, he bring 5k per week and I add and extra 3k to it weekly because I sew and I have lots of clients "even at home where I sew" that's why I could afford an industrial sewing machine of over 100k.
Now I have stopped adding to it, he is really feeling the brunt.

A car would have made life and my business easier for me cause I do home delivery (don't ask me to use uber cause most of my clients won't pay the extra charges), I pick up from clients houses and I also source for fabrics for my clients.

I know you still won't get the point tho.

Madam .. to get motor just dey hungry u ni. And to be honest , u av all the rights to feel that way.

calgaryFriend:

You guys are still struggling to survive, and you still want to buy car. Do you think it is paper they use to service a car ?
A car maintenance cost money, instead of buying a car that will still make you spend money on the maintenance why not invest that money in getting another degree that will help your husband to get a better job in future.

That man is a man of vision, most poor people are poor because they live in the present, the fact there is no job now does not mean after he gets the degree it will remain the same.

You dont rush to get a degree when you see a vacancy, you get your degree and wait patiently so when the vacancy for that degreee comes you can use it.

I just feel very sorry for your husband, you are not complaining that he is womanising, or smoking or drinking. You want to turn your marriage up-side down because he wants to pursue a degree rather than buy a car.

Did your own parent have a car when they were pregnant with you ? Did they not survive ? Are you telling me all the families around your location all have cars ?Are they not surviving ?

YOu want to follow all the old women on this forum who are still begging God for husband at almost 40years old, those are the people you want to be listening to ?

Oya recieve sense......

Is it impossible for parents to have a car whilst pregnant for her? Did you grow up around poverty or what? Na wa o

As a newly-married couple you should prioritize your needs over wants. From your post you clearly practice the former, which is correct. It sounds like you're more money-savvy than he is, while he's financially irresponsible. Open a savings account for yourself and give him no access to it. When you've enough saved up, look after your needs (e.g. the car).

Excesslove222:


I don't have that information, but I know he has spent about 300k so far. And its just the starting point according to him.

Allow him to do his masters for peace to reign.Since you've seen how he can be, start saving your own money to buy your own car if you want. Also consider expanding your business or getting a good job if this business is not lucrative enough. The era of waiting for a man to do stuff for you has gone.

calgaryFriend:

What should people earning 50k per month do ? Steal ?
Money will never be enough, the onus is on a good wife to be grateful and manage what the husband is able to give her.

Not become an ingrate like the OP is doing.

People are roaming around without job and someone is saying 20k permonth for food for 2 poeple is not enough, that is someones monthly salary you are blowing away.

Be grateful OP, your husband is a hero, dont allow strangers make you belittle your husband, I pray it will not be too late for you to learn.

If you use your attitude to push him away, there are useless slay mamas that will cook correct soup for him with 10k per month and still give him snake in the monkey shadow style in bed fa. .........

See wicked advice.. SMH

theButterfly:
As a newly-married couple you should prioritize your needs over wants. From your post you clearly practice the former, which is correct. It sounds like you're more money-savvy than he is, while he's financially irresponsible. Open a savings account for yourself and give him no access to it. When you've enough saved up, look after your needs (e.g. the car).

God bless you sir/ma

Excesslove222:
Please I need matured advice

I married a struggling man,I was conscious of the fact that he wasn't rich, I wanted someone I would build with.

During the wedding preparations. I told him that we must not borrow money for it, we should work with whatever we have cause I did not want us to start our life with debts...he accepted and assured me we wouldn't borrow....it was after the whole ceremony I found out that we were more than half a million in debt.
I was hurt because I went as far as sewing my wedding dress and my bridal train dresses myself just to cut cost, but my hubby wore an Italian suit and Italian shoes.

When he met me, I just finished nysc and was learning fashion design, we did not really date, he plainly said he wants to marry me which I accepted cause he ticked most of my checklists in a future spouse.

Now to the main issue...
We had plans that after the wedding, we would start saving to furnish our apartment, after that, we start saving for a car, then also save to start a family business... That was the plan.

It took a while to furnish our apartment because of the debt incurred during the wedding but then, we later did and we started saving for the car.

Note: I don't really put anything into the savings, but I really have to manage resources around the house he gives me 5,000 per week for house upkeep/feeding but i always end up adding my money to make it up... And I rarely ask for money for stuffs for myself, I just manage what I can afford.

Back to my story...
We've now gotten something substantial to get us a family car (I'm heavily pregnant) and he now knows he wants to run a masters program.

I'm actually not against him doing his masters but I feel the timing is wrong...what he does for a living does not require certification (if not I would have said he would get a raise after the program) he just wants to have a masters degree because all his mates have a masters and "something may come up in the future" but I feel we need a family car and a family business more right now.

I'm so pained cause I thought we were a team, I thought my feelings matter, I thought I was important but now its obvious what they say...that a man is only loyal when he is broke.

I have been saving really hard and was able to get and industrial sewing machine(without his input) recently, and I hope to start a "ready to wear" line once I put to bed.
He is 37 am 28.
I no longer manage resources, I collect every dime I need around the house and increased house allowances... Please I'm I over reacting?
We've been married for a year and half.

Wow!
Firstly, let me commend you as a resourceful wife. Your kind is very rare in Nigeria nowadays...

Back to your husband case, which level now??

Masters should wait till after delivery(God willing through natural birth), diapers, baby food and Mother's food are there too..

You need to talk to your husband about it. He needs to see that the cost of running home is not a joke. With time, he can pursue his Masters. But in order to put body and soul together, you guys should focus on your family needs first...

Masters can wait, Baby won't...

Fountainofyouth:
Ahn Ahn, no male is saying she is a feminist for not being submissive, things are changing.

That is a resourceful wife.. with good visions..

A feminist will use the whole money to buy phones, designer clothes and still accuse the man of being useless!!!

A Feminist is selfish and not homely like this young lady!!!

Excesslove222:


I appreciate your scolding... But trust me I won't be bothered if he has a history in making good financial decisions.
Looking at Nigeria today, the future belong to smart entrepreneurs...
Even the people that support him...still come to me behind his back and say I'm actually right....but they will go to his face and tell him "women don't have foresight"...

He has refused to see that we are in this together and if anything goes wrong, me and my children will bear the brunt.

I'm not a feminist but I won't bear the brunt of a bad financial decision.

And about being entitled... My father trained us never to be entitled to anything, not even his own cash...I can do bad all by myself...I just wanted to build an empire with him " from the scratch" I guess I'm with the wrong person.
Or maybe building with a man is a scam.

Building with a man is not a scam. You both just have to come with an understanding. I commend you once again..

LewsTherin:


Careful. You are beginning to sound bitter. You won't get anywhere like that. If there is one thing that will put a man's back up (any man at all) is to address him out of bitterness.

Can you please answer the question I asked up there? I still want to have a clearer picture.

Funny Agborandun!!!

nwanneni:
How does a woman BUILD A MAN without bringing in money tori olorun.
I keep hearing this all the time and it baffles me really.
With advise ABI motivation
If na so then make we too start motivating women to become Alakija na.
Why start a business for her when we can just MOTIVATE her?

She accepted the man proposal without thinking about his financial status. She decide to be there for him throughout the thick and thin of financial needs . You know slayqueens will not do that..
That is what homely wives mean by "building with the man"

Don't take it literally tho..

@ Op, let me give you a piece of financial advice for your marriage. Instead of using your money to run the house, bring that money and put it in the savings.

I don't know why Nigerian guys are hotwired to automatically discard whatever contributions you make if the money was not used in making "big ticket" expenses.

I kind of feel that's why he thinks he can change plans as he likes because he feels it's his money so he has the final say.

As regards your quagmire, you're a smart woman. I know you will figure it out. Sometimes, we have to stoop to conquer, if you know what I mean.

calgaryFriend:
This is the reason a man should never allow the wife know how much money he has, she will plan to blow all the money without foresight......... Men reading this I hope we are learning ?

When you constantly do that, then you are planning for downturn of the family.

So, anytime you see a happy family, u think is by just saying 'I Love You to each other? You will learn by force, unless you don't want a happy family.

Theyoungmatron:
Oga i am not your typical Nigerian with poverty ridden mentality. Even coppers with their 19850 allawee no get savings, just feeding themselves and they are crying all over the place, talk more of a full grown adults with a baby en-tow. Baba, if 20k is the monthly allawee for the house, please keep it and manage it yaself.
Thanks.

Abi ooo.

ireneidiva:

Allow him to do his masters for peace to reign.Since you've seen how he can be, start saving your own money to buy your own car if you want. Also consider expanding your business or getting a good job if this business is not lucrative enough. The era of waiting for a man to do stuff for you has gone.

will she have peace of mind if she accepts his nonsense?
this 'for peace to reign' is an empty phrase in such a context, which you can use for trivial things but her situation is more serious and she should not be asked to swallow everything in the name of peace
she deserves better

blank:
@ Op, let me give you a piece of financial advice for your marriage. Instead of using your money to run the house, bring that money and put it in the savings.

I don't know why Nigerian guys are hotwired to automatically discard whatever contributions you make if the money was not used in making "big ticket" expenses.

I kind of feel that's why he feels he can change plans as he likes because he feels it's his money so he has the final say.

As regards your quagmire, you're a smart woman. I know you will figure it out. Sometimes, we have to stoop to conquer, if you know what I mean.

smart

Women are funny I swear. Stop saying the OP is angry because he deviated from the plan, the OP is angry because she has told people they are buying a car. Some silly points I've been reading above makes me wonder if some people actually have cotton wool for a brain. The woman is angry oga bought suit for 100k while she sewed a gown. That suit will last that man 10 years and don't forget he works, so he can even wear it to work. How can you compare a suit to a wedding gown that will be worn just once? Again, it's surprising how a jobless woman wants to dictate how the bread winner should spend his money. That man is a hero and should be given a medal for excellent planning. If you want a car at all cost, tell daddy to buy you one, after all he probably has worked for many decades and should be able to 'dash' his princess a car.

zed7:
Women are funny I swear. Stop saying the OP is angry because he deviated from the plan, the OP is angry because she has told people they are buying a car. Some silly points I've been reading above makes me wonder if some people actually have cotton wool for a brain. The woman is angry oga bought suit for 100k while she sewed a gown. That suit will last that man 10 years and don't forget he works, so he can even wear it to work. How can you compare a suit to a wedding gown that will be worn just once? Again, it's surprising how a jobless woman wants to dictate how the bread winner should spend his money. That man is a hero and should be given a medal for excellent planning. If you want a car at all cost, tell daddy to buy you one, after all he probably has worked for many decades and should be able to 'dash' his princess a car.

The fact the OP collects 20k a month for feeding and she still claims is not enough for 2 people to eat in 1 month shows the kind of mentality she has.

I dont blame her though, she doesn't earn yet and has no burden of responsibility so she doesn't understand what men go through.

The husband apparently knows the current income is not sustainable for a family and is using his foresight to give himself a better chance by getting another degree to enhance his chance but madamme wants to ride a car by all means.

OP you too work hard and nobody will tell you not to buy your own car, abi ?

eni4real:
That is a resourceful wife.. with good visions..

A feminist will use the whole money to buy phones, designer clothes and still accuse the man of being useless!!!

A Feminist is selfish and not homely like this young lady!!!

This woman is the definition of a feminist. She’s independent even though she is not working. She has savings and is working her way to start her business so she can work. She supplements what ever the husband brings in. A feminist will never sit down and wait to use her husband’s money to buy phones. That’s a non feminist. You see that you don’t know what you are saying when you talk about feminists?